"We can't leave yet."
"What do you mean? You just said we had to get out of here!"
"I know but what I did.." He took a deep breath. "Honestly, I don't know where to go."
"So, let me get this straight. If I go outside and touch anything I will be a complete mess who will try to do anything to get in your pants? And if I stay in here we will run out of food and supplies? And the whole universe hates you? We are stuck here?"
"Do you hate me?"
"Yes?" I knew I said it like a question. I knew I was trying to convince myself. I knew whatever was in the air could not make feelings out of nowhere. I wanted him. I wanted him to touch me ever since he left me on my own on that stupid ship. I wanted him when he was torturing me. I wanted him when he killed people. I wanted him like I knew he wanted me. I couldn't stop thinking about throwing myself at him. I wanted to kiss him again and so much more.
"You called me Ben." He had the same look as when we kissed. "You are remembering."
"I dream." I walked closer to him. "It feels so real sometimes." He had his gloves on again. All I wanted to do was touch him. "I don't think it's just the plants."
He smiled at me. "What do you dream?"
I grabbed his hand and pulled the glove off one finger at a time. "You asking me to join you and me denying it. I denied you and I know you wanted to kill me. I know I have wanted to kill you." I took the glove off his other hand.
"I wouldn't."
"You would." I grasped his hand and but them at my waist and I hugged him. It felt so safe wrapped here. "Maybe I am just as bad as you. Maybe I should have joined you in that room. Let me see our story. Show me every memory." I wanted to see it all. I wanted to see all the context that I was missing. I had dreamed about his outstretched hands so many nights and every single time I walk away. I needed to see it. No matter what had happened, if I was supposed to hate him I needed to know it. "Ben, I can't leave this time. I'm not going anywhere. Show me. Please."
We walked to the bunk and with my hand outstretched, he showed me. From the moment he met me in the forest when he was interrogating me, our bond. He was a monster. I knew that. He invaded my mind. He came to our camp and killed everyone except me. I watched it all from his eyes and how he felt. He knew I would always join him. Since shackled to that chair, invading my mind, he knew. He saw it. This was always meant to be.
I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I watched him kill Snoke. I watched us fight together and I saw me say no to him. I saw me try to kill him. I saw his story.
His face was angry. "You said no. The thing that I wanted most out of anything in the galaxy you said no. I wanted revenge. You saved everyone again. When I found out where your camp was I wasn't going to let you live. I am still the same monster you hate."
"You've done worse than kill me. You've broken me. You put me back together and you left. I will never be the same girl from that camp. Through your eyes, I was a monster too. I just didn't know it. I wanted to pretend I was light. The problem is, in your situation, I would have done worse."
"No."
"I would have killed you. I would have ended it. I tried."
"No."
"I'm not light. I don't think I ever was. I always felt passion and anger. You saw it. I will always lean toward the dark. I know that now. I don't have to keep fighting. I've seen it through your eyes." I kissed his hands. " I know what I want now."
A low growl deep within his throat sound and he had me on my back. He claimed my mouth and kissed down my neck. Our hands running up and down one another the peel off each other's clothes. He knew what I wanted and I begged him to keep doing it.
He stood up and soon I was lying naked on the bunk. He only had one piece of clothing left. His hands in the waistband.
"Do you want this?" He almost said like a statement, strong and commanding.
"Ben," I begged
"Do you want this?" Even louder.
"Yes, please, yes." His lips were on mine. My hands rubbing down his chest down. The pressure was building and I need him now. "Please," I whimpered one more time. I guided him into me and let everything explode.
This is it. I wanted so much more but I have to focus on other things and I needed to end it. She was always going to go dark. If you are still reading, thank you! Thank you to those who kept messaging me and commenting. Let me know what you liked or what you hated. I can't say thank you enough!