Author's Notes: Thank you all so much for the amazing feedback! Please keep it coming!
Chapter Ten: Find Me In The Drift
Hong Kong Shatterdome…
Jin Wei needed another surgery in his hip, but put it off until Herc and the Kaidanovskys were back to keep the Dome under control. "There are factions within our government with ideas for this program we don't like," they told Herc on a secure line. "Our supporters know you and the Kaidanovskys. They trust you, and will listen to you even if we're not available."
It was an unspoken acknowledgment that neither Jin nor his brother would be capable of making decisions, much less handling a crisis, while Jin was under sedation.
"It's not urgent, then?" Herc asked sharply. "You sure it can wait without risk to you?"
"Yes, I'm in no danger. It's just the first surgery to try to repair enough so one day I'll walk again."
Cheung was quiet and tense through that conversation. Not that the Wei brothers hadn't experienced the unpleasantness of one being under for surgery before. But this was the first time any of them would be completely alone while a brother was under.
"How are things coming with Typhoon?" asked Herc, sensing the tension and changing the subject.
"It goes well. We..." Jin trailed off suddenly, eyes going distant, and everyone in the conference room froze. "The...conn-pod..."
Shun Thou, one of their J-Techs from Tendo and Raleigh's class at the Academy, came to the rescue. "We're preparing the new conn-pod for two pilots, Marshal. It will be simpler for establishing compatibility. So Typhoon 2.0 will have only two arms, unless we're fortunate enough...ahem, if it becomes necessary, we can upgrade to a third pilot more easily than downsizing to a second."
"I get you," said Herc softly. "Any, ah...any applicants?"
"Hundreds," said Cheung with a weak smile. "We have said he's not ready for testing yet."
"Agreed. Let's get the preliminary work done first."
"And should the first pilots not be experienced?" Jin added. Herc blinked. Jin glanced at Cheung, who nodded, and he pressed, "We thought you and Chuck. Or Sasha and Aleksis. Maybe the Tanaka sisters from Echo Saber when they've recovered. A team who can teach inexperienced pilots."
Herc and Chuck looked at each other through the holovid, but neither seemed quite sure how to answer.
Alison brought the baby to hang out with the crew once the command conference was over, then Tendo surreptitiously called a meeting of all former Team Gipsy personnel. Raleigh was there with Mako, of course, but apart from her – and the baby – nobody who hadn't been crew for Raleigh and Yancy Becket was in the room.
She'd been nervous about telling Rals the baby's name was Antwan, let alone telling him how close she and Tendo had come to naming him Yancy. He'd been misty-eyed, but never lost his smile. "Either one would be great. I'm glad."
Despite Raleigh scooping Antwan into his arms and bouncing him on his knees, making the baby giggle, Raleigh was pale and quiet. All Tendo had told Alison was that there'd been a meltdown the night before, and Rals wanted the crew to know something, but didn't want to have to have the same conversation fifty times. Yeah, she couldn't blame him for that, whatever it was.
To Alison's amusement, Mako Mori was among the crew who went a little green at the prospect of holding a baby. Though she smiled and cooed at Antwan, she definitely didn't go out of her way to interact with him. (Alison wasn't offended; she hadn't exactly been a baby person herself before she decided to have one, and even now it felt like Tendo was the natural rather than her, gender norms be damned.)
Once Chloe and Christian Warner, Hien Nguyen, and the rest of the former Team Gipsy had gathered, Raleigh kept his eyes on the baby and said, "There's something...you guys need to know. Last night, Tendo told me - you all got the wrong idea, about what happened when I left."
Alison had held her tongue before in Jake Pentecost's presence, knowing he was just a kid, but this was another matter. "Marshal shouldn't have dismissed you, Rals, even if you blamed yourself - "
Raleigh, Mako, and Tendo flinched, and Tendo desperately shook his head at her, so she caught herself. It was a few seconds before Raleigh could go on, still without making eye contact with anybody. "He didn't want to," he said, barely above a whisper. "He did it...'cause I asked him to. Only - only 'cause it was the only way he could get me to promise not to..." He squeezed his eyes shut and couldn't finish. He didn't have to finish. They all knew how that sentence was supposed to end.
The whole room was silent. In the part of her mind not buzzing with emotion and confusion, Alison wondered in a daze if this was what a bad drift felt like.
Tendo dared to come closer and touched Raleigh's shoulder, getting the kid to meet his eyes, "Want me to..."
Raleigh started to shake his head, then gave up and nodded, and Mako slid against his side, putting her arms around him.
His voice only a little steadier, Tendo finished for them. "We talked a long time last night, and Chuck Hansen...he knew it from drifting with Marshal Pentecost. Marshal did it to protect Rals. He didn't want to. The brass were gonna drag him off on tour like they did Duc Jessop and Hayase Shindo - " Christian Warner let out an inarticulate snarl, and Hien hissed and covered her mouth. "And Rals was...well, you know. We all do. 'Not in a good place.'" Even Raleigh chuckled weakly at the depth of the understatement. "There was gonna be blame for Raleigh leaving. Marshal was making sure everyone would blame him, not Rals."
Christian stared, still indignant. "He played us?"
"Chris!" his sister hissed, jerking her head at Mako, but Christian wasn't ready to relent.
"Look, Mako, I'm sorry, but I'm not okay with that." Though Mako's eyes were wet, she met Christian's gaze steadily. "Raleigh was our Ranger, and we - sorry, Rals - we lost Yancy too. D'you have any idea what it did to us, thinking you'd been kicked out and just...thrown to the wolves? I know you were...in a bad place - kiddo, it wasn't your fault, and whatever you decided, I don't blame you for. But Marshal's different - he could see what kind of shape you were in, and he shouldn't have just let you wander off!"
"So what should he have done, lock me up?" Raleigh snapped. Almost everyone winced, and he sighed, closing his eyes again. "Sorry. Look, I was fucked in the head, but not so much that I didn't know what I was doing. I couldn't face anybody, and not just...not...just...shit...'cause I blamed myself. Seeing you - seeing anybody - was too much." His voice choked off again, and he handed Antwan to Alison so he could wipe his eyes.
Tendo spoke up. "And Marshal didn't just let him leave alone. There was someone keeping an eye on him."
"Huh?" Alison blurted.
Breathing hard, Raleigh muttered into his hands. "There was a guy, a supervisor, when I was working the construction projects. First the bunkers, then the Wall. There were a lot of guys who kinda...went with the flow of projects, and I never thought - never noticed...Pentecost sent him. I didn't know 'till Chuck told me. He protected me. Most of the time I didn't even notice that either. 'Til now."
Hien slid down the wall to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Holy shit," she whispered.
Christian sighed and sat back. "So...Marshal telling us to keep our distance when you got here, it wasn't..."
"You know how I reacted when I finally did see you all again. You tell me," said Raleigh, a little calmer. "When we tested Gipsy, I went out of phase before Mako did. That test could've gone even worse."
The room fell into uncomfortable silence. Alison would have bet every one of Raleigh's old crew was thinking exactly the way she was. For five and a half years, we've cursed Pentecost. Yeah, toward the end he kind of redeemed himself, especially bringing Rals back, but I doubt any of us ever forgave him.
It was Tendo who finally dared to say it. "Guys. Marshal did what none of us could've done; he let Rals make his own decisions. None of us have to like it, but it wasn't what we thought. It's not fair to blame Pentecost."
"Did you like my dad?" Jake Pentecost had asked Alison.
Well, he was a great commander but I thought he was an asshole for what he did to Rals? She hadn't let herself say that to a kid, even though she'd kind of wanted to. Only now she knew...there'd been so much more to Raleigh's leaving. It was Raleigh's choice. If we've got a problem with that, we have a problem with Rals, not Marshal.
Having a problem with Raleigh Becket for anything he'd done after Yancy died in 2020 was just...unthinkable.
Alison wasn't staring at Mako, but some of the other Gipsy crew were, and Raleigh looked up and caught them. His eyes flashed, and he straightened. "No, she didn't put me up to this. I'm telling you – and everybody else after this – 'cause I want his name cleared. Marshal Pentecost deserves that and more!"
There were a few embarrassed mumbles of "sorry," around the room, but Mako let out a slightly hysterical-sounding chuckle. "How is it more of you weren't drift compatible?
A shaky giggle escaped Alison too, and Raleigh and Tendo grinned. "Well, it wasn't like this back at the beginning when we were all strangers. Four years with this kid as our pilot, Mori-san, four years! We got to know our Becket boys reeeeal well. We've got stories to tell you that even he doesn't know!" Raleigh's indignant sputtering was probably put on, but it started to break the tension in the room, and Mako grinned back at Tendo while Christian and some of the others started chiming in.
Alison laughed – and Antwan let out a squeal. That got them all laughing. "Is it muster drill time?" demanded Chloe.
Mako laughed harder. "That, I know about!"
Raleigh's impulsiveness was apparently catching. Or Mako picked it up in the ghost drift. They were in Typhoon's lab, having a calm enough conversation with the crews putting everything back where it was supposed to be and resetting it for drift tests that would eventually match new pilots, when Raleigh sensed her mind wandering.
"What?"
"I've been thinking…after Clawhook, the medics helped you and Yancy recover from the broken drift by a full drift." Mako eyed the pons units, then looked at Raleigh. "Maybe that would help us now."
Typhoon's crew were startled, but Raleigh couldn't fault the logic. Yet there was something else prompting her, something she'd suddenly remembered.
As they put the caps on – hurrying because somebody would call Dr. Tan and/or Tendo and/or the Weis any minute – Raleigh murmured, "What else? What is it?"
She whispered, "What Sensei said, right before he died. He said, 'you can always find me in the drift.'"
Raleigh stared at her. Then he couldn't get the system keyed up fast enough either. Ranking officers (at least until Dr. Tan and Herc demoted them both), they ignored the protests of Typhoon's crew.
3…2…1…
Reactor meltdown…
"Don't chase the rabbit…"
"Raleigh, listen to me, you have to - " Yancy broke off in a scream of pain and shock as he was torn away, but it echoed in Raleigh's mind even as Raleigh screamed denials:
"You have to keep going, no matter what happens, you have to go on! Don't give up! Don't, kiddo, don'tdon'tdon't - "
Raleigh gasped and jerked in the drift - but then Mako's hand, her physical hand, grabbed his, hard. "Raleigh," she choked. "I'm here."
Mako...Mako, I can't - too strong -
We're stronger. Stronger than any of it...
The monster charged after her as she ran through the debris, screaming sobs, searching for a place to hide - Mako whimpered, but now Raleigh held on.
"I've gotcha."
"Rangers, please, we should shut it down!" someone said.
"No! No, we've got it!" Raleigh gasped. Tendo was there, hazy through the blue of the drift, so was Dr. Tán, both of them ready to spit granite.
"Please," Mako breathed. "Just...let us..."
"You can always find me in the drift."
"They're stable, sir. Neural handshake one hundred percent, strong and clear," said Tendo.
Dr. Tán huffed, then nodded to them. "Okay."
Okayokayokayokay...
They surrendered to the blue wash of the drift, cool and soothing...
After Clawhook, the drift washed over Raleigh and Yancy, cool and soothing, smoothing away the ragged edges of their broken drift like rocks polished by waves on the shore...
Waves had polished the rocks smooth on the shore, and Mako slipped down them and over them, faster than Jake, who yelled at her to wait up, and Sensei and Tamsin, who yelled at them both to be careful...
There was no terror in this memory, just laughter and tenderness and peace...they drifted into it willingly...
Mako got stuck. She'd climbed up a high pile of boulders, but suddenly they seemed too steep, too treacherous to climb down. She was more embarrassed than scared, to admit she'd gone too far. Jake huffed and puffed and grunted at the base, but he didn't have the reach to join her. "Maaaakooooo, no fair!"
Raleigh's laughter bubbled through the drift, but the blueness of the drift itself faded as she let the memory take her, and Raleigh didn't try to stop it either.
She was fourteen. Jake was ten. She'd grown almost three inches in one year, now she was all knees and elbows, and Jake was outraged by how much taller than him she was. "Daaaad!"
Lord, Jake was whiny. Mako grinned to hide her discomfiture at not knowing how to get down. Sensei came over, giving the two of them That Look (or the "dad look" as Tamsin called it), that he was going to break it up one way or the other.
"I want up!" Jake wailed.
"No, you are not going up, and Mako is coming down," Sensei told him, stern but gentle. They were squeezed a little tight on the line of rocks that Mako had used as stepping stones to reach her goal, and Sensei pointed. "Tamsin's found starfish in that tide pool."
The redirection worked, and Jake stuck his tongue out at Mako before scampering off to join Tamsin. Mako wanted to look at them too, but that'd mean admitting she was stuck. "I want to stay up here, Sensei! I like it! I can see so far!"
With two steps and a few long reaches, Sensei was suddenly beside her on the flat rock, seating himself. Mako was impressed; she'd seen Sensei fight in the Kwoon or exercise in the gym, but she didn't know he could climb. He certainly didn't chase her up trees.
"Hm. It is a nice view." He turned and shot her a sly smile. "And now you just have to figure out how to get down."
Mako pouted. Of course, Sensei was onto her. She didn't want to ask for help; that would mean admitting it.
"Mako-chan, you can always find me in the drift."
She was twenty, not fourteen. And her Sensei was older too. He looked as she'd last seen him, in his dark gray Coyote Tango drivesuit, ready to pilot Striker Eureka - for the first and last time.
A lump rose in her throat, and Sensei tweaked her chin. "I'm so proud of you, my Mako. Your mother and father would be so desperately proud."
"H-how...how is this possible?" she breathed. "How did you know? How are you here? You and I never drifted with each other."
"No, but you don't have to drift with a person to know them. That's what memories are for. I'm the Sensei who lives inside you." He brushed his thumb along her cheek. "You know you proud I am, my brave girl. How grateful I am for every moment I had with you. But I don't want you to live in the past forever."
He suddenly looked past her and smiled, and without looking, Mako could feel Raleigh behind her. In the drift, he was close to her back, warm and big, even though she knew he was next to her in the drift test lab. "Aishitemasu, Mako-chan," he whispered. "I know you and Jake will be just fine, and I'll always be there for both of you. Joy has been in short supply since this war began, but the two of you gave me more than I ever imagined."
Stifling a sob, Mako tried to bow to him, but he pulled her in for an embrace instead. Sensei held her tight, and she relished how real it felt. He told them both, "Look after Chuck for me? Make sure he knows he's not alone."
"Of course," said Mako. Even if it hadn't been Sensei who'd been Chuck's copilot in the end, that promise would be easy.
"Thank you, sir," Raleigh whispered behind her. "For everything. Especially her."
"I'm proud of you, Raleigh. You're a fine pilot, and a good man." As he released Mako, Sensei's smile was a little sly. Drift or not, she felt herself blush. Sensei grinned more broadly than he ever had in Raleigh's memories as he looked from Mako to her copilot. "I know your brother feels the same."
Raleigh swallowed hard, the world around them shifted into blue, then to the black and white metal and plastic of Gipsy's conn-pod - but not the conn-pod where Mako had been pilot. This one, she had only ever seen intact in pictures. It had been destroyed on that horrific night in 2020.
Both of them shivered, but the pod was completely quiet, the equipment at rest.
And they weren't here alone. "Hey, kiddo."
Anxiety flooded the drift, and Mako shifted her drift form closer to Raleigh as he turned to see Yancy, in his off-duty jumpsuit as if they were just poking around the conn-pod during downtime like they used to do.
Mako had seen him so many times in the drift, but tears burned her eyes and her throat tightened along with Raleigh's, because it felt like so very, very long since either of them had truly seen him. Raleigh took a hesitant step forward, hand outstretched, and when Yancy touched his, Raleigh flew into his arms while Mako half-laughed, half-sobbed at the joy of it.
How had Harry Potter gone? Yes, this was all in their heads. But why should that make it any less real?
It felt so real, to Raleigh, and through the drift to her. Mako basked in it, the warmth of Yancy's arms, the feel of his fingers combing through his baby brother's hair, the sense of utter safety. Of course, Raleigh had run away from the world after Knifehead. Losing this had felt like the end of everything.
Yancy cast of a soft, gentle, big-brotherly smile over Raleigh's shoulder at Mako as he gently pulled his brother back to look at his face. This time, his voice was soft as he said the words that had echoed in Raleigh's head for five years, five months, two weeks, and six days. "Raleigh. Listen to me." Raleigh sobbed, and Yancy shushed him. "You have to keep going, no matter what happens. Don't you dare give up, kiddo. Don't. There's still so much out there."
"I know," Raleigh choked out. "I know. I didn't."
Yancy let Raleigh sink into his arms again and smiled at Mako. She smiled back through her own tears, and dared to step closer. He held out his hand, and she took it. She'd never touched this man in her life, but his hand felt so intimately familiar. She knew this hand. "He didn't give up, you know. He never did." It'd taken courage to do what Raleigh had done for those lonely years after such a complete devastation. She hadn't that realized until they drifted.
"I know," Yancy agreed. "So does he." Raleigh looked up and smiled, and his brother finished. "I'll always be here for you, kiddo." He winked at Mako, and she blushed - again. Even drift memories were teasing them! "It's a good match. The best." He pressed a kiss to Raleigh's forehead, let Raleigh cling to him for a few moments longer, then they let each other go.
Raleigh came back to Mako's side, though he didn't take his eyes off Yancy. "I'm sorry," Mako sighed. "I wish I'd had the chance to know you before."
But Yancy grinned, and it surprised both her and Raleigh at how easily they could return it. "C'mon, you know everything you need to know. You know all the best parts of me." There was no mistaking the sly, crooked quirk to that grin. "You kids have fun. Go enjoy the world."
"I love you, Yance," Raleigh breathed.
"I know, baby brother." Yancy came closer and brushed his fingers across Raleigh's cheeks. "So do you. We both always knew. It's okay. No more tears."
Mako closed her hand around Raleigh's, and the world felt lighter, as if they were floating - of course, they were drifting.
Mama made tea while Mako watched, singing to herself...Daddy let her sit on a stool in his workshop while he worked on a sword, explaining his tools and his techniques as Mako listened and watched, fascinated...
Mama paused from her singing and beamed at the grown Mako. "Look at you, my darling. Just look at you. I knew you'd be beautiful and brilliant as a grown woman, but even then, you've amazed me."
"We're so proud of you, my little warrior," said Daddy, suddenly behind her. "You're the finest credit to any father and mother in the world."
"I only wish we'd been with you," Mama sighed.
Mako gulped back a new surge of tears and shook her head. "You were always with me. You were."
The drift rushed up around them in one last surge of blue, leaving the after-image of Mako's parents' eyes and their smiles, so bright and so proud, looking just as they'd been when she was eleven but knowing who she'd grown up to become.
Mako blinked at the sudden sight of so many grave faces - Tendo and Dr. Tán, Jin and Cheung's deep frowns. "Are you guys...okay?" asked Tendo.
Laughter bubbled up from her throat - bittersweet, and maybe there were still a few tears despite Yancy's plea, but it felt good, and she just shifted her whole body sideways once the pons cap was off.
Raleigh caught her, pulling her half into his lap, his face in her hair, but she could feel him smiling through his tears. "We're okay," he told the others thickly. "We're good. We're good."
The nightmares wouldn't stop. Mako knew that. The ache of missing her family, of missing Sensei, of missing Yancy would never leave either of them entirely...but they could live with that, because it meant Sensei, Yancy, and her family would always be here for them.
The monsters and the Breach and grief for so many friends and family who hadn't lived to see the end of this war, those scars would take a lifetime to heal. But it's our lifetime. We have a lifetime now. Whatever follows, we'll face it together.
Washington, D.C...
"What the bloody hell is it with you people and experimenting with the drift unsupervised?!" Herc exploded when Chuck called – though he directed said explosion at Newt and Hermann.
Hermann raised a finger and said tentatively, "In our defense, Marshal, the results did prove useful."
"Yeah, except for that fuckup last week with Raleigh and Metacortex," Herc scoffed, then went straight for the jugular. "And the fact that two Category IV's came charging into Hong Kong looking for someone and killed one of Team Typhoon and God knows how many more!"
Newt actually winced. More astonishing, Hermann straightened, leaning forward on his cane. "Marshal, that was uncalled for!"
"Returning to the more pressing matter, are Mako or Raleigh injured?" Sasha asked loudly.
They all looked at the holovid screen. Chuck was watching their shouting match with a bemused expression, but said, "No, thank God. Actually…sorry, Dad, this is another one in the 'success' box. The medics and Tendo aren't happy how they tried it either, but they admit it seems like they're both doing a lot better."
Herc heaved out a sigh. "Well, that's something, but they're both on the carpet when we get back. We're working on travel arrangements as we speak - "
" - ahhh, Marshal? Maybe not!" Newt pointed at the television.
Breaking News: Joint Committee on Jaeger Program to Reconvene - President Lunk to Attend in Person!
They all just stared.
"Dad? What's going on?" Chuck demanded from the holovid. Then obviously someone in Hong Kong was watching Breaking News too, because he finally groaned. "Shiiiiit!"
"Well, Marshal," said Hermann. "I think I agree with Ranger Hansen."
To Be Continued...
Coming Soon: Political maneuvering for control of the Jaeger Program reaches its climax as the President enters the fray, and Herc gets fed up with the exploitation of Rangers by PPDC Secretary General Krieger in Chapter Eleven: Stand For Us!
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Original Character Guide
Bao Wang and Shun Thou: J-Tech cousins from Beijing who were also in Class 2016-B. After failing the second cut at the Jaeger Academy, they returned to China to finish their tech degrees and became J-Techs for Team Crimson Typhoon. They kept in touch with their friends and classmates among the Americans over social media, and received leave in 2020 to attend Yancy's funeral in 2020.
Antwan Choi: Tendo and Alison's 1-year-old son, named after one of Gipsy Danger's original crew who was killed in action in 2019.
Hien Nguyen: Strike trooper formerly with Gipsy Danger, then transferred to Team Striker Eureka after Knifehead and Yancy's death, National Guard transplant, Vietnamese-American in her early 30s.
Christian Warner: drivesuit technician, African-American early 30s, classmate of Raleigh, Yancy, and Tendo's from Class 2016-B, close friend of our heroes from the beginning. Transferred to K-Watch to join his half-sister Chloe after Knifehead and Yancy's death, eventually wound up on Hong Kong's staff.
Chloe Warner: K-Watch officer, African-American, early 30s, classmate of Raleigh, Yancy, and Tendo's from Academy Class 2016-B. Stationed in Hawaii for most of the war, eventually wound up with the downsized K-Watch personnel in Hong Kong for Operation Pitfall. She and her half-brother drift tested, but were not drift compatible despite being very close.
Dr. Steven Tán: Chief medical officer of the Jaeger Program, originally at Jaeger Academy, ended up in Hong Kong as bases closed down.
President Jerald "Jerry" Lunk: President of the United States. Billionaire hotel mogul who ran on a campaign of "make America safe again" in 2024, proponent of the Wall, now arguing over who has the strongest Jaegers. Likes to use Twitter. No, he's not based on anyone in the real world. Seriously. No, really.