Chapter 2- All My Fault...
(Laurens' POV)
"What do you mean 'you drugged him'?!"
I stood, cowering slightly at her words, "I mean, I tranquillised him... Though... it didn't take effect straight away..."
"My go-"
"Elizler, you had to have been there! There were too many to waste any time in waiting for it to take effect!"
She sighed and put her head in her hands, "I know, I know, I just... This just gives me a lot more work to do..."
"But will he be okay?"
"We'll see... Lafayette is on for recovery but the bodies of Agents 10 and 6 couldn't be retrieved..."
"...Okay... Is Lafayette open to visitors?"
"Well... not normally but he refuses to sleep. So... sure. You can go. He's in room 26z, conscious and pissed."
I hummed in understanding. "But make sure you inform me straight away once he's awake, yes? You do understand how valuable he is to us..."
"Yeah, yeah! Now leave! You don't want to get on my bad side!" She ushered me away, tying back the thick, night, black of her silky strands.
"Aren't I already on your bad side?" I chuckled parting closer to the door way.
"Hmm... You just might be..." She muttered in a deadly tone before fitting herself into the blue, surgeon, scrubs.
Throughout most of the base, you couldn't see true daylight. Our long hallways and towering stairways were all lit by electric lights strung to the ceiling. The only way you could really connect with the outside world was with a clock, or going outside to the training yard. But I wasn't heading outside today. So a clock would have to do...
03:55am
Well, that was a surprise. Though, living down here without your natural sundial constantly at work, can mess you up sometimes. I wasn't tired this time though... Despite the energy I had used along with the trauma I had witnessed this day, I don't think my mind could fit in the queer thought of sleep...
Strange...
People still trudged about these halls in the night. Mainly night guards and late workers on the usual occasion. Although tonight, it seems I wasn't the only one who rejected the idea of sleep...
Not as busy as the day but still gaining an aura of rush, figures scattered with their own jobs in mind while I still trudged towards room, 26z. The foreseen door soon wrapping into my view.
Continuing the habit of swapping the hairbands to reveal hot, sore flesh, I knocked three times hearing an angered grumble from the other side. So I stepped in.
Jesus, I thought to myself, Elizler wasn't kidding about him being pissed...
"Hey, Laf..." I began, perching back-to-front on a spare chair beside him.
"Hello there, Laurens! How are you this fine morning?" He mocked joy which was somewhat amusing in a cruel way.
"Hmmf. Elizler said you'd be pissed."
"Did she now? I wonder where she got that crazy idea from..." The tall man rolled his eyes.
"Are you doing okay? And don't be sarcastic, please. I've had enough of that from Lee and Mulligan today."
He breathed a chuckle from his nose, repositioning himself beneath the sheets. "I'll be okay."
"Speaking of, has Mulligan visited yet?"
"Yeah, about ten minutes ago. He went to grab a snack. I don't know if he'd be combing back."
I nodded my head and scooted closer to the man, examining his injury thoroughly.
"When will you be out?" I asked, still gazing at the bandage.
"Elizler said either tomorrow or the next day. I'll have to keep off training for a couple of weeks though."
"Any medication?"
"Just some penicillin. Four a day, four hours apart with an empty stomach. It's simple. Tastes like burned toast though... What's with that?"
We both chuckled, Lafayette's humour stronger than mine.
"What's happening with the guy we rescued?" He asked, again shifting his weight.
"Well... Elizler's gonna try and fix him up. But... she's pretty pissed at me for not letting the tranquilliser set in properly before moving him..."
He sucked in a sharp breath, like I had sent a jab to his stomach. "Laurens, you know how bad that can mess someone up!"
"I know, I know... I didn't have anytime though! It was all just too rushed... The gun shots... The blood... Agent Darwin and Kojo dead... I couldn't think Laf... It was all too much... f-far too much..."
By the end of the sentence, my voice ended up shockingly small, recalling and feeding my guilt. It was almost never that I let others see me weak... It was quite nerve wracking to be honest... The only other I would ever cry into was him... But he wasn't here anymore... I had to remind myself of that... I couldn't let others see my pain... It just wasn't right...
Shut up Laurens! Shut up! The only one who cares is gone! Now let it be!
"L-Laurens...?" Lafayette croaked somewhere far away... gradually echoing closer to me. "Are you okay?"
I blinked a few times, tracing the red lines around my wrist, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little beaten up I gues-"
"No." He snapped, but not harshly as most would expect... It held a feel of sympathy... I'd much rather the former... "You know what I mean."
He was right. And I was not okay. Whirlwinds and wild fires scorched or flogged my insides without anybody knowing nearly everyday I lived. But despite every scratch, bruise, burn or scar I received from a battle, it would never compare to the emotional agony my body now learned to live off... like it was a key-point on my survival...
I could never tell anybody this though. My emotions were my own concern down here. And despite how much I even attempted to tell myself not everything was my fault... it always seemed to be... So to hind my own weakness, I found a way to blame others around me... But this... this mission was all my fault... I gave wrong orders and got two people of my own killed... All because I couldn't listen to my own goddamned instinct...
All my fault...
All my fault...
"I'm fine." I blurted, trying to convince myself as well as him.
His face showed he didn't buy it.
"Look, Laf, I'm fine. It was just a stressful mission. I'm sure everybody is on edge."
He still didn't buy it.
"Look, if you're going to stare at me like that the whole morning, I'm going t' go. You need your beauty sleep."
He really wasn't amused, yet never spoke a word... Just watching me slip from the chair, to the door and along the chilling tiled floor. I paced quickly towards my door and hastily slipped inside, slamming it closed and locking it tight with a chair.
It's all my fault...
It's all my fault...
"It's all my fault..." I choked, falling pathetically to the floor. Lathering myself in mumbles and frantic breaths trying to regain control. Surprise, surprise! It didn't work... "It's all your fault... You killed them... You hurt Laf... You damaged that boy even more... You did this... You-you... monster..."
You did this... You monster...
Everything seemed to black out eventually... Except the vicious words never ceased to rip me apart...
Haunting me wildly in my dreams...
Or should I have said... nightmares...
Authors Note:
This took a while to upload and didn't end up where I hoped it would... Next chapter will be on its way but it's really hard trying to balance out three stories all at once!!!
Leave you constructive reviews below and hope I will come back soon!
P.S: I'm so sorry it's so short :(
-L.E-Rae _x_