~ Chapter 17 ~

A week later, Hermione found herself at a loss of what to do; she'd worked her mind over many books, written numerous letters to Harry, Ron and now Luna. Professor Snape was never far behind her, and even he looked bored out of his mind.

What spare time she had was spent mindlessly staring at the scars on her wrists. She no longer felt distant from her own body, but she was still very aware that she wasn't well.

They hadn't spoken properly about what she'd done to herself, however, she noticed his change in attitude and the soft way he spoke around her. Perhaps Christmas Day won't be so bad? She had no hope of returning to Hogwarts since today was Christmas Eve.

Hermione glanced at the two white lines on her wrists. The scarring would fade over time, but because it was done by magical means it wasn't as easy to heal like a non magical injury. Snape woke her up each morning to tell her breakfast was ready and he'd leave her a salve on the bedside table.

I'm sure he stays up most of the night to brew it. Guilt consumed her at the thought. He's done a lot for more, and I need him to know how grateful I am for it.

Whenever she headed towards the bathroom he wasn't too far behind. She knew that he only meant well, but she could never relax when she needed to use the loo knowing he was on the other side.

Hermione thought about the upcoming holiday, which only furthered her sadness. I miss my mum and dad. She sighed as Snape shut his book.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I should be honest with him. "I'm bored...and I miss my parents."

He stared at her passively. "I'm afraid there's not much I can do regarding your parents. However, there are plenty of books for you to read."

"Believe it or not, I'm tired of reading," a brief half smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"What would you like to do?"

She pondered on his question. "Talk." He paused midway to putting his book on the small table by his armchair. "Or not…"

"Why would you want to talk, Miss Granger?" he slipped back into professor mode. I asked him to call me Hermione, yet he hasn't said it once.

She glanced down awkwardly. "We spend so much time together, yet we rarely converse about normal things."

"Why?" he repeated.

She looked at him over her shoulder. "Because I want to get to know you."

He was no longer sat in his chair, instead, she caught sight of his billowing robes as he left the room. Her jaw dropped at his sheer rudeness towards her request. What a mean man! We're supposed to be friends...right?

Hermione let out a sigh and lay back on the rug. Four paws landed on her stomach and she began to pet Crookshanks. Penny jumped down from the window sill and cast a look her way.

"I'll go and investigate," she sauntered off after her master.

"Oh, Crooks, I wish you could talk," she said. "But, you're just a normal cat."

"Bloody hell, 'Mione, talking to yourself already? I thought that wasn't supposed to happen until you're old and grey?"

Hermione shot up at the sight of Harry, Ron and Luna standing in the doorway. "Hi!" She raced over to greet them with hugs, and Harry's lingered longer than the others. She was yet to talk to him about the incident, and she wasn't sure whether he'd told Ron.

"We brought presents," Luna held up a spherical shaped present that looked to have been wrapped by a child.

"O-Oh," she flushed a pink shade. "I don't have anything to give you in return."

"Hermione, we don't expect anything back," Ron said.

"Just make sure you write to us tomorrow," Harry added.

"Come and sit down!" she clapped her hands together and led them over to the sofa.

She was excited to have company; her mind drifted away from Snape's blatant rejection to talk to her, and she focused on her friends.

Thankfully, she wore a jumper with sleeves long enough to cover her wrists. Ron sat a bit too close to her and she flashed him an awkward smile. Luna seemed her usual airy self, while Harry kept giving her odd looks.

"How's work?" she asked, immediately noticing the way Ron glanced at Harry.

I'm sick of being lied to.

"Good," Harry cleared his throat. "How have you been?"

"Fine," she bit back. "Any news about Malfoy's case?"

"No," Ron said. "Are your excited for Christmas?"

Her lip curled slightly. What is so bad that they have to keep lying to me? "Christmas will be peaceful this year."

It's better than saying she wasn't looking forward to it. She couldn't wait to spend it with Professor Snape, the man she considers a friend, while he thinks of her as dog poo on his shoe.

"Where's the black cat?" Luna asked.

"She's probably with Professor Snape," Hermione said. "She enjoys his company more than mine."

That wasn't true. Penny spent most of her time around Hermione, whether it be talking or lounging somewhere in the background. I just wish I had a familiar bond like she shares with Snape.

"Snape has a cat?" Ron snickered. "What's he called, Bat?" his joke fell on deaf ears, and he glanced at Hermione with an apologetic look.

"Her name is Penny," Hermione said. "And she happens to be his familiar."

"That's not possible, they don't exist," Harry stated.

"Well, I must be going insane then," she patted her head as if she were dumb. "Because what else can explain a feline approaching Snape and me in the Forbidden Forest and telling us to stop bickering? Must've been the bloody wind."

"You went into the woods with him, alone?"

"Out of everything I just said, that's what you focus on Ronald?"

He shrugged in response.

"I was having an anxiety attack one evening, and Professor Snape asked if I wanted to come with him to pick Armoranth to distract me. His intentions were nothing but chivalrous and considerate."

"Sorry," he muttered.

"Richard has asked me to help prepare for the Valentine's Ball," Luna broke the awkward tension.

"That's great," Hermione flashed her a genuine smile. "I hope that I can return for it."

"I think he misses you a lot, especially because he has to be organised for the event. He came running to me with heaps of scrolls, all full of suggestions, and begged me to help him."

Hermione chuckled. "I would like to have something to keep me occupied. Will you tell him that I'm sorry I can't be there."

Hermione guessed that the Headmistress must've told an elaborate lie to Richard, because he would definitely notice her disappearance. I wish I could be there to help him.

"I will," Luna glanced at the three of the them one-by-one. "It's an open event. The Headmistress wishes to welcome past students and parents."

"I guess we'll be there then," Harry smiled awkwardly.

"And you?" Luna asked Ron.

He cleared his throat. "Of course."

"Good," Luna's eyes found Hermione's. "We can all go together."

"That sounds lovely, Luna, I just hope everything is sorted by then," Hermione watched another odd look cross over Harry's face and she held back her screams of protest.

The only way I'm going to find out the truth is by confronting Professor Snape. She needed to find some of her lost ferocity and force the answers from him.

"This is rather awkward," Luna said. "What's going on?"

"I wish to talk to Hermione alone," Harry replied.

"So do I," Ron said.

"Oh," Luna smiled. "How about Ron and I stand out in the hall-"

"I'm afraid I don't wish to talk to any of you alone," Hermione crossed her arms. "Unless any of you are willing to tell me the truth. I'm neither stupid or blind, and I know something has happened. Either tell me, or go away."

"'Mione-"

"Are you going to tell me the truth?" she glared at Harry as he shook his head. "Thank you for the presents; I'll write to you tomorrow."

They took that as their cue to leave. She watched them disappear out of the study, then let out a frustrated sigh. It didn't take long for Penny to return, and she was soon followed by Snape. She glared at him as he took a seat, and he caught on to her thunderous eyes over the top of his book.

"Problem?"

"Never," she bit back sarcastically, and his book slammed shut.

"The tone of your voice suggests otherwise."

"When can we return to Hogwarts, sir?" her tone became dull and she focused on the fireplace. "I'm getting rather bored here."

Hermione saw him lean forward in his armchair from the corner of her eye. She'd clearly got a reaction out of him.

"I apologise that my company disgusts you so much," he spat.

"Oh, no no no," she tutted. "You mistake me, sir, I just have no wish to live alongside someone who lies to me on a frequent basis. Friends would never lie to one another, would they?" she turned to look at him with dead eyes. "I'd hate for that to be true."

His jaw clenched and his eyes lit up in fury. "Now, who in Merlin's name do you think you're talking to, Miss Granger?!"

"My friend," her monotone response furthered his anger. "We're friends, right?"

"You're a mere student! Show some respect for you elders and talk to me in the correct manner-"

"A mere student?!" she shot to her feet and he quickly joined her. "That's all I am to you? A mere student!" she threw her head back and laughed. "I can't believe I fooled myself into think we were anything more than student and teacher. How foolish indeed."

"What else did you expect me to say?" he growled.

"I expect you to say that I haven't been pouring my heart out to someone that doesn't care! That I'm being comforted by someone that truly cares for my wellbeing, but no, all this time I've been crying on the shoulder of just my professor. A man without a caring bone in his body, who is only here because his moral compass dictates him to."

"How dare you!" he marched forward so he was toe-to-toe with her.

"How dare I state the truth?" she snapped back.

"Drop the sarcasm, Miss Granger," his voice was low, which told Hermione that he was past the point of anger.

"No!" she shouted up at him, having to tilt her head back to meet his dark eyes. "Tell. Me. The. Truth."

His eyes roamed over her face and she ignored the burning trail they left behind. Tears started to sting her eyes and she took a step back.

She choked on a sob. "What's so bad that you can't tell me?"

Silence.

She waited and waited for him to say something, but he focused on the floor. Hermione wiped the tears from her cheeks and sighed.

"I'm going to put my presents away-"

"They've dropped the case," he said flatly. "A new Minister has taken over and a dark cult seems to be rising once more. His name is David Cole, and he decided to drop Draco's case, then release certain people from Azkaban, including Lucius Malfoy."

A harrowing cry escaped her lips and she stumbled back into her seat on the sofa. Her body trembled beneath the emotional strain and she buried her face in her hands to cry out her pain.

What happens now? What do I do now?! She knew exactly who would be at the top of the Malfoys hit-list. Me. And probably Professor Snape too.

A hand rested on her shoulder and she glanced up at Snape. "Miss Granger-"

"Get off me," she hit his hand away. "I don't wish to be in your presence right now," Hermione got to her feet and stormed out of the room.

He lied to me. He'd probably done so to protect her, but she couldn't shake the emotional sting it had brought to her chest.

…

Christmas Day arrived with no carols and glorious noise.

Hermione sat up in bed, listening to the wind blow throughout the house. It was seven in the morning and she'd just awoke from a frightful dream. She had her journal in her lap and recalled the event. It's always the same, at some point hands drag me into the darkness and have their way with me.

There was no doubt about what had caused her nightmare. I need to stop going to bed upset. Crookshanks slept peacefully at the foot of her bed, obviously he hadn't been disturbed by her whimpers, and Hermione wished once more that her cat could talk to her.

Scratching came from the other side of her bedroom door. She threw back the covers, exposing herself to the frigid air, and opened the wooden door to see Penny staring up at her.

"Good morning," Penny said. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Hermione whispered, letting Penny wander in.

"How are you feeling?"

"Did you know?"

"I did," she jumped onto the bed. "Child, I told him to tell you, but he didn't wish to inform you of the change in circumstances because you were improving."

"I tried to kill myself," she hissed. "That's not improvement."

"OK," Penny settled down next to Crookshanks. "Your attempt to die only made it more reasonable to withhold such information."

"I was the one that got raped!" she snapped. "I deserve to know what's happening; it's bad enough that I'm sheltered away here!"

"My dear, talk to him."

"I-I can't," she flopped backwards with a sigh. "Sometimes talking to him is the easiest thing, but some days, I can't utter a single word to him."

"It's Christmas, open your presents."

Hermione glanced at the three presents on the chest of drawers. I should at least try to enjoy Christmas. Her feet thumped across the floor as she bundled her presents into her arms.

She opened Luna's spherical shaped present first, and she stared blankly at the clear sphere. A note was attached on the outside with a sticky charm and she read it aloud.

"To keep the bad thoughts away, open up the globe and release the Digelberds," Hermione couldn't stop the laughter from escaping her lips. It wasn't out of mockery, instead she felt nothing but joy.

She twisted open the sphere and separated them into hemispheres. Nothing happened, to which she already expected nothing would. She glanced around the room as if she could see the fascinate creatures that Luna had bestowed upon her.

"She's a weird girl," Penny said.

"I know," Hermione laughed. "But she wouldn't be Luna if she was normal."

She quickly opened Ron's present, which immediately brought a frown to her face. She stared blankly at the moving picture of her and Ron from a few Christmases ago. Her moving self glanced at Ron with pure joy in her eyes, and it hit Hermione hard that she would never experience love again. With a solemn look on her face, she placed it on the bedside table.

Hermione slowly opened Harry's present. A book called, When The Mind Gets Rough. She flicked through some of the pages and smiled sadly. They were yet to speak about what happened, but his gift was enough to know that she had him around for support.

Suddenly, a crash came from downstairs. It was followed by a loud "fuck!", and she recognised the sound of a bell jingling. Hermione glanced at Penny, "What was that?" she asked.

"Perhaps you should go and find out," she responded slyly.

Hermione got to her feet and opened the bedroom door. The smell that reached her nostrils brought a huge smile to her face; it smelt like Christmas. She took off running down the stairs and stumbled out into the front room.

Professor Snape was busy picking up some fallen tree decorations, and muttering curses under his breath. Hermione stared in awe at the decorated room: tinsel hung from every object, lights covered all the walls and the half decorated tree, the fire burnt brightly casting a glow on the single stocking hanging from the fireplace. A few presents were nestled beneath the Christmas tree and she fought back her giggle when Snape almost tripped over them.

"Professor," she whimpered, allowing her tears to fall freely. He turned at the sound of her voice and cringed at the sight of her tears. However, Hermione couldn't help it, she closed the distance between them and hugged him.

"Miss Granger, you're squeezing me too tight."

She pushed herself away and wiped her tears from her face. "Sorry, sir."

"I'm guessing by your over enthusiastic attitude, that you like what you see?"

She nodded her head. "Very much."

It was enough to get her to forget about the revelations last night. Of course she was still angry at him for lying to her, but it was hard to stay mad at him while they stood by the half decorated Christmas tree.

"Would you like some help?" she pointed to the tree and he handed her the box. They moved around in silence and the occasional jingle of a bell made her smile widen. She began to wonder whether he'd gotten her a present — I haven't got him anything, for obvious reasons. Her mind started to overwork itself trying to come up with any last minute ideas, and just as she was on the cusp of coming up with something, the tree was finished.

"Professor, this is perfect," she smiled at him.

He cleared his throat. "I had hoped that it would take your mind off things, even if it is only for a day."

Tears threatened to fall again. "You can be really sweet when you want to be, sir."

"I'll hear none of that," he tutted, and she spotted his embarrassment as he turned away.

AN:/ Forgive any major mistakes, this has been glanced at through tired eyes! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, favourited and followed, let me know what you think of this development!