English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.

Season of Farewell

Chapter 12: Athrun's Solution

As the last of her warm-ups, Cagalli stretched out her arms toward the sky, her fingers laced together, pulling her body as high as she could. Reaching the highest point, she kept the pose for a moment, then her hands let go of each other and snapped back down to lightly bump her legs, her heels hitting the ground. She exhaled deeply, which created a puffy cloud in the air, then inhaled as deeply before kicking the ground to take off. The chilly air of winter morning struck her face and she rapidly blinked.

She didn't instantly go full speed, of course. She needed to prepare her body for a run first. Not to mention it wasn't safe to sprint in the residential area. She might run into someone and cause them an injury. Not that she had had before. Just nearly. And she had still been in grade school then.

With a steady, mild pace, she turned a few corners, then shouted "Good morning!" at an old couple walking toward her with their dog. She stopped in front of them who stopped as well and returned "Good mornings" with smiles. As usual, Cagalli proceeded to crouch down to pet the dog that licked her hand and then face, wagging the tail. After a moment, she stood up to resume running, exchanging "Have a nice day!" with the couple.

After her club practice had come to an end due to preparation for college entrance exams at the beginning of summer, she had developed a habit of going for a run in the morning. She was used to waking up early for morning practice; she usually spent time after school studying with her friends and in cram school. So, morning seemed like the best time for jogging. Not to mention her mother and brother, and Athrun, were worried that running at night on her own was too dangerous.

Kira, liking to sleep late, said she was crazy to wake up earlier than she had to, but she didn't mind waking up early as long as she had enough sleep the previous night. Besides, she was restless and distracted when she did no exercise a whole day; she didn't have a P.E. every day.

At first, she had run in her neighborhood every morning, but as sunrise got later and later, she changed the place to her school where some sport clubs always had morning practice on her mother's advice. On weekends and during winter break, however, she didn't bother to go to her school. She just woke up a little late, waited to leave her house until the sun was up and there were enough light and people walking around, and jogged near her house like today.

After about five minutes, she reached a large park, which was her destination today, and sped up. She could focus more on running in here without worrying about cars or bumping into someone. Her body found a rhythm again, a faster one which brought her mind into a kind of trance, clear and almost empty other than checking the way ahead so that she wouldn't collide with something. She just pushed her body forward, breathing in, breathing out, nothing else. It felt so simple and filled. She liked this feeling.

"Cagalli!"

It took her a moment to process the sound. Skidding to a halt, she looked around, breathing hard. She was about to cross a bridge and her teal-eyed friend was waving a hand from down the riverside.

"Hey, Miri!" Cagalli waved back, changing her path and passing another runner with a dog. "What are you doing here so early?"

As she ran down the slope to the riverside, Miriallia came to meet her. "I happened to wake up early and decided to take some morning pictures. I took one of yours."

Miriallia turned her camera so that Cagalli could see the photo on the screen. Her picture was taken from quite far while Cagalli was crossing another bridge upstream. In the photo, she was small and hardly recognizable.

Cagalli turned her eyes to Miriallia. "Were you waiting for me? You didn't know I was coming down this path, did you?"

"Not really. I wasn't even sure if it was you until you came near. I hung around here to take pictures. Though I hoped it was you and we could say hi." Miriallia threw her a smile, which she returned. "We couldn't talk much yesterday."

The day before, along with Kira and their other friends, they had paid their first visits of the year to shrines where they prayed they would pass their entrance exams or get a good job, or prayed for a good year in the case of those who had already been accepted into a college like Miriallia or had already gotten a job. Paying the visit on the first day of January, instead of the fifth day like they had, was ideal and common, but many of them had been away to their grandparents' house in the beginning of the year. Cagalli herself had just come home from her maternal grandfather's estate two days ago.

"We text almost every day," Cagalli pointed out, sitting down on the riverside covered with cobbles.

Miriallia followed suit. "Yeah, but it's different when we actually meet."

Cagalli smiled. "True. It's nice to see you."

She had a study session with her friends living nearby almost every day during winter break, but Miriallia wasn't one of them for she didn't really need to study anymore. From what she had told Cagalli, the brunette was mostly honing her photo-taking skills so that she could do better in college classes while still playing a manager to the volleyball clubs.

They had still met: Lacus's concert; a Christmas party on Christmas Eve they had with their friends every year; yesterday's visits to shrines. But they had not spent a long time together, and this was actually the first time they sat down to talk alone since winter break had started. Preparing for college entrance exams had been seriously disrupting their lives, or at least Cagalli's life, though it couldn't be helped.

Miriallia smiled back. "I was actually surprised to see you. I didn't know you run this early in the morning even during break." It was some time past seven thirty.

Cagalli casually lifted her shoulder. "My body's used to waking up early, and it doesn't feel like my day is beginning until I run. Besides, it's still later than when I run on a school day."

"Ah, I forgot how healthy your habits are," Miriallia replied playfully. "So...what's up?" she asked in a slightly different tone.

Cagalli shrugged. "Nothing." It wasn't like her days were full of excitement stuff just because it was during a break. Whether a school day or no, she spent almost all of her day studying, just like most of her friends and classmates who had not gotten accepted by college yet. "Well, I did a bit better when I was solving Classic Literature problems last night," she added as an afterthought. "Not as good as other subjects, though. Thank Haumea it's not very important in the exams for veterinary colleges."

Miriallia nodded, then gently prodded, "Nothing new with Athrun, I assume?"

Cagalli looked down. "No..."

The memory from Lacus's concert about two weeks ago came back, twisting her heart. Recalling their first day as a couple, their first date—although Athrun insisted what they had had that day wasn't a date for they had just chatted at a cafe, doing nothing special or going nowhere special as they should on the first date, she still thought of it as their first date—had finally given her the courage to approach him to say what she had to say to him.

And for a moment, she had thought that he was feeling the same, that he felt like talking. She had not just been willing to talk with him. She had wanted to. There was no guarantee that they could have been reconciled even if they had actually talked. She might have gotten disappointed or hurt over the result. But still, she had wanted to talk. Or maybe, she had just wanted to spend some time with him even if it was awkward or they ended up fighting again.

He had not wanted that, though. He had walked away from her again, just as she had been afraid that he might do, which crushed her heart once more. Kira and Lacus had comforted her, saying that Athrun had probably been somewhat confused and overwhelmed after their talk with him the previous week, and just needed time to sort out his situation. But they had been vague about exactly what they had talked with him about and Cagalli didn't know why the conversation had been so unsettling to Athrun.

Furthermore, Athrun had not joined their visit to the shrines as he had since they had started going to the same high school, which made her even more dispirited.

She understood Athrun needed time and space to gather his thoughts, prepare himself before talking to her. Still, it was hard to wait. Patience had never been one of her virtues. It was also because she wasn't really convinced that Athrun would become willing to talk if she waited a little longer.

At the same time, she didn't think she could approach him again, at least for a while, after the second rejection. She had felt quite nervous just sending a Happy New Year text to him five days ago. Although he sent back one to her relief, it just meant that their relationship had not worsened, staying in the place where they exchanged greetings but nothing more. As far as she could see, there was no sign that her and Athrun's situation was getting better.

"I see." Miriallia caressed her back comfortingly.

They sat in gentle, comfortable silence for a while until Cagalli opened her mouth again.

"Miri?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever felt reluctant about your college—the Terminal?" Miriallia sent her a quizzical look. Cagalli elaborated, "You are going to move away." Miriallia's college wasn't as far as Tassil, but still, the brunette was going to move near the college, away from her loved ones. "You don't worry about Dearka?"

"We're not dating," Miriallia said firmly as she always did when someone mentioned her relationship with the dark-skinned blond.

"I didn't say you are. But you like him and he likes you. You even admitted something could happen between you, remember?" At Cagalli's words, Miriallia pouted a little, looking at her camera and twisting it. "Haven't you been afraid you might lose a chance with him because of going to that college?"

Cagalli had never thought about that possibility before, like she had not thought that her relationship with Athrun might crumble due to her college choice. Although she had been aware that Dearka wasn't entirely happy about Miriallia's college choice, she had just assumed he would get over it eventually. But now she wondered.

After a moment of contemplative silence, Miriallia gave her a sidelong look. "You know you can't tell a word about this."

"Of course."

"Okay, then. Well, I actually worried about it a bit." Miriallia's eyes were back to her camera, her hand caressing it. "But I really wanna go to the Terminal. This is a big chance for me. It's my dream coming true. I wanna be as good a photographer as I can be, and this is the way."

Her lips thinned. "I know some people say it's...like, stupid. Throwing away a chance for romance because of my dream or career." She let out a small sigh. "I think my mom would've disapproved of my college choice if she knew about me and Dearka's situation. You know how she's like."

Miriallia's mother believed that what was most important to women was getting married and taking care of her family, supporting her husband, that a job to a woman was just a fill-in between school and marriage, or something she had to do to supplement the family income.

Miriallia had mentioned that her mother approved of her becoming a photographer since the job didn't seem like a "real, serious job" that consumed too much of your time and energy so that you wouldn't have time to find a husband, or a job that required you to be so competitive and aggressive, so masculine, that you became unattractive to men. In Miriallia's mother's eyes, a job like a photographer was more or less an extension of a hobby that allowed you to earn some money.

Miriallia of course didn't agree with her mother, but wasn't eager to correct her mother's misconception. She was hoping her mother's attitude would change by the time Miriallia reached a marrying age, or at least she could put off fighting with her mother over her marriage and job by years.

In fact, Miriallia had sometimes said that she envied Cagalli for having a mother who put nearly as much importance on her job as she did on her family, balancing the two major parts of her life. Although she had made some alterations at work—not all of which she let Cagalli and Kira know—to raise her children, Via had always kept her job, and enjoyed working as a pediatrician. Cagalli had not given it much serious thought until now, taking for granted her mother's, and her grandfather's, encouragement to follow whatever path she wanted.

"But I'm different from Mom. My dream and career are important to me," Miriallia continued. "This is how I am, and how I'll always be, I think. If the chance of me and Dearka will be ruined by me being myself, then we wouldn't make it anyway even if I stayed around, would we?"

Miriallia's voice was steady and her face was firm as she looked at Cagalli. But Cagalli could sense some uncertainty—fear—underneath. It must be tough that Miriallia was going down a path different from her mother's, the path which her own mother—along with some, or many, people—said was wrong. Cagalli could imagine that much.

She rested her head against Miriallia's, taking the brunette's hand. She didn't know whether Miriallia was right. She was still unsure what was best for her, let alone what was best for Miriallia.

So, she told her friend what she knew. "I like you being yourself. I love you," she wholeheartedly said, then added with even more sincerity, "And I admire you."

Miriallia squeezed her hand. "Thanks. Love you, too." After a pause, she added jokingly, "At least we're gonna have each other, yeah?"

"Yeah," Cagalli agreed with a smile. "No matter what happens."

"Even if some stupid guys can't deal with our awesomeness," Miriallia returned lightly.

Cagalli circled her arms around her friend and nuzzled her head against Miriallia's shoulder. Familiar with Cagalli's tendency to get touchy-feely, Miriallia simply patted her back.

"You know, A—" Miriallia started in an amused tone, but quickly broke off.

Cagalli lifted her head, puzzled. "What's that?"

"Well..." Miriallia gave her an uncertain look before hesitantly continuing, "I just remembered Athrun once said, you sometimes remind him of the dog his grandparents had."

Cagalli was silent for a few seconds, then softly said, "He said that to me, too. The dog was a big and affectionate Golden Retriever. He died when Athrun was little—two or three, I think—and he didn't remember feeling sad or missing him, just that the dog liked snuggling against him and that he liked it too." A smile crossed her lips. "I saw a photo of Athrun sleeping over the dog's belly. He was small and really cute. Athrun, I mean."

"I can imagine that."

They fell silent again, leaning on each other's warm body in the cold. After a minute, a thought occurred to Cagalli and she shifted to see Miriallia's face better.

"Are you okay, Miri?" The teal eyes looked at her with confusion. "It was hard for you to talk about you and Dearka, wasn't it?" Cagalli regarded her brunette friend with concern, searching for a sign of distress.

Miriallia shrugged. "It wasn't a very pleasant topic, sure, but not that hard."

"But you never talked about it," Cagalli pointed out. "Not with me anyway."

"Ah...yeah." Miriallia's face turned sheepish, and she averted her eyes. "I didn't really feel...um, comfortable doing that since you and Athrun seemed to be doing so well even though your situation was similar to me and Dearka's." An embarrassed cough. "I guess I was kinda jealous of you. And then, you two had a fight, and I became unsure if it's a good thing to tell you about my thoughts." Her face was now thoughtful. "I didn't know if I'd be doing it for your sake or my sake if I told you. And I didn't wanna use you to make myself feel better. Something like that."

Cagalli tilted her head. "I wouldn't have minded listening if it made you feel better."

"I know. But it still didn't feel right. Especially when you were so dejected."

It was Cagalli's turn to be sheepish. "I've been such a mess, haven't I? I must've been making you worried a lot. Others, too."

Miriallia gave another pat to Cagalli's back. "That's one of your virtue, if you ask me, that you're so honest with your emotions. Cry and laugh and get angry whenever you feel like it, without holding back."

"I thought you thought I should manage my anger a bit better?" Cagalli said somewhat jokingly.

"Yeah, you get reckless when you're angry," Miriallia replied in a similar tone. "Well, at least your anger is usually fair and understandable. Though it's a bit too much and troublesome as well," she teasingly added.

Cagalli made a dramatic pout. "Now, that's unfair and I'm angry."

Miriallia giggled, and Cagalli promptly joined. As their giggles stopped after a little while, Cagalli let out a breath and stretched a bit before standing up.

"Well, I better go now. I'm getting cold. See you the day after tomorrow?" It was the first day of school after winter break.

Miriallia stood up as well. "Yeah. Sorry for keeping you so long. I didn't mean to."

"It's okay. I'm glad we talked. Bye." Cagalli waved at her friend and started turning around. But Miriallia called out her name.

Cagalli looked at the brunette over her shoulder. Miriallia appeared a little shy. "Thanks for asking about me and Dearka. I'm glad I could talk with you about it."

Cagalli fully turned to Miriallia before saying, "Thanks for telling me."

They exchanged a smile and Cagalli started climbing up the slope to get back to the walking path.

"Have a nice run!" Miriallia shouted at her back.

"Take good photos!"

Cagalli waved again, and then, reaching the path, resumed jogging. Before long, she arrived at the exit of the park closest to her house, where she had entered the park a while ago, and started the second lap. When she passed the bridge again, Miriallia wasn't there anymore.

As she finished the lap and left the park, Cagalli slowed down to transition into a walk, breathing deeply. On her way back to her house after jogging, she usually walked as a cool-down; it took about ten minutes from the park to her home. Then, she would do her stretching routine and her morning run was over.

Her mind, which had been focused while running, started to loosen up and wander.

When she had been a little child, her dream had been to have a job which allowed her to play with animals all the time, which became more specific as she grew up. In grade school, a horse trainer and a zoo staff had been at the top of her list, followed by a dog trainer. Her grandfather, Uzumi, owned several horses; later, she and Kira had received their own horses—Rouge and Strike—from him as gifts. She loved riding horses and working with them had sounded like a wonderful idea; she also loved zoos where she could see various animals.

She wasn't sure exactly when her dream had changed. It had been gradual. She had always hated that some horse owners put their horses that had "no more use" and were "too expensive to keep" to death. Although her grandfather wasn't one of them, she had seen and heard enough at the stable. She had dreamed of buying a farm where those horses, and homeless dogs and cats and some other animals, could spend the rest of their lives happily and peacefully. She had actually pleaded her grandfather to do that, but he had gently turned it down, offering to make donations to an animal welfare organization in her name instead. Therefore, she had decided to realize the dream by herself when she became an adult.

In seventh or eighth grade, she had started to think there might be something else she could do, something more realistic. If she became a good animal doctor, a really, really good one, she could fix injured animals so that they didn't have to die. She probably could help them more that way, she had mused.

In a way, her father was the one who had given her the idea. At that time. she had not been trying to change his attitude toward her anymore, but she still had occasionally entertained an idea that if she became a doctor he could be proud of, her father might see her differently, somewhat like the way she wanted him to. Although she had not been really serious about it, she couldn't say she had not meant it at all.

But when she had casually mentioned during a conversation with her grandfather that she might become a doctor in the future, he had looked at her and said with his usual calmness, "I'll support your decision if that's what you really want. But Cagalli, I want you to think carefully before you decide. You should make your life decisions based on how you wish to live your life, not on what other people want you to do, or what you want from others."

She had felt like he saw through her—which wasn't rare—become a little embarrassed, and promised to think hard. And when she seriously pictured being a doctor, she had found that her patients kept shifting from humans to animals. The more she thought about it, the more appealing the idea of becoming a veterinarian had become. It had interested her and excited her a lot more than the idea of becoming a human doctor did. It had been something she wanted to try regardless of her parents' or grandfather's opinions about it.

Fortunately, she had always put a certain amount of effort into studying though she had never been a bookworm or a model student—except for the phase in which she had tried to be one in order to get her father's attention. Her father was a firm believer that you should work hard and reach your full potential, and even when she was feeling rebellious, she had not tried to deliberately get bad grades. Her grandfather had pointed out that being knowledgeable would help you no matter what kind of life you chose and that if she kept good grades, it would be easier for her to realize her dreams and goals in the future; she had thought he had a point.

She had succeeded in getting into SEED High, one of the best high schools in the area, and kept studying hard enough to be able to get into a college of veterinary medicine in the future.

The death of Mal, Ahmed's dog, in her first year of high school had taught her that there was only so much a doctor could do no matter how good they were. Mal's doctor had been a kind and devoted veterinarian Cagalli had known for years, but even she had not been able to save Mal's life. Likewise, Cagalli probably wouldn't be able to save all animals she encountered no matter how much effort she put in it. The realization had saddened her, but not shaken her decision to become an animal doctor. Still, she would try hard to save as many animals as she could, she had vowed to herself and Mal.

Even after that, however, being a veterinarian had still been like an abstract idea rather than a real goal. Until she met Professor Saib Ashman who grounded her dream and breathed a life into it, making her image of veterinarian more realistic and more exciting.

The professor was rather a quiet man. But his deep passion had been evident in his voice, words, and eyes.

And he was honest. He had not hidden the sides of being a veterinarian that weren't enjoyable. Dealing with animals could be dangerous. And the job didn't just require you to work hard without much reward, not well-paid or prestigious like human doctors.

It also required you to face a death regularly, and sometimes, you had to cause it even. As painful as it was, taking an animal's life to spare them agony was still easier because you could convince yourself you were helping the animal in a way. However, animals were sometimes killed to protect other animals or humans, like for the purpose of preventing a disease from spreading; veterinarians helped the owner make the decision, if not making it themselves, and often did the job of killing. Some veterinarians also dealt with animals that were raised for food.

Not to mention veterinary colleges, along with many other colleges, killed animals for their classes and researches. The number of animals used for the purpose was decreasing, but they still existed.

The professor had warned her that if she still wanted to be a veterinarian after hearing that, she should be prepared before taking those classes.

"Just because you love animals, doesn't mean you're cut out for a veterinarian, let alone a good one," the professor had said with a serious face before explaining there were students who couldn't handle the fact that they had to take lives in order to become a doctor who could save lives. Some of them even quit college.

Cagalli couldn't blame them; it must be a tough experience and she wasn't thrilled about it. Still, she had not considered giving up becoming a veterinarian. She was determined to do whatever it took to be a good veterinarian. She had talked about it with the professor a bit more, including that the least they could do was honor the lives they took.

At the end of the talk, he had said, "Veterinarian's a tough job, both emotionally and physically. It's still worth it, though. I'd never choose another career."

He was proud of his job that was to help both humans and animals so that animals could properly become a part of the human society, and to contribute to creating and maintaining the harmony between humans and the nature.

He had also told her about many other things veterinarians did other than treating sick or wounded animals: breeding animals, helping livestock farmers take care of their animals, ensuring food safety, investigating and controlling animal diseases, conducting researches, inventing medicines for animals, managing wild animals, helping people interact with animals, and of course educating, not just veterinary students but also the public. Along with his experiences in both Orb and overseas, which filled her with amazement, admiration, excitement, and sometimes sadness or anger. All of the feelings were important to her.

He had broadened her horizons. Talking with him, in person and through e-mails, she had felt as if she was growing taller or her eyes were becoming bigger, allowing her to see so much more, and then, still more. He strengthened her feeling that she was on the verge of jumping out of a safe but sheltered and small place toward a large world full of possibilities and wonders. The feeling was exciting and thrilling. A bit scary, too.

Like the feeling she got seconds before jumping from a plane cruising a few thousand meters above the ground, with a parachute on her back. She knew there were risks and her heart beat fast, but most of her shivers came from anticipation, not fear. And the sight she could see only while she was falling, rushing through the wind, sandwiched between the sky and the land, was like no other. It was like she could go anywhere and everywhere, be anywhere and everywhere. Like the whole world was hers and everything was possible.

She had skydived only a couple of times, and with an instructor, but would never forget the experiences. The breathtaking beauty of the world she had seen. The joy of being a part of it which had filled her. The pull of gravity that had made her realize she belonged to this planet. The sense of homecoming when her feet had met the ground again.

Professor Ashman—no, her dream he had nurtured reminded her of the experiences. And the dream was in Tassil, beckoning to her.

She was aware that her dream was just a possibility and that it might end up disappointing her. Maybe the life in Tassil wouldn't be as amazing as she was hoping. Or maybe she would feel too lonely, especially if Ahmed failed the entrance exam and wasn't there with her. Maybe she would regret choosing Tassil University.

But still, she wanted to try. She wanted to give her dream—herself—a chance to bloom into something great, far greater than she could imagine now. She wanted to see what would await her in that future, in Tassil. She wanted to face the risks instead of running away from them.

That was how she wished to live her life.

Maybe it made her a selfish person. But following your dream, trying to get what you wanted, wasn't wrong, was it? As her grandfather often said, everyone had the right to pursue their happiness. Of course it was different if you hurt someone in the process. She especially didn't want to hurt Athrun.

Yet, abandoning her dream, changing the way she lived her life so that he wouldn't get hurt, so that he would be satisfied, didn't feel right to her. Could she be happy that way? Could they? If they couldn't, what was the point of doing it?

Realizing she had already passed her house while in deep thought, she stopped and turned around. As she began going back the way she had just come, she felt the uncertainty that had been in her for the last two months diminish, her mind settling.

Sitting on her chair in her room, with squinted eyes, Cagalli looked between the calendar on her phone, what day of week tomorrow was to be specific, and her class schedule. She sometimes got confused her class schedule on the first days after break, bringing wrong books and notebooks to school, mostly because she had mistaken which day of week it was.

As she shifted her gaze toward her books in her backpack on her desk, her phone chimed. Her eyes moved back, then widened. She was still for a moment, then took a deep breath and tapped the phone to read the new text.

Can we talk?

She read the three words over and over. It was from Athrun. They had not talked for weeks except for short greeting texts on New Year's Day. It had been nearly two months since their fight, and it was the first time he showed willingness to talk.

Her pulse increasing, she tentatively made a call. He answered right away.

"Cagalli."

The sound of his voice squeezed her heart. She couldn't even fathom how much she wanted to see him and hug him.

"Athrun." At the feel of his name on her tongue, at the fact that she was saying it to none other than him, her eyes started to become moist. "I miss you."

After several heartbeats, he said softly, "You, too."

She sniffled, blinking away her tears. "I'm really sorry. You were right. I should've talked to you earlier about going to Tassil Uni." Her moving to Tassil was a big change after all, and he was affected as well. "I should've thought more about...everything." She swallowed before letting out, "Will you forgive me?" Her voice shook with fear and anticipation.

He was silent for a moment, then said quietly, "I'm the one who should apologize."

She blinked. "You? Why?"

"I...shouldn't have tried to make you give up going to a college you wanted to go to." A pause. "You haven't changed your mind about going to Tassil, have you?"

Anxiety twisted her stomach into a tight knot. "No," she said slowly. "I can't give up going to Tassil Uni. It's not like I don't mind living far away from you. I do. And I truly care about you and our relationship. But..." She worried her lower lip, searching for words, words that convey her sentiments to Athrun as accurately as possible. "I don't want to choose between being with you and my dream. Both are really important to me."

She couldn't change her college choice, couldn't do the seemingly only thing that could prove her love for him in his eyes. He might interpret what she had just said as a definitive proof that she didn't love him much, which she really didn't want. But still, she couldn't give up her dream to gain his understanding, acceptance, or even forgiveness. That wasn't how she wanted to live or how she wanted their relationship to be. No matter how much she loved him, she couldn't live her life for him, after all.

He let out a long breath, as if preparing himself. For what, she didn't know, but would surely find out soon. Unless her loudly beating heart interfered with her hearing.

"Then, I'm applying to Tassil University," he said. "I checked and it has a medical college. I'm going to tell Mr. Fllaga tomorrow. I wanted to tell you first."

She was speechless for a while, unable to comprehend what she had heard.

"You are applying to Tassil Uni?" she parroted, wondering her ability to hear might have actually been compromised by her nervousness.

However, he confirmed. "Yes. I'm coming to Tassil with you."

"But what about FMU?" she asked as her mind finally started working again. "You said it's the best in the country. You've always wanted to go there." Even when they had just met, when they had still been high school freshmen, he had already been aiming for Februarius Medical University in PLANT.

"A doctor is a doctor whether I get my degree in FMU or in Tassil," he said as if this was no big deal.

A strong emotion rose up within her.

"Don't."

It took him a moment to respond. "What?"

"Don't do it, Athrun." Her voice shook as she struggled to keep a hold on her emotions. "I don't want you to come to Tassil."

"Why?" He sounded genuinely confused and she felt like yelling or crying or both. "This is the solution, Cagalli."

"I don't want you to give up your dream for me. Hell, I don't want you to give up your dream for whatever reason."

The idea of his coming with her, of not having to live far away from him, was appealing, yes. But she couldn't accept it, not when the cost was his dream, his happiness.

"I'm not giving up my dream. I can still become a doctor," he argued.

"But you don't want to just become a doctor. You want to go to FMU and become a doctor. You want to study under the best teachers. And you said there are many professors conducting an interesting research at FMU. Especially that professor...Adis?"

She had seen his excitement at talking about the college he was aiming for, his passion about the future he was going for, which were expressed in his collected way but just as genuine.

"Ades," he corrected. "That's true. But it doesn't mean I can't stand going to another college. I'll go to a different college if I'm rejected by FMU anyway."

"But that's not the same. You don't want to," she said, frustrated. She stood up and started to pace around the room. "And even if you'll go to another college, you want it to be second best. Tassil Uni's medical college isn't that good, is it?"

His silence was the answer.

"You are smart enough to get into FMU," she continued, "and even if you can't, you can certainly get into your second choice, or third choice at the very least. A college that can satisfy you. Tassil Uni won't. Will it?"

"...You are being unreasonable," he said with a frustrated sigh.

"I am not."

She was sure she was doing what was best for them, for their relationship. The fact that Athrun had been avoiding answering her question, that he couldn't deny her words and say this was actually what he wanted, was enough proof to her.

How could his doing what he didn't really want to do be the solution? How could it be the way to their happiness?

"You can't prevent me from going to Tassil," he pointed out.

She bit her lower lip hard. It wasn't entirely true. There was something she could do that would probably make him change his mind. Only she didn't want to do it. Yet, she couldn't think of any other way to talk him out of this. And she needed him to stop. He wasn't simply changing his college choice. He was carelessly throwing away his life, his happiness. She couldn't just let him do it.

She gripped her phone tightly so that she wouldn't drop it. "You wouldn't want to come to Tassil if I...without our relationship, would you?" she forced out.

A stunned silence filled the line. His shock was so clear and strong that she could almost touch it. Her heart bled at the fact that she was hurting him. Again. And this time, she was doing it even though she was fully aware of the pain she was causing him. Tears sprang to her eyes.

"Are you...threatening to break up with me?" he asked with utter disbelief.

She couldn't answer. A half of her was desperate to take back her words, to tell him that she was sorry and that she had not meant it. The other half was restraining that part with all its might, with as much desperation. She had to follow through on this. She couldn't waver.

"Cagalli, you can't be serious." He seemed appalled.

"It's not that I want to," she said with effort, two halves of her still fighting against each other. "But...if I'm causing you to give up your dream...maybe it's better we break up."

Saying it was painful, gut-wrenching. Thinking about breaking up with him broke her heart. But still, she felt that becoming the reason of his unhappiness was much worse. She wanted him to be happy, not miserable. Especially not because of her. But it was what was going to happen if he came to Tassil, wasn't it?

And she didn't want to have a miserable life, either. She didn't want to blame him for causing her to give up her dream like Ahmed's mother had blamed her husband. She didn't want to ruin her relationship with Athrun like that. It was too important to her. Athrun was too important to her.

"You are unbelievable," he said coldly.

The next second, the line was cut off.

Her arm fell to her side. Her phone dropped to the floor, but she didn't pick it up. She stumbled toward her bed to collapse on it, and buried her face into her pillow.

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below are replies to reviews.

To BlueberriesGoneBad:

Thank you for another review!

I'm glad you like my Athrun. He will mope some more and I hope you'll enjoy reading it :P

To Fuyu Aki:

Thank you for another review!

I imagine it's difficult to understand exactly how the characters' lives are at this time of year if you're not familiar with the Japanese high school system. And that I often skip time must confuse you more. I've inserted explanations here and there, but they may not have been enough. I'll try to make it clearer in later chapters, and probably add more explanations in the previous chapters when I have time (which is likely to be after I complete the fic, though).

I'm glad you enjoyed Athrun's past. The way I see it, Athrun in the series is clearly his father's son. And that's how I write him in my fics as well. So I needed readers to see what his relationship with his father has been like in this fic, which hopefully helped them understand his character better.

Although I've heard about the five stages of grief, I definitely didn't try to make Athrun's reactions similar to it. Maybe people (or I since I'm the author here, or the creators of the original series since I try to make Athrun in this fic act in accordance with my view on Athrun in the show) deal with any emotions difficult to handle the same way, or similar ways at least, whether it's grief or another emotion.

The theme of this fic may not be common in high school romance fictions, but I see this fic as a story about struggles many people, including high schoolers, face. The characters may be somewhat extraordinary since I borrowed them from GS/GSD, but I try to make the story rather ordinary (though what is ordinary can quite differ depending on your country/culture/generation).

*posted 03/31/19*

*edited 03/30/21*