Chapter 8: Epilogue

Notes:

Many thanks for natsora for betaing.

Ryder was in the med bay. If it wasn't for her biotics, she probably wouldn't have gotten out of there. She weighed her decisions and threw everything she had against Morris. To her surprise it worked and when she saw an opening, she ran.

She ran until her legs didn't want to anymore and her abs screamed.

Ryder left a blood trail as she walked the dirty streets of Kadara. She tried to move as quietly as she could, but she knew she wasn't doing a good job.

It wasn't long before she came upon Cora and Vetra.

Vetra pointed out, "You don't look so good."

"I'm just peachy." She tried her best to hold back a groan.

"That was stupid Ryder," Cora said and Ryder didn't know if she was angry or not. Sometimes Ryder had difficulty reading her. "Lexi is going to kill you."

"Yeah," she was out of breath. "I know."

Cora shot her a worried glance at her shirt. It was hard to miss the red stain that called for attention. "C' mon we have to go."

The nearer they got to the Tempest, the harder it was to walk. With every movement the pain shot through her abdomen. With every blink, her eyes wanted to stay closed. She refused to give in.

"We're almost there," SAM said as if reading her mind.

They arrived at the Tempest and from there everything went blurry. She remembered getting to the med bay, Cora and Vetra at her side. With each blink, darkness came, more time disappeared in-between. When she was on the bed she tried to fight it. But she couldn't stay awake anymore.

Lexi had a very disapproving look when she looked at the wound.

"You're mad, right?" She already knew the answer but asked nonetheless.

"Why would you go when I told you not to?" She stopped her work and looked at Ryder. "You knew the risks. This isn't me punishing you. It's for your own good."

"I know. But I'm tired of doing nothing," Ryder was annoyed and angry at herself. She should've been more careful. It was stupid. "I had to do something. Anything."

"You're not doing nothing," Lexi corrected. "You're doing reports. You're back doing your job."

"Not the full job. It's just the part of my job that I hate the most," Ryder admitted. "I love being out there, exploring." She sighed, "Not much exploring here I'm afraid."

Lexi went back to her work, "You'll get there. You're only hurting yourself by going out there before you're ready. It takes time."

"I'm sorry Lexi. Can I talk to Cora?" she asked when Lexi was done.

"Sure, she's right outside."

It didn't take long for Cora's head popped in the med bay.

"Did you tell her what happened?" Cora asked.

"No, not everything," she admitted. "What about you? Do you want to know what happened?"

Cora considered before shaking her head slowly, "No, some things are better left in the past. And…" Cora studied Ryder carefully, trying to read her, "…I'm guessing this is one of those cases."

Ryder let out an awkward laugh, "Yes you're right about that."

"Do you have any regrets?" Cora asked.

Cora was referring to the Archon's flagship. And for the first time, Ryder really thought about it. "I don't know. A lot of good came out of this," she answered, honest tasted different on her tongue.

"Some bad came out of it too."

"Yeah," Ryder felt a wave of guilt coming over her. "But that doesn't matter. Everyone got out of there. That's what's important."

Cora's nostrils flared and Ryder got ready to defend herself. "Ryder, do you want to know what I think?"

Ryder nodded.

"It sounds like you're trying to convince someone else you've made the right choice. You've been trying to do it this whole time. And the truth is," she looked down at her feet before continuing, "that someone is not me."

Ryder blinked, "You're saying I'm trying to convince myself? No!" She shook her head in denial.

Cora gave her a knowing smile, "It doesn't make you a bad person if you regret your decision."

"No, that's selfish."

"No," Cora said softly. "That's human. And it's okay to be angry at what happened." She sat on the bed, "Do you know how worried we all were?"

"It wasn't that serious," Ryder tried to brush it off.

"You don't know how things were when you were unconscious." When she didn't say anything, Cora continued, "The Tempest didn't move without you." Cora gave her an unreadable smile, "We're glad to have you back."

Ryder swallowed the lump in her throat as Cora said, "I'll leave you to rest," and gave her hand a soft squeeze to which Ryder could only frown.

"I'm here for my checkup," Ryder announced when she entered the med bay.

"Sit," Lexi motioned to a bed. "The person who attacked you was Morris."

Lexi must've overheard when she talked to Scott about it. Ryder felt Scott needed to know Morris was alive He was as surprised as she was.

Ryder closed her eyes and sighed. She knew Lexi's questions would come sooner or later. She had just hoped it would be later, "Just ask the questions you want to know."

"How do you know him?"

The best lies are based on truth, at least in part. It's something she had learned a long time ago.

"We grew up together." Ryder started.

"On the Citadel?" Lexi asked. She knew Ryder's background

"Yes," she confirmed, "We went to school and graduated together." She looked down, avoiding eye contact. "He betrayed me." Her gaze returned to Lexi's and she could see Lexi wanted more, "I'm not going to give you all the details."

"I don't expect that."

"Long story short he was involved in something and I helped to stop it. I thought I killed him but apparently, I didn't," her words gave her an uneasy feeling. He shouldn't have survived. How did he?

She was in the Alliance when it happened. It wasn't like she was unfamiliar with death, but killing someone whom she called a friend once was different.

"And he wants revenge?" Lexi asked. There was a hint of curiosity in her tone.

"I honestly don't know what he wants."

Lexi nodded and walked to her desk. She moved a couple of things, searching for something. After a couple of minutes, she stopped, "Alright, you can go."

Ryder went to her quarters to be alone with her thoughts. She needed some time to think.

"Why did you lie to Dr. T'Perro?" SAM asked the one question Ryder hoped he wouldn't ask.

"Because that's one complicated story I don't want to repeat."

That was the question, wasn't it? Was it worth it? Choosing both groups instead of the one.

If Ryder had chose one she's not sure she could've lived with herself. She didn't want to condemn a group to a fate worse than death. Would they have been tortured? The recordings she heard on the Archon's flagship still rang in her ears. Who would she have even have chosen? It was an impossible choice.

In the end, everything was worth it. More lives were saved. She couldn't have kids because of this. But she still didn't know how she felt about that. Every time the subject was brought up, she got uneasy. It was something she didn't want to talk about.

Her new conditions brought different problems too. She missed her coffee, she had to stop herself in the mornings not to go to galley. She was tired of being tired. However, things got better. Though Lexi still haven't found the right drugs for her, the side effects were improving. She tried her best not to let the bad days influence her work. Unfortunately, she was still human.

Notes:

"The best lies are based on the truth, at least in part." Is a quote by Cassandra Clare.

I have plans for going on with this. At least for some sort of prequel going into the aspect of the flashback in Chapter 1 as well as a sequel.

Thank you for everyone who read, followed, favourite, and left reviews. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for natsora for all your betaing. You've been an amazing help and really appreciate it. Thank you for all your help and support. You're awesome. xD