Chapter 9: Roses and Thorns, Lots of Thorns
I woke early the next morning. I think that part of me was already nervous about meeting one of Spock's family members. I tried meditating while still under the warm covers and after a little while, I was able to find that inner peace. A little more relaxed, I pushed back the blankets and planted my feet on the floor. I gathered my clothes for the day and snuck to the bathroom and locked the door. After using the toilet and washing my hands, I turned on the shower and let the steam build like billowing clouds. I relaxed even more in the welcomed heat. After a thorough scrub, I exited the shower, dressed, brushed my teeth, and blow dried my hair. I pulled back my fiery locks into a low ponytail.
Stepping out of the bathroom, I noticed Spock was not in the living room or the kitchen. Odd I thought, I wonder where he is. I went back to my borrowed bedroom and put my dirty clothes in my laundry bag. I would have to wash a load of laundry soon. I figured that was something that could be done over the weekend. I padded my way back to the kitchen where I found a note for me on the counter.
Dawn,
I have gone to greet my family member. I will bring him back with me and as you have requested to cook, I would ask that you create a morning meal for the three of us. I will return at 0800.
Spock
I checked the time, 0725 hours. I didn't have a lot of time to prepare. I checked on what food Spock had available and decided to prepare some gespar. I sliced the fruit and saved the rind for the soup. I'd found a recipe on the computer and it was fairly simple to follow. While it was cooking, I made a pot of tea and set the table. I only had about 15 minutes until Spock would be back with the man who would be standing in as my tutor while he was gone. I went back to the kitchen to check on the food. It was done, so I turned off the burner, stretched, and yawned.
I heard the door open and in walked Spock and an elderly vulcan man who, I assumed, was his family member.
"Do not worry, I will help her. She need not face this alone." I heard him promise Spock as I walked to the living room to greet them.
"Good morning, Dawn." Spock greeted me with two outstretched fingers. I met his gesture and responded in kind.
"Dawn, I would like to introduce you to Spock Prime." Spock sounded hesitant as he introduced us.
"Dawnaka, it is good to see you again." the older Spock stepped toward me. "I knew a different version of you in my own time. Please, do not be alarmed, but my younger counterpart has told me of your hardships and I wish to express my deepest sympathies and to extend my assistance to you whenever it is needed."
"Thank you, Spock Prime." I answered him, still confused about how different and how the same both Spocks were. Fiercely loyal and completely professional. However, with Spock Prime, he was more reserved. "Please, would you both come through to the dining room and we can share a morning meal?"
"Of course." they said in tandem. I smiled and turned to lead them to breakfast.
After eating we convened in the living room where my Spock (I had started to think of him this way to distinguish the two) told us that he would be leaving before lunch. I didn't realize he would be leaving so soon. I didn't feel like I was ready to part from him, but I didn't have another choice. Spock Prime had to place a call to the Vulcan Embassy and he excused himself. I believe it was to give us a little more time to ourselves.
I followed my Spock to the bedroom where he took a luggage bag out of his closet and began to pack some clothes.
"Spock, I'm worried." I reached out and touched his shoulder.
"We have already discussed this. The only thing I can suggest is you take time to meditate and come to a logical conclusion."
"I have been. My Orion side is winning out at the moment. All of these 'what if' questions keep coming to mind and I'm doing what I can to rationalize them, but I...I'm failing." I told him while fighting back tears.
Spock pulled me into his arms and whispered a promise, "As long as I am able. I will come back to you." He sealed his promise with a kiss and my worries began to dissipate.
After he finished packing, he and I walked to the drop off point. "I have a request, if I may ask it of you." I spoke quietly, unsure if I was allowed to ask him what had been going through my mind.
"You may ask."
"Would you write to me, if you're able? I think that this will help me worry less if I hear from you." I explained.
"If I am able, I will write to you."
"Thank you, Spock." I held out my fingers to him and he gently met my gesture.
"I must leave you now, t'hy'la. Rom-halan, Dawn."
"Rom-halan, Spock." I answered in parting. No tears would escape my eyes. I had to stay strong for him and for myself. I had to show him that I could do this.
He turned his back to me and strode to the shuttle that would be taking him to the Enterprise. Part of me hoped he would look back, but I knew that he wouldn't. I stared after him and prayed that he would be safe.
Back in Spock's apartment, I found Spock Prime in meditation. I quietly went to the bedroom to begin packing my things to go back to my dorm room. After my clothes were packed, I stepped out to retrieve my toiletries from the bathroom.
"Dawnaka, are you leaving?" I heard the old man's voice call to me.
"I was not told that I could stay here while you are here. Spock is gone and I thought it would be inappropriate for me to stay with you." I explained.
"Dawnaka, I am him and he is me. You are more than welcome to stay here. In fact you have more claim to this home than I."
"How is that possible? If you are him, then who am I to you?" I challenged.
"You are a kindred spirit. A person who is half Vulcan and is trying to control their emotions. You are a cadet who is in need of assistance." he answered with total calmness.
I put my things back in the bathroom and then sat down on the couch. "How will this work between us? I know who you are only because Spock can't lie to me. Other cadets won't understand. They will start to wonder why I'm spending so much time with you. Who will you be to me?"
"During the times I am teaching, I will be known as Starek. When we are here and I am teaching you, you may call me what you wish. I know that I am different to you, so I will address you as Cadet Davis in class and Dawnaka while we are here."
"Alright, but there is only one bed here. I'll take the couch. I'm only going to stay until the start of the semester."
"Dawnaka…"
I put my hand up to stop him, "You're the guest here. I insist you use the bed."
"Thank you."
The rest of the week was spent practicing new meditation techniques. One surprising thing I learned about Spock Prime, he prayed before our meals together.
The day before I was supposed to go back to my dorm, I got a message on my PADD from student housing telling me that I would have a new room mate at the start of the semester.
"Her name is LaKishia Stein. She is transferring here from the London campus." I explained to Spock Prime. "I've gotta leave here sooner than I thought. I have to get my room clean. I kind of took over my old roommate's side of our room after she got herself kicked out."
"Would you join me for end meal after you are finished?"
"I'd really like that. I'll be back when I'm done cleaning."
It was unusually warm for the beginning of January and I didn't need a coat, so I grabbed my Starfleet hoodie and put on my shoes and left. It was the middle of the day and a few people could be seen unpacking their vehicles and moving back into their dorms. I hoped that my new roommate wasn't there yet.
I was relieved to find my room the way I had left it. I began to remove my meditation candle and pillows from under the unused lofted bed. It took me all of two hours to get the room back to where another person could use it too. I had to figure out where I was going to create a meditation space. I reckon I would have to use my bed for now. I glanced at my clock and realized that I still had some time before I needed to head back for dinner with Spock Prime. I got out my mandolin and began to play. I was a bit rusty and I had to stop and tune, but I just played for myself and as long as I liked what I played, that's all that mattered.
After an hour and a half of music making, I check my messages and hoped I had something from Spock. I hadn't heard from him in a coon's age, at least it felt like it. It had only been a couple of days since he left. I shouldn't expect for him to write me so soon. I decided that I would wait until the semester started for me to write him if I didn't hear from him before that. I sighed, gathered my emotions, and neatly put them in a sealed box before I went to dinner.
Two days later, I moved back to my dorm room for good. I was sorting out all of my dirty laundry and was about to head to the laundry room when my door swung open. In walked a tall woman with light brown skin and gorgeous long box braids. She was carrying two luggage bags and messenger bag that was draped across her body.
"Hello." she greeted me, "I'm LaKishia Stein. Call me Kishia." She put down her suitcases and held her hand up for me to shake.
"Peace and long life, Kisha." I answered back with a ta'al. "I'm Dawnaka Davis."
"It's good to meet you. So, you're a Vulcan?"
"Yes, Vulcan and Orion. Do you need help carrying anything?"
Nope, I've just got one more thing to go get and then I'll be done bringing in my stuff. It looks like you were about to go do laundry. I don't want to keep you." she answered.
"Alright, I'll leave you to get settled then. If you need anything, the laundry room is down the hall to the left." I explained.
She nodded, said thanks, and turned around to get the rest of her stuff. I grabbed the book of Surak's Teachings that Spock lent me as well as my laundry bag and soap, and headed down the hall. It turned out that I only had one load of laundry to do, so it wouldn't take very long. I turned to where I had left off in section 26 and began to read about the etiquette of mind melds. Being a half breed, I didn't think that I was able to perform something like this. Just reading about how precise one must be in their own mental control lead me to believe that it was something that I was never going to be able to achieve. An hour later, my clothes were dry and I headed back to my room.
Opening the door, I saw Kishia on her bed with a book and earbuds. I could faintly hear the sounds of choral music coming from them. I smiled and hoped that this meant that she was more focused than my last roommate. I set my laundry bag on the couch and began to fold my clothes and put them away.
My stomach started to grumble as I put my laundry bag in my side of our shared closet. I decided to ask Kishia if she was hungry and invite her to dinner, so I stepped up onto her ladder and tapped her foot.
"Yeah, What's up?" she asked after taking one of her earbuds out.
"I'm going to dinner. Do you want to come?"
"Oh, no thanks. I ate before I came here." she paused a moment, "Ya know what? I'll come for a coffee."
"Alright." I said as I stepped off her ladder and began to bundle up. It had begun to snow.
At dinner, I found out that Kishia was studying to be a navigator. She had grown up in starships and happened to be on earth while her parents were called away to help Vulcan last year. She still had her grandparents, but she was still grieving.
"So, if you see me start to go quiet and not go out or anything, could you help pull me out of my head? I don't mean, mind meld or anything, just doing things like this. Going out for a cuppa, ya know?"
"Yeah, I can do that. I know what it's like to lose a loved one too. I still find myself missing her. I'm working on that though. I'm working on controlling my Orion side with the teaching of Surak. I'm starting to get the hang of it. Meditation really has helped a lot."
"Maybe you could teach me sometime?" She smiled at me and took a sip of her coffee.
"I would be happy to, but I just need to make sure that my Vulcan master thinks it's a good idea. I haven't been practicing long. I don't want to teach you something wrong."
"Alright, talk with him, her, whoever it is and let me know?"
"I will." I answered as I finished my food.
We walked back to our room talking about things we liked and didn't like and the hopes we had for the future.
To: Cmndr Spock: USS Enterprise
From: Cadet Davis, Dawnaka: Starfleet Academy: San Francisco CA
Spock,
I am sure you must be busy and that is why you haven't had time to write. I wanted to tell you that I have a new roommate and, possibly, a new friend. Her name is LaKishia Stein and she just transferred from the London campus. She and I are kindred spirits in a way. "Kindred spirits" means we share something personal in common. She is dealing with grief. I had told her that studying Surak's teachings has helped me some through my own grief. She wants to know if I can teach her meditation. I said I would have to ask first. Do you think I'm ready for that?
Spock Prime has been kind to me and had assigned me to read section 26. I read it, but Spock, I don't know if I'm capable of performing a mind meld. I'm a half breed who has barely begun to understand the ways of Vulcan. Logic tells me that if I don't attempt this, I will never know what I am capable of. It also tells me that because I am so new to this, I shouldn't attempt it at all.
I hope all is well and I look forward to seeing you again, t'hy'la.
Yours,
Dawn
Two months into the new semester:
"You still haven't heard anything from your boyfriend?" Kishia asked me as we got ready to go to breakfast before classes started for the day.
"No." I answered as I pulled my uniform top over my head. It was finally warming up outside so I didn't need a jacket. I loved warm weather just because I didn't need to wear a coat. "He said before he left that I needed to trust that he would always come back for me. I miss him, a lot actually. I put him through a lot, but his devotion never wavered." I explained as I put my hair up into a ponytail.
"And you're not going to tell me his name?" my roommate asked while she zipped up her boots.
"Not until he agrees to it. Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah. Let's go grab some breakfast."
Kishia and I walked into the cafeteria and it was abuzz with cadets. She found the line for bacon and eggs while I went to get some oatmeal. We met back up and found an unoccupied table. I took my PADD out and pulled up my Botany 2 notes.
"Quiz me. I've got a test today." I said while I handed my PADD to my friend.
"Alright." she took it and laid it down and began to look over my notes a bit as it dinged and flashed blue. "You've got a message." Kishia said and handed it back to me.
I took the PADD back and logged into my messages.
From:Lieutenant Uhura: USS Enterprise
To: Cadet Davis, Dawnaka: Starfleet Academy San Francisco CA
Cadet Davis,
Commander Spock has trusted me with your contact information and the condition of your relationship. I was once with him too. He, indeed, has been busy and I know that he has neglected to respond to you due to a situation that had threatened his life. I know that he wouldn't want me to give you any details, but I also know that no matter how much you ask, he won't give you the details either. So, I may be crossing a line, but you need to know the truth. During a mission last month, Spock fell into a volcano. Due to the high probability of breaking the Prime Directive, he refused rescue. We didn't listen to him. He was rescued and is fine. We will be back on Earth this month. He really does care about you. You are all he talks about when he's not on duty. I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but you needed to know.
Lieutenant Uhura
"Dawnaka?"
"Kishia, I need to go see Professor Starek now. I am too angry to even…" I could feel the rage building up. I was about to explode.
"Whoa. Okay." she said as she grabbed my plate and hers, "Hang on right here. I'm going to clean this up and then we'll go." She ran to put the used dishes on the conveyor belt to be washed and hurried back to me. "Let's go."
In less than two minutes, we made it to the Professor's office. Kishia knocked on the door.
"Professor, Dawnaka just received some news. I don't know what about, but she is pissed said she needed to talk to you. I just came to make sure she got here alright." Kishia turned to me, "I have class, so I have to go." she looked worried.
"It's fine. Go."
"You're sure?"
"Yes." I answered shortly.
She looked incredibly apologetic and then left us.
"What has my younger self done?" Spock Prime asked.
"Read this." I instructed as I pulled my PADD out of my bag and thrust it at him.
"This was a month ago! A MONTH!"
"I'm going to excuse you from classes today." Spock Prime told me as he tapped away on my PADD.
"I mean, when was he going to tell me?! Why didn't he think he could trust me with something like this?! You're him, do you have any kind of answer?" I more demanded than asked.
"Dawnaka, I cannot presume to know what my counterpart was contemplating at that exact moment. I can however, tell you that he was following protocol. I was never in this particular situation, but the Prime Directive states…"
"Oh I know what the Prime Directive states. He's the one who taught it to me. I know exactly where to find it in the handbook. He can shove that handbook where the sun don't shine!"
"Dawnaka…"
"Does he not trust me? We talked about trusting each other so much before he left. Why would he do this?" I could feel the doubt and sadness begin to envelope me.
"Dawnaka.."
"Does he even love me?"
Spock Prime took my hand in his and sent me waves of calmness. "Dawnaka, let me show you something." He said as he reached his hand toward my face.
"What are you doing?" I demanded.
"Dawnaka, you need to know this." he quietly insisted.
"Just tell me."
"It wouldn't mean anything coming from me. You need to hear it, see it. Please?"
"Alright." I nodded and I felt his fingertips on my psi-points. There was a gentle pressure and then I saw Spock. My Spock.
"She is my t'hy'la." he spoke while walking on campus toward his home.
"She was mine as well. We met earlier than you and she did. She died while giving birth to our daughter."
"You know what these missions are like with the Captain. Care for her if I cannot." my Spock insisted. "Our bond is not yet complete. She has not yet permitted me to perform a meld. I find myself wanting our bond to be stronger and I have explained how a meld can improve this, but she refuses." a flash of sadness passed through his eyes.
"In time, she will wish to strengthen your bond. Do not worry so much."
"To worry is illogical, however, I am concerned."
"Spock, do you realize who you are speaking with? You and I are one and the same. I'm just an older and wiser version."
My Spock sighed. "You are correct. I am worried. I must meditate on this."
"The answer to your worry is simple. You love her." Spock Prime pointed out.
"I do and I hope that she will come to believe me."
I felt the memory begin to fade and I opened my eyes and turned my head as I heard the door to Spock's office close.
"You allowed him to meld with you?" it was My Spock who had walked in and had to witness the one thing he wanted from me being given to another.
I felt nothing but shame and guilt. The man who had been faithful to me after I put him through so much was standing before me and was heartbroken again because of me.
"I will speak with him." Spock Prime assured me.
"Spock, I am so sorry and I don't deserve you." I let one tear escape. I wiped it away and I left his office.
I stayed in my room the rest of the day. I refused to talk about what had happened to Kishia when she came back from class for the evening. I was horrified at myself.