Casey sighed contentedly as he held his arms out at his sides and fell back into the waves washing in to the surf. Up on the beach he could hear Severide laughing and yelling that he should've taken his sunglasses off before getting in the water. He raised his head and was just able to see Kelly sitting on a towel, his hair spiked from the water, a pair of black shades concealing his eyes, his already tanned skin taking on a pinkish hue, and his feet a grayish brown from the sand sticking to his skin, the sun was bright and hot and the glare it cast on the water was almost blinding. Casey let the seawater wash over him and enjoyed the contrast of the hot sun and the refreshing water. Definitely not the weather he'd be putting up with back home in Chicago.

They'd arrived in South Carolina that morning. They'd taken a cab to the hotel Severide had made their reservation at which was mere minutes away from the beach and many of the attractions. On the way they'd gotten a brief glimpse of their vacation destination for the next week, they got checked in, where they'd found out there'd been a snafu with the reservations and there was only one room available with one bed, which put a slight damper on the mood, until they actually checked into their room and saw it had a queen sized bed, and a couch by the balcony window that looked out to the ocean.

"I think I'm gonna like this vacation," Casey commented as he dropped his bag on the bed and headed over to the balcony. He slid open the glass door and stepped on the balcony and looked at the oceanfront less than a mile away, breathed in the air, then looked down, and got a bird's eye view of how high up their room was.

"Hey," Kelly was behind him, his hand on Casey's arm, "You're not getting scared of heights now, are you?"

"No," Casey stepped back, "just a little lightheaded...definitely doesn't look like any building we ever had to scale that was on fire."

Kelly laughed, "Let's hope not. Come on, let's get changed and hit the beach."

And here they were, and there they'd been for Casey didn't even know how long, and he didn't care. He didn't particularly care for the feeling of sand between his toes but it was definitely worth it to be in the ocean. It was an experience unlike any he'd ever known, and for a brief moment it left him wondering what kind of life he'd been living all those years.

The sand and seaweed and debris of the ocean definitely left you feeling less than clean, but at the same time it felt therapeutic, like a weight had been washed clean off of Casey's shoulders, like here and now he was finally free, of everything, all the past, all the pain, all of it, just gone, just him and Kelly and the sun and surf.

Severide had run in with him in the beginning and they got out far enough from shore to swim around but, ever aware of potential dangers hiding in plain sight, stayed close enough to shore that they'd be able to reach it in the event of a rip tide, and they swam and played in the water like a couple of carefree children. Casey shoved an armful of water in Kelly's face as he emerged, the Squad lieutenant covered his face and took in a startled gasp at the initial contact, then when he realized what it was, he retaliated and the two men hopped through the wet sand throwing water on each other until Kelly finally caught hold of Casey and pinned him in a hold until he surrendered. Finally Severide got tired and headed back for shore to dry out and get some rays, and Casey knew, to keep an eye on him, and though he felt he should be offended by Severide's vigilance, instead he was relieved by the presence, it was reassuring.

"Hey!" Kelly was calling to him from where he sat on a towel and was waving his arms. Casey stood up in the water and stayed there, Severide's body language didn't indicate anything was wrong, so Casey waited to see what it was about.

"Get back here!" Kelly hollered to be heard over the waves crashing. "It's late!"

Casey waded up to the shore and endured the disgusting feeling of wet sand sticking to his feet as he made his way over to where they'd set up camp so to speak, with two towels down and a cooler with a packed lunch. Now that Casey was actually on dry land, his legs were starting to feel weak and his whole body felt shaky.

"You've been out there for almost two hours," Kelly told him, gesturing to the cooler, "Gotta eat sometime."

"Good idea," Casey said as he collapsed on his towel. After taking a minute to recover, he pushed up on his knees, opened the lid of the cooler and took out two of the sandwiches and two bottles of water they'd put on ice to stay cold.

"Hey," Casey said halfway through their lunch. Kelly turned towards him, and though neither could see the other's eyes through their shades, Casey looked at him and told him sincerely, "I really appreciate this, thanks for bringing me."

Kelly smiled at him and told him, "This is just the beginning. Wait'll we hit the casinos at night."

Casey groaned and flopped his head back against the towel he'd rolled up for a pillow. "That's all you think about."

"Not all," Kelly replied.

Casey laughed.

Kelly felt the wind blowing against his skin, also felt the wind kicking up sand that pelted his skin, he smelled the salt of the seawater, and he felt hot, not just from the sun, there was a large weight pressed against him. He opened his eyes and realized they'd fallen asleep on the beach, and then realized the weight was Casey, who had rolled over in his sleep from his towel and was crushing Kelly's ribs. Severide moved slightly to shift the weight accommodatingly, and draped an arm around Casey's back. He knew he ought to wake him up and they could head back to the hotel, but instead he decided a little more sun wouldn't hurt them.

"Glad you came, buddy," Kelly said as he leaned over and kissed Casey's forehead, which was still shining with residue from the sunblock.

Kelly looked around the crowded club and tried to see past the flashing colored lights, but he couldn't spot Casey anywhere. He shot a glance to the two women sitting at the bar, he knew that Casey had been eyeing the 30-something blonde but apparently he hadn't gone over to talk to her. He looked around again and saw the doors to the restroom and thought he had the answer. He pushed his way past 20 or 30 drunken clubbers and entered the men's room. It was surprisingly clean, decently lit, and nobody was in there.

"I know you're here," he said, "come on out."

The stall door on the end opened and Casey walked out, looking anxious.

"I know why you're hiding," Kelly said.

"What do you mean?"

"The woman."

"What woman?" Casey asked.

"The one at the bar, the one you've been staring at for 15 minutes," Kelly said, "why don't you just go talk to her?"

"I...can't," Casey said.

"Sure you can, it's easy, you just go up to her and say 'Hi, my name's Matt Casey, what's yours?', what's hard about that?" Kelly asked.

Casey breathed heavily and told him, "This was a mistake...I thought I was ready to start dating again, I thought I could handle this, I can't."

"How do you know?" Kelly asked.

Casey blinked. "Seriously?"

"You didn't even talk to her," Kelly pointed out. "It looks like she's with a friend, we can double up, it wouldn't be as awkward."

Kelly didn't like what he was seeing. This was reminiscent of the same Matt Casey who stood on the sidewalk shaking because he couldn't bring himself to set foot in the psychiatrist's office.

"I just can't do it, Kelly, let's get out of here and go back to the hotel," Casey was begging him.

"Matt, just take it easy. I know you, I watched you looking at her, I know you're interested. We'll go over, we'll talk to them, and if nothing comes of it, we'll leave."

Casey's knees knocked together as if he was trying to force himself to stay upright. "What if something does come of it?"

"Then we'll just see where it goes," Kelly said. "Come on, Matt, this is perfect, nobody here knows us, nobody knows anything, it's a fresh start."

"What if I can't?" Casey asked self consciously. His voice lowered a decibel as he confessed, "Kelly, I haven't...I haven't been with any woman since Gabby died...I don't know if...what if I start to flashback?"

"I think you just have cold feet because you haven't done this for a while," Kelly told him. "We'll talk with them, if you're not comfortable with it, we'll leave, but at least try it and see what happens," Kelly told him.

Casey reluctantly nodded and heaved a few ragged breaths in and out and agreed, "Alright...alright...let's just do this before I lose my nerve."

Kelly clapped a hand on Casey's shoulder and told him, "You got this, buddy."

The two firefighters went back out and the two women were still at the bar, a short haired blonde and a wavy haired redhead, both in their 30s, both dressed similarly in torn jeans and black tank tops.

Severide initiated contact and very quickly the two men joined them at the bar and ordered a round of drinks. The blonde woman's name was Melaina Sarelle and the redhead's name was Phoebe Hamilton, both of them also in town on vacation for the week, they'd arrived the day before and had visited a lot of attractions, and also been hit on by a lot of scuzzy guys most places they went. Casey took that as a hint things weren't going well and got up to leave, but Kelly grabbed him by the neck of his shirt and jerked him back to the bar stool as the conversation continued without missing a beat. After another round of drinks everybody livened up a bit, Casey particularly, and as a new song started the women suggested they dance. Even with what Casey had had to drink, he had the presence of mind to shake his head and decline, "No thanks, I don't think so."

"Come on, Casey," Severide grabbed his shoulder, "what do you have to lose?"

"Hmm, that list is pretty short anymore," Casey thought. He downed another shot and decided, "Okay, let's do this," and just about fell on the floor getting up from the bar stool.

Back when Severide was attending Casey's therapy sessions with him, one point the therapist had made clear to both of them was that mood swings were a given in light of everything that Casey had been put through, and they should be expected, especially on Severide's part since at the time he was living with Casey and had to put up with them. And the memories of those mood swings came flooding back as Kelly found himself having to physically restrain Casey, who seemed intent on punching holes in all the furniture and walls in their hotel room, lunging from one corner to another, beating his fists against the wall and screaming.

"Casey, Casey calm down," Kelly said as he tightened the hold of his arms wrapped against Casey's chest and arms, "Casey, it's not that bad."

That seemed to draw the fight out of the blonde man, momentarily. "Not-that-bad?" he repeated in disbelief as Kelly let go of him and he was able to turn and face the Squad lieutenant. "Kelly, tonight was the first time I've been out with a woman in four years...and I blow it! And you say it's not-that-bad?"

"You didn't blow it," Kelly told him, "you two had a good time and she liked you."

"And I blew it!" Casey repeated as he turned around and punched the wall again.

"Casey, we spent four hours with those women, how can you say that? Considering it's been four years since you've been on a date with a woman, I'd say things went very well."

"Oh yeah?" Casey bitterly replied as he turned back towards Severide, "If things went so well, why am I spending the night with you?"

Kelly scowled at him but let it go because he knew Casey was in an emotionally volatile state right now.

"Casey, I love you, but you have got to calm down before you have a panic attack," Kelly told him. "Just take it easy and breathe."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"Just breathe," Kelly repeated, and Casey did, "again," he did, "again...good...now take it easy."

Casey took in a shaky breath and hugged his arms around himself as he groaned, "Something's wrong with me."

"You got nervous, it happens," Kelly replied.

"Oh yeah right," he said dismissively.

"It does."

"Not exactly the voice of experience, are you, Severide?" Casey asked as he paced around the room.

"Casey, stop," Kelly grabbed him by the shoulders, "Your problem is you set your expectations too high, that's all it is."

"Who are you to tell me what-"

"I'm your best friend and I've known you for nearly 20 years, that's who," Kelly told him, "I know you, Casey, I know you don't do one night stands, and I know you don't sleep with a woman on the first date. How long were you seeing Hallie before you two went to bed together? Huh?" He could see some of the anxiety leaving Casey as he started to think about what Kelly was saying. "Matt...what Gabby did to you was inexcusable, and I understand wanting to put all that behind you, and regain a normal life...but this isn't normal for you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get back in the dating scene, but I think there is a problem with wanting to sleep with a woman that you just met just to prove that you still can. That's not who you are."

"Yeah, I'm not like you," Casey sniped.

Kelly let that one go. "I know you, Matt, in your mind every woman who turns your head is the next potential Mrs. Matt Casey."

"Yeah, and where'd that get me?" he replied.

"I know, it was awful, but that doesn't mean your goals are," Kelly told him. "There's nothing wrong with looking for someone to send the rest of your life with, but you can't expect to figure that out on the first date."

Casey's chest was starting to heave as he dropped his head to his chest and told him, "I just want a normal relationship again, Kelly..."

"I know, and I understand that, buddy, but you're putting too much pressure on yourself," Kelly told him as he rubbed Casey's shoulder consolingly. "Look, think about it like this...you and Melaina had a good time tonight, if you run into her tomorrow you can ask her out again and see where it goes. And if you don't, there are plenty other women in this city that you can meet before you go home. And if none of them work out, the two of us are still going to have a good time here no matter what. Does that make sense?"

Casey sucked in a couple ragged breaths and finally nodded his head.

"We came here to have a good time, that's gonna happen with or without any women," Kelly told him. "Trust me."

Casey raised his head and opened his eyes and looked at him. "I'm sorry, Kelly."

"It's okay," Kelly hugged him, "it's a lot to take in, I know."

Casey locked his arms around Kelly's upper back and said again, "I'm sorry...I know you went to a lot of trouble to make this vacation happen."

"That's not important, I want you to enjoy yourself while we're here," Kelly told him.

"I'm sorry," Casey pressed his face into Kelly's shoulder.

Kelly turned his head and kissed Casey on the cheek. "It's alright, it's been a long day and we're both exhausted, let's get some sleep."

Casey pulled away from him almost reluctantly and went over and climbed in on the left side of the queen sized bed. Kelly watched him get settled under the covers, then went around to the right side.

"Goodnight, buddy."

"Goodnight, Kelly."