Chapter 8:Preparations

Saying goodbye to my parents was hard. We agreed to keep the same comm schedule once a month. The trip back to the Academy was actually quite enjoyable despite all of the things that I had put Spock and my family through. We talked about our likes and dislikes. I introduced some of my favorite kinds of music to him and he asked if I was a musician. I told him that I had learned to play the mandolin, but I only ever played it for myself. I had learned that he played something called a Ka'athyra and as I had never heard one, he told me he would perform for me some day. That made me smile.

"Spock, we missed the turn to go to my dorm." I pointed out when we were back on campus.

"You will be staying with me until the semester begins. At that time, you will go back to your dorm room." he told me as a matter of fact.

"Spock, that's really not necessary." I protested as we parked.

"Dawn, it is not good for you to be alone. I had promised that I would care for you. I will do so the rest of my life. A Vulcan does not lie."

"Oh, well...I don't want to make you out to be a lair. So, alright, I guess." I was hesitant about sharing his apartment with him.

"There is no reason to be apprehensive. You are safe t'hy'la." he brushed his fingers over the back of my hand and I could barely feel calm he sent me through our bond. He still had his emotions locked away but it was nice to know that he wanted our bond to remain open. I looked at him with a small smile. He nodded once and then got out to get his luggage. I followed suit and after he entered his key code, we walked into his living room. He went to his room and put his things away.

I looked around wondering where to put my stuff. Apparently, Spock understood my confused look when he came back because he said, "Dawn, you may use my bedroom."

"Oh, thank you." I replied. This whole situation was weird. Out of all the rooms I had seen in his home, his bedroom was the only one that I had never seen and for good reason. I hesitated before walking through his bedroom door.

"It is only a bedroom." Spock said as began to busy himself at his desk on the far side of his living room.

"Right, yeah." I nodded and went in. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. The room was decorated just as warmly as the rest of his home. The furniture was made of rich dark wood, the sheets and pillows were silk and cream colored while the duvet was dark chocolate. I put my bags along the far side of the room. I didn't want them to be in the way. I walked back out to the living room and made my way over to Spock.

"Do you require anything, Dawn?" he asked as he looked up at me.

"Well, yes. Would you help me arrange my class schedule for next semester?"

"Of course." he said as he put down a PADD.

After an hour of discussion and making sure that the classes I needed were still open, I had my second semester schedule complete.

Physical Education

Botany 102

Xenoanthropology 102

Vulcan 102

Physics 100

Music Appreciation

"Thanks Spock." I looked at the time, 1820 hours. "It's just about time for dinner. I'll go ahead and start getting things ready." I turned and started for the kitchen.

"Do not concern yourself. I would like to take you out this evening." Spock stated as he rose from his chair.

"Oh, ummm, alright. If you're sure."

"T'hy'la, I would not have said it if I was not 'sure'. What causes you to concern?"

"It's just that I'm still trying to figure out why you care for me so much." I had to be honest with him.

He gently placed his hands on my shoulders, "Dawnaka Rose Davis, nothing, apart from death, can ever cause me not to care about you. In time, I hope you will accept this."

I looked at him curiously. The only ones who ever loved me were my adopted family. "I'll try my best to understand, but right now, everything still seems odd."

It was Spock's turn to become confused. "Odd in what way?" he inquired.

"Spock, you are so different from any other man I've met. I just don't know what to expect." I tried my best to explain.

Spock's eyes softened a bit. "Dawn, I will protect you. I promise to care for you. I will remain faithful to you no matter the situation."

I nodded at the words I was hearing. I tried to believe them, but part of me thought this man was too good to be true. I told myself I had to give him time, give us time. Spock dropped his hands and said we would be leaving for dinner in 15 minutes.

We went to the local pizzeria and ordered a vegan pizza to share. Watching Spock eat pizza with a fork was interesting.

"Spock, hang on." I interrupted him before he took another bite. He looked up at me, "Is something wrong?"

"Spock, pizza is a finger food. It's meant to be eaten with your hands." I showed him as I picked up a slice.

"It is more logical to use a fork so as to not dirty ones fingers." He explained as he went back to using his fork.

I smiled, shook my head, and continued eating in silence.

Once back at his home, I started to become concerned about where we would sleep. He only had the one bed. I thought about this as I used his shower for the first time ever. Just doing that felt too intimate. After showering, slipping on my soft pink pajamas, and brushing my teeth, I walked out to the living room. I saw that a folded blanket and pillow had already been placed on the couch. I heard the shower turn on once more. "Well, I suppose that I'll get my bedding setup." I mumbled to myself.

As I finished Spock walked out, "You did not need to do this." He said as he looked at the couch.

"Oh? I thought you had put the blanket and pillow out for me."

There was the slightest upturn of his lips. "Dawn, you are my bondmate. You are not sleeping on the sofa."

"Spock, I can't take your bed." I insisted.

"You are not taking it. I'm insisting you use it." he explained.

I tried to hold back the slight embarrassment I felt rushing to my face. "Thank you." I said after clearing my throat. "Good night, Spock."

"Good night, Dawn." he responded and I turned back to his bedroom where I would spend the most awkward and sleepless night.

I awoke to the smell of strong coffee and my bladder screaming. I pushed off the covers and immediately covered back up. Brrrrrr! That air was cold! I snuggled back down in the warm blankets and attempted to ignore my need for the bathroom. Ugh! It was no use. I pushed back the comforter again and carefully placed my warm feet on a cool floor. After taking a moment to get used to the sensation, I stood and shuffled through Spock's bedroom door.

"Good morning."

I froze. That was not Spock's voice. I looked in the direction the voice came from. In the living room, I saw a blond haired, blue eyed man sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee. Spock was in his chair which was facing away from me.

"Spock, why didn't you tell me you had a girl over last night?" he eyed me,"I mean, whoa, that's really out of character for you. Good for you." the blond man said and winked at me.

"James Kirk you will cease all attempts to flirt with my intended." Spock's stoicism remained unchanged, but there was a sharpness in his words and his eyes that were fixed in James' direction.

I gave sort of a half smile and disappeared into the bathroom as quickly as possible. I did not want to be in the middle of whatever was going on between them. After finishing my business, brushing my teeth, and throwing my hair up into a ponytail, I went back to Spock's bedroom as quickly and quietly as possible. I was about to unzip my luggage when I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Sos k'vath, t'hy'la?"

Spock's calm voice had me breathing a bit easier. "Ah Spock k'vath." I answered him as I stood and turned to face the door.

"Good morning." I greeted him as he came through the door and then closed it behind him.

"Good morning Dawn. I would ask that you dress quickly and meet Captain Kirk and myself in the living room. I have something I must discuss with you and him."

My eyes widened, "That's Captain Kirk? Spock, I know that you know the rumors about him and his long list of women."

"You are correct and unfortunately the majority of those rumors are true. Do not be concerned. I am here and he will not try anything."

"I trust you. Should I be in uniform?"

"There is no need for that." he assured me and left.

There may be no need for a uniform, but I didn't want to meet the Captain of the Enterprise in my pajamas, so I found a pair of dark wash jeans and a light blue sweater to put on. As I walked out of Spock's bedroom for the second time that morning, I was a little more awake.

"Captain Kirk, I would like for you to meet my t'hy'la, Cadet Davis." Spock introduced us.

"Call me Jim." he said as he reached out his hand but then swiftly changed the gesture to a ta'al as he saw what I was doing.

"Hello Sir. It is nice to meet you."

Jim was just about to speak when Spock cut him off, "T'hy'la breakfast is waiting for you on the kitchen counter."

"Thank you Spock" I replied as I walked into the kitchenette to retrieve my still hot cup of coffee and banana nut muffin. I came back through to the living room where I saw Spock sitting beside Captain Kirk on the couch. The chair was left vacant for me. I placed my mug on a coaster on the glass side table and began to nibble my muffin. After swallowing a few bites followed by some sips of black coffee, Spock began to tell me what exactly it was that was going on.

"The Enterprise and her crew has been called away on a survey mission." Spock explained, "I am unable to take you with us as our time away will interfere with the beginning of the second semester. However, I do not want you to be here on your own. I have sent word to a relative of mine who will take my place at the start of the semester and will help you continue your training. He will arrive tomorrow."

"Are you sure I can't come with you?" I was quite nervous at this news.

Captain Kirk spoke up, "I had contacted Spock about this early this morning. He informed me of his situation with you. I told him I would talk with Admiral Pike about it. Then I came over to give him the news personally. You can't come, I'm sorry." he said shaking his head, "That's just how it is."

"Well, Spock, Captain Kirk, thanks for letting me know." I said sadly as I finished the last of my muffin and coffee. "If you will excuse me please?" I got up to place my dishes in the sink and shuffled back to the bedroom.

I stared at the rumpled sheets and blankets on the bed and began to smooth them out. He's leaving me with a complete stranger. He's leaving me. I know that's what happens at Starfleet. People are ordered away and sometimes they're gone from loved ones for years. Sometimes, they don't ever come back. I knew...I knew this could happen so why am I… Tears escaped the corners of my eyes. I heard the bedroom door click and I wiped my tears from my face and finished making the bed.

"Dawn. We must speak."

"Has Captain Kirk left?"

"He has. May I ask why you are upset?" I could hear him approach me from behind. I sat on the bed cross legged.

"Spock, I just realized something. I mean, I knew it could happen, but I just didn't think it would happen so soon." I explained.

"To what are you referring?"

"I'm going to miss you. You're going to be light years away from me. I'll have no clue if you're safe or not. It worries me."

"Your concerns are not unfounded. I also find myself preoccupied with thoughts of you. However, as it is my duty to the Enterprise and to Starfleet and to the Federation, I cannot simply ignore this order."

"I never asked you to. I would never ask you to do anything like that. I'm sorry if my emotions are too much for you right now. If I wasn't a half breed, I'd be better off." Perhaps it would be better if I didn't exist. That way you could focus on your career and not have to concern yourself with me. "I just need some time to come to terms with this. I'll be fine." I insisted.

Spock nodded and informed me that he needed to go to headquarters to be fully briefed on the mission. I nodded back and told him I was going to go to the gym. I needed to get my frustrations out and running, even on a treadmill, was the only way that would help me at the moment. He left the bedroom and I packed my gym bag with my Starfleet issued sweatpants, t-shirt, and extra underclothes. I pulled on my boots and grabbed my running shoes. Finally, I slipped on my coat and headed out the door.

There was hardly anyone in the gym. Everyone was spending their time with family. Something I wish I could be doing, but because of my stupid actions, my family time was cut short. I went to the locker room and changed clothes. Why did I have to get all emotional in front of him? I've already put him through too much. He doesn't need any of this. I came back out to the gym floor and found the long row of treadmills empty. I punched in my student ID number on the front panel so it could track my progress and set the difficulty level and pushed the start button.

I ran. I ran so long that my legs were screaming at me to stop, but I kept running. It wasn't until I noticed a second runner beside me that I looked up and realized it was Spock. I still kept running. After another 20 minutes Spock spoke. "T'hy'la, you have been running for two and half hours. It is time to stop."

Either I didn't hear him or I just ignored him. I wasn't sure which, but then I heard buttons being pushed and I could feel the machine begin to slow down. Spock had programmed a "cool down" phase into my treadmill. Apparently he programmed one for himself too so by the time I stopped he was also done. I felt wobbly as I stepped off.

"I'm going to the showers." I mumbled at him and walked to the locker room. He waited for me and we walked back to his home together. I was finally realizing how tired I was when we walked through the door that I didn't say anything. I went into the bedroom, closed the door behind me, dropped my gym bag and shoes in the corner, and flopped down on the bed and went to sleep.

I awoke to the smell of something savory. Curious, I sat up out of bed and peeked my head out the bedroom door.

"End meal is nearly ready. Have you acquired sufficient rest?" came a warm voice came from the direction of the kitchen.

"Yes, I'm sorry I've been in a mood today." I replied as I meandered my way to Spock. "I've had a lot to think over and I have a question for you."

"What is your question?" he asked me as he stirred something in a pot.

"Why did you think that I would ask you to ignore an order? I mean, I know what it means for couples who are in Starfleet. Not always will they see each other. They may not even be assigned to the same ships. I understand that, or at least I thought I did. Now that you're leaving me, I think I understand it a bit better why relationships are hard to keep in this profession."

Spock turned off the burner on the stove and turned towards me. In a very serious tone he asked, "Am I to understand that you believe I would abandon you or our bond?"

"Well, isn't that what'll happen? I'm a first year cadet. You are the Commander of the flag ship. You'll be gone and I'll be here or on New Vulcan." I gestured with my hands.

"Do you not yet understand that I will not, in fact I can not, ever leave you? YOU are my t'hy'la and no time or distance will change that. Even if I am gone, once we are officially bonded, you will always have a connection to me and I to you."

His eyes softened as he told me this although his stoic features remained unchanged.

"You're not really leaving me even though you'll be light years away?" I asked as I stepped closer.

"I could never leave you." he responded while reaching for my hands that were wrapped around my torso. "You are too important. Taluhk nash-veh k'dular."

My breathing quickened as he gently and slowly reached out and pulled me towards himself. My heart was racing in both fear and anticipation as his face came closer. So softly he whispered my name I thought I was going to melt. I closed my eyes and inhaled his spicy scent and I felt warmth on my lips and a buzz in our bond. How long I've secretly wanted this, but should I want it? I've been through so much. I should want to protect myself above anything else.

I felt him pull away and I realized how much I hated that feeling.

"Dawn? Have I done something wrong?" Spock quietly questioned.

"No." I answered breathlessly.

"Why are you crying?" he asked as he brushed away the lone tear on my cheek.

"Ashalik, I've wanted to kiss you, but I was scared to want you. I have defended myself for so long…" I trailed off and my eyes found the floor.

"It is time that you let me protect you. Dawn." he told me as he lifted my chin with one finger. "You may kiss me whenever we are alone like this." He took hold of my hand and moulded my hand to display two fingers. "When we are together in public," he touched my fingers with two of his, "we may touch in this way." Our bond hummed brightly, I closed my eyes and sighed at the unexpected pleasure.

My fingers moved of their own accord in small circles down his fingers and across the back of his hand. I heard a low moan and felt his other hand gently touch mine.

"That, "he stated, "you may not do in public. It is an erotic gesture."

My eyes were the size of saucers and I blushed a very deep green. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean…"

"There is no reason to apologize. You did not know and you did what felt right. I certainly did not mind, however, had you continued, I do not believe you would have been prepared to take the next step in that aspect of our relationship." he explained.

I hid my face with my hands. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on like that. I should probably…" I turned to go back to the bedroom but my wrist was caught by a large hand.

"Do not turn away from me, please. The blush on your face is aesthetically pleasing ." his face betrayed nothing of the pleading his words were expressing.

I turned back to him. "Can you forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive."

"Please, Spock?"

He exhaled through his nose and the corner of his mouth upturned in the smallest way. It was a smile meant for me. "All is forgiven. Come share the end meal with me."

I nodded and he lead me to the table where he served our meal. "Spock," I asked after we finished eating and washing the dishes, "Will you ever let me cook for you? I am a guest here and it is tradition after all."

"Yes, you can cook for us one day."

"I'll look forward to making you a mess of catheads." I smiled at him and stretched. "It's late and I'm tired."

"Good night, Dawn." Spock called after me and I paused.

At once I turned around and strode back to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face down to mine. Our kiss this time was not quite as cautious. "Good night, Spock. I love you." I let go of him and dashed to the bedroom. My sleep that night was filled with dreams of a certain tall, handsome, logical half Vulcan.