English is not my first language. Please bear with grammatical errors.

Disclaimer: I don't own GS/GSD.

Season of Farewell

Chapter 13: Friends

Entering his room, Athrun carelessly dropped his backpack to the floor. He then ripped his tie off; it ended up on the backpack. Such a behavior was uncharacteristic of him, but he was in an ill temper right now.

He sat on his bed with a thud and ruffled his hair with frustration.

He had just come back from school, leaving as soon as Closing Homeroom ended for he didn't want to talk to anyone or see a certain blonde. Today had been the first day of school after winter break, and he had not told his homeroom teacher that he was going to change his college choice as he had planned to. He didn't want to test Cagalli, test how serious she was about the threat she had made last night. He was afraid to find it out, suspecting that she had meant every word, that she would follow through on her threat to break up with him.

He clutched his head in his hands, his elbows on his thighs. She didn't want to stay around him. She didn't want him to come with her. What did she want then? Was she so naive that she didn't understand how hard it was to maintain a long-distance relationship? Or she just didn't care much about their relationship after all? ...Did she want to break up even? Was it what she wanted? Was going to a college far away from her home just an excuse to leave him?

It didn't sound like her. She would have just told him if she wanted to end their relationship, instead of taking such a roundabout approach. She had always been a straightforward person, sometimes too much so.

But then, did he really know her? He had not expected her to reject his offer, to be...so cold, so unfeeling. She had not shown even a little bit of gratitude or joy toward his offer, toward his willingness to alter his future for her.

Didn't she understand how big a sacrifice, how agonizing a decision, it was for him? It had taken him a couple of weeks to finally make up his mind about it after getting the idea, even with his strong guilt and desire to set things right. Choosing to go to Tassil University with her—changing his college choice because of a girl—had been that hard for him. Still, he was willing to do it. That was how sorry he was for what he had done. Couldn't she understand that at all?

He had expected disapproval from his father, and from his teachers, and mockery from some people. He had braced himself for those things, telling himself it was the cost he had to pay to atone for his mistakes. But she shouldn't have been one of them. She should have been on his side, not the other side. She should have supported his decision, not objecting to it.

Instead, she had ambushed him with the suggestion to break up when he had least expected it.

Frustration and anger growing in him, he stood up to pace. His gaze jumped around the room in annoyance until it stopped at three large envelopes in the bookshelf next to his desk. Slowly, he walked toward the shelf to take out one of them and open it.

Inside was an application form for Februarius Medical University, neatly filled and ready to turn in. Most of the other necessary documents were in the envelope as well. What was missing was the ones he couldn't have yet. He couldn't send those applications at least another two weeks. As always, however, he had prepared the applications much earlier than he should. And this form was the first one he had completed.

As he put the form and the envelope on his desk and stared at them, his mind returned to a seminar held in the university last summer, one of those for high school students interested in the university. The lecturer, Professor Frederick Ades of the medical college, had begun with introducing different types of medical devices varying from medical robots to makeshift surgical instruments which had actually been used by his friend doctor when she had operated a surgery without proper instruments in an underdeveloped country.

The professor had proceeded to talk about how important it was for doctors to stay open-minded and flexible, always searching for the best way to treat patients under the circumstances; about the bravery, decisiveness, and willingness to make continuous efforts, fight endless battles, required of doctors. They shouldered a heavy responsibility. They were entrusted with people's lives. And therefore, they had to keep evolving, keep challenging themselves to become better, and still better.

So did the medical system. People tended to think the current system they were in, the one they were familiar with, was the best, even perfect, or at least unchangeable. Even when the system wasn't functioning well, they rather tried a different approach inside the system, which might work fine enough but not be the best solution to the problem, than trying to reform the system itself, which could actually be a better solution.

It was human nature to stick with the familiar; familiarity gave the sense of safety. However, systems needed to be constantly improved, just like professionals such as doctors needed to constantly renew their knowledge and adjust to new changes.

Hospitals were putting more and more importance on trying to create a more efficient system, and the professor was researching the emergency care system in Orb from various angles to find the best ways to improve it so that patients would be more likely to survive.

Listening to the lecture, Athrun had felt somewhat wistful for the professor had put an idea in his head that his mother might have been rescued if the emergency care system had been a little better. Or it might not have made any difference; her injuries might have been too severe. He would never know. The only thing he knew for sure was that improving the system would save more people like his mother.

And he had wanted to know more about the professor's work. After the lecture, Ades had spared time to talk more casually with the youths who came to him and Athrun had grabbed the chance. The professor had good-naturedly answered Athrun's questions, telling more about his past and current projects and his future plan, which was just as impressive as the lecture.

Professor Ades was one of the best in the area; Athrun could tell by just talking to him. The man's intelligence, abundance of knowledge, and capability had been obvious. He had been friendly, confident, and sophisticated all at once. Athrun had not been able to help admiring the man. And the professor had shown his approval of Athrun's questions, saying Athrun was quite knowledgeable about medicine for a high school student, and Athrun had felt a surge of pride at being praised by such a respectable person.

All of the other professors in the university were the same, one of the bests in their chosen area, though they might not be like Ades personality-wise. And that was how Athrun wanted to be in the future: one of the best, if not the best, in his expertise who achieved great things.

"You don't want to just become a doctor. You want to go to FMU and become a doctor." Cagalli's voice echoed in Athrun's head.

He bit his lower lip, hard enough for it to bleed. He didn't care about the pain or the blood.

The worst thing about this was that Cagalli was probably right. He probably wouldn't be satisfied with his life in Tassil. When he had checked the information regarding the college of medicine in Tassil University, he had not felt the thrill he felt when going through the information on Februarius Medical University and its professors. The thrill coming from the prospect of becoming a part of something great, of walking into the intellectual world so deep that no one knew its true depth, of facing daunting challenges to overcome them. Tassil University seemed bland, nothing standing out or piquing his interest.

He lifted his fist, and banged his desk with full force. The desk shook and a couple of books on it fell to the floor. But he didn't even look at them. He couldn't care less.

And yet, he still couldn't go farther than that, like crumpling the application form or ripping it into shreds in an outburst of rage. He realized he had even unconsciously avoided both the paper and the envelope when he had hit the desk. They simply laid there, unharmed.

The realization just increased his pain. His chest hurt with every breath, as if his body—his heart—was shredded into pieces. The inside of his nose prickled, and he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't cry. He wouldn't cry. Not when Cagalli showed so little care for him. Not when she was leaving him behind. Not when she let go of their relationship so easily.

As their eyes met, both of them stopped with surprise.

It was lunch break, and Athrun had just finished a meeting with other class presidents and vice presidents and was returning to his homeroom. The meeting was held monthly and had been short today since there was nothing new to discuss and senior presidents didn't want to waste time which was quite precious for them now.

Athrun had just turned a corner to the stairway, and run into Kira who had been ascending the stairs, probably toward the senior floor.

Before Athrun decided how to react, Kira, standing in the middle of the stairs, raised a hand which was holding a can. In fact, both of his hands were holding a can.

"Good timing. I was just heading for your homeroom to talk with you."

"You were?" Athrun replied cautiously.

"Yeah. I thought it was about time the meeting was over. It's over, right?"

Athrun nodded, still unsure what to make of Kira's desire to talk to him.

"Zala-kun."

Athrun turned his face to his companion he had been paying little attention to: the vice president of his class who had attended the meeting along with him.

The girl casually pointed a finger in the direction of the stairs that led to the senior floor. "I'm going ahead, okay?"

Athrun gave her a nod. "Sure." He had no reason to want her to stay, and she probably wanted to return to their homeroom as soon as possible so that she could make good use of the rest of lunch break.

During the conversation, Kira had climbed up to the floor on which Athrun and the girl had been standing. As the girl passed by him, the brunet gave her an appreciative smile. "Thank you."

She good-naturedly waved a hand. "Don't mention it."

Athrun blinked in confusion a few times, then belatedly realized that the vice president was leaving, at least partly, so that he and Kira could talk in private. He should probably thank her later, though he didn't know he would like the talk Kira wanted to have. But whatever it was about or what kind of outcome it produced, he was certain he didn't want any audience.

As he shifted his eyes from the girl back to Athrun, Kira appeared to realize something.

"Hey, this is for you." He threw him one of the cans in his hands.

Athrun caught it to stare at the can of black coffee for a moment. A feeling of hope started to spread inside his chest.

"What's this for?" he asked to make sure it was what he thought it was.

"A peace-offering," Kira confirmed.

Athrun's face—actually, his whole body—relaxed. "Thanks."

Kira smiled. "No problem."

Without saying anything more, they climbed up the stairs to the landing between the second floor where they had been and the third floor where their homerooms were, and leaned against the wall, next to each other, their shoulders nearly touching. There weren't many people around though voices and sounds were heard from both inside the building and the schoolyard.

They opened the cans. Kira took a sip of his coffee, which had milk and sugar in it, and thoughtfully said, "You know, you're kind of an extremist."

Swallowing his coffee, Athrun raised his eyebrows, a little offended. "I am an extremist? You are the one who break rules or do eccentric things."

Kira thought a little. "You're usually a by-the-book guy who follows common sense, sure. But once in a while, you do something drastic." He sent Athrun the look he had maintained most of the time when they talked last, the look as if he wanted to knock some sense into Athrun's head. Except it was softer this time. "Like trying to make Cagalli give up her dream, and then, making a 180-degree turn and trying to give up yours now?" Kira's finger danced in the air, probably indicating a move from one end of a line to the other end.

Athrun wasn't surprised Kira knew about his and Cagalli's conversation two days ago. "I'm not giving up my dream," he insisted, though he didn't look at Kira. "I'm still becoming a doctor even if I go to Tassil University."

"Yeah, but still." A pause. "You haven't possibly told Mr. Mwu you'll change your college choice, right?"

Athrun kept silent, but Kira let out an obvious sigh of relief.

Kira took another sip before continuing the conversation. "I don't think you should make Cagalli give up her dream, but it doesn't mean you should give up yours. Or I want you to. I wouldn't want that for either of you. I just want you to be happy. Both of you," he softly said.

Athrun just stared at the can in his hand, not knowing what to reply. Silence fell over them, but it wasn't tense or uncomfortable.

After a while, Kira opened his mouth again. "You aren't the only one who has the desire for his girlfriend to give up her dream, by the way."

Athrun looked at the brunet in surprise. "You mean you want...your girlfriend to quit her job?" He glanced around to make sure no one was listening in on them, even though he didn't mention the name of Kira's girlfriend. It was a secret that Kira was dating the idol.

There were three students, two girls and one guy, within hearing distance, climbing up the stairs toward him and Kira. But the trio seemed to be paying no attention to them, busy talking to each other.

"Yeah, sometimes." Kira sipped his coffee. "We could spend more time together then."

"Have you told her about it?" Athrun asked a little hesitantly but expectantly. If Kira and Lacus had dealt with a similar problem to the one he and Cagalli had been struggling with, he very much wanted to know how they had solved it.

"No...I'm kinda afraid she may actually quit," Kira quietly said. Athrun made a confused face. Kira shook his head. "Never mind. It's not the time for us to talk about it."

Athrun was still puzzled, but nodded. He wasn't the prying type and it wasn't what he wanted to talk about anyway. "How do you cope with your...desire then? Hasn't it become too hard for you to suppress it?"

He didn't think he was less patient than Kira. In fact, he believed he was the patient one between the two of them. And yet, Kira somehow had never seemed to be suffering like Athrun had while trying to support Cagalli. Had Athrun underestimated Kira's patience, or Kira's ability to hide his struggle? ...Or was it because he was more selfish than Kira? Was his desire—his selfish desire—bigger than Kira's? His gaze dropped as his chest becoming heavy with guilt and shame.

After a moment of contemplative silence, Kira said, "Wanting your girlfriend to give up her dream for you is selfish. There's no doubt about it. But is it so wrong?"

Lifting his eyes to look at the brunet, Athrun frowned. "Didn't you blame me for wanting Cagalli to give up going to Tassil?"

"It was more like I was mad because you didn't seem to think about how much it hurt for her to give up her dream. Especially when you had no intention of giving up yours," Kira explained. "I don't really care about which college I'll go to. Sure, it'd be great if I could get into OTC, and into Professor Kato's lab." Kira's first choice of college was Orb Technical College where he was hoping to study under Professor Arush Kato who had won many awards for his artificial intelligence system. "But as long as I can do what I like to do, it's fine with me. I'm sure I can enjoy my college life wherever I go. But you and Cagalli aren't like me. You are more, well, serious. You have more specific dreams, and you're both too stubborn to give it up without a fight."

Kira paused with a thoughtful face before asking, "Wait, what were we talking about?"

Athrun heaved a little sigh. "I asked you how you deal with your selfish desire."

"Right. Well, wanting someone to do something and trying to make them do it are two different things, yeah? I don't think we should feel so bad about just wanting something. Blaming ourselves for having the desire only makes dealing with it harder."

Athrun knitted his brows. "But what is wrong is still wrong even if it's just...a thought." The memory from after his birthday party, which had been kept in the back of his mind for some time while he was preoccupied with other things, flickered to the front before he quickly and forcefully suppressed it.

Kira made a face. "It's your strength you always try to do the right thing and I admire that. But it's also your weakness, I think. Sometimes you're too...righteous? Ah, scrupulous. Making everything either right or wrong. And a bit unforgiving."

Deepening his frown, Athrun opened his mouth to argue, but Kira was faster. "That's why you offered to go to Tassil, I suppose? At least partly."

Athrun was taken aback. "What do you mean?"

"You're punishing yourself for your selfish desire, aren't you?"

"I'm not..." Athrun started, but trailed off as he began feeling unsure. He rubbed his face with his available hand in frustration. "I just thought it was the way to solve this," he muttered defensively.

"It's an extreme way, as I already told you," Kira retorted, then added, "Cagalli doesn't want you to punish yourself. You know that, right?"

Athrun pressed his lips together. He wanted to say that he no longer knew what she wanted. It was true, but not entirely. He knew enough to suspect Kira was right. Still, he didn't want to admit it out loud. The pain from her suggestion that they should end their relationship was still too raw. And he didn't want to think about what she wanted or didn't want, which led his mind to wonder again whether she wanted to break up with him.

A minute passed in silence, and he quietly asked, "You said, both Cagalli and I can't give up our dreams. Then...do you think we don't have a future together?" Was that the answer after all? Was it actually best if he and Cagalli broke up as she had said? It just couldn't be helped?

He wasn't sure what he wanted to hear. A part of him wanted some encouragement, some reassurance that there was still a hope for him and Cagalli; another part wanted Kira to confirm his suspicion if it was the truth, the reality, without letting him hold onto a false hope.

"Why should it be either one of them?"

Athrun gave Kira a frown. "Pardon?"

"Why can't you guys have both your dreams and a future together?" Kira's voice was both casual and sincere. "No one's making you choose, Athrun."

Athrun stared at the amethyst eyes. Kira's words sounded like an encouragement, but not exactly what Athrun had expected. They somehow made him uncomfortable.

After a long moment, the chime to indicate the nearing end of lunch break started, saving him from having to reply.

"We should go back to our homerooms," he told Kira, pushing himself off the wall.

"Yeah." The brunet followed suit without pressing Athrun for a reply, and they started walking up the stairs toward the senior floor.

"So, how's your study going?" Kira asked conversationally. "Are you confident you can get into FMU?"

Athrun just sent the brunet a sidelong look, his eyes narrowed at the fact that Kira had naturally treated Februarius Medical University as Athrun's first choice as if it was a done deal, not something that might be changed. The brunet was likely to be attempting to imprint into Athrun's subconscious that he should go for the university as first planned, or something of the sort.

Kira stuck out his tongue for a second, knowing his trick had been spotted. Or maybe the brunet had never been trying to hide it. He really couldn't have been more obvious. He might have meant it mostly as another reminder to Athrun that it was what Kira believed Athrun should do.

Athrun wasn't willing to find out which was true.

They soon reached Athrun's homeroom and Kira waved a hand. "Later."

Athrun raised a hand in response. "Yeah."

Kira started to resume walking, toward his homeroom further down the corridor, but stopped to look over his shoulder at Athrun. "Do you remember what Lacus said?"

"Sure." Athrun gave a vague nod. The pinkette's accusation wasn't something he enjoyed remembering.

Kira gave back a satisfied nod. "I think she's right. Don't stop thinking." With that, his face turned in the direction of his homeroom.

Athrun's confused eyes followed Kira's retreating back. Had Lacus said something like that? He didn't quite remember. Maybe Kira had not referred to Athrun and Lacus's last meeting, but some other time. Or maybe the brunet was mixing up what he himself had talked with her and what she had said to Athrun. Both sounded likely.

Athrun shook his head, shaking off the confusion, and entered his homeroom to prepare for the next class.

"Now we've got two graphs on the chart," Mwu said, knocking the blackboard with his finger, "and the tricky part is—"

The bell which announced the end of class and the beginning of lunch break interrupted the teacher. He paused, but resumed his explanation on a math problem as soon as the bell ended. There was no booing from the students in the room. There were only a few days left before National Exam for University Admissions which played a major role in college acceptance process; the scores of the exam took up about a half of the entire score which determined whether you passed or failed, the rest being those of the entrance exam each college conducted. At such a time, all students were pretty serious about learning more.

It took Mwu about five minutes to finish the explanation. "Any questions?" A couple of hands shot up. The teacher answered those questions, then asked again for another question. This time, no hand was raised. Looking around the room once more, Mwu clapped his hands.

"Okay, that's it then."

One of the students on day duty called out, "All rise!" then "Bow!"

"Thank you, sir!" The voice of the students roared in the classroom.

As the students straightened themselves and began preparing for their lunch, chatter and the sound of moving chairs and desks filled the room. Cagalli weaved her way through the room toward an entrance to the corridor.

"Mr. Mwu!"

The teacher stopped to turn to her. "You've got a question, Hibiki?"

"No." She shook her head, but quickly backtracked. "I mean, yeah, I have a question, but it's not about math. It's...about Athrun."

He raised a curious eyebrow. "What about Zala?"

"Has he said anything to you about changing his college choice?"

Her question seemed to pique his curiosity even more. "Not that I can recall."

She released a sigh of relief. Kira, who had reconciled with Athrun several days ago, had told her he didn't think Athrun would actually apply to Tassil University. She had still been worried, though. But if his homeroom teacher didn't know anything even though it was already nearly a week since school had begun, it seemed unlikely that Athrun was going to change his college choice. Letting your homeroom teacher know about your choice was the proper thing to do and Athrun was big on properness.

Mwu's face turned sober as he studied her. "Is there anything I should know?"

After a moment of hesitation, she slowly shook her head. "I don't think so. Probably I was overreacting."

She knew the man was concerned about Athrun, partly because he simply cared about his students and partly because Athrun was one of the best students in this school. But she was reluctant to talk to him about the matter if Athrun hadn't.

The blond teacher regarded her with a weighing look some more before nodding. "Maybe you're getting nervous about National Exam. Don't let your nerves get the better of you." With a grin, he lightly flicked her forehead.

She made a pout, rubbing her forehead, but then, gave him a smile. "I know. Well, thanks anyway."

Parting with the teacher, she returned to her desk to grab her wallet, then headed for the cafeteria. On her way, her mind was still on Athrun. If he had given up coming to Tassil with her, one problem had been solved. But their situation had not exactly changed, much less improved. There was still the matter of her college choice.

Reaching the connecting corridor to the cafeteria, she shook her head and braced herself for the cold air. But before she opened the door to the outside, a familiar voice called out her name.

She turned to find her green-haired friend coming down from the direction of the school store. "Hey, Nicol." Her eyes fell on some kind of food and a bottle in his hand. "I didn't know you buy your lunch at the school store."

"I usually don't," he replied. "But I didn't have time to stop by at a convenience store this morning." He showed her his burrito—one with rice and vegetables—and green tea.

"The burrito looks good," she commented. Come to think of it, she had not had a burrito for a while.

"They have a new one in the store." Nicol motioned toward the corridor behind him. "With sausage and extra pepper."

"They do?" She perked up a bit. "I should probably check it out while I can."

She glanced in the store's direction, but Nicol added, "It's probably all gone for today. I think it's better if you wait until tomorrow."

"I suppose you're right." She nodded, then paused before quietly asking, "How is he?"

Since their talk on the phone a week ago, she had not even seen him at a close distance, let alone exchanging words with him. She had been trying rather hard to avoid him and he seemed to have been doing the same.

Nicol thought a little and answered, "He's been in a low mood, and seems somewhat frustrated. Other than that, he looks fine."

She silently nodded. Giving her a reassuring smile, he started walking toward the stairway. "I should go. I don't wanna make him wait for long."

"Nicol," she called out. He stopped and turned his face to her. "Thank you...for being a good friend," she said sincerely.

She had felt a little relieved when Nicol had informed them that he was going to join Athrun for lunch several days after Athrun had stopped coming to the cafeteria. At least, Athrun wasn't alone; he was with a caring friend, someone she trusted.

Nicol smiled warmly. "It's my pleasure."

She returned the smile. They waved their hands and she turned around to the door. Pushing it open, she started running down the corridor to the cafeteria where her brother and her other friends must be waiting for her.

Thank you for reading. See you next week!

···

Below is the reply to review.

To Fuyu Aki:

Thank you for another review!

Cagalli's suggestion to break up should've been a surprise. I planned it to be :) And I hope it was a good kind of surprise.

By the way, they haven't actually broken up. (I hope this chapter made it clear.) Cagalli just said they maybe should if Athrun is giving up going to the college he wants to. And Athrun hasn't changed his college choice. So, they both think they are still in a relationship. It's just that their situation worsened.

Don't worry. Both the ring and the Haumea's amulet will have their moments. But you have to be patient until the right times come!

*posted 04/07/19*

*edited 04/01/21*