The only words actually making sense in her irrational state of mind, made a question. For once, a question she was too petrified to want to find out.

What have I done?

Chapter 5- We Need No Pedestal

Ladybug was on top of a building. A slight breeze picking up the slight threads of frizz from her pigtails, the stars patterning her wet irises, the hum of traffic passing far beneath her. Ladybug was on top of a building. A building she didn't know. A basic building only few people would recognise as something special- she was not one of those people. It was just another Parisian building that stood in a strict row among the city. The breeze she couldn't describe either. Her mind too fuzzy, confused and drained to think of any words to make a sentence, too lost inside her mind to even pay attention to its direction. The jungle of stars above her were meaningless, forgotten and dull despite not even one cloud buoyant in the sky. The faded whir of vehicles exactly that- faded. A white noise inside her screaming mind but nothing left her lips. Not even breaths.

She had been sat up there for hours, it seeming like the safest option to prevent an Akuma from reaching her- well, Marinette. After running from the park, everything was fuzzy. She couldn't remember if she saw her parents or Martin, what Tikki said or even if she gave the kwami a chance to speak. The whole experience was almost like looking back on a drunk night, except her alcohol was sorrow. Yet, she knew no amount of water or crisps or paracetamol was going to soak it up, the only way was to let it out was with crying instead of throwing up down a toilet.

Ladybug had a strange thought in her mind the whole time though. She wondered what Chat Noir was doing that night and almost slapped herself once she did. She should have been thinking about other things like Adrien, Alya, Akumas, her parents and what she was going to do with her Ladybug responsibilities while she's on her trip to China that summer. So many more important things, and Chat Noir shouldn't have been a part of that!

But she could have almost said she longed for him beside her… A shoulder to cry on… Just one of the two people she knew would always be by her side…

Even when she couldn't stand by herself.

Her tears began to well-up again and blur with the hurt wetting her cheeks. She squeezed her eyes shut and tightened her grip on the side of the building trying to physically hold back her emotion, but instead she shook. She was so lucky. She had a house, a loving family- she was a superhero! She could list so many things she should have been grateful of yet she was heaving out tears of the one thing she couldn't have… Did that make her a bad person? In her logic, she could see the lie. She was allowed to cry over the heartbreak, the betrayal and loss of two friends like any human was. But her vision of Adrien was still so high on a pedestal, she felt like she wanted to blame herself, take every burden of the world and put it on herself.

She wanted Chat. She needed him. The shoulder she craved only became so much more desirable as she heaved and sobbed endlessly, addicted to the thought of his comforting arms around her, her face hidden against him. She wanted- needed- craved his leather claws to wipe her tears away, his useless yet so meaningful puns and jokes, the trusting shoulder to hold her tight. Just his warmth to show someone was there! His voice like a broken record inside her skull,

"Miladymiladymiladymiladymiladymiladymiladymiladymilday-"

"M-Milady?"

Her shallow breathing hitched in a gasp like expression but she daren't look up with her sore eyes wider than that of saucers. She waited and waited for the words to slice again through the air like a dagger.

"M-Milady?"

She let out a breath she wasn't surprised she was holding and snapped her head up. Unless it was a mirage of fatigue, stood in horror was none other than the black cat himself.

"Milady?" He stepped forward and repeated again. By the way his jaw quivered his next words came out with a tremor, "w-what happened?"

Her throat was dry and her tongue resembled sandpaper, all she could choke out was his name with a sob chasing after it. Chat scrambled closer not knowing exactly what to do, holding out a hand towards her with a tentative twitch. Ladybug wanted to lunge herself at him, but her electric-like shake prevented her from doing so. He steadily, ever so slowly, pulled her in closer, and, ever so gradually, made the embrace tighter.

By the time they pulled away from each other, the moon had a new position in the sky. Chat Noir was the first to ease away from Ladybug but once her face became visible with the light of the stars and street lights below, it was blotchy, red and almost shrivelled in areas. He kept one arm around her and their sides pressed together, they lent on each other with a counterbalance-styled force. There was nothing but silence between them for a long time, but no awkwardness. Chat simply wanted to give the sobbing girl a minute to gather herself before he wanted some answers.

"Do you feel any better?", he asked. Not 'are you okay' because it was pretty clear what the answer to that would be and he'd just be wasting his and her breath on it.

"Y-yes. Thank you, Chat Noir…"

"Can I get straight to the point?"

Ladybug let out a weak chuckle in a small puff of breath, "it's not like I can prevent you otherwise."

He smiled, "what happened?"

She knew his question was coming, he'd literally asked if it was okay to ask it! But her spine still shivered in shock.

"It's silly…"

"Well, evidently it's not to you."

"You'll laugh."

"Why would I do that?"

A protest sat on the edge of her tongue but she had no proper retort really, so let out a sigh instead.

"I'm not sure if it was the same for you, but today was the last day of the school year and afterschool me and my friends wanted to all go out together. We had had a really great time together! But also within the group, I had a best friend. She knows literally everything about me! Other than that I'm Ladybug of course… And so obviously, me being a teenager, I have a REALLY BIG crush on this guy in our friendship group…"

Chat Noir's smile dropped and a knife instantly dragged through his heart.

She likes someone else…

Sure, it stung, but didn't really come as a surprise. She had already told him she didn't feel the same way the night he prepared the romantic balcony date for her, so he had sort of already come to the conclusion that there was someone else in her life. He mourned that night so the stab of pain was more of a harsh reality check than anything else.

"So she obviously knows who I like, she's known for some time now…" Chat snapped back into her conversation quickly remembering what she had said before, "well, this morning we went to grab a coffee and she- okay can we call her Alicia? Alicia announced that I would ask out the guy I liked by the end of the day. I begged her and begged her not to make me do it or anyone else do it because I knew I needed time to get to know him better to stand a chance! But she didn't listen to me!" She began to let her breathing hitch again, Chat having to calm her down but she couldn't listen, "she forced me to tell him! Hinted and hinted and hinted to him until I cracked! She was about to tell him loud and clear but in my head I knew there was no stopping the inevitable so to make the situation a little more ideal, I butted in a screamed at the top of my voice that I have a crush on him! Everything got, so, so awkward and I rambled on and on about how I didn't mind taking things steady, until he cut me off and told me he only thought of me as a friend… He told me so nicely though… It was maybe one of the sweetest things a guy has ever said to me but- but I was still crushed. I've liked this guy for I'm sure just around the time I met you and for everything just to end because of my friends 'bigheadedness'?!

"Chat… I honestly feel like everything's my fault and I'm not sure why because I know it's not! I feel like- like I'm such a horrible person and don't deserve him. I acted so hurt in front of him and made him feel so guilty… I want to carry all of his guilt. I don't want him to be hurt. I want to take everything bad away from him and him to be okay... I deserve it anyway for having these stupid feelings in the first place. Why should my own senseless feelings affect him as well?! I'm so dumb! So fucking stupid!"

"Stop! Stop saying that!" Chat felt a tear well-up in one of his eyes, what she had just said had broken him. Hearing what she was saying, nobody should ever be saying about themselves! But in his mind, a small part of him also thought of Marinette… Hers and Ladybugs situation was so similar he wondered if this was how she felt, but thinking about her only made things worse for himself.

"Ladybug, listen to me! What has happened today was terrible, a friend should never do that to another friend and you have every right to feel upset. But don't you dare think you are a horrible person! Because it's not true! Do you want me to tell you why? Because why else would this guy let you down so nicely or hang around with you if he didn't think the world of you?"

Ladybug looked up to Chat and the determination in his eyes in awe and realisation, feeling a sense of warmth fill her.

"And by the way you describe him, he seems like a really good guy."

She smiled bashfully into her lap, "he is."

"But just because he's a good guy, doesn't mean he doesn't make mistakes."

She shot her gaze up to meet his again in confusion, "w-what do you mean?"

"He let you down. And part of him made you feel this way. Yes, it's not his fault he doesn't return what you feel to him, that's no one's fault, but he will have his own guilt. So let him carry it with his own mistakes. You've put him so high on a pedestal so all you see are his perfections, I get that…" He took a breath, "because I've been there."

Ladybug turned her face away from Chat's and feeling a new line of guilt fill her- oh. That's what he meant. She turned Chat down and still feels guilt for that even today, maybe that was how Adrien felt… It was her fault that she probably made Chat so upset the night she rejected him so she earned that guilt to keep… The realisation hurt but… so had Adrien.

"But for once, lower his platform a bit and heighten your own." Ladybug's face was turned by Chat back to face him, every single detail about him beamed and enlightened in the moonlight. He had always known how to get her to blush when he really wanted to. He had always known how to make her dizzy and lightheaded, but then again, so had she. It was a fun game they'd play, at least, to her it was. Chat Noir though, sometimes his charms got to her as something more than a game…

He took his hand from her cheek and smiled closing a small part of his eye with his risen cheek. He pulled back out of her face creating a friendly distance between them, feeling his heart beat faster every second they looked at each other. He took in a breath and let out some form of a quiet sigh, "because I don't need you on a pedestal to see how amazing you really are."

Author's Note: This chapter hit a little hard for me, it's kind of based off a personal experience I went through a few weeks ago just before school ended. It wasn't the same situation, but almost all of Mari's emotions and thoughts were my own. I just wish I had someone like Chat Noir to give me advice when I needed it!

This chapter might just be one of my personal favourites! But what does my opinion matter if I don't have someone backing it up or proving me wrong?!

*hint hint*

So yeah! Please leave your reviews for me to read when I wake up tomorrow morning/afternoon! (it's 01:23 am where I am as I'm writing this- and I still need to edit the chapter!) The more critical, better!

But I will hopefully see you soon!

P.S: I HAVE A MARC/ NATHANIEL FIC OUT IF YOU WANT TO READ THAT WHEN YOU'RE BORED!

-L.E-Rae _x_