The day finally came when Casey's tox screen came back negative for everything and the doctor was satisfied he was fully detoxed, though he gave Casey a referral to a psychiatrist to speak to as part of his continuing treatment. Kelly came to the hospital and got him, they got in his car and he drove Casey back to his apartment. Severide had thought Casey would be thrilled to finally be out of the hospital, but the whole ride back, Casey seemed to withdraw into himself, he wouldn't talk, and he tried to curl himself up into a tight ball in his seat. Severide told himself that it was just an adjustment for Matt and he'd come around soon.

"You shouldn't be wanting for anything, Cindy has been cooking overtime, I got the freezer stocked with casseroles, meatballs, lasagna, baked chicken, smoked ribs, baked steak and gravy, a chocolate cake, the woman is unstoppable," Kelly said as they pulled up. Nothing he said had any noticeable effect on Casey.

"I got some of your stuff and brought it over already," Kelly told him as he unlocked the door. "Should have everything you need for now."

Casey absently nodded but didn't speak. They went in and Casey walked over to the couch and settled on it.

"No...not there," Kelly told him. Casey looked up at him with questioning eyes. "I'll put you in the bedroom so you can relax. Come on."

Casey looked at Kelly and reluctantly got up. He followed Kelly into the bedroom and saw two of his bags sitting in the corner. He looked around the room as if trying to figure out what if anything had changed about the place.

"I...I can't...I don't want to put you out-"

"It's alright, Casey, I'll be right in the next room, if you need me, just yell," Kelly told him.

Casey didn't have any idea what to say. He put his arms around Kelly and hugged him.

Kelly patted him on the back and told him, "It's alright, Casey, you're home now."

The days at Kelly's apartment passed better than they had at Med, but not necessarily quicker. Casey didn't adjust well to being out of the hospital and hardly came out of the bedroom. He slept in Kelly's bed all night and stayed in it most of the day every day. Severide quietly moved about the apartment so as not to disturb Matt, but every so often he poked his head in the bedroom to check on Casey, every time he seemed to be asleep. After the first day, Casey kept the blinds shut and the curtains closed to block out the daylight and seemed to want to make the room as dark as possible. Kelly also noticed that out of all the clothes he'd brought from Casey's apartment, the only things Casey wore day after day were his pajamas or sweatpants and the bulkiest long sleeve shirts he owned, as if he was trying to hide himself, though Kelly guessed in some weird way it made sense. He said nothing about any of it and merely offered Casey his unquestioning support.

Once in a while Casey padded out to the kitchen but he wouldn't eat with Kelly and he hardly touched anything in the fridge. Insult to injury, he looked in the fridge the first day and saw there wasn't any beer. He looked in the cupboards and there wasn't anything stronger either. He knew Kelly Severide never ran out of liquor, and if he did he never stayed out, and he knew it was no coincidence there was no alcohol in the apartment. One night Kelly tried to bribe Casey to come out and eat by bringing home a pizza, Casey sat at the table and put two slices on his plate, but the disappointment was evident in his face when Kelly set a bottle of soda on the table in front of him.

"Sorry, buddy," Kelly told him. "I know you'd rather have a beer but with as little as you've got in you these days I'd rather not risk you throwing up and dehydrating yourself even more than you already are."

With a pronounced pout, Casey reluctantly ate the pizza and drank half of the bottle of cola before returning to the bedroom, where he stayed for the rest of the night.

Kelly spent his nights on the couch, listening to what was going on in the bedroom, most of the time there was nothing, some nights he could hear Casey crying, and though every nerve in his body was screaming for him to go in there and comfort his friend, he decided he needed to back off and let Casey deal with what was going on by himself. He knew if Casey really needed him, he knew where to find him, so he stayed back and waited. A couple of times Casey came to him in the night, he didn't say anything, all he could do was cry as he sat beside his best friend, who never questioned what it was about, just held him and let him wear himself out, and let Casey feel his presence and know he wasn't alone.

Seven days into Casey's stay, Kelly had quietly observed something the whole week Matt was there, and it had finally reached a point Kelly needed to say something. Coincidentally that day, Casey had finally come out of the bedroom and eaten with him in the kitchen.

"Matt, I know what happened to you, I know what you were put through, and I know that it's haunting you now...but you've been here a week and you've never set foot in the shower. Now I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous, you need to get cleaned up."

Matt looked at him with wide eyes full of fear and merely responded, "I can't."

"You have to. I know you didn't like the nurses washing you in the hospital but at least you were kept clean. It's been seven days, I can tell just by looking at you that you haven't showered since then."

"Kelly, I can't!" Matt insisted. He was practically hyperventilating as he demanded of his best friend, "Don't you understand? I can't!"

Kelly said nothing, just sat there for a minute in silence. Then he got up from the table, went to the bathroom, and Casey heard a strange sound of something being ripped, and he ran to see what it was.

He got there just in time to see Kelly finishing tearing the shower curtain off the rod hanging over the bathtub, rings and all.

"There," Kelly said dismissively as he dropped the curtain on the floor, "Don't take a shower, take a bath instead, you can lock the door if that makes you feel better."

Casey stood there in a daze, feeling like he'd just been punched in the gut from Kelly's cold and crass change in attitude.

"Kelly..."

Severide sighed as he stepped towards Casey and surprised the blonde man by hugging him.

"I'm not mad at you," Kelly said in a notably softer tone, "I'm just frustrated because I don't know how to help you." He patted Casey's shoulders assuredly and told him, "Nobody's going to come in and bother you...there's a bolt on the door if you want to lock it. You'll be fine."

"I...may not...lock it," Casey said with noted difficulty. "I mean, if you...if it's not..."

Kelly seemed to pick up on what Casey was trying to say but couldn't bring himself to. "You need me, just holler." They'd been friends too long for much of anything to be too awkward between them.

"Kelly?"

Severide had had the volume muted on the TV just incase he heard anything from the bathroom that might alarm him. He hadn't actually expected Matt calling him to be one of them, but he got up from the couch and went to see what was the matter.

"You alright, Casey?"

Kelly found the door not only wasn't locked but had actually been left open an inch, he opened it and stepped in.

Casey had the tub filled up to his chest, the water was filmy white on the surface from the soap, Casey sat in the tub with his hands on the edges, looking straight ahead but didn't actually seem to be looking at anything.

"You okay?" Kelly tried again as he took another step in.

As he got closer to the tub he noticed something looked off. Casey's hair was wet but it stuck out in spikes, and his forehead looked like he had a layer of Vaseline caked on it. Kelly realized it was the oil from his hair, he still hadn't washed it and instead it looked like the oil ran down his face.

"You need some help?" Kelly asked.

Casey said nothing, but Severide noticed his knuckles turn white from gripping the edge of the tub harder, and noticed the small tremors coursing through his arms. He looked like he was afraid if he let go for a second, he'd drown, and Kelly took that as an answer.

"Okay, give me a minute."

Kelly grabbed the rinse cup off the sink counter and ran the tap until the water was warm and filled it up. Then he crouched down beside the tub, used his free hand to shield Casey's eyes and poured the water over his head. He felt Casey's eyelids flinch against his hand but otherwise the blonde man didn't move. Putting the cup aside, Kelly dipped his hands in the hot water and grabbed the bottle of shampoo. The oils from Casey's hair ate up the soap and there were few suds as he scrubbed through Casey's scalp, a testament to how long it had actually been since he'd washed his hair. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to talk to Casey while he worked or not, if that would make it more or less awkward for him. Granted it was an awkward enough situation for both of them, but Kelly didn't mind, he knew that Casey still wasn't firing on all cylinders and the man was going to need some help before he could ever return to anything resembling normal.

"Hold your breath," Kelly told him as he gently pushed Casey's head down under the water. He ran his fingernails over Casey's head to make sure the soap was out, and Casey emerged gasping for air a couple seconds later.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Kelly asked, trying to lighten the mood. He had an idea that Casey was debating whether to tell him something or not, and he hoped Casey felt secure enough to talk to him about whatever it was.

An hour later Casey still hadn't come out of the bathroom. Severide went back and was shocked to find Casey still sitting in the tub as he'd last seen him.

"Casey, isn't that water freezing by now?"

"...Just about," he finally answered.

Kelly went over to the tub, stuck a finger in and felt the water was ice cold.

"Okay, you're getting out now." He reached under the faucet and found the lever to open the drain, then he grabbed a towel off the rack, grabbed Casey by the arm and pulled him to his feet and wrapped him up in the towel. He didn't miss the fact that Casey reached over, pulled a second towel off, and wrapped it around his upper body to conceal everything under his neck. He stepped over the tub and Kelly all but pushed him out of the bathroom and back over to the bedroom.

"Dry off and get dressed," Kelly told him, feeling every bit like a father telling his child what to do because he hadn't learned the routine himself yet.

"Kelly..." Casey clutched the towel wrapped around his shoulders as he sat on the bed. "There's something...I think..."

"What?" Kelly asked him. "What is it?"

Casey looked towards the floor for a second, then slowly looked up at Kelly, and told him, "You don't know...everything...that happened."

"Yes, I do," Kelly said simply. It was with great difficulty he fought back the urge to tell Casey 'I know more of what happened than you do'.

Casey shook his head. "No..."

Kelly nodded, "I know about everything, Casey, I found out the morning after the shooting."

Casey lowered his head ashamed and folded his arms over his head as he groaned, "God..."

"it's alright, Casey, nobody's blaming you for what happened, I know none of it's your fault."

Casey sucked in a nervous breath and choked back out, "...you hate me..."

"No," Kelly stepped over to the bed and sat down beside Casey to get his attention. "I don't hate you, I told you in the hospital, I never could, and I meant that, Casey. I knew then what happened, I don't blame you."

Casey sucked in another breath that came back out as a sob, "I didn't want you to hate me. 's why I didn't tell anyone."

Kelly put his arm around Casey and pulled his friend against him as he cried.

"Nothing could make me hate you, Matt."

Casey struggled to get a couple more breaths in and said, "I still love her."

That one he hadn't been expecting. But he didn't let it show, he patted Casey on the back and told him, "It's okay, Matt." Something occurred to Kelly and he asked Casey, "You want me to stay with you tonight?"

Casey pulled back and looked at him and asked uncertainly, "You don't hate me?"

"Of course not."

"Please," Casey leaned against him again and rested his head on Kelly's shoulder, "please..."

Kelly calmly rocked on the bed with Casey in his arms and told his best friend, "It's okay, Casey, it's going to be okay."

"Kelly," Casey said a few days later, "where's your razor?"

"Why?" Kelly looked up from the TV to the blonde man who was standing off to the side in the living room.

Casey didn't roll his eyes but the look on his face was just as good as he ran his hand down his chin to emphasize the beard that had steadily been growing since he left the hospital.

Kelly looked at him and asked innocently, "You mind if I stay and watch?"

This time Casey did roll his eyes. "Come on, Kelly, what do you think, I'm going to slit my wrists?"

Kelly didn't want to start anything, he chose his words carefully as he responded, "No offense, Matt, but I can't be sure of that, can I?"

Casey looked at him and sighed in defeat.

"Fair point," he conceded, "Okay, fine."

Kelly stood up and told him, "I'll go get it."

"That looks better," Casey said as he tapped the razor against the sink one last time and put it back in its stand.

"Feels better too," Kelly teased as he ran a hand over Casey's smooth cheek.

"You're one to talk," Casey said as he squirmed out of Kelly's reach.

Kelly didn't know what it was but over the last few days Casey finally seemed to be coming out of his shell, a little anyway. He still hadn't been able to really get himself dressed and just beat around the apartment in his pajamas most days, but he came out of the bedroom for part of the day and was engaging, he could actually make small conversations, and he'd started to eat a little more regularly. Kelly thought they were on the right track now, but there was something on his mind he was worried might derail any progress Casey had made. He waited until they sat down on the couch in the living room before he approached the subject, though he had a suspicion there was a connection to what he was going to say and why Casey suddenly wanted to improve his appearance.

"Casey...the uh...the...they're having the funeral tomorrow," Severide told him.

Casey nodded sadly. "I know."

"Do you uh...are you going to go?"

"I can't," Casey shook his head, "I can't be around the others and...pretend nothing's happened, I just can't."

"I understand, perfectly," Kelly told him. "You don't want to go, we won't go."

"But I want to see it," Casey responded. "I talked to Otis, he said he could stream it live so w-I could watch it from here...if you don't mind..."

Kelly was mildly surprised but he didn't take long to answer lest Casey get the wrong idea from his silence.

"We'll watch it," he replied. "Even dead and five miles away, I'm not leaving you alone with her."

Casey's face scrunched up into a melancholic smile and a small laugh escaped from his lips.

"Can I ask you a question?" Kelly wanted to know. "Is this...just to make sure that she's gone, or..."

"I still love her...don't ask me why, I can't answer...I know better, but she was still my wife and I love her," Casey said. "I can't bring myself to go in person, but I have to see it."

Kelly nodded. "Okay. That's all there is to it then."