It Feels Like Jealousy
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Donna pushes the carrots around her plate, the pleasant music in the restaurant adding to the light atmosphere but something is off and she clears the tickle in her throat breaking the silence. "You're allowed to go over there."
She doesn't look up from her meal but Harvey does, confusion painting his expression. "What?"
An unamused sound escapes which she reactively tries to disguise as a laugh. Thirteen years and he still thinks he can play naive to her talent of reading people and situations. "The blonde, the one you've been pretending not to notice since we walked in." She glances up, her eyes darting to the women sitting alone a few tables across from them. "It's okay-" she shrugs, "I don't mind."
"It's not..." he stops, fumbling with an excuse. He wasn't deliberately trying to hide the fact they know each other. He 'knows' a lot of people but there's something in Donna's tone that makes him wary, like he's skirting around the edges of a trap and he keeps things simple in order to navigate his way through. "She used to work with Angelo."
"Your Suit guy?"
He nods in response and she moves from the pile of carrots to her wine, using the rim to hide her interest in his expression. It's collected as usual, his hands continuing their dissection of his steak but the slight crease at the corner of his mouth reveals the detail she's looking for.
"But you did sleep with her."
His lips twitch and she sits back sliding her arm along with the glass across her chest. "More than once-" she adds, "but only when you needed tailoring." She's right, of course she's right, and the rest of the clues are easy decipher. "A particular event, annual, and- oh my god she's your fourteenth of March isn't she?"
He winces blowing air into his cheeks as he catches her gaze. For nearly a decade he's been grateful for her access to his calendar, not ashamed and even enjoying the flirty teasing he's endured but this is definitely different and he reaches for his own drink surprised she pieced it together but hiding the fact. "You know that doesn't work on me anymore." He raises an eyebrow, a signature distraction, and she snorts setting her glass back down on the white linen tablecloth.
"Bullshit." She picks up her fork again swimming the piece of cutlery around the food on her plate and a hint of curious amusement slips into his tone.
"You're jealous."
The assumption is far too smug and heat crawls along her neck as she rolls a selection of peas into a pile of mashed potato and gravy. "Please," she throws the defence back at him, "if I worried about bumping into someone you'd slept with every time we went out we'd never leave the condo."
"And yet, you brought it up." He points out almost enjoying the way she twists in her seat. It isn't often he catches her out. In fact it's damn near impossible but he knows he's right; she's jealous and a smirk winds onto his lips when she shoots him a glare.
"Only because Bambi over there won't stop staring at us." It takes a concerted effort not to look in the women's direction and she makes a show of putting something in her mouth to prove she at least eats, not like half the models and actresses he's 'dated' in the past.
He knows he shouldn't engage the conversation, that's it's asking for trouble, but he takes slight offence to the insinuation he was only attracted to the other women's looks. "Actually, she has a degree in political science."
The comment doesn't land well, Donna's eyes flashing up with irritation but she's careful to keep her voice low as it carries between them, "she tell you that before or after she had your pants down?"
"After." He challenges pinching the stem of his wine glass, "any more questions."
She stares at him a moment before dropping her head back to her plate. "No-p-e." She pops the P picking up her steak knife and sawing through the piece of meat in front of her. She may be 'slightly' overreacting. It's not like she wasn't there through all of his past conquests but she wasn't sleeping with him at the time. Now there are comparisons in her head she can't shake, one of them runway gorgeous, smart and currently sitting right across from them.
"Donna, come on." He breaks the semi-awkward silence shaking his head at her, "you can't seriously be annoyed about this."
"I'm not."
She is.
Whether she has a right to be is debatable but his smugness isn't helping the situation and she raises an eyebrow smiling sweetly. "How about you go over there, politely tell her you're taken and we can go back to enjoying our dinner."
"I thought you didn't want people to know yet?" The fake pleasantry falls from her face instantaneously and if looks could kill he'd be a dead man.
"Fine," he drops his knife and fork, lifting his hands in surrender and pushing out from the table, "I'll be right back."
She almost tells him to stop. That she's being ridiculous and he doesn't need to go but the words catch in her throat as his fast stride propels him in the blonde's direction. When he gets there she feels almost intrusive watching them, guilty as he waves his arm towards her and she's on the verge of figuring out how to apologise when the women suddenly stands collecting her purse and grinning broadly. Any remorse she felt quickly dissipates beneath a rush of anger as Harvey ushers her over, his smirk returning in full-force as he makes a casual introduction.
"Camille this Donna, Donna Camille."
Donna shoots him a 'what the fuck are you doing' look that's quickly softened by the fake smile she pushes onto her lips. "It's lovely to meet you."
"Likewise." Camille clutches her bag, her red lacquer nails dragging over the strap as Harvey leans to steal a chair from the empty table behind them. "I hope you don't mind, my date is running late and Harvey said I should join you while I wait."
"No that's... fine." It feels like there's sand in Donna's throat and she swallows thickly as they seat themselves not buying the women's excuse for a second. There are clear indications she's lying but she lets it go, focused on making things as uncomfortable for the blonde as possible. "So, how do you and Harvey know each other?"
"I used to work as a seamstress, more of a hobby really... now I'm working as a political consultant for the mayor."
Her response is fluid making Donna even more uneasy and she takes a sip of wine, the taste suddenly tangy and unpleasant in her mouth.
"How about you Donna, what do you do?"
"Me?" There's opportunity in a range of answers but she knows which one has the most potential and quickly seizes it. "Oh, I'm an actress." Harvey raises an eyebrow but she ignores the reaction focused on Camille's instead.
"Really that's... a hard profession to be successful in." The blonde implores a sense of tact as she smiles politely, "you must be very talented."
Donna almost laughs out loud at the condescending tone but manages to keep her expression completely neutral. "I do mostly theatre productions. They don't pay but Harvey has enough money to support me-" she flashes her gaze toward him, "don't you darling?"
His eyes widen on reflex, the amusement well and truly gone from his face at her behaviour. "She's kidding," he explains trying to smooth over the awkwardness, "Donna is the COO at Specter Litt Wheeler Williams."
"Donna Paulsen?" Camille recognises the name immediately having received calls from her whenever Harvey's suits needed an alteration. "We spoke on the phone a few times, you used to be Harvey's secretary?"
Donna nods, again ignoring the patronising tone as she slips her phone from her purse beneath the table. "I did, yes." The response is automatic, her attention on Camille (as far as the blonde or Harvey is concerned) while she inputs the two-step code she and Rachel have in place for emergencies. Two seconds later the device is ringing and she feigns searching for it in her bag, putting it to her ear with an apologetic smile. "Excuse me a moment."
She stands leaving the table and Harvey forces a smile at the women next to him trying to ignore the sinking feeling starting to coil in the pit of his stomach. Maybe inviting Camille over had been a step too far but he was just trying to make Donna realise that she has nothing to worry about. He's in love with her and when she returns he purposefully soften his expression. "Everything okay?"
She deliberately ignores his concern as she grabs her purse. "Yeah, it was just Rach... but I have to go, she needs me to talk her through something."
He can tell it's a lie, the whole thing a little too convenient, but he doesn't say anything shifting to take his wallet out instead. "Okay, let me just-"
"No it's fine," she interrupts slinging the strap over her shoulder, "you stay, finish dinner."
The tone is clipped but there's no anger to it, the need for space outweighing her frustration. Jealous or not she trusts him and let's the blonde know it with a more genuine smile. "It was nice to meet you Camille." She doesn't wait for a response turning on her heel and closing her eyes briefly before making her way out of the restaurant.
The cold air is sobering, making it easier to breathe and she knows she should call Rachel back but takes a minute to compose herself. She's used to wearing her confidence, never apologising for who she is, and she may be Donna but she's also human. It took Harvey thirteen years to realise she was standing right in front of him and the insecurity still rears itself sometimes, no matter how much she tries to push it down.
"Donna!"
She's hears his voice behind her and is tempted to speed up, embarrassment mixing with her frustration, but the heels she's wearing prevent her from escaping and he catches up quickly closing his fingers around her elbow and pulling her to a stop.
"You want to tell me what the hell that was?"
He's beyond confused now, concern and annoyance contradicting each other as he lets his arm drop back to his side waiting for an answer.
She doesn't have one or at least not one that makes sense and she sighs glancing over his shoulder towards the restaurant. "She was lying Harvey. Her date isn't running late he cancelled."
He frowns not sure why it's important but he plays along anyway. "You don't know that."
Her gaze slides back to him, her expression tired as her hands land on her hip. "She didn't check her phone once in the half an hour she was there, she ordered two drinks and paid for them but didn't get a third and the kitchen closes in twenty minutes."
There's enough solid reasoning there to convince him but if she's right it makes even less sense that she would up leave knowing Camille was lying. "I don't get it, you're mad that I slept with her so pushing her towards me is the answer?"
"I didn't want to spend the next hour justifying myself, Harvey." She defends the reasoning digging her nails into her hips. Even if she is overreacting he'd been the one to invite Camille back to their table and she wasn't just going to sit there and listen to the women's probing questions about how she went from his secretary to COO of company.
"You told her you were an actress." He throws back, still not sure what they're even fighting about. Obviously he's missed something because he's completely in the dark and he exhales sharply, lifting a tentative hand in surrender. "Any chance we could just skip ahead to the part where you tell me exactly what it is I did wrong here?"
"You fell in love with me." It rushes out of her mouth like it's a bad thing, surprising them both, and she shakes her head swiping at the moisture burning behind her gaze. This is new to both of them and it's a learning curve but she can't help feeling the way she does even if it isn't fair. "Camille is in there right now wondering why? What could possibly be so great about Donna Paulsen that if she called you up tomorrow you wouldn't jump at the chance to see her and I know I should be able to answer that but I can't."
His mouth opens to defend the accusation but he can't, it's entirely ridiculous, and amusement curves his lips intensifying Donna's glare.
"This isn't finny."
"No, it isn't." He wipes the smile from his face taking a step forward, "because you sound like you actually think I would."
There's a subtle warning to his tone and she knows not to push it. He would never cheat on her, that's a given, but there was also a time he would have never considered himself relationship material and she bites down on her lower lip nervously. "What if you get bored?" She slips her hand protectively around her waist warding off a chill that has nothing to do with the breeze. "What if in a years time you wake up and regret not having the bachelor lifestyle any more?"
He stills, not because it's a possibility but because it isn't. He's happier than he's ever been and he wants to spend the rest of his life waking up to her everyday, that's never going to change, but obviously she can't see it and he tilts his head regarding her seriously. "Donna, do you know how many people I've been with since breaking up with Paula and dating you."
She doesn't want to hear it, opens her mouth to stop him but he jumps in first.
"None."
He waits for the gravity of the truth to sink in and when it does he moves pressing his thumbs lightly at her elbows. "That night you kissed me, it did effect me... and it might have taken me a while to realise how but you're the person I want to be with and if I haven't told you that enough, if I did something to make you have doubts-"
"You didn't." She wipes her eyes again cutting him off, "I overreacted." It's the apology she's been looking for all night, a way to admit that her doubts gained a foothold and that had nothing to do with his actions. She just needed reminding that he isn't going anywhere and she pulls herself into his chest closing her eyes as his arms instinctively curl around her.
"Well, you are an actress." He teases gently, "and acting crazy is one way to scare of my ex's."
She chuckles in spite of herself, the easiness between them something she'll never take for granted. "Do you want to sleep on the couch tonight?"
"Depends..." he feigns considering it, "think we'll both fit?"
She pulls back slightly, enough to read to softness in his gaze and she doesn't think she's ever been more in love with him than she is right now. "Why don't we go home and find out?"
His answering grin is enough to persuade her she doesn't need to worry about comparing herself to echoes from his past. She might have whispers of doubt every now and again or the odd crazy moment here and there but he isn't going anywhere and honestly, that's all she needed to know.
AN: I had a lot of requests for a Donna is Jealous chapter and I had fun writing this. I've already got a couple more chapters in the works some light hearted, some more angsty. I just need them to be a thing on my tv screen already! :P