A/N: Heyo, everybody! Now, I want to thank you all for your continued support.
I've been reading ALOT of fanfiction for a long time, because I really enjoy reading, and I can read fanfiction on my phone, and there are a few things that really piss me off, aside from the obvious one of 'terrible writing'.
Time Travel fictions when time travel is not a canon thing.
Gary/ Mary stues/ Godlike characters.
Crossovers. Even Canon ones, such as Jimmy Neutron and Fairly OddParents. Somthing about two Universes that do not belong together, because of differing logic or whatever, meeting really makes me want to kill off a Main Character.
I can't explain why I hate these with a fiery burning passion, but I do. Godlike, though is the absolute worst. NO MORTAL CAN BE A GOD. STAHP. Look at both the Sandaime and Yondaime Hokages in Canon. They were literally hailed as Gods. AND THEY BOTH DIED.
So, yes, I do requests for stories. But if you suggest I do one of those three, I will probably not only not do it, I just might snap and lash out at you. You have been forewarned.
Other than that, the only thing that doesn't so much piss me off, but does irritate me is if the main character goes betrayal mode for no reason. I.E. Naruto, for no obvious reason, just suddenly kills Kakashi after his fight with Pein and takes over Akatsuki. IT MAKES NO SENSE. Either give a reason, or make him part of Akatsuki from the start, having no ties to Konoha or Kakashi.
A few review responses!
Kisa: I was already planning to put you in the story, but you said 'let's be ninjas together', so I couldn't resist putting a naruto'd version of myself in. I'm sorry your dad thinks you're insane though.
Batman1998: Nope. You're not late yet. I'm keeping the poll open until chapter twenty, so as soon as the poll goes down, you'll all know I'm about to post the results in chapter twenty-one. So go to my page and cast your vote as quickly as possible. I'm not sure about the make-up of Team Seven, or even if I'll KEEP Team Seven. The story just sort of writes itself mostly.
Darkhuntressxir: It's Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Itachi. The ANBU couldn't stop them in Canon, so why would they be able to when Naru is ANBU himself?
Chapter 15: A Problem of Pride
"Now what?" Itachi asked calmly. He was sure his blonde companion had a plan. Naruto always had a plan.
The blonde was rubbing his chin thoughtfully. He had an idea, but no solid plan just yet.
"Kakashi's incapacitated," he mumbled to himself. "Gai's half dead. Tou-chan isn't strong enough, and I can't do it myself... hmmmm..."
"What are you planning?" Itachi asked, suddenly very nervous and suspicious. Everyone he'd just listed were Jounin.
Both were surprised by a voice that appeared next to them, as though with the Shunshin no Jutsu.
"Huh. Sensei must have stepped up security. Is he expecting an attack?" Naruto turned mechanically to face the speaker, his eye twitching.
"Jiraiya. So nice of you to suddenly appear just when I need someone as strong as you." Jiraiya jumped a bit, not having noticed the two he appeared next to. He recognized Itachi, but stopped himself from swinging, seeing as neither was moving. Aside from the eye twitch on the blonde, who looked vaguely familiar.
"Who..."
"That can wait. For now, I need you to shut up and play along."
"Gaki, do you know who I am?" he said, puffing out his chest and glaring.
"Yes I do. And I will deal with it later. But right now, we need to get him," he jabbed his thumb at the Uchiha. "To the Hokage tower, to speak to your sensei. So, I'm going to make him and myself look like we had our asses handed to us, and your going to lead him through the village tied up."
"Naruto-kun," Itachi said suddenly, frowning fiercely. Jiraiya's eyes grew wide as the boy's name was said. "I don't..."
"Stow it. The story is I was out for a run, and you found me and beat me to hell. Jiraiya found us just as you were about to kill me, beat you to hell, and tied you up to bring you in. We traipse right through the village proper, no muss, no fuss, no sneaking past the heavily ANBU guarded walls. Now hold still, I need to make you look like you got pummeled."
Itachi opened his mouth to argue, his scowl growing, when the blonde suddenly slugged him across the jaw, effectively shutting him up. Naruto made quick work of making Itachi look like a bruised, bloody, and beaten prisoner, before smearing a lot of dirt on him, then tying his hands, and slapping a fake chakra restriction seal on him for good measure. He then created a Shadow Clone, who immediately, with a rather disturbing smile, made the original look much the same.
"I'm not sure how I feel about his plan, Gaki," Jiraiya said uneasily. "Isn't he an S-Ranked Nukenin?"
Naruto rounded on the Sannin with a glare, causing the man to shiver. "You don't have a choice, Jiraiya. Either you help, or I let every woman in the Village know you're in town."
"FUCK! Fine!" Growled the perverted Toad Sage. He already hated the kid. The three made the short trip to the road, backtracking to appear further down, and not right in front of the gate, with Itachi slumping his shoulders, and Naruto looking extremely defeated. His clone had done a number on him.
They walked right up to the gate, causing Izumo and Kotetsu to gape stupidly.
"Hey guys," Naruto said weakly.
"Jiraiya of the Sannin, escorting a prisoner to the Hokage, and a stupid Gaki who slipped out," Jiraiya said calmly, tugging the rope in his hand a little, causing the Uchiha to stumble.
Curse Naruto-kun and his insanely good prisoner knot. The man thought as he nearly fell on his face. Izumo nodded and waved them through, his mouth hanging open. Kotetsu stepped in front of Itachi though, a fire in his eyes.
"This is for Narumi," he growled as he drove his fist as hard as he could into Itachi's gut, doubling him over. He was strong for a Chuunin. Naruto hid his grimace.
Itachi hadn't killed Uchiha Narumi,who had been dating Kotetsu. Naruto had. But he wasn't saying so.
"Get this scum out of my sight," the bandaged man snarled, returning to his spot. The trio continued down the road, Villagers and Shinobi alike quickly noticing. They soon had a crowd surrounding them, throwing things at the bound Itachi. They were four blocks from the tower when Jiraiya decided enough was enough.
"ENOUGH!" He roared, releasing copious amounts of Killer Intent. "DON'T YOU ALL HAVE THINGS TO DO?!" the crowd quickly dispersed, not wanting the man mad at them. The group reached the Hokage Tower without any more problems.
Once inside, they were suddenly surrounded by four ANBU, who escorted them to Hiruzen, who was sitting behind his desk, rubbing his temples and smoking his pipe.
"Naruto-kun, I love you, but you are a pain in my ass. ANBU, you may go." the Black-Ops members nodded, saluted, and left in short order. Naruto immediately broke into a large grin as Hiruzen activated the Privacy seals in the room, and placed a Security seal on the wall as well.
"Oh, come on Jiji. Things would be boring if I wasn't around."
"Exactly," the old man sighed. "And oh how I would relish the silence." The Blonde pouted at that. Itachi pulled his bound wrists to his chin and coughed into his hands.
"Ah, Itachi-kun! I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there!" Hiruzen said brightly, with the fakest grin any of the three other people had ever seen plastered on his face.
"I'm sure, Hokage-sama. Now, could you please explain what happened? Naruto gave me the basics, but I'd like a more detailed reason I'm back. And Naruto-kun?" the Jinchuuriki looked at him with a foxy grin. The Uchiha smiled creepily, causing a shiver to run down both Hiruzen and Jiraiya's spines. "Get this rope off my fucking wrists." Naruto shrugged nonchalantly and flicked a senbon at the ropes, weakening them so Itachi could pull them apart, which he did immediately. He sat in an available chair as he rubbed his wrists to get circulation back as Hiruzen began speaking.
"Well, Sasuke-kun walked into Naruto-kun's hospital room in the middle of a discussion pertaining to the Uchiha Massacre,"
"Yeah, because you forgot security seals," grumbled Naruto with his arms crossed. Jiraiya moved to bonk him on the head, but found instead several senbon raised in a fist, ready to impale his knuckles. "I'm not a Civilian, Jiraiya. It'll take a lot more than that for me to be hit on the head," the blonde growled without looking. The white-haired man just scowled.
"And when he refused to accept the truth," Hiruzen continued with a mild glare at the Duo's antics. "Naruto-kun became very... annoyed,"
"Putting it mildly," snorted Naruto.
"And left to apparently retrieve you to verify his story, without first consulting wether or not this would have any negative repercussions. Like extra paperwork for me," he added with a barely concealed hateful glare at his grandson. The boy shrugged.
"You do it all with Kage Bunshinanyway."
"You are very disrespectful to the Leader of the village you live in Gaki. Don't you know he could exile you?" Jiraiya ground out. Naruto looked up at him, his sleeveless hoodie-vest flopping with the motion.
"You do realize he's my grandfather, don't you? On top of that, I seriously doubt he's going to exile the ONLY Jinchuuriki he's got just because of a bit of sass." Jiraiya's response was to very impressively imitate a fish out of water.
"Asuma adopted him, and he's known about the Kyuubi for..." Hiruzen ventured.
"Five years," Naruto finished. "I've been training with him for four, and probably know as many Katon jutsu as all three of you combined," he said with a gesture to all three men. Itachi raised an eyebrow. "Speaking of which!" Naruto said brightly, lifting his right index finger in realization. He then turned to Jiraiya with the creepiest, most sadistic smile in existence, causing Hiruzen and Itachi to be IMMENSLEY grateful they weren't the Toad Sage.
"I still have to pay you back for twelve years of neglect!" Naruto declared as though he was giving the greatest gift in the world. The Perverted Sage paled so much, his hair looked dark.
"W-what do y-you m-mean?" he stammered, breaking into a cold sweat.
"Oh, I think you know, Godfather," Naruto said with the same tone and smile.
He would make both Orochimaru and Anko equally proud and terrified with that. Thought the two older occupants of the room.
Somewhere in the Land Of Rice Patties
"Hichu!"
"Gazunteit."
"Oh, thank you, Kabuto-kun. Hmmm, It seems the allergens are out in force this season."
"I'll get the serum, Orochimmaru-sama."
"Thank you." a loud scream echoed through empty halls. "Oh, do make him be quiet while you're at it."
"Hai."
Back in Konoha- Anko's Favorite Dango Shop
"AAAACHUU!" Sneezed a pruple-haired Tokubetsu Jounin with a Dango stick poking out of her mouth.
"Bless you," said a surprised Ravenette with red eyes. The violent sneeze had interuppted her spiel about Asuma.
"Thanks, Nai-chan" Replied the other, rubbing her nose and sniffing a bit. "So, what were you saying?"
"Hmm? Oh yeah, He's just so..." the first zoned out again after that, thinking about a certain blonde.
Back in the Hokage's Office
"Listen, Gaki, I think,"
"That I've got the wrong person?" Asked Naruto, still smiling, as he took a step forward, forcing the Sannin to retreat a step. "Nope. You're not weaseling," here, Itachi couldn't help but snicker a bit. "out of owning up to your responsibilities any longer." Naruto punctuated his declaration by lifting his hand, palm outward, vertically toward the man. When Jiraiya bolted for the door, Naruto tracked him, as a dark, swirling ball of compressed demonic energy appeared in his hand. His finger nails grew into claws around it as his slender fingers wrapped around the destructive little sphere. Then, he sprinted after Jiraiya, who had kicked the door down and bolted down the hall.
"MINI BIJUUDAMA!"
"SOMEONE HEEELP MEEEE!" was soon punctuated by a very loud, very agonized howl of pain that echoed throughout Konohagakure no Sato.
Far away, in the middle of a gambling hall, a woman with her blonde hair in twin pigtails couldn't help but show the broad smile that suddenly forced its' way onto her face, despite how badly she was losing.
Omake: Ibiki's Interrogation
A small form slipped discreetly into the T&I Department of Konoha. It was completely shrouded in darkness.
I don't know why Jiji insists I get this ah... evaluation done before I'm allowed to join ANBU. Thought one Uzumaki-Sarutobi Naruto as he sneaked past several Jounin and Tokubetsu Jounin. He preferred anonymity, considering his Shinbi record was an SS-ranked secret and he was basically a shadow. He didn't exist inside the standard Shinobi system, and he wasn't openly registered. Very few knew he WAS a Ninja. He made it to his destination and closed the door behind him with a quiet click.
"You're early Gaki," said a gruff voice from behind him. He snapped around to find a towering man in a black trench coat with his arms crossed and his hiate-ate covering his whole head like a bandanna. He had two scars running down his face.
"Would you rather I be late? I could start taking after Kakashi." the man scowled.
"Early is fine Naruto. Sit down, I need to test a few things."
"I'm not sitting in a chair that has restriction seals on it." Morino Ibiki's eyebrows shot up at the comment. No-one, not even Jiraiya of the Sannin, had ever noticed the seals before sitting down. "So what say we remain standing, you ask whatever you need to, and I get going?" Ibiki smirked.
"Alright. But from the look in your eye, it seems like you have a question for me first."
"Yep! I've always wondered; What's your biggest secret? I aleady figured out Anko-chan's, Jiji's, Tou-chan's, Kakashi's, and Hyuuga Hiashi's, but yours is a bit harder."
"Why so curious?" Ibiki asked with a growl. Naruto looked thoughtful for a moment.
"You should try using that, or something like it, in your Interrogations. But like, put emphasis on the 'h' in why, and say the last bit all drawn out a hissy. Try serious instead of curious," he said, causing Ibiki to nearly face-fault. "Plus, it's just a hobby of mine. It's not like I'll tell anyone. I just like to know about people around me." Ibiki nodded at the response, but was giving serious consideration to the boy's suggestion. He was muttering under his breath, trying out different ways of saying it, like the Blonde suggested. Naruto grinned.
"Whatcha got so far?"
(Imagine the scene from The Dark Knight where Joker is telling his 'story' to Gambol.)
"Why so serious-uh?"
"Noice, noice," Naruto nodded approvingly. "Anyway, the secret?"
"Why should I tell you?"
"Would you rather buy me Ramen?" Ibiki turned deathly pale and broke into a cold sweat. He knew quite well about the boy's... habit. It was said to be worse than Anko's, and he'd had to pay for Anko's Dango once after losing a bet. He'd been broke for a week. He could only imagine how long he'd be in debt if he paid for Naruto.
"You... c-can't make me do either," Ibiki said shakily. Naruto grin became sinister.
"My Jiji is Hokage. He could order you to pay for my Ramen as punishment for something. He's done it to Kakashi more than once for his tardiness." Ibiki gulped loudly. He'd always thought those stories were just that-stories. "Or you could just spill and I'll be on my merry way, and you keep your wallet full." Ibiki saw no other choice.
"Alright! Alright! *heavy sigh inserted here* My biggest secret is..."
A/N: And CUT! That's a wrap people!
Ibiki- You just HAD to make the Gaki a manipulative Prick, didn't you?'
Jiraiya- And why so strong? *Grimaces in pain and attempts to sit down*
Hybrid(me)- Yep! And come on Jiraiya, you did kind of deserve that one. You knew about him, and you ran. It's as simple as that. You ran away, just like Tsunade. You had a more legitimate excuse, but you still fled in holy terror.
Itachi- How the hell did I get here?
Hybrid- Oh, Senpai! I reverse summoned you to give you a minute away from Kisa. Ya seemed miserable. (no offense Kisa)
Naruto- *Looks at poll choices* What the hell!
Hybrid- What?
Naruto- You're auctioning me off to the highest bidder you SumBitch! Plus, don't people usually try to put like... Kamui, Kin, Fuu, and a bunch of other background chicks in those?
Hybrid-Meh, you'll get over it. And I tried to narrow down the choices to most possible and most popular. I didn't want like... twenty choices. I'd never get a straight vote. SOMEONE would tie for lead.
Kotetsu: Yo.
Hybrid- KOTETSU GET OUT OF HERE! YOU'LL GET YOUR SPOTLIGHT MOMENTS! *Kicks him out* Anyway, I'll be trying to make these post-, and maybe pre-, chapter convos a bit more common. I might even have a few reader interviews! (beccause hey, why the hell not?)
All- Ja Ne!