Timeframe: Post Alabasta
Spoilers: None
Rating: T, Robin's a little violent in this one
"Oh my God, oh my God, ohmigod!" Nami screamed as she tore around a street corner. Behind her a cockroach zoan pursued. Robin looked up from the pirate who had been dumb enough to attack her. She crossed her arms and muttered a few words, watching in satisfaction as arms grew from the joints of the roach man.
"Clutch," she whispered. The man giving chase doubled over and cried out in pain. Nami whirled around, and upon seeing Robin ran over to her.
"Oh thank God you're here! I was doing fine and then he turned into…that. And then-oh my God it's still twitching. Why is it still twitching?" she cried as she ducked behind Robin.
"Bugs, cockroaches in particular, are very resistant," Robin replied as she looked around the street. The crew, unfortunately, had started quite a commotion. Several blocks away an explosion sounded, making Nami jump. The navigator took a deep breath to calm herself before taking a closer look at her assailant, who moaned.
"That's disgusting, you freak of nature," she spat at the man.
"For example, if a cockroaches head is separated from its body, the body can survive for up to a week."
"Robin!" Nami screeched. Then she took her climatact and hit the hapless man upside the head, knocking him out. "If he's as durable as you say, that won't kill him. How let's find the others," she said with a shudder.
"Of course, lead on Miss Navigator."
"And no more creepy facts!"
Robin and Brook sat in a cell, having recently been captured by the local authorities. Their jailor, a grizzled old veteran was reading their charges off of a piece of parchment.
"…fourty counts of destruction of property, and piracy. For your crimes you have been sentenced to trial by fire, and shall be burnt to death unless the gods decide to intervene and spare your lives."
"I do have one question," Brook interrupted. "You see, I am already dead. So as you might understand, I am very confused as to how this trial works."
"Silence! Your existence upsets the natural order, and you are a perversion of life and shall be judged!" the man shouted. A hurt look flashed through Brook's eye sockets, and he placed a hand up to his ribcage.
"That hurts, all the way to the depths of my heart. Although…I have no heart…Skull joke!"
"I said silence, insolent cretin!"
From her corner, Robin cleared her throat. Both Brook and the jailor turned to look at her.
"What?" he barked.
"I did have a question of my own, Mr. Jailor. Will there be gun powder?" she asked.
"Huh?"
"In certain judicial systems, the criminal that is sentenced to burn is allowed to have gunpowder attached to them. It makes the process quicker and less painful. I was curious if that was the case here."
Brook looked horrified, while the jailor stared at her before throwing his hands up in disgust. "I give up. Someone else can process you scum bags," he fumed before storming out of the jail.
After a few seconds, Brook turned to her and flashed his most skeletal grin. "Congratulations Robin, with that man gone we can concentrate on escaping!"
"I was quite serious," Robin replied. Then a flicker of hesitation went across her face.
"What is it, Miss Robin? Is something wrong?"
"No, not at all. I was only wondering…the average body only creates a little over a pound of ashes. But I'm willing to guess that with your skeletal frame it would be less than that," she mused.
Brook, unnerved by how she was staring at him, scooted as far away from her as his chains would allow.
"I have the I-can't-go-on-the-island sickness. The very mention of it makes me sneeze. Achoo! You see? It's already acting up, there's just no way I can leave the Merry, it's for my health! Achoo! Achoo, achoo, achoo!" Usopp said as a flurry of sneezes overtook him. Robin looked up from her book, mild concern on her face.
"Do I need to get the doctor? If you sneeze too hard, it's possible to break a rib."
Usopp's sneezes abruptly stopped, and he made no more mention of his illness.
"I'm hungry," Luffy whined, before plopping on the deck in an undignified heap.
"Why don't you ask Mr. Cook to make you something," Robin said.
"He won't, he says we have to ration until we get to the next island. It's so dumb, there's nothing in the fridge for me to get, I already checked!"
Robin made a sympathetic sound before returning her concentration to her book. Luffy pouted for a while, before flipping over and looking at the sky.
"I'm bored, there's nothing to do!" he declared.
"Captain," Robin murmured, "did you know that rubber bands last longer and keep their shape better if they're kept in a cool environment such as a refrigerator?"
"Really? That's kinda cool," Luffy replied. Then his eyes lit up and he jumped to his feet, "Hey Robin, does that mean I'll be stronger if I stay in the fridge?"
"I don't know captain. Why don't you check it out?"
"Sure! I'll be right back!" he said before making his way to the kitchen with enthusiasm.
Several minutes later Sanji came out, "Can someone tell me why Luffy thinks he'll be stronger if he sits in the fridge?"
"I have no idea," Robin replied innocently. With no one out on the deck, Sanji frowned and doused his cigarette.
"Dumb shit…" he muttered before returning to his domain.
And when Luffy 'accidently' managed to lock himself into the refrigerator, no one complained.
"Robin we're sinking!" Chopper yelled as he flailed his arms, futilely trying to escape the quicksand that held them.
"Chopper, you need to relax," Robin said calmly.
"Relax? We're going to DIE!" he shouted, struggling in an attempt to slow the pit that was slowly swallowing him.
"If you slowly raise your legs and lay on your back, you won't sink. Fighting it only makes it worse. Chopper, you need to relax," Robin said with more force.
"Promise?"
"Yes, Doctor. Trust me, and we'll be fine."
"Okay," came the shaky reply, "Hey, it's working!"
Robin closed her eyes and drew up her power. Slowly she freed them. When they got back to solid ground, she smiled at the little reindeer, "You did well Chopper."
"Don't think that makes me happy, asshole!" he shouted while wiggling with obvious delight. When he got himself under control, he looked up to her with open adoration, "And thanks Robin, without you I'd be toast!"
"Think nothing of it."
Robin came down from her watch to see Zoro and Sanji glaring at one another. Sanji's leg was in a cast, and Zoro had bandages covering a good portion of his torso, both injuries from their recent battle.
"Shitty moss head, I'll get out of this cast before you even think of taking off your dumbass bandages."
"Psh. I can take these off any time I want; you on the other hand, have to have Chopper cut that off of you."
"You wanna bet? My leg's fine, I don't even need this shitty thing!"
"Yeah, right. Curly brow, you can barely hobble around as it is."
To prove his point, whatever it was, Zoro sat down and began unwrapping the bandages that Chopper had oh-so-carefully applied. Sanji, not to be outdone, grabbed his cast and prepared to rip the plaster off with his bare hands.
"Swordsman, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Robin said nonchalantly.
"Oh? And why is that?" Zoro snapped back.
"The island we are docked at is famous for its flesh eating bacteria. If you manage to infect yourself, your entire arm will turn black and be eaten from the inside out. Amputation would be likely, if you survived at all."
Sanji barked out a laugh, "Robin, you're so beautiful when you share your knowledge!"
"Mr. Cook, I also wouldn't take your cast off prematurely. The bones would still be weak, and would likely shatter the first time you kicked someone."
The boys stared at her, and then at each other, before muttering to themselves and parting ways.
"You dumb broad, Franky the Cyborg's bounty is mine! I don't care if you're his whore, there's nothing you can do about it," the bounty hunter sneered as he leveled a gun towards Robin's face. Her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms.
"Did you know," she began, voice ice cold, "That it only takes eight pounds of pressure to break the human elbow?"
"What are ya talk-"
"Dos fleur: Clutch." The hunter dropped his gun and let out a bellow of pain as two phantom arms sprouted and forced his arm bent in an unnatural direction.
"What the hell! Bitch!" he screamed.
"And," Robin continued as if he hadn't spoken, "that the hyoid is the only bone that does not directly articulate with another? When investigating mysterious deaths, its fracture often indicates strangulation." Another pair of arms grew and took a hold of the man's throat. His eyes bulged and he struggled silently against the hold.
"Now to finish our lesson, a properly placed choke hold will knock a man out in less than ten seconds." The man's struggles stopped and he collapsed in an undignified heap. Robin wrenched the man's neck with a sickening crack before allowing her arms to disappear in a poof of petals. She looked at the man's dead form with distaste. The fool had made the mistake of attempting to harm to those she cared about.
Robin closed her eyes and crossed her arms before whispering, "Ojos fleur." Duplicate eyes spread around the area, quickly finding the Straw Hat's missing shipwright in an abandoned warehouse.
She quickly approached his unconscious body. He was still breathing, and didn't appear to be injured. Robin let out a small sigh of relief. As she contemplated what to do with him, Franky let out a soft moan.
"What the hell? Where'd they move the bar?" he asked drowsily as he staggered to his feet.
"I believe you were drugged," she replied.
"Drugged?"
"Yes, there are several tasteless, odorless substances that can be used to knock people out. Did you by chance leave a drink unattended?" Robin asked.
"I dunno, it's all kind of fuzzy. Drugged you say? Well, the more you know," Franky answered before shuffling to the door, "Did ya get the guy who got me?"
"Don't worry, it's taken care of."
Franky's eyes widened at her tone, and his hands subconsciously covered his privates. Robin chuckled, and helped guide him back to the ship. There they were greeted with sighs of relief, and Luffy declared a party.
As they celebrated, Robin allowed herself to look at each of her crewmates with a warm smile. It never ceased to amaze her, for all the things she knew the Straw Hats continued to teach her the most important lessons.
AN: I am 99% sure all these little factoids are correct. Sometimes, unfortunately, the Internet lies. I love reading random trivia; my favorite is the Uncle John Bathroom Reader series. Hilarious and educational.
As always, reviews are appreciated