Lachlan

"Good afternoon everyone," my eyes shot open. "This is the captain speaking. It is 5:04 PM Eastern Time and we are getting ready to land at Orlando International Airport. Please remain in your seats until instructed otherwise."

I rubbed my eyes with the sleeves of my hoodie and stretched. Had I really slept through the whole flight? I mean, it's not surprising. I've barely slept the past three weeks because of all this stress with the my big move. I looked out the window as the plane made its way down the runway. This was my new home. This city, this state, this freakin' country where basically everyone is a stranger to me. I couldn't help but think I made a mistake.

As I walked over to baggage claim, I sent my family a quick text letting them know I landed safely. I know they're worried. They always worried, but we all know I needed a fresh start and some distance. I checked the the time on my phone. 5:45 PM. The meeting started at 9 tonight, so at least I'll have some time to relax at my new apartment and clean myself up. After being on a plane for so long I could use a nice, hot shower. I let out a deep sigh as I walked to the Uber that was waiting for me outside.

It took about 45 minutes to get to my new place. I had been back and forth a few times making sure everything was set up, but tonight would be the first time I stayed the night here alone. I put the key in the door and took in my surroundings. I was welcomed to pretty modern decor and the fresh smell of warm vanilla. Everything was black and white with glass tables and silver accents. It was beautiful and homey, but it still felt like it wasn't mine.

I put my bags down in the bedroom and laid in the massive king size bed centered against the back wall. I wasn't tired, but I needed to make it feel familiar to me; instead, it just felt foreign and unwelcoming. I gave up and wandered over to my new office to record a quick vlog. I felt a sigh of relief that everything was properly set up last time I was here. I told myself the transition would be easier. Yes, because Youtube was the issue, I thought to myself. I hadn't told my fans I was moving and considered keeping it to myself for a bit longer, but I knew it would eventually come out and I'd rather they heard it from me. I opened my recording software and my face came up on the screen. I looked terrible. The bags under my eyes had gotten a darker purple. I looked paler than usual, likely due to my limited interactions with the outside world.

Well, It's now or never. "Alrighty guys, what's going on? It is Lachlan here and I have kind of a big announcement to make..."

I got out of the shower just as the video finished uploading. I let out a deep sigh and it had officially gone live around 8 PM. The comments started pouring in. I couldn't tell them why I really moved here, that was far too personal, so I just said it would be better for my career, which is also true. I had friends that lived a couple of hours away in Tampa that could definitely give me some great recording opportunities, not to mention the internet was way better. Plus, the weather shock isn't too extreme, though I did forget it was Winter in this part of the world. I just really didn't want to disappoint them. I couldn't disappoint them.

Why was I always disappointing people?

My body started tingling. The all too familiar sensations were returning. I had to leave before I did something I regretted. I'd been working too hard since the incident to go back to that place. I quickly threw on some track pants and a warm hoodie and paced around my bedroom until I got the Uber notification that the car was outside. I put my hood up blocking my face as much as possible, quickly making my way to the leasing office. It was 10 minutes to the meeting so I hope I wouldn't be too late.

The car pulled up just in time, but the building was dark, almost like I wasn't supposed to be there. I pulled out my phone and checked the appointment email to make sure I was in the right place. I t was definitely the this creepy, building. I checked the doors. They were unlocked. I quickly jogged down the hall until I saw Room 104, the only room with a light on and peered in. There were some people wandering around and conversing, but it seemed like everyone had claimed their seats. I scanned the circle searching for an available one, and found an opening next to one of the few people sitting. I quietly opened the door and tried to pass by unseen, sliding into the open seat, attempting to not draw too much attention to myself. I couldn't help thinking about how suspicious I probably looked with my hood pulled so close to my eyes, especially being the new guy.I began to mindlessly explore my phone in a poor attempt to blend in.

I looked at the stranger sitting next to me. She had one leg pulled close to her chest while the other dangled lazily from the chair. Her dark gray waves bounced as she melodically bobbed her head to whatever song she was listening and humming along to.

I wonder what her story is…

"Alright everyone," I heard a voice say. "It's about time we get started. We do have a new person joining us, so why don't we go around and introduce ourselves? I'll start. I'm Paige, I am a therapist here in Orlando and have been for about 20 years now. I'm here to facilitate the conversation. Remember, this is a safe place. Please feel free to say as much or as little as you feel comfortable. Kali? Would you like to go next?"

"Sure," said the stranger next to me in the softest voice I've ever heard. " Well, I'm Kali. I'm 22, and I'm here because," she paused. Ours eyes met for just a brief moment. My breath hitched. She looked away before I could get a better look at her. "...because I was found unconscious in my bathtub after ODing on a bottle of painkillers and cutting deeply into my wrist. I've been coming here since I was 19. I've hit some bumps in the road but I am proud to say that I haven't cut in exactly three months today."

Everyone gave a quick applause and congratulations. The introductions continued, but I was only half paying attention. Part of me was nervous about speaking about my past, and another was transfixed by this Kali stranger next to me. I studied the way she played with her hair while everyone was talking, the way she bit the inside of her cheek and pursed her lips when someone said something personal, the way she played with one of her multiple ear piercings when she smiled. I was intrigued.

"Hey bro," the guy next to me tapped my shoulder, "it's your turn."

My blood raced a little. I hadn't had to do this since my last group in Australia. "Um, hi," my voice cracked. Was I ready to do this again? "My name is Lachlan. I'm 21 and, uh, as you can tell I'm not from here."

Everyone chuckled a little. I looked at the nine pairs of eyes watching me to see if I said more. I felt the pressure building in my chest. "Um, well, I'm a cutter."

Kali

"Hey Kal, I'm heading out!" Campbell announced as he passed by my office door.

I looked at the clock on my desk. It was around 8, but I still had so much work to do. "Ok, I'll head out in a few, let me just finish this last assessment."

Campbell chuckled. "You work too hard, Kali. Let the admins do their job and stop doing their bitch work, you're better than that!" I rolled my eyes. I know he means well, but the team was depending on me. "Fine, do you man. I'm heading out. See you tomorrow at eleven?" I gave him a quick thumbs up, never lifting my eyes from the papers scoured in front of me. Something wasn't making sense in the paperwork and it was driving me insane.

My phone started buzzing insanely and I saw Paige's name pop up. Shit. I looked at the time and it was 8:30. "I'm leaving now! I got caught up at work!"

Paige laughed. "Take it easy. You're fine. I just wanted to let you know I'll be there a little later than usual and we'll need an extra seat."

"Sounds good!" I exclaimed as I turned off my computer and grabbed my bag in one swift movement. "I'll be there in five."

I ran to my car and stuck the key in the ignition. It wouldn't have time to warm up, which, I know, is pretty bad for my car, especially since it was finally Orlando's Winter month.

You're killing your car, you know? I heard the familiar voice ring through my head.

"Yea, yea. I know. I'll leave earlier next time." I rolled my eyes at him, and then slapped my forehead for realizing that I was doing it again. It's been a year and Reese was still in my head.

I pulled out of the parking lot and drove down the street to the familiar Community Center. I parked my car near the back entrance and darted inside to set up the room for Paige. Paige was an older woman, probably in her mid-fifties. You can tell that the stories she's been told had taken quite the toll on her. But Paige is part of the reason I'm still here. She's the first person I spoke to that truly listened and I've been with her ever since. I'm indebted to her.

Room setup was quick. We have a pretty small group, which I like, and ages ranged from 18 to 24, so it's people around my age, which is super comforting. We haven't really had new people in a while, so I can't lie, I'm a little curious.

I sat in my usual seat and got comfortable. I put my earbuds in and started listening to some old Secondhand Serenade song I couldn't quite remember the name of, but the memories always rushed back. I pulled my left leg up to me, holding it tight as I shut my eyes. I felt like I was in a trance in my own world until I felt someone sit in the chair next to me. I couldn't see his face over the hood, but I knew he must be the new guy, all the others had claimed their seats already. He had a fresh, clean scent to him. It was a soothing scent, almost minty. I quickly closed my eyes again before he could realize I was staring. I wouldn't want to freak him out on his first day.

"Alright everyone. It's about time we got started. "Paige's voice rang from across the room. I put my phone and headphones in my bag as she made her way to the usual seat, directly across from me. "We do have a new person joining us, so why don't we go around and introduce ourselves?" Paige wrung her hands together and gave us her usual tired smile. "I'm Paige. I am a therapist here in Orlando and have been for about 20 years now. I'm here to facilitate the conversation. Remember, this is a safe place. Please feel free to say as much or as little as you feel comfortable." She paused and gave me a warm smile, prompting me to get ready to speak. "Kali? Would you like to go next?"

"Sure," I said a lot softer than I intended. I shifted around so that both legs were close to my chest. I looked down at my black boots, quickly collecting my thoughts, and began to speak." Well, I'm Kali. I'm 22 and I'm here because..." I froze for a moment. I've been here for years but it never really gets easier to say. I glanced around the room and quickly caught the new guy's eyes. His face was in the shadow of his hood but his eyes seemed so familiar. I quickly broke eye contact and continued," because I was found unconscious in my bathtub after ODing on a bottle of painkillers and cutting deeply into my wrist. "Everyone nodded sympathetically. They've all heard this story before. The mystery man started getting kind of jumpy, though. His leg kept bouncing and he was scratching at the insides of his hands intensely. I looked away quickly and looked back at Paige. "I've been coming here since I was 19. I've hit some bumps in the road but I am proud to say that I haven't cut in exactly three months today,."

Everyone clapped a little and congratulated me. It was awkward to be acknowledged, but Paige always told me that it's important to take praise and compliments because I deserve it.

I suppose.

"Hey, I'm Jake!" Jake waved at the stranger man next to me and told us his story. Then Liam. Then Marley. Then Sam. Rico. Janelle. Van. Then finally: "Um, hi," creaked out a fragile, Australian voice. It sounded familiar, like eerily familiar. Like I feel like I just recently heard this voice. Wait, that can't be... "My name is Lachlan. I'm 21 and, uh, as you can tell I'm not from here." Everyone chuckled a little. I let out a strained, awestruck laugh. My mind couldn't process that he had been sitting next to me for the past half hour. How had I not recognized his eyes? Why was he here? My head was spinning.

Ok, don't freak out, Kali. He's a normal person in your support group. He's a normal person. Normal person.

"Um, well, I'm a cutter."

My heart sank.