J'onn looked around himself when he reached the apartment building in Chicago. He couldn't see anyone around; he surmised that everyone was at work. But Eliza Danvers was not at work. In fact, the university had been very cagey when he enquired about her whereabouts.
He raised his finger to press the button for apartment 24, but was relieved when a resident came out just as he was about to press. He slipped in the main entrance, and made his way to the second floor.
The apartment was quiet – no sound of the radio or tv. He knocked twice, sharply. After a moment, he heard feet shuffling. The Eliza that came to the door was almost unrecognizable. She was disheveled, her hair unkempt. Her pants were wrinkled, and there was a stain on her shirt. She stared at him.
"We need to talk," he told her firmly.
She shrugged, leaving the door open to admit him as she made her way back to the couch. Back to the bottle on the table.
"You got fired," he guessed.
"Gottit in one," her voice was clearer than he had anticipated. But then, she was practised at this. She was now a seasoned drinker.
She reached for her glass, and took a healthy swallow. Whiskey. J'onn almost wanted to laugh. Eliza had more in common with Alex than she realized.
"Addie went missing last week," J'onn was pulling no punches. "For a while, nobody knew where your seven-year-old granddaughter was."
Eliza looked up, blearily. "She's nearly eight."
"She was looking for you. Anything could have happened to her. Do you know how many kids go missing every year? How many are killed?"
Eliza paled. "What did she want with me?"
"She didn't understand why you are making her mother so unhappy. She still doesn't." J'onn knew that this was not the time to be tactful.
"She killed my husband."
"Would you have preferred if she had been the one to die? Or maybe her wife? Or unborn child? Or perhaps all three? Because that's what was going to happen. You've watched the recording. Alex. Had. No. Choice," he spoke clearly, not bothering to hide his anger. "Do you really want this to be the end of any family for you? Because it will be. They are going on without you. Alex is devastated, and barely sleeping. But she WILL get over it. Because she has her wife, and her two daughters. You haven't even met Jamie."
"I can't," Eliza wavered, and reached anew for her glass.
J'onn noticed three empty whiskey bottles on the kitchen counter to his right. "Just how much of that stuff are you drinking?"
Eliza shrugged. "It's the only thing that helps," her voice was quiet. Ashamed. She knew that what she was doing was wrong. But it was the only way she could get through the day. She had to numb herself. She couldn't face reality. Because, if she did, she would have to accept that her beloved husband had gone to the dark side. Had turned into a monster. It was easier, somehow, to demonize Alex.
J'onn sat in the chair facing her. "It's hard," he said, quietly. "I know. But I also know what it's like to lose your family. For ever. Your family isn't gone. They are there. Waiting for you."
"They'll never forgive me now," Eliza knew that to be true. Her behavior had been execrable. She knew that. Why was it always so easy for her to blame Alex? She had done that, on too many occasions, throughout her daughter's life. And Alex had done nothing to warrant that treatment. Her beautiful, strong, upright, loving Alexandra. Alex had the strongest moral code of anyone she had ever known. Stronger even than Jeremiah, before he turned.
"They will. It won't be easy. But isn't it worth trying? Or would you rather just drink yourself into oblivion?"
"I don't know where to start," Eliza faltered. She couldn't go on like this. She knew that. If she gave up now, there was nowhere for her to go. She had no job. No family. No husband. She hadn't even met her youngest granddaughter."
J'onn reached into his pocket. He pulled out his phone and scrolled. "This is Jamie," he said in a soft voice.
Eliza reached out with a shaking hand. She was transfixed. "She's beautiful. She looks just like Maggie."
"She's a wonderful child. She brings them a lot of joy."
"What does Addie think?"
J'onn's face creased into a smile. "She adores her. She's never shown any signs of jealousy. She's going to be a wonderful big sister. Just like Alex is to Kara."
A tear slid down Eliza's face.
J'onn reached into his wallet. He passed her a card. "I called them this morning. They have a room ready for you. It's a great place. If you think it's worth it, to get your family back, then call them."
He stood up, and rested one gentle hand on Eliza's shoulder. "You have my numbers. I can be there for you. Any time of the day or night."
Eliza watched bleakly as he left the apartment. She looked down at the card in her hand. 'Sunshine Rehab & Good Living Center'. She laughed hollowly at the name. There would be little sunshine awaiting her. She knew that. She also knew that she had to do it. Resolutely, she got to her feet. She tipped the remainder of the bottle down the drain, as well as the two bottles hidden in the back of the cupboard. She was going to try this.
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Ellie realized she was on her own in bed. She checked her watch. 0225Hrs. She knew where she would find Aoife.
Aoife sat on the overstuffed leather chair in her studio, a sketchpad and pencil in her hand. The page in front of her was blank.
Ellie could see her gazing sightlessly at the wall. From her vantage point at the door, Ellie could see everything. Specifically, she noticed the tension on Aoife's face. "Hey," she called softly.
Aoife turned and looked at Ellie, her face softening at the sight of her wife. "Hey," she replied. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"
Ellie shook her head. She approached Aoife, and crouched in front of her chair. She took both of her hands in her own. Aoife loved the way that Ellie treated her crippled hand in the same way as she did the rest of her. She never pulled away. Aoife was able to truly believe that Ellie found all of her attractive, not just the unblemished parts. She looked at Ellie closely, seeing love and concern in her soft, brown eyes. "I'm sorry," Aoife said, quietly.
"You don't have to be sorry. It's because I'm going back to work tomorrow, right?"
Aoife nodded sadly. "I know you're gonna be fine."
"I am. And not just because I'll be on desk duty for weeks. It's normal, Aoif. For you to be anxious. I understand that."
"I'm being selfish."
"No. You're not. I love that you care so much. What I don't love is that it's making you unhappy. Aoife, you know I don't have to be a cop, don't you? I can do something else. I hate that this is..."
"Stop," Aoife's voice was gentle, but firm. "I'm sorry. I'm okay, truly I am. And the last thing I want is for you to give up your dream. You're a great cop. And you love the job."
"Nowhere near close as much as I love you," Ellie reminded her. "I'm serious, babe. I can retrain. I could work with kids. I could be an electrician. Or a gymnast. A ballerina?" she teased, gently. "I could be anything."
"I know you could. But you love what you do. And you're so good at it. And you care. This city needs cops that care. I would hate for you to give that up. You're going back tomorrow," shakily, she reached up her hand to stroke Ellie's face. "And you're going to be great. And then you'll come back tomorrow evening. To me."
Ellie nodded. "I will. I swear," she helped Aoife out of her chair. "Right now, I want to go to bed and hold my wife. Can I do that?"
Aoife nodded, and stood up. She walked into Ellie's embrace.
"We can start planning tomorrow," Ellie said, tucking a strand of titian hair behind Aoife's ear. God, she loved her hair. "For your exhibition. I'm thinking we should take a trip to New York soon, just for a couple of days. We can look at some of the exhibition spaces Maura recommended. And you can take a couple of those meetings. We've only got five months until the exhibition. Until our honeymoon too," she smiled. "It's going to be amazing."
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Addie giggled as Kate lifted her onto her shoulders. She loved sitting atop the tall soldier; she had a great view of all that was going on. And she loved spending time with Kate and Kara. Today, Kate had come to collect her from school, and they were going to have an early evening bowling session, followed by pizza at the local pizzeria. She knew that her Mama and Mommy were tired, but they both insisted they were going to join them all for the pizza, and Addie looked forward to that. She loved watching her Mama and Kara together, and she hoped that when they were adults, she and Jamie would have the same warm relationship.
"Didja have a good day, Doodlebug?" Kate wanted to know.
"It was really neat today," Addie told her. "We learned all about trees. Did you know that trees can talk to each other, Sergeant Kate? It's real clever the way they do it. One tree sends some information to funguses, and the funguses talk to the other trees using chemicals. Isn't it amazing?"
"I didn't know that," Kate said, honestly. "You're going to have to tell me all about how that works. Kara's going to meet us at the bowling alley, you can tell us both together, I know she'll be interested too."
Kate and Kara listened intently as Addie explained the tree communication to them. Kara then went up to get some drinks for all of them. As she stood at the counter, she looked over, and saw her girlfriend patiently helping the nearly eight-year-old with her bowling technique. Kate was so patient and loving. One day, she would be an amazing mom. Despite having no positive parental influence, Kate was the kindest, most protective person Kara had ever met – apart from Alex. When she thought about it, Kate and Alex had so much in common.
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While Ellie and Aoife were away for the weekend, checking out exhibition spaces in New York, Kit had the whole house to herself. Her landladies were so kind and welcoming, but there was something about the complete quiet that she loved. Campbell was working all day, and Kit luxuriated in the silence, anticipating a day of complete pleasure. But, by lunchtime, she found herself missing Campbell. Maybe she didn't need to be completely alone. She smiled to herself. There was something about being with Campbell that was completely stress-free. She could sit with her, and not even feel the need to talk. This was a new experience for her. Even with Lainie – and they have lived together for the best part of seven years – it had never been this good. She hoped that Cam felt the same way. It seemed too good to be true. She picked up her phone and texted:
KPCR: Free later? I'll cook your favorite.
She knew how Cam felt about her lasagne.
Kit checked her phone for a reply every five minutes, and was irritated with herself for her own impatience. Campbell was busy. She had a whole list of patients, including a quadriplegic, so she wasn't expecting to have much downtime during the day. When the phone finally buzzed, she snatched it out of her pants pocket.
CRKP: Will there be garlic bread?
Kit laughed.
KPCR: Is that a deal breaker?
The phone buzzed again.
CRKP:Everyone has their price. I just don't want you to think I'm easy. I'll bring the Rioja.
Kit reached for her leather jacket. She wanted to get to the market in time to get the best ingredients. She loved cooking for
Campbell. She smiled to herself. It was a good thing that she did; Cam could barely boil an egg.
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Jane looked up as Maura entered the room. God, she was so beautiful. Nearly five months in to her pregnancy, and she had
never looked better. Or hotter. Jane was suddenly very grateful that her mom had taken the boys to the park.
Maura smiled at her wife. She looked so happy. She was clutching a sheaf of papers, all about the art scene in New York.
"Leaving the department, it's the best thing you ever did," Jane said softly, her hand running unconsciously over Maura's neat bump. "You're really enjoying working with Aoife, aren't you?"
"She's a wonderful artist. I've never know anyone so young come up with work of such maturity, such passion. I suppose it's because she's lived a lot in just 22 years. She's had to go through so much, good as well as bad."
"Things are good for her now," Jane reminded her gently. "And," her voice took on a teasing tone. "She has gotten herself the best agent in the country."
Maura snorted. They both knew she had had little experience so far.
"And," Jane continued, "her agent just happens to be just about the hottest woman I have ever seen," she was already unbuttoning Maura's blouse carefully. She had learned to be careful with Maura's expensive clothes. It wasn't so much the price, but Maura hated it when her clothes were ruined. Jane slid the garment from her body and placed it on the back of the chair. Her eyes widened. She pulled Maura gently to her, and kissed her deeply while she slid one hand into her bra.
Maura gasped when Jane's fingers found a rock hard nipple. "Jane… your mom … she's going to … oh Jesus," Maura bucked when Jane's fingers closed over the tight bud. "We shouldn't … I said I'd make pot roast for Robert, he … ," she squeaked inelegantly as Jane's mouth found its target. "I ..."
"We'll order take-out," Jane bit out, as she tugged her own t-shirt over her head, loving the look on Maura's face when she saw that she wasn't wearing a bra. God, this was too easy. The pregnancy had been wonderful so far for both of them. Maura had barely experienced any unpleasant side-effects, and Jane's appetite for her had grown every day, as her body ripened.
Maura grunted her assent, as her hands fumbled with Jane's waistband.
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Alex looked over at Maggie. Maggie held baby Jamie close to her, and was rocking her gently. She hated that Maggie was going to go back to work the next morning. She hated that the house would be empty without her, even with the two girls – though Addie was going back to school, too. She hated, too, that she wouldn't be there to protect Maggie from danger. She knew that there was no guarantee that she would be able to keep Maggie safe, but she wanted to be by her side at all times.
Maggie looked at Alex. "You okay?" she could see the frown lines on her wife's face.
Alex nodded.
Maggie came and perched on the side of the armchair. Holding the baby carefully, she leant down and kissed Alex softly. She reached down and started to unbutton Alex's shirt. "Dinner time," she said, as she lowered the baby into Alex's arms.
Alex smiled when Jamie immediately latched on. "Oh yeah," she smiled. "This one's definitely your kid. Always hungry."
"And always happy to play with your boobs," Maggie grinned.
"What time are you going to get Addie?" Alex asked. Addie was spending most of that Sunday with Robert and his family, as they were planning to go to on a tour of their nearby fire station, as Jane knew one of the firefighters and he had promised them a day that the kids would love.
"I'm leaving in a half hour," Maggie told her. "Just time for a snuggle before I go," she pushed gently, moving her wife along the wide chair, so that there was just room for the three of them to huddle up together.
Alex loved that Maggie was so tactile, and love to snuggle up with her. Maggie was so soft, and comforting, belying her physical and mental strength. Yes, she was one of the toughest cops in National City, but she was a marshmallow with her family.
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Campbell ran a soft finger down Kit's spine. As she so often did when they made love, Kit ended up being a pile of mush afterward, and just lay there, a smile on her face.
Kit rolled over and faced her. Campbell couldn't quite decipher the look on her face. "What is it?" she asked her softly.
"How do you know me so well?"
"I'm a genius," Campbell teased. "I thought you knew that."
Kit laughed. "So we're going to the party?"
"Try and stop me," Campbell levered herself up on one elbow, and stared at her lover. "Any excuse to get behind a wheel."
Kit laughed. "It's go-karting. For kids. The engines are electric."
"I'm still gonna beat you," Cam grinned. She had a strong competitive streak.
"Just so long as you don't beat Addie," Kit reminded her.
"Of course. I'll take it easy on the birthday girl. Big strong cops like you, though, you can look after yourselves."
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Maggie crept into Addie's bedroom as the child started to stir. She sat on the edge of the bed, smiling as Addie turned over and looked at her. "Happy birthday, baby," she said, softly, and reached out to touch Addie's cheek.
Addie grinned. "Hi Mommy."
Maggie's heart filled with pleasure. Their daughter had long been a source of pure joy to them. She had now been with them over three years, and she would not trade a single minute of that time. Even the difficult times. Everything that happened just made their relationship stronger.
"Hey, Bug," Alex called from the doorway. "You in the mood for some visitors on your birthday?"
Addie sat up fully. Her face split into a wide grin when she saw Kara and Kate enter.
An hour later, Alex sat in the living room, nursing the now seven-month-old baby Jamie. Jamie was now also taking some solid foods, but she still loved to feed from her Mama. Once she was done, Alex got up and passed her over to Maggie, who rewarded her with a dazzling smile. She loved to see Maggie so happy. And today was a good day. Jamie was settled, Addie was having a wonderful time, with her favorite people around her, and they were due to leave soon for a party at the go-karting track, something that Addie was very excited about.
Alex went to the kitchen to refill her coffee, when she saw a familiar figure walking swiftly away from the house and get into a car. She went to the front door, but the car had already drawn away. On the ground was a medium-sized parcel, with an envelope on the top. Alex's heart beat rapidly when she saw her own name on the envelope, in her mother's handwriting.
My dearest Alex,
My hands are shaking as I write this. My behavior toward you and your wonderful family has been unforgivable. If you choose not to read this, and to throw it away, I would not blame you. But, if by some miracle, you are still reading, then I desperately want you to know how genuinely sorry I am. For all that I have done. All that I have said. And for all that I have thought.
I always knew, of course, that you were never to blame for your father's death – deep in my heart, I knew that. But it has become a reflex action, ever since your father first went missing, for me to blame you for everything bad that happens. I think part of me knew how strong that you were, and I twisted things in my mind and made you into the father figure of the family. It was so unfair of me. I made you responsible for Kara, and blamed you when she made mistakes. Mistakes that were her own, not yours.
Somehow, and this is what amazes me, you never seemed to blame Kara for anything. Despite my actions, you have become the strongest, most loving, most loyal sister that Kara could ever have had. You have become a better woman than I ever deserved to have as a daughter.
I was already drinking too much by the time that Jeremiah died. If I hadn't been, maybe I would have realized earlier that, instead of finding you culpable, I should have been there to support you. What a devastating thing for you to have to do. I know now – and, to my shame, I think I always did know – that none of it is, or was, your fault. And I would have done the very same in your position.
I've been in rehab for the past two months. I know now that I am an alcoholic. I didn't want to admit it, because admitting it would mean having to face up to all my wrong decisions. It would also mean I would have to quit drinking, and I was too scared to do that. But then I realized that if I didn't face up to it, I would, without question, lose my family for ever. I may already have done that. And if you never want to see me again, I truly understand. I do.
Just know that I will regret my behavior for the rest of my life. And I love you, more than you will ever know.
The parcel is a birthday gift for Addie – just a few books, I know she loves to read. If you choose not to give it to her, I will understand, and I will not blame you. There's a letter for her too; I've left the envelope open, so you can check what I have written.
I can only pray that you will forgive me. But if you don't, that's fine. Just look after yourself, and your beautiful family. And know that I am proud to have known you.
With all my love,
Mom.
Alex's face was contorted with tears. She felt light-headed, and grasped the counter to steady herself. She felt a soft hand at her waist, and allowed herself to be guided into a chair. She looked up and saw Maggie's face. Wordlessly, she held out the letter.
The whole gamut of emotions flickered across Maggie's face as she read. Maggie knew that this was a seminal moment in Alex's life. If she didn't forgive her mother, her life would be forever blighted. But Maggie knew that she, herself, would struggle. She had watched her beloved wife suffer; at the time when she most needed needed the love and support of her mother, she had been cruelly rejected. Maggie had held her through more nightmares than she could count, had soothed her, had reminded her of how much she was loved.
"You want to read the letter to Addie?" Maggie asked softly.
Alex nodded. She gestured to the parcel on the table, and Maggie passed her the open envelope on the top.
My darling Addie,
If you are reading this, that means that your Mama and Mommy are the kindest, most loving people in the world. But you already knew that about them.
Addie, I am so sorry. I have been mean and unkind to your Mama, and I have said some really bad things. I never meant any of those things, but I was just so sad, and angry, that I behaved horribly. I hope you never know what awful things I said and I did, but I want you to know that I am so sorry. I have no excuses for what I did. I took my sadness out on your wonderful Mama.
I love you all so much. I want you to know that I think your Mama, Alexandra Sawyer-Danvers, is the very best person I have ever met. She is so strong, and so kind, and so loving. And she and your Mommy both love you to the ends of the earth.
I love you too, and I know I can never make up for what I have done. I hope that you have a beautiful birthday, and that your life just gets better and better. I have already heard what a wonderful big sister you are to baby Jamie, and I always knew that you would be the best sister in the world.
With all my love,
Grandma Eliza
Alex passed the note to Maggie. After a few moments, Maggie stepped forward and pulled Alex into her arms. "We'll do whatever you want to do," she said.
"Tomorrow," Alex said, her voice thin. "We'll talk to Addie tomorrow. She needs to enjoy her party. We'll sit down with her tomorrow morning, and we'll talk."
Maggie caressed Alex's cheek. She would never stop being amazed by her wife. Already, she was planning to forgive Eliza. Maggie doubted that she would have Alex's strength in her place.
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"You're sure you want to do this, baby girl?" Alex looked behind her to address Addie in the back seat of the car.
Addie nodded firmly. "I want to see her."
"Okay. We'll be there in a few minutes."
Addie had a determined look on her face as she marched up to Eliza's front door. Alex was still unbuckling a smiling Jamie from her car seat. She looked at Jamie, and she knew everything was going to be okay. Whatever happened, as long as they had their two daughters, they would be fine. Jamie was such a happy child, full of life and humor. So, against all the odds, was Addie. Addie was more sensitive, and also so caring about the feelings of others. But they were both bright lights in their lives. Whatever happened, their core family would thrive.
Addie saw that Maggie was by her side as she knocked on the door. She took Maggie's proffered hand, just before the door opened.
Eliza's face was a maelstrom of emotions when she looked at her eldest granddaughter. After a moment to gather herself, she knelt at Addie's height. "Hey, Addison," she said quietly.
Addie let go of Maggie's hand, and wrapped her arms around her grandmother. "Hi, Gran'ma 'liza," she said, squeezing her hard. "We missed you."
Maggie had to blink away her tears.
After a few minutes, Eliza stood, and lifted Addie into her arms. "You're so tall," she said to the girl, pushing her hair behind her ear. "And you're so beautiful."
Alex approached, a tentative smile on her face. She turned slightly, so that Eliza could see Jamie's smiling face. "Hey, Mom.
Got someone here to meet you."