Aoife held Ellie's hand as they entered the hospital. After enquiring at the front desk, they made their way to the eighth floor.
Ellie had hardly spoken on the flight, and was still mute now. Aoife knew that it wasn't because she was shutting her out; she just couldn't find the words to describe how she was feeling. But Aoife knew. Instinctively, she knew. Ellie had tried so hard to hate her parents, but she had been so young – she still was young, 22 years old and already wise beyond her years. She felt like she had lived a whole lifetime since her parents had thrown her out.
The machines beeped, and the man in front of them bore little resemblance to the strong father that Ellie remembered. This man was being kept alive by machines, but the doctors warned that he was unlikely to fight off the infection that was rampaging through his body. He had lost so much blood that they couldn't risk operating again, after spending 11 hours stitching up his shredded insides. This was not going to end well. Nobody had quite been able to say that to her, but Ellie knew that she was here to say goodbye.
"What are you doing here?" a sharp voice called. It was her mother.
Ellie took a halting step toward her. "Mom … I … we … Maria called, and ..."
"Out," her mother spat. "Get out of this room. My God, look at you," she gestured wildly, taking in Ellie's visible tattoos, short hair, nose and eyebrow ring. "What have you done to yourself? We brought you up in a decent household. And now … this degenerate lifestyle. Out," she was going red with fury. "Out now!"
At that moment, the machines started to beep. Doctors rushed in, nurses guided them all calmly and kindly out of the room as pandemonium took over. Ellie was dazed and in shock; Aoife feared that she would pass out.
"Get her away!" Rosa Sawyer's voice could be heard loud and shrill. "She is not part of this family. I don't want her here."
Ellie looked up at Aoife, her eyes clouded with pain and confusion. Her face was grey, and she looked more vulnerable than Aoife had ever seen.
Aoife slid an arm around her slim waist, feeling Ellie immediately leaning against her. She would take her home. There was no solace for her here.
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Alex closed the phone, and looked over at her wife. Maggie could just tell by the empathetic look in Alex's eyes that her father had died. Alex could never hide how she felt from Maggie.
"That was Maria," Alex started.
"He's dead," Maggie wanted to spare Alex from having to tell her.
Alex nodded.
"Does Ellie know?"
"She's going to call her. Their plane landed about an hour ago; Maria's going to wait another hour, to make sure they're home before she tells her."
"We should call her back. I'll go over," Maggie took a deep breath. She hated that she would have to do this to her sister, but she didn't want her to hear the news over the phone. "I'll tell her."
"I'll get Kara to come over and sit with the girls. I'll come with you."
Maggie shook her head. "It's okay. You stay. I won't be long. She has Aoife, she'll take care of Ellie."
"You're sure?"
Maggie nodded. She was trying so hard to keep a hold of herself. "Maybe you could ask Maria … if there are services … then …," she trailed off.
"You want to go, babe?" Alex took her hand gently. She wanted, more than anything, to envelop Maggie in her arms, and to never let her go. But she knew that Maggie was trying to keep it together, at least until she had seen Ellie. There would be time for all that later.
Maggie shook her head. "No," she was quiet, but firm. "But Ellie might want to."
"I'll call Maria," Alex promised. "I'll text if there's any news."
Maggie nodded, and pulled away. She didn't want to leave Alex. She wanted to disappear into Alex's embrace, where she knew she would be safe, where she wouldn't have to face any of this. But she had to do this, for her sister. She reached for her leather jacket and shrugged it on. She picked up her helmet, and saw Alex flinch. "It's okay, babe," she reassured her wife. "I won't lose focus. Riding … it relaxes me. I swear."
Alex nodded. "I love you, Mags."
Maggie gave a watery smile, and picked up her keys. "I'll be back real soon."
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Maggie had known that it would hit Ellie hard, but she hadn't expected this tsunami of grief. Ellie was barely able to speak, as the full horror hit her. And Maggie remembered how young she really was. She had had to grow up horribly fast in the past few years, but she was still so young.
As she held a sobbing Ellie on the couch, she smiled as Aoife draped a blanket over them.
Maggie didn't know what to say. She just held her sister, and whispered loving things to her. She knew she couldn't make it any better. She felt her phone buzz, and she clicked on the message from Alex.
'The services are next Wednesday. Maria says your mom doesn't want either of you there. I'm so sorry. I love you.'
Wordlessly, Maggie passed the phone to Aoife. Aoife's face hardened when she read the message. "Bitch," she bit out, and then looked appalled at her lack of control. "I'm so sorry," she said to Maggie. "I didn't mean to say that about your mom."
"It's okay," Maggie said softly, her hand rubbing up and down her sister's back. "You're right. I couldn't forgive them for what they did to me, but even if I could..." she gestured to Ellie. "This is their fault. I will never forgive either of them for this."
Aoife nodded.
Maggie stayed at the house for a further three hours. She hated seeing Ellie in such distress, but was reassured by the strong, loving relationship that she had with Aoife. She would be okay. Her fury with her father grew.
Once they had settled Ellie into bed, Aoife walked Maggie to the door. "She'll likely try to go to work tomorrow," Maggie warned her. "Stop her if you can. She won't be able to focus, and that could get dangerous, for Kit as well as for her. Try and make her take some time off."
Aoife hugged Maggie tight. "Maybe I should be saying the same things to Alex," she said softly. She could feel the tension in Maggie's body.
"I'm okay," Maggie insisted.
"Sure you are," Aoife gave a crooked smile. As Maggie walked down the pathway toward her bike, she heard Aoife call, "we all love you Maggie," and it warmed her heart.
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Alex was reading in bed when Maggie returned. Maggie smiled as she shrugged off her jacket. "Just going to look in on the girls," she whispered.
Maggie stood for long minutes in the doorways of both Addie's and Jamie's rooms. This made it all worthwhile. The loss of her family – the loss of her childhood, really. But now... now she was with Alex. And they had built a beautiful family of their own, unconventional as it was. And their daughters, they would always know how loved they were. Whatever happened in their lives, they would never have reason to doubt the love of their mothers.
"What do you need?" Alex slid out of bed, and took both of Maggie's hands.
Maggie shrugged. "Nothin'." She looked into Alex's face. Compassion radiated from her. "You," she amended. "I need you."
"You have me Mags. You always have me."
Maggie nodded. She needed to feel grounded. To feel Alex. She reached under Alex's t-shirt, and fondled a soft breast. "I need you," she repeated, and used both hands to raise the tee over Alex's head. God, she loved her breasts. She loved every inch of her. She smiled as she saw Alex's nipples hardening in the warm room, and felt an answering response in her own body.
When Maggie finally collapsed in Alex's arms hours later, her body was sated, and her soul was filled with the physical manifestation of the love between them. But her emotions were so raw. She didn't want to think beyond the woman in front of her, this woman who loved her so much, and for whom she would die, unhesitatingly. She wanted to be enveloped by Alex, so that she would never have to think about anything, or anyone, else, ever again. And then she felt herself being gathered in Alex's arms. Usually, after making love, Maggie would spoon Alex – it was a source of humor for them that Maggie was always the big spoon. But today, today Alex knew that that was not what Maggie needed. Maggie allowed her to cradle her, and she sank into the comfort that Alex offered. She would not think. Not tonight. Tonight, she would just be.
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Aoife braced herself when Ellie entered the kitchen dressed, as she always was on days she was working, in her uniform pants and a white singlet, and with her shirt over her arm, ready for ironing. Ellie gave a weak smile, and headed toward the utility room to retrieve the iron. She was surprised to feel Aoife's hand on her arm.
"Not today," Aoife said, softly. She looked at her wife, and could see how tired and drawn she was. Ellie couldn't have slept for more than two hours.
In her emotional state, Ellie felt her fury rise. "I'm fine," she snapped. It was the first time she had ever snapped at her, and she hated herself for doing it. She took a deep breath. "Seriously," she said, more softly. "I'm okay."
"But you're not," Aoife's voice was also soft. "Hold out your hand."
"I don't have time to play games," Elle's anger rose again. "I have to pick Kit up in twenty minutes, I have responsibilities Aoife." She didn't know why she was so angry. Aoife was right; she was exhausted. And a long day on the job was unlikely to ease her pounding head.
"You have a responsibility to Kit, to make sure you're fit and alert. Or you'd put her in danger, as well as yourself. And I couldn't bear it, El. If something were to happen. I just...," her voice broke. "I need you to be safe. As safe as you can."
Ellie saw the distraught look on her wife's face, and her anger melted. She strode forward and pulled her into her arms. "I'm so sorry, baby," she whispered. "I won't go. You're right. You're always right." She held her close for a couple of minutes, relishing the warmth and the love she felt. She stepped back and wiped a tear from Aoife's face, laughing at herself as her hand shook. Aoife was right. "I'll call Kit."
"Already did," Aoife admitted, half-expecting another bad reaction.
Ellie nodded, and gave her a small smile. She took a deep breath, and sank onto a stool. She held her head in her hands. Aoife stood in front of her, and held her quietly. "Tylenol?" she suggested quietly, knowing without asking how bad Ellie was feeling.
"Yeah. Please," Ellie grunted. She felt her eyes sting. She had thought she was all cried out.
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"C'mon, Sprout," Addie lifted Jamie into her arms and walked to the kitchen, where she could smell pancakes. She smiled at the sight of Alex, in her boxers and a grey tee, standing at the stove. The plates were already on the table. "Morning Mama," Addie said. "Give Mama a kiss," she told Jamie as she held her up to Alex's cheek. "Where's Mommy?"
"She went for a run," Alex tried to sound cheerful about it. When she had awoken at 5.30am, Maggie was already gone, leaving a short note. It was now nearly 90 minutes later, and Alex was trying not to worry. The weather had worsened over the past week, and she thought she had seen some sleet through the kitchen window. She looked over at her phone which was by the stove, but there was no message from Maggie. She would just have to be patient. "She'll be back soon, Bug. You in the mood for some pancakes?"
Addie nodded enthusiastically.
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The icy rain stung against Maggie's cheek as her feet pounded the sidewalk. She was only a couple of miles from home now. Part of her couldn't wait to get home, to her sanctuary, and her beloved family. But she knew that she would be able to read Alex's anxiety on her face, and she dreaded having to talk. She couldn't even think about her Dad, she certainly couldn't talk about him.
Ellie's distress on the previous evening had been awful to witness. It was so hard for Maggie to hold her, to comfort her, but not to tell her just how awful he had been. Maggie had never admitted to Ellie that the scarring on the back had been inflicted by their father. Somehow Ellie had inferred that it was an injury on the job, and Maggie had seen no reason to alter that belief. But their father's first reaction when he saw Maggie after 15 years had been to raise his stick. If Alex hadn't been there, would he have struck her?
Maggie's chest heaved as her pace quickened. She needed to shut out her thoughts. The asphalt was icy in places; she needed to concentrate. One foot in front of the other. One minute at a time. She could do this. Soon it would all be over. Aoife was there for Ellie, and soon their father would be just a bad memory.
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Alex was startled; usually, Maggie enjoyed her runs, found them relaxing and a way to chill out. But the woman who came through the front door was breathing hard, covered in sweat and the tension rolled off her.
"Mommy!" Jamie cried when she saw Maggie. She gave her a wide, gummy grin.
"Hey baby girl," Maggie was relieved that she was able to keep her voice even. She bent down and kissed her forehead, and put a gentle hand on Addie's shoulder. "How are my girls today?"
"We're good, right Jamie?" Addie told her.
"Angela will be here real soon," Alex said. "She's going to take Jamie and Rosie to the children's museum, after she takes Addie and Robert to school. So we have a clear morning. I thought maybe we could call J'onn, take a few hours off, maybe..."
Maggie shook her head. "I have stuff to do, I can't be late for work."
Alex eyed her closely, and realized that forcing Maggie to talk would do more harm than good. "Okay," she agreed quietly. "You wanna shower first?"
Maggie was relieved. She touched Alex's hand, and smiled. She could do this. Day by day. It was going to be okay.
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"She's doing okay," Aoife told Maggie over the phone. "She's agreed to us taking a week's vacation next week, and her captain has agreed. We're going to Jane and Maura's cabin. They say it's going to snow. I think it'll be kinda nice, we'll just stay by the fire. Talk. Be together. It might be easier for her to sleep, away from everything."
Maggie was relieved that Aoife was taking such good care of her sister. If she didn't have to worry about her, she could start to relax herself. And she could pay more attention to Alex. In the past four days, she had not made any time for her. She was intent on staying busy, keeping her mind focused. She closed the phone, and took a deep breath. She knew she had been avoiding Alex during the day at the DEO. Sure, her excuses had been plausible, but there had been just too many of them for Alex not to realize what was going on. And Maggie missed her. She missed her proximity. She missed being able to be herself. She was constantly on guard now, trying to keep her feelings in check. Trying not to think about anything. She squared her shoulders and headed for Alex's lab.
Alex's smile when Maggie sidled into her lab was almost enough to tip her over the edge. It was so warm, so genuine. Maggie accepted her hug happily.
Alex was trying so hard not to add to Maggie's stress levels. She could tell that she didn't want to talk and, although it was torture, she was not going to make her. Maggie knew that she was there for her, and she would talk when she was ready. If she ever was.
Maggie pulled back from the embrace, and smiled. God, Alex was beautiful. Even in her DEO suit – ESPECIALLY in the suit. She was beautiful and unbelievably hot. "Date night?" Maggie suggested quietly.
A look of genuine pleasure was all that Maggie needed to know she had done the right thing. "What shall we do?" Alex asked. She knew Maggie should be the one to call the shots. Whatever she wanted, Alex would go along with.
"We haven't been to the shooting range in a while," Maggie said. "It was a draw last time. This time, this time I think I may have the edge, Danvers."
Alex nodded happily.
"Followed by pool?" Maggie suggested. "We can get some chicken wings at the bar. It'll be like old times."
"We do have a pool table at home," Alex reminded her. "I know. It's not the same. It doesn't have that same sticky floor and odd smell you love so much," she teased Maggie, loving the small smile it elicited.
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"He's an asshole," Kit told Ellie over the phone. "But that's okay. It means I'll appreciate having you back when you're ready."
"It'll only be a week. We're leaving for the cabin this afternoon, and we'll be back next Sunday. You should see all the groceries Aoife has bought, it's enough to feed a battalion!"
"Maybe somebody's hoping to get lucky then," Kit teased. "And doesn't want to waste time grocery shopping when you're holed up in that remote cabin. Sounds romantic."
"From your mouth to God's ear," Ellie laughed.
"You doin' okay, partner?" Kit's tone was serious, and her voice gentle.
Ellie was disarmed by the genuine caring in Kit's voice. She knew how much her partner cared about her, but she was touched by her concern.
"I'll be okay," she hated that her voice shook. "Aoife just thinks that … you know … a few days. Just us. Nobody else to worry about."
"It's a great idea. You take care of yourself, you hear? And of that hot wife of yours."
"Will do. And Kit?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. For everything."
Aoife approached Ellie as she closed the phone, and put her arm around her waist. She was so relieved that Ellie had agreed to a break. She knew that she just needed some time to assimilate things. And the funeral was going to be in a few days' time, and Aoife had been worried that Ellie would get distracted at work. The cabin was perfect. Neither of them wanted to deal with the formality of a hotel, now they could just be together. She hoped she might get some painting done too; with all the stress, she had been distracted and just hadn't been able to concentrate. She packed sketch pads as well as several blank canvases.
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Alex knew that if she let Maggie win at pool, her wife would immediately realize and would be pissed at her. So she was almost relieved when Maggie beat her at the firing range, even though it was only by one point. Maggie was laughing and full of energy. She grabbed Alex's hand as she pulled her toward her bike. Soon they were at the bar. Maggie's good humor remained, and her quick wit had everyone at the bar laughing with her.
Alex stood back a little, and tried not to count the number of beers that Maggie had had. Quietly she pocketed the bike keys, though she knew Maggie would not argue about getting a cab home. They had often left one of their vehicles there overnight, and Darla always made sure that no harm came to it.
When she started on the whiskies, it was like she was kicking into a new gear. She had a smart reply to whatever anyone said, and Alex knew that Maggie was enjoying the effect she had on everyone. Her pool game was as dire as ever, but Maggie didn't care. Tonight she was flying. She was also being openly affectionate with Alex, touching her hand, or her arm, or her back, at every given opportunity. More than once she had whispered in Alex's ear about what she planned to do to her when they got home.
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Maggie was laughing loudly as they approached the front door, though she fell comically silent when Kara came out and stared her down.
"They're asleep," Kara said firmly.
Maggie giggled and nodded. "Shhhh," she whispered loudly to Alex.
Alex grinned, and tightened her grip on Maggie. She was glad it was Saturday the following day; Maggie would not be feeling in the mood for an early rise, of that she was sure.
Alex walked Maggie upstairs to their bedroom, and peeled off her jacket. "Be right back," she told her, smiling as Maggie just grinned from her seat on the bed.
Alex hugged Kara and Kate, and thanked them for babysitting. By the time she got back upstairs, Maggie was sprawled out on her back, fully clothed, snoring lightly. Alex smiled. She knew they both relied too heavily on alcohol from time to time, but she was relieved to see Maggie relaxed at last. She made her way to the bathroom, dropped her clothes in the laundry basket and stepped into the blissfully warm shower. She was washing her hair when she felt rather than heard the shower door opening; the next second, a very naked Maggie was pressed up against her back.
"Need help scrubbing your back?" Maggie's voice was sultry. She cupped a soft breast, and grinned when the nipple immediately hardened in her grasp. She needed this; she loved how responsive Alex always was. She wanted to watch Alex's face as she came. Maggie pushed Alex gently against the glass wall, and grinned at the glazed look in her eyes.
In minutes, Alex was convulsing against her, trying to quiet her strangled gasps of pleasure. Even three sheets to the wind, Maggie was such a talented lover. "Mags...," Alex gasped. "You … God. You," she smiled and cupped Maggie's face. "You're kind of perfect," she kissed her softly.
Maggie's heart lifted. Even with everything that was going on, she just needed to look at Alex, and the world righted itself again. She felt Alex's hands start to wander, and grinned when Alex slid to her knees and slid her shoulder under Maggie's left leg. This was going to be a very good night.
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"Last night was amazing. I could not love you more. Gone for a run, back soon. M. xxx"
Alex saw the note on her pillow, and her heart sank. It was only 0600hrs, and she had no idea when Maggie had left. She did know that they were making love until after 0200hrs, and she also knew that Maggie wasn't sleeping well. Her hopes that she would sleep late were shattered.
The rain had stopped at last, but the day was cold and unwelcoming. Maggie shook herself as she started her eighth mile. Physical exercise seemed to be the only thing that would keep her brain quiet. That and making love to her wife, of course. She smiled fondly. Last night had been amazing. But then she had woken, agitated, and she had to get out of the house. Get some air into her lungs. Her head was fuzzy from all the whiskey, but that was nothing new. Alex hadn't yet realized that she often sneaked down in the night to take a few slugs to help her sleep. But it didn't, not really. Sometimes it would knock her out for an hour or so, but then it would all start up again.
She hated him. She truly did. So she couldn't work out why his death had shocked her so much.
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"Is the boss around?" Alex tried to sound lighthearted when she entered Maggie's office at the DEO, where three of her team were clustered around a desk.
"She went to the gym," one of the cops told Alex. "Said she wouldn't be long."
Alex looked through the gym window, and she wanted to cry. Maggie was pounding on the bag in the corner, pouring with sweat, her face contorted with tears. Alex couldn't leave her like that, and slipped through the door. "Maggie," she called quietly.
Maggie looked over, her expression full of such despair that Alex's heart broke. She strode toward her, as Maggie took a shaky step in her direction.
"M'sorry," Maggie whispered. "It's … oh God, Alex. I can't...," suddenly the ground tilted alarmingly beneath her, and it was only because Alex was so close that she was able to catch her before she hit her head on the ground. "Danv...," Maggie's eyes rolled into the back of her head as the darkness took over.
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When she awoke, Maggie couldn't work out where she was. Her head pounded, and machines beeped. She lifted her hand, and found it was bandaged, as was the other one. And then she felt Alex's soft hand against her cheek, and it all came back to her. She shut her eyes in shame. This was not fair on Alex.
"You're okay, babe," Alex said quietly. "It's all okay. You were dehydrated and exhausted. We gave you a sedative. You're going to be okay."
Maggie opened her eyes, and looked into the loving face of her wife. She saw such anxiety, coupled with tremendous tenderness in Alex's gave. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Alex stroked her arm.
"I do. I should … I dunno … I ..."
"Stop it," Alex. "You did nothing wrong. You've just burnt yourself out babe. We'll get you all fixed up."
Maggie reached for her hand. "I should talk to someone. A counselor, maybe." She saw the look of relief on Alex's face.
"I think that would be good, babe."
"Will you go with me? The first time?"
"Any time you want, Mags. Any time you want."