~ Chapter 16 ~
She felt at peace.
The imaginary birds were chirping and she could practically hear the sing-song of the wind racing through the trees. Her body felt light, but in the nicest way possible. Her heavy eyelids fluttered open as she sat up in her comfy bed.
Crookshanks and Penny slept peacefully at the foot of her bed. She smiled blissfully at the sight of the felines nuzzled together amidst slumber. She wanted to reach out and pet them both, but thought better of it when the pair purred in their sleep.
She moved to click her neck when her eyes caught onto a black mass in a chair. Her brow furrowed in confusion at the sight of her professor sleeping at her bedside. Her eyes grew to the size of saucers when she spotted the blood that stained his white shirt. The black parts of his clothing were scattered around the room, leaving him with his bloody sleeves rolled up to reveal more dried blood.
Suddenly, a searing hot pain exploded in her wrists. She let out a strangled cry as she stared down at her bandaged wrists. There was no blood on her, but she could feel that her skin had been rubbed raw. The bedding beneath her was pristine, however the rest of her room looked like a tornado had hit it.
Her clothes were scattered around and she thankfully realised that she was clothed — not well though. There was an empty chair next to Snape, but she couldn't hear anyone else in the house.
Her fleeting thoughts decided to come rushing back to her. She cried out in agony at the realisation of what she'd done, and her pained cries startled everyone in the room. Professor Snape shot up with his wand drawn, then his eyes soon adjusted to his surroundings.
Hermione violently threw the blanket off her body and buried her fingers in her hair. Her sobs shook her body as she tried to come to terms with what had happened.
"Drink this-"
"No!" she cried and grabbed hold of his arm and threw herself against his chest. He awkwardly fell onto the bed, then his arms found their way around her body. He didn't say anything to her; he allowed her to sob relentlessly into his chest without telling her that it made him feel uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry!" she sobbed. "I'm so sorry!"
An arm left her body, then she felt a phial nudge against her lips. She swallowed the offered potion, but choked on its contents as another sob took over her body. She nuzzled her face against his bloody shirt, not caring that her tears and — dare she say it — snot, seeped into his clothes.
They stayed that way for a while, until Hermione felt the calming potion flood her body. Her sobs turned into hiccups and her tears started to dry. Her grip didn't ease around Snape's body, but she finally stopped nuzzling his chest like a kitten.
A deep rumble emanated from his chest, and she responded with a tight squeeze; it brought her comfort and warmth as she clung to him like he was her source of oxygen. "Miss Granger?"
She whimpered in response.
"You need food and drink," he said. "I'm going to go downstairs to make you a sandwich-"
"P-Please don't leave me," her tears started to burn her eyes once more.
"I was about to ask if you wanted to join me? Let's see if you can stand first," he gently pushed her back by her shoulders and held out his hand. She put her clammy hand in his rough one, and let him pull her to her feet. The hot pain pinched at her wrist making her wince in response.
Nothing in her mind made sense. Why did I do such a silly thing? I suppose it wasn't silly to me at the time…
Her air-dried hair itched her scalp and she knew that Professor Snape had let it dry naturally. I bet I look awful.
"Come along now," he tried to let go of her hand but she held it tighter. "Let's go then," he led her from the room.
Dizziness swirled around in her head and she stumbled into his side. He asked about her wellbeing and she muttered back that she was fine. She felt in need of a vicious cleansing bath, but she doubted Snape would allow her such a thing unsupervised.
It took them a long time to make it down the stairs, but Snape didn't complain — he also didn't look her in the eyes. I've angered him...I'm so stupid!
He led her over to the table and she reluctantly let go of his hand. He grabbed the ingredients for a sandwich and sat opposite her while he made it. Soon enough, a nice sandwich and some water appeared before her and she tried her best to flash him a grateful smile.
"Eat," he said roughly. "We'll talk afterwards."
The idea terrified her, but she obediently nodded her head and took a bite of her sandwich. Her eyes kept dropping to the bandages around her wrist, and she started to wonder if the scarring was bad.
"Focus on eating," she glanced his way and did as she was told.
The lines on his face seemed deeper, and guilt soon flooded her veins. I've stressed him out more — he didn't sign up for this! She stared at her plate blankly until the sound of someone coming through the fireplace caused Snape to abruptly get to his feet.
Harry!
She heard the loud shout of her name, but Snape reached him before he could walk into the kitchen. "Leave, now!"
"You don't get to order me around-"
"This is my house, Potter!" he spat, and Hermione got to her feet and walked closer to the door so she could listen better.
"Let me see her!"
"Not now," Snape growled. "She's only just woke up; she's hardly had a chance to adjust to things, leave it be for now."
"How can you say that?" Harry yelled. "She tried to kill herself!"
Hermione slid down the kitchen wall and brought her knees to her chest. She pressed her forehead to her kneecaps and bit on her trembling lip.
"Really? That's news to me!" Snape shouted back sarcastically. "Are you forgetting that I was the one that found her? That I was the one that healed her? Or, how about that I was the one who stayed by her bedside to be there when she woke up? Please, Potter, I'm not blind, I know exactly what happened to her, and the last thing she needs is you interrogating her."
"I'm seeing her-"
Hermione scrambled to her feet and ran out into the living room. "Just go!" she yelled. "I don't want you here!"
"'Mione-"
"I said go!" she tried to run over and push him towards the fireplace, but Snape stepped in her path.
"Potter, do as she says."
Harry looked on in shock, then after a few moments of contemplation, he left. Her chest heaved for oxygen and she rubbed her forehead with a shaking hand.
"Sit down-"
"No!"
"Miss Granger—Hermione, sit down!" She was guided backwards until her calves hit the sofa and she sat down. "Take some deep breaths."
Hermione buried her face in her hands and followed his instructions. His hands stayed on her shoulders and she did her best to not focus on what it meant — nothing, it means nothing!
"Sorry…" she muttered. "My heads all messed up."
"That's understandable," his hands slid from her shoulders.
"Was Harry here before?"
He shook his head. "Vic must've told him, since I floo-called him for assistance."
"Vic?"
"Sniderfield."
"Oh," she wiped away her tears, then openly stared at her covered wrists. "I did a bad thing."
Snape sighed. "You did...I'm not sure what to say, Miss Granger-"
"Call me Hermione, please."
"Very well," he moved to sit by her on the sofa. "Did something happen between you and Miss Lovegood?"
"You were right," she whispered. "All she had to do was mention the Halloween Ball; he got inside my head and I kept having flashbacks to that night. My body became tight and I started to lose control over my sound mind…"
He held out his hand and she stared at him in confusion. "I want to show you your wrists," he said, and she slowly placed her forearm in his hand. He carefully unravelled the bandage on her left wrist and she gasped at the sight of an angry line down her arm. "I did what I could to stop the bleeding, but the process of healing a scar like this may take a while, even then I can't guarantee that it'll disappear."
She bit her bottom lip. "Thank you."
"For?"
"Saving me."
He flinched away from her words, and she snatched her arm away from him. "This isn't the type of situation you thank someone for saving you from."
"Then what am I meant to do?" she rested her left arm against her chest.
She saw anger flash across his face, and she readied herself for his cruel words, but he took in a deep breath then sighed. "You should've come to me."
Her face flooded with sadness. "I wasn't thinking properly, sir, I'm sorry."
"What have I told you?"
She smiled a little. "To stop apologising."
They fell into an uncomfortable silence. Hermione started to trace an imaginary circle around the red scar on her wrist, then she unravelled the other to view the matching scar. Emotional exhaustion started to rest heavily on her shoulders and she let her head fall back against the sofa.
…
Severus kept a keen eye on her while she stared up at the ceiling. An uncomfortable tightness found its home around his thundering heart. He wasn't sure he'd properly calmed down since the incident, and he wasn't counting on it happening any time soon. His brief dream at her bedside had only replayed his discovery of her floating in a pool of her own blood. He hated to think what might have become of her had Penny not raced into his study to tell him that something was wrong.
His bad mood had been festering over a book after she barged into him. He knew he shouldn't have listened to Minerva and allowed her to have some company from school. He could see she was still struggling with things and he didn't want to push her over the edge. Then, in rushed Penny saying something was wrong.
He arrived at the bathroom door to silence. He banged on the door once, tried again by saying her name, then he heard the clatter of something on the tiled floor. His knocks got louder, up until the point where he almost put his fist through the wooden door. It didn't take him long to pull out his wand and fling the door off its hinges.
Blood. Wand on the floor. Pool of her own — she was floating in a pool of her own blood!
It was only now, sitting next to her on the sofa, that he recalled her naked body. At the time, it hadn't even crossed his mind. He'd scrambled to pull her body from the bath and raced her into her bedroom. His mind had started to panic, but his body carried on as if it had a mind of its own. He rid himself of his frock coat and summoned the things he needed.
Penny rushed around the room pulling out towels and fabrics that could be used to soak up the blood, while Crookshanks wailed in the middle of the commotion. His hands never wavered, nor did he second guess himself when it came to treating her. He'd saved some of her dignity by covering her nude body with her quilt.
After he managed to close the wounds, his body exited autopilot and rushed straight into blind panic. His body shuddered beneath an imaginary force and every part of his body shook at the sight of her bloody body on the bed. He too was covered in her blood, as well as the rest of the room. He managed to compose himself for a few moments and he raced downstairs to summon Vic through the floo network.
Sniderfield arrived with an annoyed look on his face, muttering something about needing to keep an eye on things at the Ministry all the time. He'd taken one look at the stricken expression on Severus' face and followed him upstairs to Hermione's cold body. Vic got her changed into a ridiculous pair of clothes, then disappeared downstairs to make them some tea. He returned with another chair and joined him at her bedside where Severus explained what had happened.
The pair stayed in silence for a couple of hours until Vic had to leave, with the promise of returning later. Severus should've known he'd tell Potter.
Severus snapped back to reality and noticed Penny had climbed onto Granger's lap. "Comfort her," Penny whispered in his mind.
"I'm confused as to what I've been doing so far?" he murmured back sarcastically.
"Tell her why she can hear me talk," the feline nuzzled Granger's oblivious face.
"Do shut up."
"Go on," she purred. "Tell her that only someone's true love can hear their familiar."
Severus' eyes narrowed into a deadly scowl.
There was no way he'd ever confess to such a thing. The young girl was his student after all, and not to mention the severe trauma she'd been through. He would never tell her why she could hear Penny.
Never.
AN:/ Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter - I'd like to say things will get better from now on, but I'd be lying :) Please leave me your thoughts and feelings about this chapter!