It had become an awful ritual. Just before 3am, Alex would launch herself toward the bathroom, where she stayed for over an hour while her insides declared war on her. To start with, she refused to let Maggie in, hating to appear so weak and vulnerable – and also wanting to protect her wife from the awfulness of it all. But she soon realized that Maggie felt even worse, sitting outside, waiting for her. So now she allowed herself to be held, soothed, and loved by the most wonderful woman in the world.
Hyperemesis gravidarum. That's what it was called, they discovered. Super-gross morning fucking pukefest was what Alex had privately nicknamed it. So far, it had been going on, relentlessly, for nearly six weeks. And it was affecting her work, and that pissed her off. Most of the time, she could hide it from co-workers, but if she got overtired, or ate at the wrong time, it would sneak up on her in the afternoon too. She had collapsed twice in the lab recently, and was now on a week's bedrest, much to her fury.
Alex tried not to take it out on Maggie, but when she found that Maggie had been on what sounded like a really fascinating mission, rescuing aliens from a slave master on a space ship, she was pissed. She was pissed that she hadn't been with her. She was pissed that Maggie had put herself in danger. She was pissed when Maggie came back all amped up from the excitement of the mission. And she was jealous, which she hated about herself. So she acted all snarky, and Maggie immediately called Kara and Kate and got them to take Addie for the evening, and for a sleepover. She explained to Addie that her Mama – who by that time had shut herself in the bedroom – was feeling a little bit of the 'baby blues'.
Maggie knocked on the door, and was firmly rebuffed with a "go away" from her wife.
Alex hated herself for behaving like a child. But she couldn't bring herself to apologize. So she threw a pillow and a blanket out of the room. It was a symbolic gesture. They had a perfectly good guest room that Maggie could sleep in, but Alex wanted to make the point that she should sleep on the couch.
Maggie's internal alarm clock went off at 0245hrs; she automatically woke in anticipation of her wife needing her. When she tiptoed out of the guest room, she was glad to see no light at the bottom of their bedroom door. But then she heard a noise that sounded like Alex running to the bathroom, and the light appeared, accompanied by deep retching sounds. She knew Alex was pissed with her, but she couldn't leave her alone.
Alex felt more miserable than she had at any stage of the pregnancy. But then she felt Maggie's hand supporting her forehead, and her warm hand on her back. She leant into her. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I was a bitch."
"It's allowed, Danvers," Maggie's voice was warm. Loving. Lightly humorous. "Oh hey," she tightened her grip as Alex's body betrayed her again. "That's good, babe. I've got you. Let me help you. That's it. There you go," Maggie had long ago stopped being repelled by Alex's sickness. Her love for her wife overrode her natural instinct to hide away. And she could tell that it was soothing for Alex. She held a damp washcloth to her forehead. "You're getting good at this," she teased lightly, as Alex moaned again.
Twenty minutes later, Maggie rose and lifted Alex carefully into her arms. Alex was amazed that somebody as tiny as Maggie could lift her. Maggie tucked her into bed, and kissed her forehead.
"Get in here, Sawyer," Alex mumbled. Maggie slid in next to her, and smiled as Alex snuggled into her arms. "Next time you should just tell me to stop being a bitch," Alex said sleepily.
Maggie laughed, and stroked her hair. "That's not going to happen, Danvers. I'd rather face down a room of Infernians. You can be scary, you know."
"I know," Alex said, smugly. "I like it that way."
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"Fourteen weeks? That's fantastic, Alex," Maura Isles said to Alex at the school gates. "And how are you feeling?"
"Right now? Great," Alex smiled. "Just don't ask me at three tomorrow morning."
"Still? That's rough, morning sickness usually stops after ten to twelve weeks," Maura was sympathetic.
"I wish," Alex was rueful. She watched Maggie who was lifting Addie onto her shoulders. "Maggie's being amazing though. I'm really lucky."
"Jane was great with me too, once she stopped panicking," Maura laughed. "And she was a pro when it came to the second time around," she gestured to the sleeping baby in the stroller. "But mine was only for the first ten weeks, the first time, and only seven weeks with Michael. Are you getting enough nutrition?" she peered anxiously at Alex. She could see the bags under her eyes.
Alex nodded. "Maggie's taking real good care of me. And my boss is only letting me work three afternoons a week right now. I was irritated about that to start with, but it's making a big difference. I realize I was taking on too much."
"Your boss sounds great."
"He really is. So, how about it? Aoife and Ellie really want to meet you all, will you come swimming on Saturday? It's a great pool, they've got a fantastic place. And Aoife has said she'll show you her studio, and she hardly shows that to anyone. She's been hearing all about you from Addie."
Maura's face lit up. "I really wanted to go to her exhibition in New York, she's an incredible talent. I can't believe you are related to her."
"She's a great person too. Hey, Bug," she greeted her daughter as Maggie approached. "I've really missed you today."
"Did you sleep, Mama?" Addie was very protective of her pregnant mother.
"I did, baby. I slept a lot. I feel real good now. We'll see you Saturday, then? I'll text you the address."
"We'd love that," Maura smiled.
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Kate was trying so hard not to laugh. Kara was trying to teach herself to knit. She theorized that, if she could just work out how to do it, she would be able to knit a baby's cardigan in minutes, with her super speed. But it wasn't working out the way she had planned.
Kara harrumphed, as she dropped yet another stitch, and looked up to see Kate turning away, trying to hide her face. "It's not funny," she complained. "It's harder than it looks. I should make you try it, and you can see how difficult it is."
"I already know how to knit," Kate said mildly.
Kara just stared. "You are kidding me," she said, eventually. She could not see the tough sergeant with a set of knitting pins in her hand.
"It's true. The nuns showed me. Actually," she blushed. "It's kinda … calming. I was … well, I was a difficult kid. I couldn't get my brain to switch off. And then Sister Emmanuel suggested knitting."
"And you just agreed?" Kara was astounded.
Kate laughed. "Of course I didn't! But then I got in trouble with the cops. I didn't really mean any harm. But they caught me, up on a high roof, told me I could have been killed. The nuns went nuts at me. Apart from Sister Em."
Kara felt bad. She had only meant to tease her girlfriend. There was no reason why Kate wouldn't be good at knitting. She was dextrous, co-ordinated and Kara knew, better than anyone, just how good she was with her hands. She just hadn't envisioned her sitting still for long enough to knit. And now she had made her dredge up yet another memory from her troubled childhood. "I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean..."
Kate touched her arm. She knew that Kara was the last person who would ever want to harm her, or upset her. "I know you didn't," she leant forward, and kissed her tenderly. "And I should have told you about it before. Want me to help you out there?"
Kara nodded. "I just can't get this bit to...," she yanked at the yarn.
"You're holding too tight," Kate put her hands gently over Kara's. "You need to relax your grip. And then it'll … that's it," she smiled.
"Do you still knit?" Kara wanted to know.
"I haven't done, for a couple of years. Not since that green sweater you keep stealing from me."
"You made that?" Kara was staggered. She had no idea. She just loved the soft feel of it, and the fact that it always held just a little of Kate's own scent.
Kate grinned. "I did. Want me to make you one?"
"Oh Rao yes," Kara said, firmly. What had started as a teasing conversation was now serious; she couldn't think of anything she'd like more than to wear something Kate had made for her. "How long will it take you?"
"I'll need to get the yarn first," Kate smiled. "I dunno. Three weeks? Depends on how busy we get. Or how we use our time," she gently removed the knitting from Kara's hands and set it on the table. "I mean, take now, for instance. We have a couple of hours free. You could probably get this sleeve finished. But instead," she leaned over and undid the top two buttons of Kara's shirt. "I'm thinking we could do something less … creative," she grinned.
Kara grinned back. "Oh I don't know, Sergeant. I seem to remember that the last time we found some spare time, you got very creative," she tried not to squeak as Kate's hand found its way into her bra. "Very creative indeed," her mouth went dry when Kate's fingers closed around a taut nipple.
Kate laughed, and lifted her easily into her arms. Kara loved it when Kate took charge. She spent so much of her life being strong, being the one to rescue everybody. Being invulnerable. She loved it when Kate looked at her as though she was the most feminine, precious thing she had ever seen.
Kate carried her to the bed and laid her gently down. She lay down beside her. "You sure this is what you want?" Kate always checked that Kara was comfortable, at every stage. Consent was so important to her.
Kara reached out to untuck Kate's tee from her pants, tugging impatiently at the fabric. She loved it when the soft plane of Kate's flat stomach was exposed. "I'm sure," Kara's voice shook. "I need you," she pulled the tee over her head, and reached out to release Kate's bra. Her eyes fell to Kate's exposed chest, and she felt her arousal soar.
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Maura blinked away tears, as she fed their baby from the bottle. When Jane stuck her head around the nursery door, she immediately felt the tension in the air. And then she spotted the bottle at the same time as Maura's open shirt. "Maur?" Jane knew what was coming. Maura had been distraught when Robert had stopped breastfeeding, and it was happening again.
"It's okay," Maura tried to be stoical. "He's nearly ten months old. It's time."
Jane crouched at Maura's knee. She stroked their son's head. "Hey Mikey," she said, softly. "He still loves being held by you," she reassured Maura.
Maura nodded. "I know. It's just... that's it. He's growing up. Soon, he'll be a toddler. And then..."
"He'll always love his Mommy," Jane reminded her. "Just like Robert does."
"Talking of Robert," Maura reminded her.
"I'm going," Jane stood, and rattled the car keys. "You sure you two don't wanna come?"
Maura nodded, her body language downcast.
"Still got that headache?" Jane's tone was gentle.
"A little," Maura admitted.
"I'll draw you a bath once the boys are asleep," Jane promised. She knew the warm water would relax Maura.
"Can we take it together?" Maura's voice was small.
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Maggie stood up and waved at the tall detective striding toward her. "Robert," she called, "Your ma's here."
Robert looked up from the elaborate sandcastle he was building with Addie. He must have an architect somewhere in his genes, Maggie decided. Addie had been completed transfixed by the construction project.
Maggie watched carefully as Robert ran toward Jane, laughing as the boy was lifted into the air by his mother.
Jane reached Maggie and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks for taking care of him."
"Is Maura still feeling bad?" Maggie asked.
"She's much better. Just a headache now. But it was good to have the morning to sleep. Alex not here?"
"She was. She's not feeling so great either. I think maybe she has some kinda bug, as well as the morning sickness. She's been kind of shivery."
"Sounds like what Maura had," Jane sympathized. She knew it was so much harder to watch your wife suffering than it was to be sick yourself. "Just keep her warm and hydrated. If it's the same thing, it'll be gone in a couple of days."
Maggie nodded. She hated that Alex was having such a rough time. Eighteen weeks in, and she hardly ever went more than 36 hours without throwing up.
"Let me take them to the lake tomorrow morning," Jane said, impulsively. "Addie's getting real good at rowing. Then you can have some time with Alex. Maybe Kara and Kate will want to come too. I'll text them."
Maggie breathed a sigh of relief. She could think of nothing nicer than spending a few hours on a Sunday morning, alone with Alex.
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"I'm okay," Alex insisted, as Maggie encouraged her to lie on the couch, her head in Maggie's lap.
"I know you are," Maggie said. "There," she ran her hand through Alex's hair, and tried not to notice that her skin was just a little too warm. She knew it was nothing to worry about. Her phone beeped, and she smiled when she looked at the screen. Jane and Maura were sitting at one end of the rowboat, Kara at the other, and Kate in the middle with Robert and Addie, helping them to operate the oars. She showed it to Alex. Alex's eyes filled with tears. "Hey," Maggie said, softly.
Alex sniffed. "Damned hormones," she tried to shrug it off. She loved their daughter so much, and was so happy that she was having a fun day.
Maggie slid her hand over Alex's small bump, which had only recently started to show. She caressed it, absent-mindedly.
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"You really should think about it," Ellie said cautiously to Aoife. She didn't want to pressure her wife either way, but also she hated the idea of holding her back. Aoife was so talented, and it seemed that the art world was suddenly sitting up and taking notice of her.
Aoife shook her head. "I already told her," she said stubbornly. She was pissed at her agent Sarah. She had told her very firmly that she would not move to New York, and Sarah had 'accidentally' mentioned to Ellie how good it would be for Aoife's career to settle in New York for a few years.
"But Sarah said that if we moved, it wouldn't have to be for..."
"No!" Aoife almost shouted, and then hated herself for the look on Ellie's face. "I'm sorry," she ran over to her, and rested her hand on Ellie's knee. "I didn't mean to yell."
"I don't want to hold you back," Ellie's voice was small.
Aoife reached out and took her hand, smiling as Ellie then grasped her crippled hand too. Aoife loved it that Ellie like them to connect with both hands, even if she couldn't feel much in her right hand. She knew Ellie was holding it. "I'm not kidding," Aoife said. She leaned in and kissed Ellie very tenderly. "I want to be here. Yeah, I want to be with you. That goes without saying. But I need to be with our family too. Since Mom died, you and Maggie, and Alex, and Addie, and Kara and Kate – you're the only family I have. We're going to be aunts again soon. And they're having the ultrasound next week. Alex wants to know the baby's sex. We could know next week if we're having a niece or nephew! I want to be around for that. I want to be around for it all. And you're doing so well at the NCPD. I don't want to go anywhere. I can travel. Or not. If they really want my stuff, they'll have to come see me."
Ellie looked deep into her eyes, and saw that she was telling the truth. "You could become an elusive artist," she teased. "Only come out under the cover of darkness."
"I might sell more, being all mysterious," Aoife teased back.
Ellie scoffed. Aoife already immediately sold out whenever any of her work went on sale.
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"You don't have to find out," Alex held Maggie's hand as if her life depended on it. "And if you really want, I won't look, so I don't know either." She and Maggie had been unable to agree on finding out the baby's sex. Alex wanted to know, Maggie wanted it to be a surprise.
"It's that giant, analytical brain of yours," Maggie teased. She knew that Alex was anxious. She had been feeling crappy for most of the pregnancy and, while she knew that wouldn't affect the baby, she wouldn't relax until she knew everything was alright. "It's okay, babe. We'll find out. I'm kinda curious now."
"You don't have to," Alex protested. She didn't want Maggie to think she was ignoring her wishes.
"I want to," Maggie lied. Right now, she just wanted Alex to have everything she wanted. And this was such a minor thing.
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Alex just managed to make it into the car before she broke down completely. Tears streamed down her face, and she struggled to control her breathing. Maggie stood at the car door, facing her, and just held her as she sobbed.
"I know," Maggie soothed, gently, cupping the back of Alex's head, and holding her to her. "I know babe. It's a relief, I know that."
"Our baby's okay," Alex hiccoughed, her hands fisting in Maggie's plaid shirt. "She's okay. Our little girl's okay."
"Of course she is, babe. You've been taking great care of her. And we're half way there now," Maggie rocked her gently. "Half way to our little girl. She'll be here before you know it."
"We've gotta call Addie," Alex remembered.
"She's swimming with Aoife and Maura and Robert right now," Maggie reminded her. Maura had offered to pick Addie up from school. "Shall we tell them all? We could go round there?"
"No. I want to tell Kara first," Alex said. "Kara and Addie."
Maggie pulled out her cellphone, and was already dialing. She smiled as she hung up. "Kara's going right over, and Kate's heading there too. Okay, babe?"
Alex nodded, miserably. She wished she could control her emotions better.
"It's all good, Alex," Maggie said gently, kissing her softly on the forehead. "And you haven't gotten sick for nearly a week, too. Maybe this is the end of it?"
"God I hope so," Alex said, with feeling.
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Ellie couldn't stop staring at the new tattoo in the mirror. The colours that Aoife had combined to come up with the design that now adorned the underside of Ellie's breast were overwhelming. Ellie had had to beg Aoife several times before she would pick up the tattoo gun. She knew she would never regret wearing any of Aoife's art. And, every time she looked at any of her tattoos, she had the memory of Aoife's soft hands on her. It was the most erotic thing she could imagine.
When she heard the front door close, she knew Aoife was home from her meeting. "Up here," she called to Aoife, and laughed to herself when she heard her wife taking the stairs two at a time.
Aoife flung open the bedroom door, expecting to see Ellie changing. She wasn't expecting her to be lying on the bed, nude, with a shit-eating grin on her face. "Expecting company?" she teased.
"Yeah," Ellie teased back. "There's this hot redhead I really wanted to see tonight."
"Oh yeah?" Aoife stripped off her sweater and shirt in one swift movement. She shimmied out of her jeans. She climbed onto the bed, and kissed Ellie deeply.
"Yeah," Ellie's voice hitched.
"Tell me about her," Aoife's voice was low and seductive. She shivered when Ellie reached behind her and released her bra, catching her heavy breasts in gentle hands.
Ellie grinned. "Well," she rubbed a thumb over a painfully sensitive nipple. "She has these great breasts. I mean, really great. They're full, and soft, and so responsive," she laughed when Aoife gasped when she tweaked a nipple.
"Anything else?" Aoife tried to control her breathing.
Ellie looked at her, her gaze deep and piercing. She nodded. "Her skin is amazing," she caressed her stomach. "Her hair is unbelievably soft," she rolled Ellie gently so that she was beneath her. Gently, she tugged down her underwear. Ellie cupped her possessively, but so tenderly that Aoife's breathing hitched. "In fact, her whole body is … God, it's perfect," Ellie lifted Aoife's crippled hand and brought it to her lips, making Aoife want to cry.
Aoife nodded, and swiped away a tear. Ellie could see that Aoife was emotional. She leant down and kissed her deeply and tenderly, loving it as the kiss lasted long minutes. "It's not just her body though," Ellie said. "It's her soul. She has the most loving soul I have ever encountered," she slid down her body. Gently, she eased one of Aoife's legs over her shoulder. "She's kinda perfect," Ellie didn't realize that she was crying now too.
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"Oh sweetheart, it's okay. It's okay. Hey, we're here, Bug. That's it, baby girl. We're here," Alex rocked their six-year-old daughter. Almost four months had passed since Addie's last nightmare. And this wasn't one of the worst. She held her softly. "Mommy's going to be home real soon. She texted me, she's on her way. And Gertie's here," Alex took one of Addie's hands and laid it on the head of the gentle dog. The dog never jumped on the bed, apart from when Addie had a nightmare, or she was sick, and then she would refuse to budge until Addie was okay.
"I dreamt Mommy was killed by the bad man," Addie hiccoughed.
"Mommy's fine. I promise. Let's call her," Alex knew that Maggie's phone was Bluetooth-enabled, so it wouldn't be dangerous for her to speak while she was driving. "Hey, babe," she said as the phone was answered. "The Bug wants to say hi." She held out the phone to Addie.
"Hi Mommy," Addie sounded so subdued that Maggie knew immediately what had happened.
"Hey, Addison," Maggie said. "I'm nearly home, I'm just going past the gas station. I'll be there in about six minutes."
Addie nodded miserably.
"We'll see you real soon," Alex said.
"Want me to stay on the line?" Maggie offered.
Addie nodded again.
"Addie says yes," Alex interpreted their daughter's movements for Maggie.
Maggie smiled. "What shall we talk about? How about you tell me all about your day, Addie?"
Addie nodded again. "I played softball," she said.
"Were you any good?" Maggie asked, teasingly. She knew that Addie was the best in her class at softball. "Did you kick anyone's ass?"
Addie giggled. Maggie rarely swore. "We beat Robert's team," she said, proudly. "He says I have to play on his team next time."
"Is Gertie there with you?" Maggie already knew the answer.
"She's right here," Alex told her. She picked up Gertie's paw and moved it up and down. "She's waving hi," she said, causing Addie to giggle again.
Addie snuggled into Alex's front. "Mama hasn't got sick today," she told Maggie.
"That's great news," Maggie said, and they both looked up to see Maggie standing in the doorway. "How 'bout we all snuggle together tonight?"
"Even Gertie?" Addie looked surprised, even as she held her arms out to Maggie and accepted her warm embrace.
"Even Gertie," Maggie lifted Addie into her arms. She could tell that her pajamas were sweaty, but was pleased to see that she hadn't wet the bed, so the nightmare hadn't been as bad as it could have. She tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'm gonna shower," Maggie said. "You wanna come with me, Addie? We can get clean pajamas afterward," she suggested.
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"You're amazing with her," Alex whispered, her hand stroking Maggie's face softly, taking care not to disturb the sleeping child between them.
"She's so like you, Danvers," Maggie whispered back.
"How so?"
"She's brave, and strong. And she loves fiercely, just like you do."
"I love you so much," Alex said. "Both of you."
Maggie grinned back. "Hey, it's a good thing we've got a big bed. I have a feeling there'll be four of us here, from time to time."
"I can't wait," Alex said, dreamily, her eyes closing.