AN:/ I'm going to have to put a trigger warning up here. Descriptions and mentions of suicide happen within this chapter, so proceed with caution if this is something that you struggle to read.

~ Chapter 15 ~

A day later, Hermione found herself enjoying the warmth of the fire in Snape's private abode. Winter was at its peak and light snowflakes fell against the window. Christmas will be here soon, and I still don't know how I feel about spending it with Snape. Fortunately, his attitude towards her has been different since yesterday. He talks more softly and I keep catching him watching me.

With that being said, he was still abrasive and passive. Just how he should be; I don't think I'd have him any other way. Hermione smiled to herself, then returned to writing her letters to Harry and Ron. She'd received brief responses to her previous letters this morning and she wanted to know what was wrong. They still didn't mention work; it was sweet that they cared so much about her well-being, but she still wanted to know about theirs. Harry won't even tell me Sniderfield's name or anything about him. Something's going on.

She was feeling more on edge today, but it may be down to Professor Snape's departure. He told her that he wouldn't be more than an hour, and that the floo was blocked off as always — but he'd kept it open to allow her to go to the Headmistress' office if need be.

Penny wandered into the room with her tail waving in the air. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," she sat up straight and sorted out her letters. "I'm replying to Harry and Ron."

"Anything new?"

She shook her head with a frown. "I think they're hiding something from me," Crookshanks came into the room next and Hermione smiled with joy.

She hadn't had the chance to thank Snape for bringing him back, but a part of her knew that he wasn't doing it for her to thank him. I suppose he's doing what he can to make this difficult time easier.

"They might have a lot going on?" Penny offered.

"Might? You say that as if you know something."

Is she lying to me? The thought made her heart sink. If she's lying to me then that means Snape is as well.

"I'm just a cat."

"Who can talk," Hermione reminded her.

Penny carried on as if she hadn't heard her. Something's definitely going on; I'm not an invalid, why can't they tell me? This was her problem after all! The rape happened to her!

The sound of a throat clearing caught her attention, and a startled breath escaped her lips. Professor Snape stood in the doorway. However, the gasp was caused because of the blonde haired girl next to him.

"Luna?" Hermione got to her feet with a confused smile.

"I'll leave you two alone," Snape muttered, and shut the door behind him. She wanted to call out him, thankfully she saved herself from any embarrassment.

"Hello," Luna didn't move to hug, to which she was grateful and angry over — it means they've told her what happened.

"I'm happy to see you," Hermione said. "But, what are you doing here?" She took a seat on the sofa and Luna joined her.

"The Headmistress thought you could use some female company," she explained in her airy voice. "I found it odd that she kept specifying that you needed female company."

Go figure. Hermione respected McGonagall, but the woman needed to stop being so negative towards Snape. What's wrong with me having male company? Would she be this way if it was Harry or Ron looking after me? I think not!

"D-Did they tell you?" She stared at her hands.

"Yes," Luna sighed. "Who's this cutie?"

Hermione looked up to see she was smiling at Penny. "That's Professor Snape's familiar."

"Really?" She stuck out her hand a made a tutting noise at her.

"She can talk, but only to Snape and me," Hermione's eyebrows furrowed. "However, I never did find out why I can hear her."

Penny immediately fled the room. "And I guess you'll never know," Luna laughed. "I hear you stayed somewhere else before this?"

Hermione nodded. "But, there's a mole in the ministry, and our location was leaked. They ambushed us there, and one of them almost killed Professor Snape."

"Is he OK now?"

"Of course," a small smile grew on her face. "I saved him."

"So, are you keeping in contact with Harry and Ron?"

Hermione was glad that she wasn't scrutinising who she was living with. Having someone else to talk to might be good for me, but I don't want that person to be mocking Snape, like Harry and Ron do.

"Yes," she moved to grab her letters. "However, they're being very brief with me, and are avoiding my questions."

"Can I have a look?" Hermione handed her the letters. Luna read them over with a chuckle, then smiled up at her. "Harry's with Professor Sniderfield?"

"Apparently so," Hermione rested her head on the back of the sofa. "He won't even tell me his name or how his work is going."

"That is very odd," she bit her bottom lip. "Perhaps he just wants you to get better?"

"Thank you, Luna."

In a way, Hermione was glad that it wasn't Ginny who Snape brought back. She still counted the girl as a friend, but her fierce personality would be of no help to her. Luna on the other hand, spoke in a soft tone of voice and never raised her tone above a certain level. She's calming to have around.

"I'm glad I now know why you shut us all out," Luna pushed some of her hair from her face. "I know we weren't the closest of friends, but I felt like we were getting somewhere. I noticed things changed after the Halloween Ball."

Something inside Hermione cried out in agony. She wants to talk about it. Snape's right, I'm never going to be able to talk about it without picturing what happened. She saw it, as clear as day, his long body towering over her; the grunts in her ear that whispered her name, it all came rushing back, hitting her right in the chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

A whimper tore from her lips. "No," her bottom lip quivered. "Not at all, not even a little bit."

Luna reached out and put her hand on Hermione's shoulder. She turned to look at her with tears falling from her eyes — all she could see was Malfoy. She was grateful for Luna's company, but to her surprise, she only wanted Professor Snape.

A part of her knew it was wrong to yearn for him whilst being in an emotional state, yet she couldn't think of anyone else she'd rather have around her. Luna flashed her an innocent smile.

"I enjoyed seeing you again," she said. "Perhaps I can come back another time?"

Hermione quickly nodded her head and wiped away her tears. "I'd like that."

"I'll see you soon then," Hermione watched Luna leave with a blank look on her face.

Something haunting had taken over her body. She could feel her muscles tightening, and her mind slowly drifted away into nothingness. She couldn't think of anything positive. He raped me, was all she could think about.

She wasn't sure how long she stared at the open door, but after her eyes grew dry and sore, she got to her feet and dragged herself from the room. She narrowly avoided Professor Snape, but she didn't stop to talk to him.

What's the point anymore? Malfoy raped me.

Hermione locked her bedroom door behind her and sat down on the bed. She pulled her wand from her boot, admiring its power. It would be easy to end it all with a single cutting spell. She fiddled with the powerful stick as her face grew more passive.

She couldn't help but feel that everyone would be better off with her dead. Harry and Ron wouldn't have to keep lying to her, and Professor Snape could move on with his life. He never wanted to be her friend; she'd practically forced the idea down his throat until he caved in, and she knew that it was a horrid thing to do.

I'm a terrible person.

Hermione got to her twitching knees and opened up her bedroom door. She glanced down the empty hall. I should take a bath. She opened up the bathroom door and locked it behind her.

It didn't take long for her to submerge herself in the tub while idly spinning her wand between her fingers. I'm a burden to everyone around me — I'm better off dead.

She'd heard of out of body experiences before, never did she think it would happen to her. All control of her body seemed to have been handed over to somebody else, and all she could do was watch on as her mind and body broke down.

If she'd listened carefully, she would've heard the scratching of Penny at the bathroom door. If her mind had been clear, she would've been able to hear the panicked tone in her voice as she said her name.

Hermione tapped her wand against her lips and pondered on a thought. She took in a few staggered breaths, then violently moved her wand hand in a sharp direction; it caused a deep slash to slice open her wrist, and she quickly switched hands and repeated the action on the other.

And so she watched.

Her body felt heavy, but no longer tense. She imagined this is what it felt like when air left a balloon. Blood tainted the clear water, yet she still watched without moving. Her skin turned pale in the frigid water and all the noise in her head seized.

Silence.

She could feel her eyes becoming heavy, so she allowed herself to close them while she floated in her blood.

A sigh escaped her lips.

Her body tried to grasp onto consciousness, but ever so slowly she drifted away from it. Not once did she hear the deep rumble of her name or the pounding fist on the bathroom door. However, she did hear the sound of wood being blown into million pieces, and someone cry out her name before she allowed herself to be taken into the darkness.

AN:/ Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!