Chapter 3: The Aftermath

Notes:

I'm sorry for taking so long to update. Chapter 3 is split into two chapters

A special thank you to natsora for being so kind as to beta read this chapter. Thank you so much for all your help and amazing advice! If you hadn't read natsora's stories go do yourself a favour and go check it out. They're really good!

Also, there might be some medical inaccuracies.

I also fixed some mistakes and the formatting of the flashback in the first chapter is different. And Ryder wasn't hit by an orange globe, but an orange energy beam, this was changed as well.

Ryder was in a bad shape when she arrived on the Tempest, and that was putting it lightly.

Drack brought the gurney to them, while Lexi was busy with Ryder, doing what she could on the spot. From the looks of it she needed to work steady and fast. Cora had to be careful moving Ryder to the gurney. One wrong move shifting Ryder from where she collasped onto the gurney would only make things worse. Her blood was everywhere.

Cora didn't think, she just did what Lexi told her to. Her body got the message moving when she should, but her mind stood still. She was no doctor, but anyone could see this situation was not good. This wasn't just any minor injury Ryder got after fighting another kett. This was serious.

To be honest everyone on the Tempest thought she would not make it, but no one dared to breathe a word of it. After she was laid on one of the beds Lexi shooed Cora away, but just as she made herself ready to leave, she saw a pair of green eyes opening. They were searching, not fully understanding where she was or what was going on.

Cora froze, staring back at the pair of green eyes. She couldn't move a muscle. Back when Alec died she didn't look scared. Cora didn't know what was different. Back then her heart stopped, it didn't now. Was Ryder too out of it back then?

Lexi approached Cora, "You need to get out of here." She placed a firm hand on Cora's shoulder.

Cora hesitated, looking back at Ryder. She wanted to say a few words of encouragement, but no words would be enough. Words wouldn't solve anything, but actions would. She wanted to give Ryder a squeeze, but she couldn't do that either. So she dragged her feet to the door.

Lexi emerged from the med bay hours later exhausted. The others were all crowded around outside looking at her for news, any kind of news. "She is going to make it, but..."

And that was enough to tell the others everything. No wound was simple. And the ones Ryder had suffered were complicated at best. She would definitely be suffering complications post-surgery. But Lexi had done what she could.

But days later, Ryder was still unconscious.

"Oh Ryder, why couldn't you just choose?" Cora asked one night when she was alone in the bio-lab.

When Ryder was in surgery Cora tried to distract herself. She paced for who knew how long until someone brought her some coffee. The coffee helped. It gave her something to do. Something to focus on. That was until she was done drinking it.

She tried to work on some reports but her head wasn't in it. She kept going back to the moment where she said they should leave Ryder. And now it may have been all for nothing. What if Ryder died anyway?

If they left Ryder at least Cora would have someone to blame. Herself. It would have been easier for her.

But the moment Lexi was done with the surgery it felt like it was the first time she could take a breath since Ryder returned to the Tempest. Whatever her condition was, knowing was better than not knowing.

Cora had to take over. She had a nice long chat with Tann. He wasn't happy and that was an understatement. As much as Cora didn't agree with Ryder's decision, the Pathfinder's heart was in the right place. She had done what she thought was necessary at the time. At least that's what Cora told herself. Whether she believed it or not is another case altogether. Tann said she was irresponsible, and losing a Pathfinder, any Pathfinder, wouldn't bode well for the Initiative. Cora listened, nodding when she was expected to. She wrote the after action report, after talking to both Peebee and Drack. She also spoke to Raeka before the salarian left. Lexi had her own report to submit to Tann.

For the next few days, Cora slept less than 4 hours, but it suited her. She had lots of Pathfinder related business to attend to, and it kept her busy. More importantly, it kept her mind busy. She checked on Ryder every day. Lexi was always busy on a datapad, probably looking at some scans.

Did she scan Ryder every day? What did Lexi look for in those scans?

"You know nothing has changed," Lexi said, without taking her eyes from the datapad, reading Cora's mind.

That's how everyday went. Cora came hoping that today would be different but it never was.

She looked down, seeing Ryder's sleeping form. Her skin was paler than usual, the colours not fully returning to her features. Though Ryder didn't even twitch, somehow Cora could feel the pain radiating from the Pathfinder's sleeping form.

She took hold of Ryder's right hand, the one without the IV line, feeling how soft and slightly cold it was and squeezed. She squeezed it so gently it was, more like a hug. "I know," she said not taking her eyes off Ryder. Then, she stepped away and acknowledged Lexi with a nod before making her way out.

Just as the door opened she found Peebee, sitting across from the door. If she didn't already have 5 cups of coffee already she would have jumped. Peebee's back was against the wall, her hands on her knees. She looked exhausted, either she couldn't sleep or she chose not to.

It was days since anyone had a good night's rest. Everyone was too worried, but no one would admit it.

"Cora!" she exclaimed, jumping up from where she sat. "How is she?" she asked. Peebee tried to hide the concern from her voice, but failed.

"Still the same." Cora looked at her, studying the asari ,taking note of the dark blue eye bags, the lackluster skin tone. "You should go get some sleep, Lexi will keep us updated."

"If that's true, why are you here?" Peebee countered.

Cora had to admit that was an excellent question. Why did she come every day to check on Ryder? She could use the time to do something else. So why waste it?

Peebee was voicing Cora's worries, worries that she didn't even want to admit to herself. She was the second in command, she had her reasons for checking on Ryder. No I am not worried. Ryder will be fine. So Cora just looked at Peebee, schooling her face into one of indifference and hope that Peebee would call her out on it.

Peebee placed her hands on her hips, "And I'm not worried either." Her voice betrayed her again, "Gill asked…he's worried, not me," she added quickly.

Cora narrowed her eyes that was an obvious lie. She knew Gill was fast asleep or at least trying to. With all the trouble the Tempest was in because of the gun, he haven't had much sleep. But she decided not to call Peebee out on her lie, "Alright then. Tell that to Gill."

She made her way back to the bio-lab. The air in the Tempest was thick. Nobody talked at dinner, even small talk was out of the question. Peebee was acting strangely, more than usual. But that made Cora think. Maybe she was wrong about Peebee. Cora always thought she was only here for the remnant. After all it was why she joined the Tempest back on Eos.

Something was eating away at Cora. Maybe it was guilt? No, it couldn't possibly be guilt. If it wasn't for Peebee, Ryder would be dead. Or worse. If they left Ryder they might've fought her as a kett one day. Would they even recognize her?

Cora stopped in front of the bio-lab door, and, she shook her head. No, she shouldn't think like that. What could've been, didn't matter. Fact was, Peebee saved Ryder's life. And this meant one thing. Peebee didn't care only about herself, but she was trying very hard to hide it.

Cora tapped on her omni-tool and the door opened. First she checked on her plants. Rubbing the green leaf of one of them between her thumb and index finger.

When was the last time I gave them water? Was it yesterday or the day before?

She pressed her hand deeper, feeling the soil of the plant. She felt a wave of relief as she touched the clammy soil. That meant they were still doing okay. She wasn't going to be happy with herself if her plants died.

Then she walked up to her desk where a stack of datapads laid.

"SAM, will you let me know when Ryder wakes up?" she asked as she fell onto her chair exhausted. She pushed her chair closer to her desk. Her feet was sore as if she was on them all day.

"Dr. T'Perro had already said she will let you know as soon as the Pathfinder is awake."

She buried her face in her hands, her elbows pressed into her desk, feeling the coldness on her skin. "I know, I know," she muttered.

She rubbed her eyes, trying to push the tiredness from them. That didn't help at all. She felt like she could sleep for days, but she knew she wouldn't be able to. She had a responsibility, to herself, the crew, and to Ryder. "Just do it okay?"

"Yes, Lieutenant Harper."

She straightened her spine and yawned. Her eyelids were like lead.

The next thing she heard was the gentle thump of a mug on her desk. "I'm not sleeping!" she exclaimed. She could feel the heat of the steam coming from the mug. The room was filled with the smell of coffee.

"I can see that. But you should really consider it Cora," Lexi said as she studied Cora's face, Cora could hear the hint of concern in Lexi's voice. She didn't know why Lexi was worried, she wasn't the one lying unconscious in the med bay.

"I have too much work," she said as she rubbed her sandy eyes. "Wait, is Ryder okay?" she asked almost jumping from her chair, ready for anything, her heart beating faster than it did a moment ago.

Lexi placed a hand on her shoulder. "Still no change. That's not why I'm here."

Cora's neck hurt, probably from falling asleep on her desk the entire night. She stretched her neck side to side. It cracked as she did so "So what's up? More bad news?" she asked. They sure could use some good news right about now.

"No, it's actually about Scott."

"Wait," she said as realization hit her, "He's awake? That's amazing." She didn't need to look upon Lexi's face to know he was awake. "That's just what Ryder needs right now."

She had talked a bit to him back in the Milky Way. They had some interesting conversations. Back then she connected faster with him than his sister.

Giving this news to Ryder when she woke up, would be good for her. It could give her hope. She knew Ryder wouldn't like the idea to be confined to a bed for any period of time.

"Yes, I'm going to call him later today. To tell him about Ryder."

"Won't that affect his condition?" Cora asked.

"No, Harry says he'll be okay."

"That's good." She pressed one hand on her desk and stood. "Thanks for letting me know."

After Lexi left she made her way towards the Galley and, placed her now empty mug in the sink. She needed to stretch her legs.

Raeka had left. The Salarian ark, and the Krogan scouts were already on their way to the Nexus. Raeka wanted to say goodbye and thank Ryder, but she had a responsibility towards her people.

Raeka felt bad that she went back to cryo-sleep when the Salarian ark was captured. Her people had suffered, they were tortured while she slept. Cora couldn't imagine the amount of guilt she must be feeling. But she also understood why Raeka went back into cryo-sleep, the kett couldn't get their hands on the Salarian Pathfinder. If they did… No. Cora shook her head, trying to avoid that train of thought.

When she greeted Cora, there was a hesitation in her movement. At first Cora feared Raeka knew they almost left without the salarians and Ryder. She thought Raeka's look was one of anger, but when she spoke Cora realised she was wrong.

"Will she be okay?" Raeka asked, after a long silence.

Cora nodded, knowing exactly who Raeka was referring to. Although Cora wasn't sure if she was lying to Raeka.

She asked Lexi a couple of times, but no matter how much Lexi tried she couldn't convince Cora.

"If there's anything I can do, please let me know." An uncomfortable silence filled the meeting room. Raeka continued, speaking softer this time, "I owe a lot to Ryder."

Cora gave her a sad smile, "I'll do that."

Raeka started walking down the ramp of the meeting room, then she stopped abruptly. She hesitated as she faced Cora again. "Alec would have been proud."

Cora couldn't help to frown on her words, she knew Ryder wouldn't admit it but those 5 words would mean the world to her.

Raeka's gaze went to the floor. "Give my thanks to her." And with those words Raeka left the Tempest.

Cora wished she knew when Ryder would wake up, but neither SAM nor Lexi knew when exactly that would be.

There was another problem. Suvi came to her about it. Drack and Peebee told her about what the Archon did to Ryder. He injected her with… something. And apparently, the Archon saw her memory flashes. This could either be a big problem that could bite them later or no problem at all. But there was nothing they could do about that right now. At least not when Ryder was still unconscious.

Opening her eyes felt like the hardest thing to do. She heard voices, but they felt so near yet so far. The room felt cold, the smell familiar yet somewhat strange.

Two blurry figures drifted in and out of her vision. One of them blue, the other a human. Their lips moved but no sound came from the mouths. A high whine rang out in her ears as the room spun. What are they saying? For some reason it was important that she know, but as quickly as the thought came, it escaped. Where am I? Before she could put thought to action, her lead heavy eyes dragged themselves shut once again.

The next time she woke, she could hear more clearly. Monitors were beeping. Maybe medical equipment? She opened her eyes, taking in her surroundings. She rolled her head towards her left. There were some monitors, then she lifted her left hand and saw an IV line in her hand, liquids moving through it. She must've been in the med bay, but why? She tried to remember, somehow she knew that was important. Her hand felt somewhat cold. Lexi was sitting at her desk, oblivious that she was awake. Busy with something, probably.

Then she felt it. A excruciating pain, burning, lancing, piercing deep in her guts, threatening to split her in two. She felt like a million needles stabbing her from the inside out. The kind of pins and needles you get on your hands and feet, but more intense. It was a feeling she hadn't experience before. And they were in her abs, getting worse with every second. It made her remember. She lifted her head, attempting to take a look. The Archon. She making a decision. They spliting up. Meeting Raeka. And then the orange energy beam. She laid her head back on the pillow, gently. As if putting it down too hard or too fast would make it worse. She screwed her eyes shut, biting her lower lip and let out a groan.

"Ryder, you're awake," Lexi said, suddenly at her side.

She opened her eyes again slowly, a second ago the light didn't matter. Now it added to her pain. It made her feel weak, "Lexi," she said. Her voice felt strange, weak, almost as if someone else was speaking.

"I'm going to give you something for the pain, but it will make you sleepy." She looked at Ryder, her eyes revealed how worried she was, "You need the rest."

Ryder wanted to protest, but just as she wanted to she remembered. Cora looking at her, staring being frozen. The look she gave Ryder. She was worried that Ryder might not make it. But she wasn't that seriously injured, right? Lexi said something to her, but for the life of her she can't recall what and then Cora left.

Surgery. Masks. Needles. Was she in surgery?

Everything seemed hazy right now. It felt like everything was just a bad dream, that none of it really happened.

She tried to sort through her memories, but it was no use. Everything was confusing. She didn't know what was real and what was imagined.

"Lexi…," she started, that single word took all of her strength. "…did I… did I have surgery?"

Lexi avoided her gaze, "We'll talk about it later."

She frowned, feeling the burning in her guts growing and growing. It was becoming more unbearable by the second. Something was wrong, she knew it. Something was missing. She just didn't know what.

But she didn't care about that right now. Maybe that made her bad person, but all she wanted to do was go back to sleep. She'd worry about the other stuff later.

When she slept she would feel nothing. She'll feel at peace.

Sleep couldn't come fast enough. It felt like an eternity but it was mere seconds.

All of a sudden her eyelids felt as heavy as lead again. She just wished that when she opened them the next time, she'd feel like her old self again. She knew that was a lie, but she hoped it anyway.

She didn't know how long she slept. It could be hours. It could be days. This time she was alone, the med bay was dark. There was no light except for the monitors and some of Lexi's equipment.

"Hello Pathfinder," SAM's voice echoed inside her head. "I have informed Dr. T'Perro that you are awake."

"Okay, can you tell me about my injuries SAM?" she asked. She felt a bit better. Her abs still hurt a lot, but not nearly as much as it did before. Sedatives and pain killers could do amazing things.

"I believe Dr. T'Perro should be the one who informs you."

The light came on, as the door opened. Lexi appearing as if out of thin air.

"Ryder," she greeted. Her voice revealing how relieved she felt. "You had us worried there."

The med bay was filled with awkward silence. Ryder was not sorry. If she had to choose again she would have done the exact same thing.

"How's it?" she asked, moving her right hand to her stomach. She was bursting to know.

"You're lucky Ryder. Without the medi-gel, there would've been more damage, the medi-gel-"

"Wait, wait, "Ryder cut in, interrupting Lexi by gesturing with her right hand, signalling her to stop. "What do you mean more damage? What damage?" she asked, her mind went to a million places, thinking of the worse things. She tried to sit up, but every movement hurt too much.

She wished Lexi would just tell her what was wrong, that Lexi would get to the point. And tell her what she should do to get out of this bed.

"Well," Lexi started, "For one, you have nerve damage and-"

"But that's not that bad. It can be treated," Ryder said optimistically.

"Ryder," Lexi took a firm hold of her right hand and sighed, "Stop interrupting me," she said with no anger in her voice. Her voice was soft, it almost sounded like Lexi was being careful not to upset her.

Ryder nodded, her heart beating faster. Lexi's explaintion couldn't come fast enough.

Why was people always so careful to break news like this? Couldn't they just say what it is, so that everyone could just move on with their lives?

"Ryder, that's not the damage I was talking about." Lexi sighed again, collecting her thoughts, "You can't ever have children." As the words left Lexi's mouth, Ryder let go of the doctor's hand. It was disbelief, it was...

She didn't know what it was. She couldn't think of the words, not even where she could be alone in her thoughts.

"What?" she squeaked. She couldn't trust her voice. She could feel her breathing slow down. Time was moving more gradually than it did a moment ago.

This didn't feel real. It felt like someone else's story playing out before her.

One thing was clear however she had surgery. She didn't imagine it. She had so many questions. She didn't know which to ask first. Her right hand went to her stomach again, but before it could reach its destination Lexi caught her hand in hers.

"You can't get pregnant," she said, paraphrasing it.

Ryder frowned. Did she think Ryder didn't hear her the first time? Why did Lexi use different words to say the exact same thing?

She avoided Lexi's gaze and started to put the puzzle pieces together. She could read between the lines. And she had been cut open. That was what was missing. "You had to remove it, didn't you?" Ryder squeezed her eyes shut.

When she opened them again, Lexi was watching her closely. Studying her. The urge to get up from bed completely disappearing. The doctor had a look in her eyes. Pity? No, it wasn't pity. It was something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"I'm sorry," Lexi said.

Ryder recognized that sorry. Lexi wasn't apologizing. She was saying there was no other way. It was the same look the doctors gave them when they told them there was nothing else they could do for her mom.

"Ryder," Lexi said. Ryder turned her head towards Lexi as she continued, "It was ruptured."

"Ruptured?" she repeated softly. That didn't sound good, even to her.

This was her fault. She should have been quicker, she should have dodge faster. Not avoiding a kett by meeting another kett's weapon instead. She should have taken better care of her shields. She should have timed her shots better. She should have…

"Yes, there was no way to save it," Lexi's words distracted her from her thoughts.

She knew she must feel something, but the truth was she felt nothing. Okay, no that wasn't true either. She did feel something, but what exactly that was, she wasn't sure.

She knew Lexi expected her to say something about her surgery, but she couldn't find the words. "And my armor?"

"Your…armor?" Lexi asked, almost not believing what Ryder was asking.

"Yeah, could I wear it ever again?" There was no hint of a joke in her voice.

"What?" Lexi asked in confusion, "No there is a hole in it."

"That's too bad," she commented.

Lexi studied her, "I'd just need to give you something through your IV line, and then you should rest some more."

She retrieved a syringe from one of the drawers before returning, "It might be a bit cold," she warned as she placed the needle into the IV port.

Ryder started to feel the ice creeping up her arm. It stung a little, an icy fire that burnt. She frowned but didn't utter a word. And then the sensation went away, just like that.

"Just tell SAM if you need me okay?" Lexi said before leaving.

She stared at the ceiling, replaying the conversation in her head. She didn't know how long she stared at the ceiling, she was thankful that SAM was silent. But one moment she was alone in the darkened med bay, the next she heard hushed voices.

She rubbed her temple, feeling a bit foggy. This time the med bay was light. Her vision was blurry, and it took a while before it became clear.

"Gill says we'll be good to go soon. The Tempest shouldn't give any more trouble," Cora said. Ryder turned to look at her.

She frowned, trying to figure out why the Tempest would give trouble. Unless…those guns… She thought she had imagined it. Some parts of the mission were still a mystery to her.

"So we're heading to the Nexus next?" Lexi interrupted her thoughts.

"Wait, wait, wait," Ryder said as she tried to push herself upright. But as soon as she tried Lexi was by her side in seconds but Ryder waved her off. Cora remained still, her attention on Ryder. "Why aren't we at the Nexus? We should have arrived there by now."

"Ryder-," Cora started to say.

"After we found the Asari ark," she growled as she glared at Cora, she was getting enraged, "We returned to the Nexus…Tann had that speech and everything." She remembered Tann's long speech trying to make them feel welcome. She had to say something as well, if they needed to be there then, than they needed to be there now.

Her attention went back to Cora. "The Tempest shouldn't give us any more trouble? This can only mean one thing." She narrowed her eyes, shifting her gaze from Cora to Lexi. "The Tempest was damaged. Someone ignored the order I gave."

Lexi and Cora just stared at her, both of them considered their next words carefully, trying hard not to upset her. It only served to frustrate her further, especially when they wouldn't normally act like this.

Cora spoke up, "I was ready to leave. But Peebee made me realize-"

"Since when do you listen to anything Peebee has to say?" Her eyes blazed with anger.

Cora's answer was only silence.

"Peebee has placed everyone on this ship in danger!" Ryder shouted. She closed her eyes, in a bid to rein in her anger, and opened them again. "I want to talk to her," she said more calmly this time.

"No," Lexi interjected. "You should be resting."

"I'm going to talk to her. I wasn't asking your permission," Ryder spat. Determination was the crease between her brows. There was no stopping the Pathfinder when she got this way. "You should have left me there." Her green eyes were throwing daggers at Cora.

"Are you serious?" Cora asked. "You're actually mad because we didn't leave you to die?" She snorted and rubbed her eyes. "Now I've seen everything." She looked straight at Ryder, anger colouring her cheeks. "What the heck is wrong with you?"

Ryder tried to ignore Cora and she stared at Lexi's desk, but anger forced rash words out of her mouth. "I'm the Pathfinder, when I give an order I expect people to follow it. And not to do whatever they please!"

"Do you have a death wish?" Cora accused.

"What type of question is that?" she shouted, startled by it. She didn't want to yell, but that was the last thing she expected coming from Cora.

She wasn't sure where that was coming from. Why would Cora ask that?

"Pathfinder, I advise you to try and calm down," SAM said. It must've been through their private channel because neither Lexi nor Cora reacted. She ignored him. She could feel her blood pressure rising.

Cora started to point a finger at Ryder, but Lexi intervened.

"Don't," she warned.

She led Cora to a corner of the med bay. This way Ryder couldn't overhear.

Cora listened only with one ear, keeping an eye on Ryder from her angle. Ryder blinked rapidly a couple of time, looking disoriented. She looked unsteady. Was she sitting up? Cora frowned, unsure what she just saw.

Ryder laid her head back on her pillow. Her face rapidly turning pale, if not grey. Cora wasn't listening to Lexi anymore. She quirked her head to the side, wondering if she should inform Lexi.

Ryder's eyes fluttered close as her chest raised and fell faster and faster. Maybe it was normal, maybe this wasn't nothing out of the ordinary, because the machines would go off, right?

"Cora?" Lexi suddenly asked.

Cora heard Lexi calling her, but it sounded different. Her name was echoed from far away.

"Ryder!" Cora shouted as the machines started screaming.