Kelly knew Gabby's funeral would be upsetting for Casey to say the least. He anticipated the whole day being hell for his friend. Casey parked himself on the couch in his pajamas with his knees against his chest and wouldn't budge. Severide tore open a new box of Kleenex because he expected a good portion of them to be used up before the day was over, and he set a six-pack of water bottles on the coffee table so they wouldn't have to get up during the service, and since it was a chilled gloomy day, very fitting for the funeral he thought, he took a heavy flannel blanket out of the closet and draped half of it over Casey, and he sat beside Matt on the couch and they watched the live footage of the funeral. Casey was already crying just as people piled in to the church. Everybody from 51 was there, the extended Dawson family was there, CPD, the nurses and doctors they knew from Med, everybody had turned out for the service. From the outside looking in, it looked like any other funeral for any other member of the Firehouse 51 family, and taken out of context from the facts, it was a beautiful service. The church was beautiful, the flowers that filled the whole room were beautiful, a pristine white closed casket had been selected, if it had been anyone else, it would actually be very touching. Even as it was, what Kelly knew couldn't completely undo all the feelings he'd had about Gabby as one of their family for all the years she'd been there. He had to be the strong one and pulled Casey against him and let the blonde man cry on his shoulder, if he was honest he could feel his own eyes stinging with the onset of tears as he watched people get up and speak about Gabby as a person, as a paramedic, a daughter, sister, a loving individual. For a short while, all the rage that Kelly had felt at knowing the truth of what she was like, subsided and instead he felt the tears trailing down his face and felt a pained sob stuck in his throat as he tried for the most part to keep himself held together for Casey, whose body was wracked with loud hiccuping sobs halfway through the service, who went through a quarter of the box of Kleenex before the funeral was over, half of them used to blow his nose, the other half to brush away the tears when his eyes and face stung too much from them.

The footage showed everything from the church, to the drive to the cemetery, to the burial, in all it was three hours before everybody finally left and headed for their homes. By that time Casey was long past inconsolable and clung to Severide as he cried his eyes out, only he knew the exact reasons why. Kelly held his best friend and allowed himself to mourn with him, struggling to let go of any fond memories of Gabby that still remained. As far as Kelly was concerned, those memories were staying at the grave with her, after this point, they were no longer a part of him.

Casey was too upset to eat anything at lunch, and finally he got up and just went back to bed, and there he stayed for the next several hours. Kelly stayed in the living room and sat on the couch and tried to think what to do now to help Matt.

It was a good thing that Gabby's funeral had been held earlier in the day, by late afternoon the whole city was being bombarded with a rainstorm, the proverbial perfect end to the perfect day. Now all of Chicago had been plunged into an even darker shade of gloom and dreariness, very fitting for the occasion.

Kelly opened the bedroom door and addressed the lump curled up under the blanket and said, "Come on, Casey, get up, I got dinner."

Casey grumbled softly as he turned on his side and pulled the covers up over his head. "I don't want any."

"Too bad," Kelly stood his ground, "it won't be any good once it gets cold."

"Then you eat it," Casey replied.

"I can't, now come on, Matt, you haven't eaten anything all day," Kelly went over to the bed and whipped the covers back and told Casey, "I'm not going to stand by and watch you make yourself sick."

"Okay, fine," Casey grumbled as he reluctantly left the bed since it was obvious Severide wouldn't let him get any rest. He followed Kelly out to the living room, to the kitchen and asked, "What is it?"

"Comfort food."

"What?"

Kelly flipped the light switch and Casey saw two brown paper bags with fast food logos on the sides resting on the table and two plates set. The two firefighters took their regular seats, Kelly reached into one bag and took out a burger wrapped in paper and set the bag over by Casey. He took out the second burger which was still warm and could smell it through the wrapper, instantly he felt his mouth starting to water in response to the aroma of pickles and onions and mustard. Severide put a packet of fries on his plate and handed the second one over to Casey. The two men ate in silence for a few minutes, Casey doing little more than picking at his food but gradually he was eating it.

Finally Kelly said, simply because he wasn't sure what else to say, "It was a nice service."

Casey nodded but didn't look at him.

"How're you doing?" Kelly asked.

Casey chanced looking him in the eyes. "Okay."

"You know, if you're not..." Kelly realized how stupid what he was saying sounded, but he couldn't think of anything better to say, "that's okay too."

"Thanks, but I think I'm doing fine," Casey responded with a hint of a smile. "Thanks."

"For what?" Kelly asked.

"Everything."

Kelly offered a small smile in return. "No problem."

Kelly spent the night with Casey in the bedroom, for the most part he guessed Casey slept peacefully, though he was woken up once during the night when he felt a sudden weight on him. Casey had rolled over on him and clung to him as he whimpered in his sleep. Kelly didn't say anything, he just draped an arm over Casey's back and held him and waited for him to quiet down. After a few minutes Casey calmed down and rested his head against Kelly's collarbone. Kelly fell back asleep shortly after that.

The next couple days passed uneventfully, Casey moved around the apartment and acted a little bit alive and Kelly took that as a sign of improvement.

The night after that, he was sleeping on the couch again when he felt a set of hands pressing down on his stomach and rib cage and shaking him. He woke up and realized it was Casey trying to wake him up.

"What is it, Matt?" he asked as he snapped awake, "What's wrong?"

Though the room was dark, Casey stood over him and Kelly could see he was near hysterics, his skin was flushed with perspiration, his breathing was ragged.

"Did you mean what you said?" Casey asked him. "When you said I could talk to you, did you mean it?"

Kelly instantly sat up and moved over so Casey could sit beside him. "Of course I did. What's the matter?"

Casey anxiously sat down next to him, and he breathed heavily for a few seconds as he tried to pull himself together.

"Matt, what's wrong?"

Kelly felt the air being choked out of him as Casey hugged him a little too close to the neck, clinging to Severide in terror.

"I'm scared you'll hate me when you know."

That confession frightened the hell out of Severide, but he kept his cool.

"Casey, I told you before, I could never..."

"You know? You-you-you saw?" The panic was clear in Matt's voice.

Kelly nodded, "I saw the videos, Casey."

"How?"

"I found the phone Gabby kept them on."

Casey tightened his grip on Kelly impossibly moreso. "Wha-what happened to them?"

"Voight's got the phone, I'm guessing it's in an evidence locker somewhere."

Casey groaned and buried his face in the crook of Kelly's neck.

"Matt, I know what's on the videos, I told you already, I know it wasn't your fault. What's got you so upset?"

Casey pressed his face against Severide's neck even harder and alternated between moaning and crying. Kelly patiently waited for Casey to calm down enough to explain.

He didn't know when, but Casey finally quieted down, and for a minute Severide thought he'd fallen back asleep, then suddenly, he spoke.

"I didn't know at first," Casey began. "I didn't know that Gabby was...slipping me pills to put me to sleep...we had a..." the embarrassment was present as he continued, "great sex life, we were so in love, I had erotic dreams about her all the time."

Kelly smiled to himself but refrained from laughing. He knew this was very personal for Casey to confess, especially in light of what happened, and was determined not to make it more awkward for him than it already was. Even knowing what all he did, for a brief moment it made him smile to hear his best friend so much in love.

"Then one day she told me that she'd been giving me pills, the dreams weren't really dreams, I just wasn't awake enough to know it...I thought she was kidding," Casey told him. "She was always joking she had everything in Ambo she needed to do whatever she wanted with me..." the lightheartedness was gone from his voice as he pressed on. "Then one night, she says she's got an idea, she wants to try something different. She said it'll be great, a whole new experience...she had a syringe, and a small vial."

Kelly felt Casey tense against him as he recollected.

"She promised it was just one time, and if I didn't like it, we'd forget about it. I thought...what harm could it do? Gabby's a responsible person, she knows what she's doing, she'd never...do anything wrong like...like that. I..." he pressed his face against Kelly's shoulder for a second. "I never asked her what it was, I just trusted her. She gave me the shot...I couldn't move...I mean almost completely paralyzed...almost. When it was over Gabby said, since I clearly enjoyed it, we'd have to do it again sometime, try something different."

Kelly subconsciously tightened his hold on Casey as he spoke.

"I didn't want to...but I thought...if it's just once in a while...I can deal with that, it made her happy, she loved it...but it wasn't just once in a while. She started bringing different stuff home, stuff I knew what it was and I knew what would happen if I took it...she said if I loved her, I'd do it. I did love her...I wanted her to be happy. But I couldn't figure out what she got out of it, I would be so tired, so dizzy, I could hardly move, I couldn't do anything. I felt awful, but she said I made her happy, and she was always so nice the next day. I hated what was happening...but I didn't say no the first time...so how could I say no the next time? Or the time after that? But then, I did tell her no, I told her I didn't want to do it. She wouldn't listen. She said it didn't matter if I wanted to or not because she controlled what happened to me. Then I found out she'd been recording all the times we did it, she made videos, and I tried...I tried to find where she kept them, but I couldn't...and...she started getting reckless, she would mix stuff together, have me on two or three drugs at a time, and I knew what could happen, I knew it could kill me, I begged her to stop..." Casey sighed, somehow he'd held himself together this far but he sounded near tears as he told Kelly, "She wouldn't listen. She never listened when I said no."

Kelly listened to all of this, and he fought back every urge in his body, he maintained a semi-tight hold on Casey with one arm and with his free hand he absentmindedly stroked over the back of Casey's head almost obsessively.

"She'd started sneaking into the shower at 51 when I was in there...and that was the last straw, I could take what she did in our home in private...but I couldn't take it when she was actually trying to get someone to walk in on us at work. I couldn't keep her out there, so I started locking the bathroom door in our apartment so I didn't have to worry about her filming me in the shower. One night she kicked the door open when I was in the shower, and, she...she..."

Kelly closed his eyes, trying to push away the mental image of what Casey couldn't bring himself to say. That must've been when he started only showering at 51 when Ambo was out on call.

"That last week, I don't even know what all I was on...I really thought I had the flu, I felt so horrible...she promised, she promised she'd take care of me, she promised it would be alright. I still believed her. I was so miserable, and she wanted to have sex again, I couldn't...I begged her to leave me alone and let me sleep...I heard her in the kitchen and I knew she was getting another batch ready. My head was in such a fog...I couldn't get the door unlocked, so I broke the window and jumped out...I don't even remember hitting the ground, I just remember wandering through the streets, trying to run, and I knew she was behind me all the time...I thought I'm never going to get away from her. When the shooting started, I couldn't tell if I'd been hit or not, I didn't even look...all I could think about was she was right behind me. I looked back..."

Casey's whole body tensed up against Severide's as he relived the horror of that moment.

"I knew I should've gone to her and see if she could be resuscitated, but I was too scared to move...I thought if I moved towards her she'd get up and come after me again...I hardly even remember Voight coming up...you know the rest."

"Casey, I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that alone," Kelly said.

"It was my own fault," Casey told him, "if I'd said no the first time, then maybe it would've counted all the times after it that I said no."

Kelly tightened his grip on Casey and slowly rocked both of them on the couch.

"It counted, Casey," Severide told him just above a whisper, "It counted."

"Then why didn't she stop?" Casey asked helplessly as he clung to Kelly. "All the times I begged her to stop, why wouldn't she?"

Kelly sighed as he shook his head. "I don't know, buddy, I'm sorry."

"I killed her," Casey said in a horrified whisper.

"No you didn't."

"I knew she'd chase after me, she followed me down that alley."

"There's no way you could've known what was going to happen, you didn't plan it, Casey, it was just the wrong place at the wrong time...only it wasn't wrong...you're alive, and you weren't shot, and you're safe now," Kelly told him.

"But Gabby..."

"I know...I know, it was hard to see her like that...but it's for the best, Casey, she can't hurt you anymore," Kelly said.

"But she is," Casey tearfully replied, "I'm always going to remember what she did to me."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"I loved her so much...I thought she loved me...she told me...the first time I told her 'no', she said to me that after all the time she spent chasing after me, getting me to herself, she was going to do what she wanted and there was nothing I could do to stop her."

"Casey, that's not love."

"I know...but I loved her. And she said it herself she wanted me for years, when Hallie and I broke up, when we got back together...after Hallie was murdered. Why didn't she love me?"

Kelly shook his head in defeat, "I don't know, Matt. I don't know."

Casey broke down sobbing as he pressed his head against Kelly's shoulder. Severide held his best friend close and sat in silence as he listened to Casey cry himself to sleep.

Casey slowly opened his eyes and realized it was morning. Then he realized he was laying down, but not in the bedroom. He looked down and saw he was laying on Severide's couch...and that Severide was laying under him.

Casey's eyes widened as he moved to get up, but something was pinning him down.

"Hey, hey, take it easy," Kelly told him, "calm down, Casey."

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry," Casey struggled to get up, not putting it together that the reason he couldn't was because Severide was holding him down. "I didn't mean-"

"Casey, relax," Kelly said. "It's alright, just calm down."

Casey didn't know what was going on but he finally stopped struggling and collapsed back against Kelly.

"What happened?"

"You fell asleep, and I didn't want to wake you," Kelly explained. "I thought we'd both sleep better if we could actually lay down."

"I'm sorry," Casey tiredly rubbed his eyes.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"I..." Casey grimaced, "I didn't want to tell you what was going on...I didn't want anyone to know."

"I understand, but I'm glad you told me. I'm sorry you had to go through everything alone."

"What happens now?" Casey asked.

"Aside from Voight and his people, nobody knows."

"Antonio?"

"Antonio doesn't know. Nobody at 51 is going to know anything unless you decide to tell them."

"I can't tell them about what happened," Casey groaned.

"Casey, how can you let them go on thinking Gabby was a wonderful person?"

"I can live with that sooner than everybody knowing what she did to me," Casey said, "that's what I've been trying to avoid this whole time."

"Okay, I get it, I'm sorry," Kelly said. "I just hate that there's nothing I can do."

"But you mean what you said before?" Casey asked, "You don't hate me?"

"It wasn't your fault."

"I didn't say no."

"She should never have put you in that position to begin with. Nobody who loves someone does something like that."

"But I let her do it because I did love her," Casey said.

"That doesn't matter, she never should've done what she did," Kelly told him. "That's not on you."

"I went along with it."

"Casey, if she didn't listen the first time you did say no, she wouldn't have listened if you'd said it the first time she drugged you," Kelly said. "I'm sorry, but that's the truth. If she loved you, she would've listened."

"You keep saying that," Casey told him, "but how could we have been together all those years, and she didn't love me?"

"I wish I knew, buddy, I'm sorry that I don't," Kelly said. "But you know it's true, if you saw this happening to someone else, you know what you'd say to them."

Casey moaned. He knew, but it was different when it was him.