The cold floor ices my uncovered feet. A man all in black, skin pale white, and a warm orange hair color cut short stands within the bathroom. His beady eyes peered into me as if I were an enemy.
"I wondered who he kept hidden away here." His voice soiled with an slight accent. His lips in a hard line across his face. He felt like a threat. The way his body moved and how he looked at me like a monstrous creature. My instincts told me to run, told me to do anything to get away from this man.
"Were you too good to be killed with the rest of them? Did you watch them die? Hear their screams? No?" He took a pause, watching my reactions. The silence lingered around too long. "You have him wrapped around your finger or is it the other way around? Tell me!" I kept silent still unsure how to answer a man who definitely sees me as the enemy.
"Does he use you like he used all the other ones. Some stormtroopers, some random women we find on the planet. They all tried to stand next to the great Kylo Ren and in the end most of them died." He spoke like a way a fire burns, crackling at certain words and slowly burning at others. "One of them told me he liked her bent over. He didn't want to hear her or see her face." His smile creeped upon his face and made a grimacing chuckle. " I bet he likes to see position do you get into when he walks in? Do you do everything he says or does he like you feisty? Are you on your knees first? Does he get to slap you around or does he keep you-"
"Stop!" I yelled. "He wouldn't. I wouldn't." I murmured as I backed out of the bathroom and started walking toward the door. The light footsteps of the man walked toward me as I walked toward the door. I did not know what Kylo Ren would or wouldn't do but everything about what this man said seemed and felt wrong.
I was becoming angry at the accusations that this man made. Even if I slept with Kylo Ren a hundred times it didn't matter. The room turned darker and even my breath made an echo. I could see Kylo Ren sitting in a chair looking out through his window in another room. He seemed so close and yet so far away like he was a dream when I was very much awake.
"What is going on?" My voice shocked Kylo Ren out of his trance.
"The bond." Kylo said like those two words would make sense.
The man with the orange hair began speaking into what sounded like in the distance but what I knew felt all too close.. "I want to know why you are alive. Why is the last of the Resistance still alive?" The man kept speaking but I stopped listening to the evil dropping out of his mouth. How was I in two places at once? I knew I was still in my room with a man who I thought wanted to kill me but I was also with Kylo in some quiet reflective space.
"Kylo. I don't-"
"Is that Hux? Is he in your room?" A hand grasped my arm and in a flash Kylo disappeared. The echoness was gone and this orange-haired man. I felt strong enough to grab his wrist and twist his grip away from me. I pushed us both back. My back against the door and the man standing in the middle of the room.
"Feisty then… why don't you show me what you do first. What position does he like you in when he walks through the door?" The door started to budge open even with my weight on it. I moved out of the way.
"Hux." Kylo's deep voice resonated through the room. His hand outstretched toward the man who was now holding his own throat. "Get out." Thrown to the ground, Hux managed to crawl to his own feet. No longer was he the strong intimidating man but a scared child afraid of his punishment. He ran out the room, the door closed behind him.
"Everyone will know. This will not go unpunished!" Hux yelled walking out the door.
"Are you okay?" Kylo asked.
"I'm a bit confused. Confused about why he didn't know I was here, confused about us, confused about this whole thing. I just don't know." I took a pause to ask the question that was burning a hole in my mind. "Are we sleeping together? I have to know. He was telling me about your other girls and...I just I need to know even if we are, I am okay with it but, I just, you know, everything seems different between us and I know that I don't know but you know and not knowing is killing me right now."
He smiled, like really smiled. "You are okay with it even if we are?" I don't know if he was smiling at the idea or smiling at me ranting or what. All I knew is he didn't answer my question.
"I-I" I stuttered. Ya I was okay with it, maybe. He was strong and he cared but there was this darkness towards everyone else that was slightly frightening. "I'm okay with it." Maybe in the life before this I hated him but I even knew that wasn't completely true. There was definitely something there that might be worth pursuing now. I wasn't afraid of death or fighting. I knew I was strong and could be strong again and two strong people together couldn't be a bad thing. Right?
I took a step closer to him. "You said I rejected you before. You said that you were my enemy. What if now is the time to change that? What if I don't want to reject you? Even my dreams are of you. You came to me when I was defenseless in my room with a stranger yelling at me. You appeared out of thin air. That's not normal. None of this is normal. There is something here and you can't deny it."
"You weren't defenseless. Never think you don't have the power. You, I think, are even stronger than me." His words soft and comforting. They were intimate. "It's almost tomorrow."
"You haven't slept.I can see the dark circles under your eyes."
"I'll manage.."
Kylo ordered an assortment off food. People continually looked down as they brought each plate in, never once making eye contact. Kylo didn't notice but the lack of acknowledgement was frustrated to a girl who couldn't acknowledge anything. After all the trays had been lined up on the table against the wall, Kylo went over and started picking over everything. There were these purple round balls attached to a branch. He picked up the branch and pulled each one into his mouth. Did I ever know what these were?
"Here try one, there my favorite." I bit down and it popped in my mouth. It was so sweet. "You've probably never had one. It's a fruit, grapes." His smiled and turned to pick up something else off the plate. I tried what he tried as he explained what each thing was, even the bread. He was sweet and caring. It never sounded condescending or belittling. It actually felt like he was enjoying telling me all about his favorite foods and that I should have tried this before.
This all felt normal and too easy. He told me I should hate him, but I didn't. Hux told me he killed everyone around me but I still couldn't hate him. He was cruel to other people. I saw that with my own eyes. He was never cruel to me and there was a sense of balance between us. I felt stronger when he was around and he seemed softer.
"Can you tell me what happened when Hux was here?" I asked playing with the crumbs between my fingers, both of us just sitting on the bed. "When you just appeared?"
"The force surrounds all living things and some people, like me and you, can use its power. There is the dark and light, a balance kind of. We, somehow, share a connection that can bring us together but not really together. It's odd and I don't know why it happens. What I want to do is have you go inside my head and see some of the memories I have with you. It might cause you to remember, if you want to remember." He looked down fumbling with his own hands.
"Why would I not want to remember?"
"We didn't have this. We fought. I don't know if I want you to remember."
"Is that really your choice?"
"I'm the Supreme Leader. Everything's my choice."
"Well that's not fair."
"Nothing is ever fair. The balance does not exist. It's a false notion that everyone talks about but in the end you choose. " He was hurt by his own words like it was something he never meant to say but he said it and it made the room quiet.
"Why are you so angry?"
"Passion and anger is how I draw my strength. It makes me this."
"Do you really want to be like this?" The trepidation in my voice fell off each word.
"Yes. Of course." He didn't seem particularly sure. Maybe he was trying to convince himself. Maybe he was trying to convince me. "I'm the most powerful man in the universe."
"And that is what you want? To control people based on fear and power?"
"You don't understand."
"Fine. Show me. Show me the memories. Make me understand. I have a choice too and I want to know. Show me why I hate you so much."