an:so i've decided to continue this, hope you enjoy. thanks for the reviews so far!

timeline:between 4.03 - The Right Stuff & 4.04 - Ransom with one point of difference - Kate and Mike don't sleep together in 4.02.

pov: kate

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trying to find the truth (sometimes the heart is deceiving)

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"Lick, sip, suck, go!" Behind her, Kate can hear the raucous laughter of her crew as they crowd around the bar. She'd escaped as soon as they'd brought out the tequila – she can down a guava mojo with the best of them, but tequila hits her hard and fast, and the last thing she needs is to be blitzed around her shipmates.

She walks out of the dimly lit club and into the crowded streets – it's still fairly early, but Mike has only granted them Cinderella leave. Just the thought of him is enough to kill the light buzz she has going. She'd really thought they might have had a chance to make things work – he'd finally, finally, taken a shore leave posting and they'd even had a date planned. Then the debacle with 2Dads and the crocodile had happened, and she'd spent her date night with Nikki and a bottle of wine. She'd been ready to reconsider, had decided that maybe Mike wasn't an emotional coward, had been so close to calling him – and then he'd turned up on the Hammersley, once again her CO. He'd made some half-hearted comment about keeping this a short posting, but Kate isn't blind. She's seen how he is with Maxine and Ryan – he hasn't been that open with her in years.

Kate has spent most of this patrol avoiding him where she could, in the hopes of marshalling her thoughts and trying to figure out where she stood.

And then Dutchy had blindsided her in the wardroom.

Kate resists the urge to re-join the crew and drink her problems away. As if she didn't have enough man drama in her life! That kiss had come out of nowhere – one minute they'd both been having a go at each other again, the next his lips had been on hers. She'd kissed him back. That's where she keeps getting stuck - what on earth had she been thinking? She isn't blind, she knows that Dutchy is very attractive, but it's Mike that she is meant to be committed to.

Except she clearly isn't invested enough to derail her career. The thought had occurred to her previously, but it has been at the forefront more often than not, lately. She has feelings for Mike, but she isn't going to request a transfer off the ship – she hasn't had enough experience yet that a shore posting would be beneficial for her, and another ship would just mean that she would never see him. Mike, on the other hand, has been turning down promotions right and left – she's heard enough complaints about Marshall's 'requests' in the past to know that he could have asked for a shore posting in Cairns. Except he hadn't – and didn't that mean he isn't invested enough in her? She'd told him the truth earlier – she really wasn't prepared to settle for second best, and she hadn't only been talking about Dutchy.

For all his talk about keeping it professional, he also hasn't taken her issues with Dutchy seriously enough in her opinion – the black eye not-withstanding, Kate needs a buffer who worked with her, not around her. She had hoped the boarding on this patrol would have gone better, but he is still too over-protective. While she is grateful that she hadn't been the one to take the shove into the crates, she is his XO. It is a risk she should have taken. He's already been hurt far too much during the short time he'd been on the Hammersley – he'd copped a beating while saving Ryan, and then what happened today –

Kate shakes her head, annoyed with herself. She'd come out in the hopes of clearing her mind, but there she went, dredging it all up again. She focuses on her surroundings, determined to put the Hammersley, her CO and her buffer out of mind for the rest of the evening. She's left the crew behind, Mike was still on the ship, and she still had hours of leave coming to her. She was going to make the most of it.

"X, hey, X!"

Kate sighs, shoulders slouching a little. She should've known better than to jinx it, even in her thoughts. She turns around, not feeling anywhere near ready for this confrontation. "Dutchy – I thought you were with the rest of the crew?"

The tall blond shrugs. "Not much fun when I can't drink – Swaino's got me on pain killers."

"Oh, okay." Kate winces inwardly. What is she meant to say to him? She isn't going to bring up the kiss. She doesn't even want to think about the kiss (not that it stops her mind from flashing back to the heat radiating from his body, the heavy weight of his large hands in her hair – damnit Kate) She can feel the flush rising on her cheeks, and hopes he'll put it down to her drinking.

"Listen, X – " Dutchy pauses, and she takes vicious satisfaction in knowing that he is uncomfortable as well. "About earlier,"

"There's nothing to talk about." She cuts in swiftly. "We'll just chalk it up to high emotions, yeah?" She isn't going to have this conversation with him here. Or at all.

"Yes ma'am."

"Oh, don't do that." Kate bites out, annoyed.

"I'm sorry?" Dutchy is starting to look annoyed as well. "I was agreeing with you."

"The whole 'yes, ma'am' thing – we both know that you have a problem with me." She's still sore about that – everybody else on the ship seems to get on great with him, his previous female commander has given him a glowing recommendation – so what is his issue with her?

"Not this again," he shoots back. "I've told you, I'm just doing my job." He steps towards her, and Kate instinctively steps back. He looks startled, and a little resigned. "I'm not going to hurt you, X."

Kate isn't going to lie to him. "I know that. I'm not scared of you." Yeah, he can be a little intimidating, but while she might have issues with him as a buffer, she doesn't think he'd ever hurt her physically. She'd stepped back for another reason entirely – not that she really thinks he'd kiss her again, but then again, she hadn't been expecting their earlier kiss, either. And now she is thinking about it again. She flushes again, cursing her pale skin.

He raises his eyebrow, before smiling a little. "Oh."

There is a wealth of emotion in that one word, but she isn't going to touch it with a ten-foot pole. "Look Dutchy, we have to find a way to work together, or this isn't going to end well."

"We'll settle, X." He looks uncomfortable. "Maybe it's just going to take time."

Yeah, time and one of them being less stubborn, which has about as much of a chance as happening as hell freezing over, so where does that leave them? "Yeah, maybe."

They stand in silence for a long minute, before Kate decides to offer an olive branch. "We've still got a few hours of leave left. I'm going to have a look around the markets." She leaves it open-ended, giving him the option to join her if he wants. She isn't sure which option she prefers. Judging from the torn look on his face he isn't either.

She sighs. Maybe she'd have been better off with the tequila shots.

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