A/N: So.
Survived the surgery.
I've been waiting a looooong time for this.
And now time for an obligatory-if somewhat angry-disclaimer:
I only own the idea for this story. Nothing else. Obviously I don't own the Fate franchise, nor do I own Naruto. Furthermore, I don't own any quotes, references, or quips within. They belong-and always will-to their respective actors, characters, etc so on and so forth. Since a few trolls-you know who you are-decided to be children about it, I'm going to be putting this disclaimer in my author's notes henceforth. Those that threaten my life over a harmless work of fiction clearly don't have their priorities in order. Wishing me dead during a surgery would be a prime example of this.
Seriously, people!
Its not like I get paid to write!
Hell, I don't even write for myself!
I write for YOU. The readers. For the individuals reading this even now. To bring a little joy and happiness to the madness of this world. I get absolutely NOTHING out of this, bar reviews and the occasional bit of feedback. Yet I persist in the hope that somewhere, I've made someone's day a bit better by providing them with a story. That I've brought a smile to their face, or perhaps made their day a bit better. I have a life outside of this site, and while it may sometimes prevent me from updating as much as I'd like, I still persist. Just as I've persisted for the last ten years, I intend to continue for many more, knowing that somewhere, I've made a difference. I've pushed through pain, depression countless surgeries, and a host of other problems I won't mention here, and none of them broke me.
So go ahead.
Bring on the death threats.
Try to attack or harass me in real life.
I won't stop writing, not now, not then, not ever.
I already failed a friend once; I ain't doing that again.
I've lived through a hell that few can imagine, and I've survived.
Now that we've finished that, lets get the catchphrase out of the way, ey?
REVIEW FOR IT FEEDS MY ENGINE OF CREATION! Well, if you like. I can't force you~!
Quick note here, the Mordred of THIS tale is different from the "AMB" (A Most Unlikely Berserker) iteration that we all known and love. She's nowhere near as nice, downright feral in a fight, and when faced with the one who denied her very existence...well...suffice to say she isn't going to take it well. She's also got a LOT more power than AMB's Mordred thanks in no small part to receiving near unlimited energy from a literal divine being; one who delights in chaos and madness.
Yeah, Artoria's about to have a bad time.
Oh, and before I forget, a bunch of you asked me to do a Grand Order story eventually. Don't worry, its coming.
This may be an interlude of sorts regarding the Masters, but its one that's sorely needed given the enormity of what I have planned.
Also, the mystery master is obvious master. Really, its obvious who she is. Lord knows I've given more than enough hints as to her identity...
...again and as ever, this story is meant to be all manner of chaotically silly. Think of it as a crack fic of sorts. Too try not to take it too seriously, dear readers...
"They say laughter never dies. Shall we test that?"
~?
Ties That Bind
"What! Is! Going! On?!"
If the universe held any answers for her, Artoria couldn't hear them over the sound of her own dissonant thoughts. Instead she yelped as a fresh surge of crimson light upended her position to shatter her guard and send her sprawling once more into the night. Perhaps upended was too tame a word. Ears ringing, eyes stinging, she propped herself upright just in time to behold her tormentor. She'd scarcely clawed her way back to her feet when a gleam of metal caught her eye. A familiar, wordless roar filled her ears, causing her to grit her teeth. She knew full well was coming, but try as she might, she simply couldn't raise her blade in time-
CRUNCH.
Sure enough an armored fist collided with Saber's jaw, hurling her into the air yet again as though she'd been struck by the fist of an angry goddess. All things considered it was...an adequate comparison. Three trees burst before her rapidly retreating back before velocity finally took pity on her and released her from its cruel grasp. Of course, gravity chose that moment to have its say, dragging her battered body across the ground like a ragdoll. Her once pristine armor long since dirtied by equal parts mud and blood, she could only scrape herself off the beaten path and rise to face the fury of her foe once more.
It wasn't hard to miss her.
"What's wrong, Father?! Laying down on the job?! I expected better of you!"
Clad in resplendent crimson and silver, Ser Mordred advanced down the path she'd cleared. That horned helmet snapped backward, folding in upon itself to reveal her her face twisted in sardonic amusement. A wild, high light roared bright in those aqua green orbs, brimming with bitter resentment. Each step cratered the soil beneath her, an aura of twisted crimson mana bleeding from her like a broken sieve. Though her blade hung loose in her fist Artoria refused to lower her guard. She'd witnessed firsthand just how wickedly fast the younger girl had become.
"Admit it." the knight's voice dropped an octave. "Just say it, and I'll stop."
A stubborn muscle jumped in her jaw.
"You ask the impossible."
The girl sneered.
"Do I?"
Where was this confidence coming from? Mordred had never her equal in combat. Even in her prime, she should've been able to best her with ease. Easily. Yet here she stood, trading her blow for blow. No-if she was honest with herself, the Knight of Rebellion had surpassed her long ago. Her form and stance hadn't changed in the least; but the power behind her blows had. For each strike she met, Excalibur found itself hammered with bone-crushing force. Every near-miss ruptured the air and threatened to create gale force winds.
Something-or someone was fueling her-spurring her own in spite of the wounds she'd sustained.
Moreover, how was she here?
Tradition dictated that there be only one Saber per war. Indeed, there could only ever be one Servant in any given class during the battle for the Holy Grail. Yet here Mordred stood, in all her glory. And then there was the matter of Lancer, the strange doppelganger and yet not-double that had been summoned with her. Something was fundamentally different about this war. Something had changed. But what?
"Unlimited mana, that's what!" a rough voice called from a nearby fortified position. "Keep grinding away at her if you don't believe me!"
Ah.
Saber nearly spit.
She'd nearly forgotten about Mordred's Master.
That must be it, then! That explained her limitless reservoir of energy!
"Knave! Have you no honor, Master of Mordred?! Cheaters never prosper!"
"Bitch, I'm a god! I always prosper!" came the accompanying shout. "Now apologize to your kid and be a good parent, damnit! Tell her, Kiritsugu!"
Her master remained silent as the grave.
'So that's how it is...
Guilt and shame sprang back to life within Artoria and struck a mortal blow against her pride. Her spirit wouldn't brook such offense. Moreover, she simply didn't know how to react. Naturally her first instinct was to deny it, as she had that day. Mordred could never have been her heir. She, who wore heavy armor to intimidate her opponents. She, who acted like a thug. She, so easy to anger, so willing to draw her blade for the slightest offense. They were alike in that aspect at least. No matter how deeply hurt she might've been by that rejection, nothing could excuse her previous rebellion.
Hardening her heart, Saber took up her sword once more.
"No. She is...she is no child of mine."
Rather than rise to the bait, the crimson knight merely chuckled, causing her to bristle.
"Coward. Some king you are."
"Do you mock me, Mordred?!" Saber snarled.
...no." her offspring replied quietly. "I deny you."
Somehow, that response stung more than her own denial. "What?"
"I said you're no father of mine!" her offspring snorted, silencing her with that stinging rebuttal. "You're a damn coward, that's what you are! Now enough talk.I should've known you wouldn't admit it that easily. Fine." Slim shoulders rolled in a halfhearted shrug, but there could be no mistake the sudden flash of hurt in her gaze. "Be that way." her mouth contorted in a cruel grin. "I'm not satisfied yet. My Master's told me to give this battle my all, so...
An armored arm rose beckoning in a come-hither motion.
"C'mere, Father!" she growled, baring her teeth fearsomely. "I'll hack that smug look right off your damn face and drag you down to my level!"
"Oi, Mordred!" Naruto's rough voice catcalled in the distance. "Remember, don't kill her! That's an order!"
The arrogant knight stiffened sharply, her face dusted with the lightest blush.
"Tch, I know!"" she snapped back at him. "Baka master!"
"Don't make me use a Command Spell~!" he cried.
"You'll lose another arm if you do!"
"Got plenty more to spare!"
"Bite me!"
With that declaration Mordred lunged at her in a streak of crimson. Startled by the sudden onslaught as much as the speed behind it, Saber scarcely managed to raise her weapon in time. That grudge-filled blade danced through her defenses and crashed against Excalibur's guard bearing all the wrath of a rampaging dragon. Sparks skittered between it and the unseen blade caught as they struggled against one another. Vying for dominance. Neither yielded and for a moment, just a moment, Artoria almost dared to believe shed finally gained the upper hand. If she could just hold her long enough to ready Excalibur-
"ORA ORA ORA! Fight me like you mean it already!"
Quite abruptly-likely in response to their deadlock itself-the Knight of Rebellion reared back and smashed her forehead against hers with the explosive force of a thousand. Black splotched across Artoria's vision, forcing an angry blink. In that brief moment of inattention, she never saw the uppercut rushing at her from below. Something crunched in her jaw and next she knew, she found herself airborne.
Naruto whistled.
"Whew, she really flew that time. I almost feel sorry for Saber. Care to take bets, Lancer? Or should I just call you Lartoria?"
The Servant in question turned a frigid eye upon him. "No. Lancer will be sufficient."
"Awwww, why so cold~?" the blond in question wriggled in faux despair.
"Because you are a brute. You do not fight with honor or pride."
"Ah, so mean! You're going to hold a grudge over this...
"Should we...stop her?" Nero inquired aside.
Altera scoffed softly at the remark.
"Irrelevant."
"Eh, she's right." the horned one soothed as a distant plume of dust and dirt erupted to the north, signalling the blue servant's landing. "Don't worry. We're just letting Mordred work through her daddy issues. In Artoria's case, she need to to learn to swallow that pride of hers. One of them's bound to wear down eventually. After all, real men can only communicate with their fists. Ha!"
Kiritsugu offered a slow blink.
"Saber isn't a man."
"Quite!" Naruto chirped. "Oh, and while you were distracted, seems your wife went and got herself a Servant. Lucky you~!"
All eyes turned back to the ruined church at once.
A cold muzzle jammed against his face.
"What have you done?!"
"Hey! Don't look at me!" the blond flailed his arms spectacularly as he found the assassin's Contender thrust against his jaw. "The grail's gone mad! Also, I may or may not have killed the person who was supposed to summon Caster in this timeline, sooo...on second thought? Yeah, I'm probably at fault here. But look on the bright side!" Into that stupefied silence, the trickster flashed a roguish grin. "Its not like she summoned an antihero or anything...
His head tilted aside. "Is it that obvious?"
The Magus Killer nearly choked on his own spit at the sight awaiting them.
In hindsight, one could not blame him for such an adverse reaction. It wasn't everyday that another Servant simply appeared of their own volition; much less without a catalyst to spur them back into reality. Certainly not when the ritual was complete. The newcomer's appearance certainly didn't inspire confidence at that.
"Ara, its so nice to meet someone so very much in love!"
Irisviel von Einzbern stared at her Servant, aghast.
She had...not expected this outcome.
No, not in the slightest. None of it. Any of it. The very idea that she'd become involved in such a farce boggled the mind. Never had it occurred to her that the Grail might choose her to fill the final spot. How could she have known that a meddling god and his mad machinations would inadvertently involve her in this? No, she could never have known. Still, if this was to be her fate, then she would endure. For her wish. For the world. For those precious to her. If that meant she had to bear this burden...then so be it.
"Are you...Caster?"
The Servant's ears twitched.
A gentle smile greeted the Master.
"Indeed. It is a pleasure to meet you."
With an elegant smile, the divine creature bowed to her.
"My name is Tamamo no Mae. Caster Class. Shall we begin?"
"Ha!" Naruto guffawed loudly! "Well, Nero, you're going to looooove this."
As though summoned by that very thought, the empress's head popped up over his shoulder.
"What am I going to-geh?!" Verdant green eyes bulged as they beheld the resplendent form of her fellow Servant. "W-W-When did that wench get here?!"
Before their very eyes, Caster's smile shattered like brittle glass.
"Heavens me! I could say the same thing!" the shrine maiden replied with an air of deep skepticism and scorn. "A gluttonous servant like yourself has no place in an elegant battle like this. Does you precious "Praetor" know what he's signed up for? No? Woe is me! Perhaps we ought to trade? After all, it seems my Master is already quite taken with another while yours...
A glazed look flitted across Tamamo's golden orbs, her tongue flitting out to lick at her full lips.
...seems quite fetching, I must say."
Naruto twitched.
Urk.
Those were the eyes of a predator, a soulless demon ready to devour her prey. A peerless creature from which no escape could be brooked, no shelter taken. Once you were caught within her sights you were finished. Nero must've seen-or at the very least sensed-the same; for she seized his right arm in an iron embrace.
"No!" She cried. "You will not interfere in my imperial romance this time!"
"Imperial romance? Oi...
"Dear me, aren't you clutching him too tightly?" Caster purred.
"Ha! Rich words coming from a soul-stealer like yourself!"
"Oh dear, was that an insult? I'm not impressed."
"Empty-headed fool!"
"Hag!"
It was a battle none had any desire to intrude upon, much less intervene; one could only watch their whirling expressions as they slung words back and forth like weapons. Even one as great as Gilgamesh would've been hard pressed to triumph in such a war of wits. Naruto found it required more than a little prowess-alongside abusing his own divine powers-simply to extricate himself from the two rivals. Despite his escape they showed no signs of ceasing, indeed, his absence only seemed to embolden them all the more.
...you do realize the grail is actively trying to screw us over at this point?" Altera murmured.
Naruto groaned into his palm.
"Noooo, ya think?" the horned deity scoffed, the words dripping with sarcasm. "What could possibly go wrong?! I'm sure the other Masters are just singing its praises right about now...
(0o0o0)
...what."
Kirei blinked.
The new Servant blinked back.
Were those...horns? Horns growing out of her head?
...what manner of Servant are you?"
Kiyohime's smile was terror incarnate.
(0o0o0)
"Sakura, was it? Your niece? You would go to such lengths to save her?"
Berserker grunted in irritation as the newcomer forcefully shunted him aside.
Indeed, the dark knight wasn't so much pushed as shoved. Even he was humbled by the newcomer's strength. In the next instant, Matou Kariya found himself face to face with a pair of peerless green eyes. A pair of small but firm hands clamped down on his shoulders, all but holding him captive before her gaze.
"You wish to save that child? That is an admirable goal, Master!"
Kariya swallowed thickly.
"W-What the hell? Another one...?"
"I, Atalanta, swear to aid you in this noble endeavor!"
(0o0o0)
Iskandar boomed a laugh.
"Gahahaha! Well this is a surprise! I didn't think you were capable of summoning another Servant!"
Waver wasn't. He was certain of it. His decidedly limited abilities were well known in the Clock Tower; indeed, he was scarcely capable of supporting someone like the King of Conquerors when he went all out. That he had inadvertently summoned more than one baffled him to no end. The sheer strain of supporting more than one Servant should've slain him outright. Yet he barely registered it. His circuits were scarcely warm, yet he clearly felt an abundance of Prana in the spear-wielding warrior standing before him.
"Ha? So this runt's supposed to be our Master?"
Waver gulped.
"What's with that tone?"
Achilles grinned.
"Got a problem?"
"Hey, hey!" A new rough voice coughed within the smoke. "Can't we just get along?"
"Tch. You're no fun, Rider of Black...
The newcomer laughed and clapped him on the back.
"Aw, don't be like that! We're on the same team this time, aren't we?"
Waver couldn't decided if wanted to laugh or cry.
"Th-Three...you've got to be kidding me...
They were, all of them, Rider class.
Such misfortune!
A/N: Ha! Take that computer! I don't need both hands to write!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sneak back to bed before the 'ol girlfriend makes good on her promise to hang me for staying up late again. Its not like my inspiration kept me up 'till the crack of dawn writing this...or that I forgot to eat...or go outside today...or pay the bills...
...
...
...
SHE'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE~!
So in the Immortal words of Atlas...
...Review, Would You Kindly?
Enjoy the previews!
(Preview)
"Is there anything else you require, Husband?"
"Down, Tamamo! Jeez!"
"You think this is insane? Just wait 'till Grand Order. Chaldea's gonna be CRAZY. Can't wait to see Tiamat!"
"Again, what is a Chaldea and why do I have a bad feeling about this...
"Madman."
"I prefer the term "morally-challenged", thank you very much."
"Altera?"
"Yes, Master?"
"Burn it to the ground."
Saber positively mewled in response.
R&R~!