Disclaimer : Ah! My goddess does not belong to me.

Ceroxon asked me if I could do a fusion version of my winter special.

-oOoOoOo-

Urd woke up, feelling…

Rather fine. None of her usual grogginess or even a hangover.

She went to sit up…

And banged her head right against an invisible wall.

"Subject P457 has woken. Beginning releasement from Rejuvenation pod," A cold and clinical voice said.

When Urd heard a hissing noise. She felt the area above her and discovered that there was a see-through lid was rising.

The moment she could, Urd leapt from the bed and looked around.

Right behind her was some pill-shaped machine with a bed inside. Around her were several glass walls. Behind those was a large room with panels that reached from the floor to the ceiling.

"Why does this look familiar?" Urd muttered to herself.

"Welcome to the Science Enrichment Center for Gods and Demons, Subject P457," A prideful voice said.

The reference hitting her fullforce, Urd said, "Okay, whoever you are, I am not some labrat for your tests. I like… living and being in one piece"

"You are wearing the test subject uniform, You could not get it unless you are a test subject and you cannot be a test subject unless you are wearing it. Therefore, you are a test subject," The voice replied.

"That's poor circular logic. Rather forced, if you ask me," Urd said as she looked down and saw she was wearing an orange jumpsuit with a logo of a hammer and… a bident? Urd couldn't really tell. Her feet were covered with some high-tech white boots. Around her neck was a blinking device.

"Well, I'm busting outta here, so look somewhere else," Urd said as she pointed her hand at one of the glass walls. "UrdBolt!"

Several moments of nothing happening occured.

"UrdBolt!"

"UrdBolt!"

"The Power Suppression Device is capable of dampening 43 TeraWatts without experiencing deformation." the voice noted before softening into a coo as Urd shook her hand like it was jammed."I think you nearly had it that time."

"Alright, what the big idea?! Why can't I use my UrdBolts!?" Urd asked glaring all about her.

"The device around your neck is a Power Suppression Device. You are currently testing it," The voice answered.

"Then all I gotta do is remove it and it's computer frying time!" Urd said as her hands shot to her neck.

"Unpermitted removal of power suppression device results in the power suppression device self-destructing with the force of 12 kilotons," The voice quickly replied.

"That sounds… excessive," Urd said with only a touch of fear in her voice as she slowly put her hands down at her sides.

"It is a test model. The production models will only be 3 Kilotons," the voice replied.

Urd began to take another look around as she thought, 'So to get my powers back, I need to remove the device. To remove the device, I need my powers. I hate these kind of puzzles!'

"So… what now?" Urd asked.

A blue portal opened in the room she was in and a orange portal opened outside.

"Testing. Lots and lots of testing," The voice cooed.

"And let me guess. And when all is said and done, there will be cake, right?" Urd asked in a sarcastic manner.

"You are right. There will be... cake," The voice said.

A different voice spoke up, this one significantly more cheerful. "Cake? Oh! It has been awhile since I made some. When you and Urd are done playing, please come to the kitchen. I will be sure to have a chocolate cake done. I'll make sure to decorate it with some strawberries!"

"...Was that Belldandy?" Urd asked.

"...Yes. Yes, it was. Now you certainly will have cake when we are done here," The voice said with only a touch of grumbling.

"So I don't have to worry about dying. Great!" Urd cheered as she walked through the portals.

"Yes. No need to worry about dying. Only the feeling of pain right before you would have expired," The voice replied with malicious glee.

"I bet you're a real hoot at parties," Urd sarcasically muttered. "In fact, I think you have a special theme song. Let me sing it- Party pooper, party pooper! Every party needs a pooper and that's why we invited you. Party pooper, party pooper!"

Urd felt a shock come from the power suppressor.

"The power suppression device can also double as a shock collar if need be. Please do not get it wet or it will self-destruct," The voice explained.

As the wall opened up to reveal a door, Urd glared at a camera.

"Please continue on your way to your first test. Subject P457," The voice ordered.

Urd stood still.

"Please continue on your way to your first test, Subject P457," The voice repeated.

Urd made a rather rude finger gesture.

"Please comply with instructions or risk being punished with electric shocks," The voice said with too much cheer for Urd's liking.

When Urd used her other hand to make another rude gesture, she received another shock. This one had enough power to put her normally perfectly flowing hair into a rather fuzzy afro.

"Yeeowch! You rotten two-bit Eye Dee Ten Tee! When I get out of here, I will fry every computer you own!" Urd grumbled as she made her way to the door.

In the room was several raised platforms.

"This test will check your jumping capabilities, as well as test out the long fall boots if need be," The voice said.

"You may call me, SLaCOSH," The voice replied. "You may guess at the meaning of my name."

"...You named yourself after the hyperbolic cosine of an angle? What next? All your tests involve math?" Urd asked with a smirk. Pointing at herself with her thumbs, she said, "Because if so, then I am the goddess whose gonna ace this test! I fear no Trigonometry!"

BZZAP!

"That is not the meaning," SLaCOSH answered. "But Math is quite involved with the tests."

"So… You're a metal or rubber object that's used as a weapon to hit someone hard on the head in the British regions?" Urd asked, smoke coming off her body as she spoke.

BZZAP!

"Incorrect once more," SLaCOSH stated.

"Hey, You're Skuld and you either like to chase people with a chainsaw or bean them in the head with your mallet, when you're not flinging bombs around like the pink puffball Kirby with the bomb powerup," Urd muttered as she began trying to brush soot off herself. "Alright, next guess. Kosh Naranek from Babylon 5! I mean, we have manipulated mortal races and are seen as deities. Our mortal shells are kinda like the encounter suit… I'm not too big on the details. Too busy looking at John Sheridan, if you know what I mean, right?"

"Correct…" SLaCOSH said, cheering Urd up. Then the voice added, "...in that we have manipulated Mortal races. As for the name, Incorrect."

"No-no-no!" Urd said, trying to shield herself on instinct before recalling the shocks came room the collar.

BZZAP!

After coughing a bit, Urd asked, "Alright, what is the meaning of your name?"

A section of the wall opened up and a flatscreen TV on a robot arm appeared out of it, just out of range of Urd's grasp.

On the screen was a young girl. Their hair was Chibi-Hild's, but only the ponytails were platinum. the hair on the head was Skuld's black hair. The clothes were Skuld's pink-and-orange poofy clothes, but she wore a black vest over it.

"SLaCOSH stands for Supreme Lady and Computer Operator Skuld-Hild!" said the fusion.

Urd glared for a moment before she said, "You should have gone with SLaSH. It'll stand for Supreme Lady as Skuld-Hild, as well as a nice reference for Slash of Guns n' Roses. Another attractive man, if you ask me!"

"You have quite the eclectic taste, don't you, dear?" SLaCOSH asked.

"SLaCOSH! I have to go out to get some chocolate for the cake! Also, what ice cream do you want to go with your cake slices?" Belldandy called out.

Looking away and accidentally knocking over a controller in a way that had the joystick pressing down, SLaCOSH loudly replied, "Since it's chocolate cake with strawberries, why not some vanilla? Make it kinda neapolitan ice cream in a way?"

The monitor slowly came closer and closer to Urd. Urd bent down, readying herself for a jump.

""Okay, that should be simple," Belldandy called out. "But what about Urd? What does she want?"

"I'll check," SLaCOSH called out as she began to turn around.

Urd leapt, hoping she could still use her transport medium.

To Urd's joy, she could, as she popped halfway out the monitor. Urd wrapped her hands around SLaCOSH's neck and called out, "No thanks! I have everything I need right here!"

"Alright,. I will see you all later!" Belldandy called out before the sound of a closing door was heard.

"I might not have my UrdBolts, but I do know how to punish little girls… just… like…" Urd said before noticing SLaCOSH held up one hand. "What?"

Bracing herself with her other hand by grabbing the desk, SLaCOSH quickly flicked Urd in the forehead, sending the Goddess flying back into the monitor. The fusion them took the controller and moved the ingame screen high up in the air.

"Urd, Urd, Urd… Don't you remember that even a fragment of Hild is stronger than you?" SLaCOSH began as she rubbed her neck. "And if you have the opponent in your hands, don't gloat. Get revenge first... Now to provide incentive to complete the platform test…"

SLaCOSH pressed a button and some vents appears at the sides of the room. The vents began to spew out dirty water, making Urd mutter, "Well, I don't have the Portal Gun, so I'm kinda safe?"

"The long fall boots will explode if they come into contact with water," SLaCOSH answered. She chuckled as Urd quickly began making her way up the platforms.

-oOoOoOo-

Notes from HotelKatz :

Worldbringer of Joseun of the Goddess Relief Office forum thought up the name and Urd popping out of the monitor, though I did alter it a bit.

And when I wrote this, I did play Portal 1 & 2.