Casey looked at the shower curtain hanging over the bathtub that Kelly had replaced, and he stood by the door looking at it for several minutes, before he suddenly turned, abruptly running into Kelly who stood in the doorway, and told him, "I can't do this."

"Come on, Casey, you need to get cleaned up." It had already been a week since he'd been able to coax Matt into the tub, something else he'd been in no hurry to do again. Kelly figured since they were having trouble anyway, they might as well try for biting the bullet. He wasn't unsympathetic to what Casey had been through but he knew the longer Casey couldn't get near a shower without going into a panic attack, the worse it was going to be for him to recover from what happened.

"But I can't do it!" Matt told him. "I'm not trying to be difficult, Kelly, I just can't."

"Okay, okay, let me think," Severide said.

"I'm well aware how ridiculous this is, Kelly, I'm not enjoying this," Casey said. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing it'll be when I finally go back to 51 and I can't-"

"I think I got an idea," Kelly told him.

"What?"

"It might not work but I think it's worth trying."

"What?" Casey asked.

"Don't freak out on me, okay?"

"Oh God," Casey groaned, "what is it?"

"You got a pair of swim trunks?" Kelly asked.

Kelly rapped on the bedroom door.

"Casey, you okay?"

The door opened and Casey stood in the doorway dressed in a pair of black swim trunks, his arms folded tight against his chest, his skin erupted in gooseflesh as he tried visibly hard not to shake.

"Okay, come on," Kelly said.

Casey reluctantly followed Kelly to the bathroom, the shower was already running and steam was rising above the curtain. Casey took two steps toward it, then acting on a reflex, turned and tried to bolt again, but Kelly stopped him.

"It's alright, Casey," Kelly said as he lightly pushed Matt over towards the shower. "Come on, you can do this."

"I can't," the panic was there as Casey responded.

"You can, I'm right here, nothing's going to happen," Kelly assured him.

Casey bit his bottom lip as he cautiously reached a hand out and grabbed the edge of the shower curtain and drew it back. The steam was warm, the water would be warm, and he was freezing, but he still couldn't bring himself to step in.

"It's okay, Matt," Kelly told him. "Just step over."

Casey half turned and looked like he wanted to run, but he knew Kelly wouldn't let him. He turned to the front again and sucked in a heavy breath as he swung one leg over the side of the tub, then the other. The hot water instantly beat down on him and that also made him want to turn and run, but Kelly was right behind him and used his weight against Casey to keep him in.

"It's alright, Casey, just calm down."

"Kelly-"

"You're okay, just take it easy."

Casey inched his way into the middle of the shower and let the water pour down on him. The heat was comforting but he still stood rigid as a board with his arms pressed tight against his chest. He waited, listened, listened for the approaching footsteps, waited to hear the curtain jerk back, waited to hear her voice.

"Casey."

Matt felt the hand on his skin and he screamed and just about jumped.

"Sorry," Kelly said, "breathe, Casey."

Breathe, right, he knew he forgot something.

"Turn around, Casey."

He did, slowly.

"Why didn't you tell anyone what was going on?" Kelly asked.

Casey rubbed the hot water from his eyes and looked at Severide as he answered, "Gabby said if I ever told anyone what she was doing, she'd make sure everyone at 51 saw the videos...I'd do anything to avoid that, and she knew it."

"I'm sorry, buddy."

Matt felt like the walls were closing in on him, he tried to get past Kelly but Severide blocked him.

"I want to get out."

"Sorry, Casey, you still need to get cleaned up."

"Kelly..."

Severide took a step back and said, "I'm gonna close the curtain, I'll be right out here, okay? Just let me know when you're done."

"Kelly..."

Severide stepped back, the curtain closed, and Casey felt like he was trapped in an enclosed space. He looked around, he listened to the sound of the water running, he felt his anxiety levels steadily climbing and just about to shoot through the roof.

"Kelly?"

"I'm right here," he heard from the other side of the room.

Casey looked up at the ceiling and saw the steam rising towards it.

"Talk to me," Casey said, hoping that it would help.

"What about?"

Casey felt his stomach pulsating and it felt harder to breathe, but he forced himself not to lose it.

"Anything...just...just talk."

"Okay," Kelly replied, his tone evident that he didn't quite get it, "Benny called the other day, he's thinking of coming up and getting start on his annual ice fishing trip, he's trying to talk me into going with him..."

Ten minutes later Casey shoved the curtain clear to the side and was just about to hyperventilate as he stepped over the tub and announced, "I'm done!"

Kelly was waiting with a towel and wrapped it around him. "Take it easy, Casey, you did fine." Almost as an afterthought he noticed Casey's hair laying flat and his skin glistening from being washed.

Casey breathed in and out heavily as he tried to compose himself, to listen to him trying to force air into his lungs, Severide could guess how hard what he'd just done was for him.

"Calm down, calm down, you're okay, it's over, alright? You're good," Kelly told him.

Casey didn't seem to hear him. Instead he made his way to the door and just about went through Severide to do it.

"Oh God," Casey groaned as he got to the hall and buried his face in his hands, "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, you'll get past this, you just have to be patient," Kelly told him as he followed him into the bedroom.

"GET OUT!"

"Sorry," Kelly quickly exited the bedroom and pulled the door shut behind him.

A few minutes later the door opened and Casey stepped out dressed in a fresh change of clothes, actually wearing clothes, Kelly observed, not the pajamas he'd been wearing for 2 weeks.

"I'm sorry," Casey told him. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay, I get it," Kelly said.

"No you don't."

"No I don't..." Kelly replied humbly, "but I'm trying."

Casey sighed and hugged him. "Thank you."

Kelly rubbed his back and told him, "If you do decide to tell the others, I'll back you up."

Casey groaned. "I can't tell them."

"If you change your mind-"

"No, I can't ever tell them...they all loved Gabby so much, I can't take that from them," Casey said.

"If you ever do change your mind," Kelly tried again, "you'll have me in your corner."

Casey slowly took that in and nodded. "Thanks, Kelly, I appreciate it...but I just can't. I can't tell them what happened, I can't tell them what she did..."

"Casey, they're your family, they'll understand."

"Would they?" he asked apprehensively. "Would you if you hadn't seen the video?"

Kelly honestly hadn't thought about that. Until he saw the video he was deep seated in denial, no matter what Voight said, until he saw it for himself he couldn't bring himself to believe it.

"See?" Casey asked, "It's just better that nobody knows."

"You have to tell somebody, Casey."

Matt looked at him skeptically and asked, "Who?"

Kelly drove Casey to his first therapy appointment. They got out of Severide's car and started up the sidewalk, halfway to the door, Casey turned and knocked into Kelly as he tried to run.

"No-no-no, I can't do it, I can't," Casey was about to have a full blown panic attack.

Kelly restrained Casey and tried to get him to calm down, but with little luck. He looked at the sign in front of the building and saw the psychiatrist was a woman, he wondered if that was the problem.

"Casey, calm down."

"I can't go in, I won't," Casey struggled against him.

"Casey, breathe, and calm down," Kelly told him.

"Kelly, I can't, I can't, I can't..."

"Okay, okay, okay, just take it easy," Kelly said firmly. Casey stopped fighting with him. "Will you do me a favor? Just stay here for a minute and don't go anywhere."

"What're you gonna do?"

"I'm going in there, I'll be right back."

"Kelly-"

"Sta-a-ay put!" Kelly told him. To his surprise, Casey did.

Kelly went inside the building, then came back a couple minutes later.

"Okay, let's go."

"What'd you do?" Casey asked.

"I rescheduled your appointment, and," Kelly held a few cards in his hand, "I got a few referrals to other doctors if you'd rather do that."

Casey took the cards and noticed the names on them were all male doctors.

"Okay?" Severide asked.

"I guess so," Casey sighed as he stuck them in his pocket.

The days passed fairly but the nights were still hard. Sometimes Kelly stayed with Casey, sometimes Casey went to him in the middle of the night, a few times Casey suggested they switch and he take the couch and give Kelly a break, but Kelly could hear him pacing around the living room all night. Some nights he slept, some nights he woke up screaming from nightmares and flashbacks, some nights he didn't sleep at all. Usually on those nights Kelly sat up with him and if Casey wasn't up to talking, they passed the time watching TV. In the middle of the night there wasn't much on besides mindless garbage, but it beat the alternative of darkness and silence.

On one such night they'd scrolled through the channels and found a classic TV network and tuned in to an all night marathon of "The Munsters", after two hours of it Severide became aware of a head propped against his shoulder and he realized Casey was on the verge of falling asleep. And while he would've liked nothing better than just let him, there was something he needed to get off his chest and he decided to do it before morning.

"Casey," he said, and watched as the blonde man opened his eyes and sat up straight.

"Sorry, Kelly."

"Casey...I'm going to be going back to 51 soon."

Casey looked at him and didn't say anything at first, then finally, "Okay..."

Kelly wasn't sure what he was expecting Casey's response to be, but that wasn't it, and his confusion must've been obvious.

"I appreciate you taking off as long as you have, but come on, Kelly, you have to know by now I'm not going to do anything stupid just because you're not here to watch me."

"It's not that," Kelly shook his head, "I just-"

"I do know how to be by myself, you know."

"I know," Kelly reluctantly responded, "it's just that you haven't been in so long and..."

Casey looked at him and seemed to get what Kelly was trying to say. It had been years since he'd actually been on his own, even for just three days a week.

"I'll be fine, Kelly," Casey insisted.

"I know...I just worry about you."

For some reason, that made Casey smile.

"I appreciate your concern...I can't tell you not to worry...just because I know you will anyway, but I'll be okay."

"I know, and I'm glad to hear it," Severide told him.

That was the end of the conversation and the two felt like a weight had been lifted off of them. Before the night was over the otherwise quiet apartment was filled with hysterical laughter from the two firemen as they watched Herman Munster get a job in a Chinese laundry.

"Welcome back, Kelly," Boden greeted Severide his first day back on shift. "How's Casey doing?"

"Uh, he's staying with me for the time being. The doctor said his resistance is still low from the flu and he advised Casey to stay off shift at least a couple more weeks to make sure he's fully recovered," Kelly lied through his teeth like a professional.

"That's gotta be rough on him," Herrmann said, "how's he adapting to...you know, life without Gabby?"

That seemed to be the real question on everyone's minds.

Kelly shrugged and said simply, "Best that he can. You know how he does, tries to act like he's fine."

There was a collective response of agreement from the others on the apparatus floor, but after that nobody knew what to say.

"Come on, Severide," Herrmann finally broke the silence since they still had a job to do and had to get ready for it, "we'll introduce you to the new paramedic."