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~ Chapter 2 ~
The weekend seemed to pass in the blink of an eye.
Hermione stood in front of her mirror, staring mindlessly at her reflection. School…I have to go into a classroom today...he'll be there...I can't do this!
Hermione started to pace around her bedroom with Crookshanks sticking close to her ankles. Professor Snape had spoken to her briefly about what she was to do now: go and see him after the day is over, check in with him before she goes to bed, always ask for him to escort her if she feels unsafe—oh, and she has until the end of today to tell him who did it.
I'm more worried about that than anything...what's wrong with me?!
She couldn't fault Professor Snape, he'd responded perfectly and didn't look at her in that pitiful way. Phials of Dreamless Sleep lay inside her bedside table, and it was one of the reasons why she had to see Snape so much. He needs to monitor how much I'm taking.
Nightmares were yet to plague her, but she knew they would follow the moment she stopped taking the potion.
When she awoke in his quarters, he offered her breakfast and a warm cup of tea. Not once did he mention it. He hardly looked at her—she was grateful for that. They lounged about for the morning until a house-elf brought her some of her clothes from her bedroom, and she finally took a relaxing bath.
Once she appeared clean, Professor Snape told her his long list of demands. She could tell he was doing his best to not be his normal character, and once again, she found herself feeling grateful.
Here I am.
Hermione's hands started to shake as she pushed some of her hair away from her face. An overwhelming urge to be sick consumed her, so she took a sip of water from the glass on her bedside table.
"I can do this...deep breath."
There wasn't a book she could read about what was the right or wrong way to act after such an attack; it angered her very much, but she knew that her mind was in a murky place right now. I need to keep my head up high...don't let it show.
She stared at herself in the mirror some more then nodded her head and left.
The Head Boy was a Ravenclaw called Richard, she didn't see him often, but he was a calming presence to have around now-and-then. Thankfully, he wasn't in the common room that they shared, so she left her room behind and headed down to the Great Hall.
She made her way to an empty spot and stared blankly at the food in front of her. Ginny sat a few places down and seemed oblivious to her arrival. Hermione sighed and fiddled with the silver fork nearby.
The food didn't call to her. When she looked at everyone eating around her, the sick feeling stirred in her stomach again. I'm OK...everything is all right. She didn't dare let her eyes wander in the direction of the Slytherin table.
Slytherin...Malfoy—I'm going to be sick!
Hermione scrambled from her seat, knocking into the person next to her. She mumbled an apology then fled the Great Hall. She made it outside quick enough to throw up on the ground. Her body shuddered beneath an invisible weight—will it always be like this?
"Here," A bronze goblet appeared in front of her.
She stood up straight and leaned against the wall for support. Professor Snape lingered next to her with his arm outstretched, and she took the drink from him.
"Thank you, sir," The cup wavered in her trembling hands, but she managed to swallow the water without it falling on her chin.
"Lessons will be starting in a matter of minutes, would you like me to walk you?" Hermione nodded her head and did her best to show him a grateful smile.
Professor Snape delivered her to the first lesson of the day just as the others arrived. He slipped away without a 'goodbye', and she watched him go for a few moments, then stepped into the room that contained it.
Hermione sat at the front of the class while he sat at the back. She kept her head down and focused on their new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. I shouldn't be here...I know enough about it to pass now.
The minutes ticked by, and she found her attention drawn to the thudding of her fingertips on her desk. Her fingernails were jagged from her nervous nibbles this morning, and her hands continued to shake.
Perhaps I should go for a walk later on...I could ask Professor Snape if he doesn't mind—
"Mr Malfoy," Professor Sniderfield called out for him to answer the question.
Every hair on Hermione's body stood on end. She clenched her legs together, intertwined her fingers and gritted her teeth. Stop...don't think about it...just stop!
Deep breath.
Tears landed on her notebook, and her body soon relaxed as Professor Sniderfield moved on. She discreetly wiped the tears from her face and kept her head down for the rest of the lesson.
When Professor Sniderfield dismissed everyone, Hermione held her books close to her chest and raced towards the doors. She wanted to be the first to her next lesson just in case.
She made the mistake of looking up when a flash of blond moved past her with his friends. He turned to regard her with sparkling eyes and a sly smirk. He hammered the final nail in the coffin by winking at her as he left.
Her hold loosened on her books, and they crashed to the floor. People moved around her until the next group of students came in for their next lesson. She hurried to gather her things then fled the classroom.
Potions. I have Potions next…
Hermione ran down the empty corridor, already knowing that she was going to be late to Professor Snape's lesson. However, something caught her attention.
The purple piece of tapestry...that's where he—
Her feet came to an abrupt halt, leaving her to stare blankly at the covered passageway. She swallowed the lump in the back of her throat and watched as it fluttered in the castle's breeze.
She slowly dropped to her knees and kept her eyes on the piece of fabric. Nothing could stop her body's erratic tremors or the waterfall of tears that fell from her eyes. Her silent sobs didn't alert anyone nearby, so she wasn't sure how long she stayed there, staring.
The sound of someone approaching didn't pull her away from the trance she was in. In a way, she already knew who it was by his light yet demanding footsteps.
"Miss Granger."
She finally snapped out of her daze. "Hello."
He crouched down next to her. "You're late to my lesson."
"I am...sorry."
He glanced at the item she had been looking at then returned his eyes to her. "Is there a reason for you being on the floor?"
"He...well…" She bit her bottom lip and pointed at the tapestry. "That's where he…"
Snape didn't give much of a reaction, but he stood up and straightened out his robes. "Get up."
"O-OK," She pushed herself to her feet, and her knees twitched beneath her weight. "I don't feel too good, sir."
"I'll escort you back to your room. You'll rest until you have to come and see me later on," He explained, and she nodded.
Hermione turned to look at the tapestry again then Snape placed a gentle hand on her elbow. "It will be gone by tomorrow, Miss Granger. I'll make sure of it."
She tried her best to smile at his subtle kindness. They walked away from the painful memory, and Snape collected her books for her. It didn't take long for them to return to her room, and she took the books from him.
"Thank you, sir," She squeezed them tight against her chest. "Shouldn't y-you be teaching?"
"I left Mr Malfoy in charge so all should be well. Get some rest," He left quickly, unaware of her flinch at the mention of his name.
...
Hermione's quiet hiccups didn't disturb the gathering downstairs in the common room, and her occasional sobs didn't catch their attention either. Richard and his friends are having fun, oblivious to my troubled state.
Crookshanks purred in her lap, and she bundled him against her chest. Right now she's meant to be meeting Professor Snape for a chat; it was obvious that he wanted to know who had done it, she just couldn't face walking past all those people downstairs.
A wave of anxiety had crashed over her which is why she's sat on the floor crying. Her chest felt tight, and she couldn't stop her body shaking—I guess this is an anxiety attack.
She wanted to scream and punch something, everything inside of her felt like it was being pulled and twisted in different directions.
He's going to be angry with me…I'm scared.
"What do I d-do?" She whimpered into his fur.
Vivid images of that night started to appear at the forefront of her mind. No, stop it!
"Get out of my head…please…"
The bedroom floor was cold beneath her, but she didn't wish to move from her awkward position against the side of her bed. Crookshanks nuzzled his nose against her cheek, and she sighed in response.
Someone started knocking on the door. Hermione jumped in surprise and stared at the lock. Go away… The knocking sounded again, and she put her back to the wood.
It never came again and she relaxed with another sigh. What if it's Professor Snape? She swallowed hard then got to her weak knees. Crookshanks wiggled in her arms, so she let him down and opened the door.
A wand levelled with the lock.
He didn't seem startled, but she saw an emotion close to panic pass over his face. "Professor?"
"You've been crying," He stated, and she reached up to touch her tear-stained cheek.
"I...I'm sorry for not turning up."
"Next time answer on the first knock," He said, then turned to walk off. "Come along."
"W-Wait!" She went to reach for him, but she flinched back and grabbed her hand with the other. "I don't want to walk past them."
"I told the Head Boy's friends to run along, and I believe he went with them."
"Oh," She stared at the floor. "Can I bring Crookshanks?"
The ginger cat strutted out at the mention of his name, and she picked him up. Professor Snape gave him an odd look then nodded. "Let's go."
They made their way down to the dungeons. Thankfully, Hermione didn't pass anyone; it seemed Professor Snape knew the best ways to go about the castle. A chair appeared in front of his desk as they walked into the potions classroom, and she sat down with a nervous look on her face.
Professor Snape retrieved a worn notebook from a nearby shelf, and took the seat opposite her. He grabbed his quill, put on his glasses, then finally looked her way.
"Did you take the Dreamless Sleep potion last night?"
"Yes."
"And how are you feeling today?"
"Dirty."
He stopped writing and stared at her over his glasses. She hadn't expected herself to answer so honestly; it was true that she felt tainted, but it wasn't something she wished to admit to her Professor.
"I feel...like I need boiling hot water poured over me," She explained, and Crookshanks licked the back of her hand. "I'm not sure what to do anymore, my mind is a mess."
He cleared his throat. "That's understandable after what happened. However, a basic cleansing spell will be less damaging to your body than boiling hot water."
Hermione tried her best to smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. This must be difficult for him. They had never talked about her saving his life, and being in lessons with him were difficult for them both. He'd stopped calling on her in lessons, and ignored her questions on purpose; it didn't offend her, she only felt guilty for making him uncomfortable.
Am I doing that now?
"Tell me what you're thinking," She became aware of his curious eyes, and she averted her gaze to Crookshanks. Hermione was waiting for him to ask the one question she knew he wanted to ask.
"You don't have to do this, I'm fine on my own."
"Define fine for me, because I'm certainly not seeing that when I look at you," His tone wasn't harsh—it had an odd softness to it—yet it didn't stop her worries.
"I'm doing better, I'll get over it-"
"Miss Granger, you saying such a thing a few days after an attack like that, proves to me that you're far from fine. I wouldn't be here as your counsel if I didn't wish to be; I would've passed you onto someone else, disobeying your specific request to not have anyone else know."
Hermione stared at him in a mild state of awe and shock. She was so used to having him snap or growl at her, that she could hardly process the firm yet delicate way he spoke to her.
"I'm sorry."
"Stop apologising for everything, you've done nothing wrong."
"OK."
"I've told the Headmistress that you will be studying Master level potions with me in the evenings. She hasn't questioned it, so if anyone asks where you repeatedly disappear to, tell them that," She nodded her head just as Crookshanks jumped from her lap and onto his desk.
Professor Snape stopped writing and stared at him. She could sense his unease, so she went to grab him, but he pulled out a cat toy from the drawer of his desk.
"Why do you have that?" Hermione asked just as a black cat sauntered out of the half-open door of his private quarters. "Oh, hello," She got to her feet and walked over to the slender feline.
"Her name is Penny. I found her in the Forbidden Forest last month," He said, and Hermione held out her hand for Penny to curiously lick.
"Is she friendly?" Hermione looked at him with a smile.
"She hasn't scratched you yet, so I'm assuming she likes you."
Hermione bundled her against her chest, and received a deep purr in response. She returned to the seat and glanced at Crookshanks to see he was distracted by the toy Professor Snape had given him.
"Now, I have certain questions for you," Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off. "Some of which you don't have to answer at this immediate time. The only thing I wish to know now is if there's anything I can do, outside of counsel, that will help you?"
Hermione relaxed into the chair at his words. What can he do to help me? Erase time? Kill him.
"I like going for walks...I'm not sure I feel right about going on my own anymore," she explained. "C-Could you maybe join me?"
"Very well, I prefer mornings to nights, but whatever suits your needs."
"OK, thank you very much, sir."
"That's all for now. I'll escort you back to your room."