Rating: K+
Timeframe: Jaya
Spoilers: Jaya/Skypea, I suppose

Summary: On Jaya, Robin realizes she must make a decision: leave the only people who had shown her kindness in twenty years, or stay and curse them with a darkness they could not overcome.

Living with the Straw Hats, Robin realized one day, was sort of like visiting a zoo.

There was something exotic about this little crew that made them fascinating to study, but they were alien enough as to be impossible to understand completely. The Straw Hat Pirates were wild and unpredictable, refusing to bend to society's rules. And, like a zoo, it was dangerous for Robin to get too close lest she be hurt.

And, like a zoo, visitors did not stay indefinitely. They saw what was interesting and moved on with their lives.

It was time for Robin to move on.

Amidst all of the confusion now would be the perfect opportunity. In the last day they had experienced blackouts in the middle of the afternoon, shadows in the form of monsters dancing in the sky, ships crashing from the heavens, and the log post pointing in a seemingly impossible direction. Robin had ensured the Straw Hat's goodwill by stealing the salvager's eternal post to a nearby island, but that wouldn't last. They had nearly died when the giant turtle ate the sunken ship, all the proof Robin needed her curse was already rearing its dark head.

As soon as they docked on Jaya she slipped away. It was both painfully easy and excruciatingly difficult at the same time. As expected no one noticed her go, but a strange twinge of emotion (guilt, maybe? That was ridiculous; she hadn't felt guilty in years) made her pause. Robin felt the urge to explain herself, to say it wasn't them, it was her. But she didn't. Robin was determined to end things on her terms this time and make a clean break of it. There needn't be any hurt feelings of violence. The Straw Hats deserved better after all they had done.

So Robin ran away, like she had done so many times before. After spreading eyes and ears for surveillance and blending easily with the crowd she was confident she would not be found. Her only worry was that the doctor might try and track her by scent, but if her instincts were right the Straw Hats wouldn't even notice she was gone until it was too late.

First things first, Robin needed to gather information. Mock Town stayed true to its name, filled to the brim with pirates, outlaws, and criminals who held nothing but contempt for the law. By the time she had walked down two streets Robin had witnessed no fewer than five robberies, two extortion attempts, and a murder. From somewhere across town the sound of an explosion could be heard, but no one paid it any mind. It was just another day in the city.

Shaking her head at the chaos that surrounded her, Robin went into a seedy-looking bar. She ordered a tankard of ale. What she really wanted was coffee, but drinking coffee in a crowd like this would make her stand out, and right now Robin wanted to do everything possible to avoid that. After paying for her drink, she sat into a corner and just listened. Allies and enemies alike were always amazed at her ability to gather information, when in reality it wasn't so difficult. It didn't take a genius to figure out the world was filled with people who liked to hear themselves talk.

For example, after only a few minutes Robin learned that Roshiro the Executioner and Bellamy the Hyena had started some sort of feud with one another. Both crews were both quite famous locally, their captains lacking the strength to grab the attention of the world. If she could wait until one destroyed the other it would be simple to join the winning side during the recruiting frenzy that came after these sorts of fights. Then her time with the Straw Hat Pirates would be officially over. Robin could go anywhere in the world to pursue her dreams, free of the maddening influence that was Monkey D. Luffy.

Instead of feeling liberated, the thought made a resigned weariness seep into her heart.

There were other interesting, but unhelpful rumors flying around the bar: a crazy old man divvying out exploding apples, the wrestling champion who no one could beat in pure strength, the salvaging monkeys who claimed to have found gold from Sky Island…

Robin did a double-take. When she had suggested the Straw Hats go to Jaya she hadn't actually thought there was anything to be found pertaining to Straw Hat's inane desire to go into the sky. While Robin truly believed the Sky Islands to exist, there was no proof. All she had to go on was gut instinct and a few historical oddities that were nearly impossible to explain without believing there was a sea hidden somewhere in the heavens.

Straw Hat didn't even have that. He just wanted to go.

Without thinking Robin sprouted arms throughout the bar, demanding to know everything about the mysterious gold and its supposedly celestial origin.

Her next stop was a department store. The navigator's clothes were nice enough, but Robin was nearly a foot taller than Nami. Needless to say there hadn't been much of the navigator's that actually fit, and Robin desperately wanted something of her own. There was something about owning a nice wardrobe that helped boost a woman's self-esteem.

As she browsed the store, Robin kept her ears peeled for familiar voices. The Straw Hats had come to this island for information, but she didn't put it past the navigator to get a little shopping of her own done on the side.

But Robin didn't hear any of the Straw Hats. She found herself inexplicably disappointed, for if she were found out then she would be forced to return to the little crew who nonchalantly attacked Warlords. She would be obligated to tell them what she had learned and to follow whatever orders her captain set. She would be a Straw Hat for just a little bit longer.

No. No, no, no. She did not want to return to the crew. She did not care about them, and they did not care about her. Their relationship so far had been nothing more than a pleasant lie built on bribery and misdirection. Nothing good would come if she insisted on forcing her presence upon them.

The thoughts stirred up bitter, unpleasant memories, and it was very hard to concentrate on the task at hand. Robin turned down another aisle, only to see a wall full of hats. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the corner that held the cowboy hats. She had always been partial to the style; she felt it helped anchor her to who she had been as a little girl, before all the corruption and ugliness had transformed her into something nearly unrecognizable. Her old hat was lost in the tombs, buried forever under tons of rock and rubble.

The captain had a D initial, just like Saul, although he seemed to be unaware what sort of significance that carried. Straw Hat had a lot in common with the giant, which was probably why Robin felt it so easy to become attached. It was impossible not to be reminded of Saul every time Luffy laughed or smiled.

"It suits you," one of the managers of the store said. Robin looked down pensively at the purple hat she didn't realize she had picked off of the display.

"I'll take it," she said quietly.

As she walked up and down the streets of Mock Town, Robin weighed her options. She had learned of the existence of gold that may or may not have come from Sky Island. She had gotten a map, leading to the alleged gold. She had not told any of the Straw Hats anything she had discovered.

Yet.

Robin wished she could take a moment to rub her temples. Despite her growing headache there were appearances to keep up. Here the weak were devoured alive, and unless Robin wanted trouble it was wisest to dip into the persona she had developed while working with Crocodile, the one that allowed her to scare people off with a cold smile.

It was funny, Robin had been so many different people over the years she had forgotten what it was like to be herself. It hurt to remember. A deep, aching desire cut to the depths of her soul when Robin recalled what it had been like to strive for something with innocent abandon, a feeling she had been experiencing more and more often the longer she stayed on the Going Merry.

She shouldn't go back. The first thing Robin had learned about running was never to look back. The Straw Hat Pirates were a group of wild animals. They were hurting her, changing her against her will. Only the self-destructive stayed in a situation that they knew would hurt.

Robin was nothing if not self-destructive.

She wandered ever closer towards the docks. Towards the danger. She was an archeologist, a seeker. What sort of archeologist passed up an opportunity like this? What sort of culture could be found in the sky? What history was to be discovered? There were questions left to be answered, avenues of learning left unexplored. Robin could lie to herself and say that was the only reasonwas returning to Straw Hat's ship. She did not care about them. She could not care about them. Robin had learned twenty years ago that it didn't matter what people were like in the beginning; there was no one who would truly accept her for what she was.

As she neared the ship the sounds of the navigator's angry voice could be clearly heard. Perhaps it had already started. Robin had only been gone for a few hours, but sometimes that was all it took before things turned ugly.

There was still time. She hadn't been seen yet. This could possibly be her last chance to cut and run before it was too late.

But she couldn't run. She couldn't leave the first people who had made her genuinely smile in over a decade. She couldn't lose her chance at discovering whether there was an island in the sky.

Mind set, Robin stepped into view. Coy half-smile in place, she blithely explained who Montblac Cricket was. She would stay with the Straw Hat Pirates, for better or worse. And while it may seem like her life was firmly set in the 'better' category, she knew it wouldn't last. Things would get worse. Much, much worse, because this time she was emotionally invested. She made a conscientious choice to care about them knowing the consequences. Her decision would ruin the Straw Hat Pirates. Robin knew that. She knew she should leave.

But she could not run. And for that, Robin hated herself.

AN: Fun Fact: Chapter 218-The Lock Post and Why It's Round remains to this day to be one of my favorite chapters of the series. It's a microcosm of everything I love about One Piece: crazy randomness, Straw Hat interaction, funny moments, and (of course) Robin.

This is another idea I've had in my head for a long time. I got the zoo analogy during a discussion with a reviewer and found it to be oddly appropriate.