Chapter 1

"Oi…" Naruto growled irritably as Sakura slid her profile sheet over to Shizune, visibly defeated. "You can't be serious…"

"What? Clearly, I'm a lonely loser," Sakura dismissed. " So are you for the matter."

Shizune snorted as she reviewed her paper and added it the growing stack at the corner of her office desk as the official head of the program per Tsunade's request.

"Who's doing the matching anyway?" Naruto grumbled to Shizune.

"That's classified. But they're a group of people well versed in such matters," came Shizune's cryptic response.

Both youngsters sighed and moved to stand up. "When do we find out if we have a match?"

"Just after the submission deadline Sakura, so possibly at the start of next month." Shizune stretched with a soft sound. "Anyway, I'm heading home, gods today was a killer…"

They followed her out, discussing the merits and disadvantages of this program and the likelihood of it helping anyone.

"Ahh, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto suddenly called with an enthusiastic wave. Sakura's heart immediately plummeted, as it recently did at the sight of him.

"Naruto-kun, Sakura-chan," he said pleasantly, his newly issued jounin outfit suited him so well it made her mouth go dry just looking at him. "What are you two doing here? It's past working hours."

Naruto opened his mouth, no doubt to give away her predicament and she immediately clamped his mouth shut with her hand. Naruto yelped as she 'accidentally' stepped on his foot. "Nothing." She said cooly, clinging onto her last shreds of dignity, "In fact, we were just heading home, right Naruto?"

The blond immediately began nodding vigorously as she released him. "Yes! Yes, we were… Err… Actually, I might stop for ramen— or not I guess," he quickly redirected at Sakura's piercing glare, nervous laughter following his declaration.

Shizune watched the exchange with an amused glint in her eyes and patted Kakashi on the shoulder as she departed. "Good night y'all. Try not to murder any spandex-wearing or senbon-chewing jounin on the way home Kakashi-kun, I heard there was… an accident the other day. Something about lost bets?"

To both Naruto's and Sakura's surprise, Kakashi's ears pinked at the tips and he coughed awkwardly into his fist. "I'll… keep that in mind."

He turned back around to come face to face with two inquiring gazes and immediately made an exaggerated show of noticing the time. "Ah, would you look at the time! I forgot to water my plants, I'd hate for mother nature to unleash her unforgiving wrath on me… I'll see you two around!"

A poof of smoke later, and he was gone.

"Weird," Naruto mumbled suspiciously, but his feet were already carrying him out of the Hokage tower.

Sakura had a niggling suspicion of what that was about.

(x)

"... And then, he freaking pushed me down the Hokage mountain! Who does that?!"

"Vindictive copy ninja?"

"I was only making a joke!"

"Don't tickle someone where it hurts, Genma."

"My, my, aren't we having fun?" Kakashi casually dropped into the vacant seat next to Genma, who immediately turned his full glare on Kakashi.

"Go fuck yourself Kakashi," Genma grumbled, knocking back his drink in one gulp.

Kakashi reached over to pat him on the back, adding just a warning jolt of electricity as he chuckled, "I'm not quite that desperate."

"Are you not?" Aoba remarked detachedly, swirling his drink in one hand, his glasses glinting strangely in the low bar light. "It must've been a decade since you've gotten laid."

"Oh? You've been keeping tabs?" Kakashi wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he brought the rim of his glass to his lips and drank through the mask. "Are you interested?"

Aoba made a show of gagging. "Hell no man, you already got all of Konoha falling at your feet, is that not enough for you?"

With a shrug, Kakashi took another hearty sip— it wasn't like he was interested per se, after all, what Konoha's population saw was a mask, only what he was willing to disclose of his person, and more of a front than anything. "Speaking of Konoha… anyone participating in the NMLL program?"

Silence descended on the small table of Jounin, comically heavy with embarrassment before Raido reluctantly raised his hand. "I was dared to alright. Genma is an ass."

"Seconded." Kakashi raised his glass to that.

"Thirded. Is tha'—hic—a word?" Slurring, Kotetsu enthusiastically slammed his glass down on the table.

"Man, you're wasted." Izumo sighed, ever fussing over his partner, and got up. "I should probably take him home… Come on, get your ass up…"

"You looooove my ass," Kotetsu made kissing noises as Izumo threw Kotetsu's arm over his shoulder. Izumo sighed, affectionately long-suffering.

"I'll see you guys around." He muttered, sending Genma a warning glare, "And you, don't overdo it."

"Yes, mother." Genma sniggered, then promptly let out a girly shriek as Izumo kicked his seat from under him and he collapsed backward, saved in the nick of time by Aoba whose hand darted out to grip Genma's arm and steadied him.

Raido snorted amusedly and subsequently choked on his drink. Hacking coughs followed and Kakashi reached across the table to pat his back consolingly. "Easy there, Rai-kun."

"Esteemed Rival!" Gai's sudden piercing cry boomed throughout the bar, and a few people notably flinched. Others literally scrambled for cover.

Kakashi sighed in dreadfully painful acceptance. "Here we go..."

Three seconds later he was lifted off his seat, squashed into a rock hard chest, and then dropped as suddenly back into his seat. "How are you this fine evening?"

Kakashi poked his ear with his pinky, but the ringing persisted. "Just fine. And yourself Gai?"

The spandex-wearing Jounin suddenly burst into manly tears, "I heard you signed up! So cruel of you not to invite me, rival!"

"Wait—say what?" Aoba interjected, slamming his glass down on the table with a loud thwack. "You signed up?!"

Kakashi sent Gai a withering glare. "What happened to customer confidentiality or whatever? Did Shizune tell you?"

Gai suddenly became very interested in the ceiling above, whistling innocently. Kakashi sighed and jabbed a finger in Genma's direction. "This asshole won a bet and dared me to do it."

"Ho-ho," Raido chortled and turned devious eyes on Genma, "wait until Konoha's entire population comes for your ass cause you took the Copy Ninja off the market."

The copy ninja deigned him with an eye roll. "Then now's as good a time as any to point out my ass was never on the market, to begin with."

"Shame," Genma sniggered, ever fast at jumping to tease Kakashi and made kissy noises at him.

Kakashi made sure to accidentally kick on the leg of his chair on his way out that night. drunk Genma face-planting onto the table in shock was an entirely unexpected, but pleasant surprise.

(x)

Age: 21

Rank: Jounin

Specialisation: Tactics and interrogation

Interest: male/female/both

Hobbies: shopping, training, gardening, crafting herbs, brewing tea, studying medicine, partying, setting people up, gossiping.

Three key traits partner must have: outgoing, fun, confident.

I am: outgoing, confident, loud, party-loving and completely sick of immature boys and stroking their sorry little egos.

Age group my partner must be in: 30 - 40

Status my partner must be: Jounin

Why are you participating in this program: well, my best friend wouldn't unless I do, so here I am. Pair me with someone hot please, matchmaker-san.

Age: 36

Rank: Jounin

Specialisation: Assassinations, tracking, fuinjutsu.

Interest: male/female/both

Hobbies: uh, not dying that's number one. I also enjoy nights out drinking with my friends and partying. I knit in my free time and I'll personally hunt you down and kill you if you tell Kakashi Hatake.

Three key traits my partner must have: Witty, confident, party-lover.

I am: a partywhore (according to all my friends), an insomniac, pretty darn good at cooking if you ask me, self-satisfied, laidback, and just enjoying life as it comes.

Age group my partner must be in: 20+

Status my partner must be: Jounin

Why are you participating in this program: Why not?

(x)

"Sakura!" Ino's delighted squeal echoed throughout the house. Loud footsteps clambered up the stairs and she came barging into Sakura's room uninvited.

Ino flopped down on the bed, all long limbs and waves of sunshine hair. "Guess what just came in the mail!"

Sakura sat up with a jolt, mouth drying. It could only be one thing.

She ripped the cluster of envelopes out of Ino's hand in nervous excitement, shuffling through them to find a yellow one made of obviously expensive paper. On the back, her name was neatly written in cursive letters.

She discarded the rest of the letters in the space between them. "NMLL?"

"Yes!" Ino exclaimed with a grin as she ripped open her own yellow envelope.

Sakura cautiously peered inside her envelope to find two pieces of neatly folded paper. She unfolded the bigger piece first, eyes roving over the printed text:

Dear Participant 56,

Thank you for signing up for our No More Lonely Losers program and contributing to ridding our esteemed village of lonely losers.

Rules and regulations:

-To ensure the safety of our participants, you're forbidden to meet your match before the twenty-fourth of December, six months from now at the ball organised by our esteemed Hokage.

-Communication is allowed through our mail delivery service only. Make sure to attach your participation number as well as your partner's on the back of the envelope. Any identity-revealing information will be screened out. Mail will be picked up every other day at 10:00 am.

-In the event that you believe you and your partner are not a good match, please file a complaint and submit it to the main desk. Please be patient with us, we're trying our best to match people.

Find below key traits about your partner:

Participant 34 is a fan of reading, training, playing with his dogs, travelling, writing and cooking. You were matched based on your key traits and hobbies.

Good luck!

Sakura blinked owlishly down at the paper and unravelled the other one to find a mailing address. They barely provided any information! Many people had those hobbies so she couldn't even begin to narrow it down, especially since they didn't include his age.

Looking up at Ino, Sakura found the blonde still grinning. Her blue eyes glittered as they slid from the paper to meet Sakura's. "I'm going to write them a letter right now, see ya forehead!"

Sakura pursed her lips as she watched Ino dash out of her room. The blonde was pretty excited for someone who initially acted indifferent towards this program… Sakura, on the other hand, tensed, more nervous than excited after having viewed the contents of the letter.

It felt pointless. She already had her eyes on someone. And not just anyone, but someone who excelled in probably every field known to mankind. Who could rival Kakashi? She didn't want to string along some poor loser. What were the chances of her getting attached to this individual and moving on from Kakashi?

Only one way to find out… Sakura sighed and reached over to grab a fresh piece of paper.

Here goes nothing.

The only reason this took so long is because I was looking for a beta. Thank you ohayohimawari for being such a sweetheart and helping me out!

Let me know your thoughts guys, and thank you for all the love this fic received!