A/N: Honestly, guys, I was planning on drawing out the annoyingness of awkward Naruto a lot longer. Like, chapter 124 long, but whatever. Okay, so this is a time skip to the day of the final exam. But first...

Veraq: And that, detective, is the right question. In two reviews, you have slammed right to the heart of why I actually started writing this story, and continue in the same vein. I'm not doing it to form a good narrative, that's a by-product. I originally started this entire thing to shed light on the story-telling tropes on the site. I made Naruto almost god-like in his power to show the absurdity of it all. You're right, Katana are not suitable weapons for Shinobi, but is a huge fucking cleaver any better? Yes, the Rinnegan does have those abilities, but does it ensure victory? As for the clan, who wouldn't hold a grandiose ideal of their own legacy? And who would really disagree with a guy who could kill them by blinking? Nagato's quick change was intentionally absurd. But keep in mind, Naruto basicaally took his own philosphies, and threw them in his face. He took pre-Yahiko-death Nagato, and brought him to the surface.

I genuinely love and appreciate every single one of you. But none of you have been looking at my story from the right angle. You all either love it unequivocally, or outright rage against me for my choices. But Veraq? I applaud you, sir/ madam. You hold an objective view of my story. You admit to enjoying it, but at the same time, you question what I do, not maliciously, but in the sense that it doesn't quite add up.

Follow Veraq's example, everyone. As my mother would put it "Believe nothing you hear, and only half of what you see."

The Shunner: no, I don't take shit from anyone. I have enough issues to deal with without letting other take a dump on what I like. And also, thank you for the compliment, it gave me the fuzzies.

Also, I started a new job recently, and if any of you want to meet me, go to the bookstore in Deerbrooke Mall in Texas, and ask for the scotsman. You'll get pointed right to me.

Chapter 48: First Round, knock one down

"Twenty-six kunai with blood on the wall, take one down, throw it around, twenty-five kunai with blood on the wall," Naruto droned as he lay in the dirt at the center of the Arena. He was waiting for the stands to fill and the five Kage to arrive so the finals would begin. And he was the only one not standing at rigid attention of all the competitiors.

"You know, some might find it disrespectful that a Genin isn't waiting for the Five Kage at attention," Hayate coughed.

"[Better to ask forgiveness than permission.] They want my respect, they gotta earn it. Jiji was here before me, at least."

"Weren't you here at like four-thirty?" Shikamaru managed to say around his massive yawn.

"Yep."

"You were here, an hour early, just to sit around?"

"Yep."

"You are not human."

"I know."

"Looks like the other Kage are here," Hayate cut into the conversation.

"Whatever," Naruto yawned, rising to his feet and stretching magnificently, causing several loud pops to reverberate through the arena. After he straightened his spine out, Naruto snapped his neck sharply to the side in either direction, drawing even more attention to himself. "Let's get this over with."

"How do you do that?" Karin shuddered.

"Do what?"

"Pop your neck like that without killing yourself."

"That's nothing, you should see me popping my ribs."

"Wut."

"I can pop every joint in my body, including my ribs and fingers on command." (A/N: I can actually do this. It freaks people out. Lol)

"That's not natural," Sasuke muttered under his breath.

"Your hair looks like the ass end of a duck, and you say I'm unnatural?"

"Shut up."

"CITIZENS OF THE NATIONS!" Hiruzen's voice rang out from the Kage booth, where the other four of the Gokage sat in chairs decorated to symbolize their respective Villages. "WELCOME TO KONOHAGAKURE, AND THE CHUUNIN EXAM FINALS!" Hiruzen paused with an indulgent smile as the crowd roared in approval.

Naruto, meanwhile, stiffened almost imperceptibly, which drew the attention of Hayate, and his assistant proctor- Shiranui Genma. With his hands at his sides, he shifted his right through a quick sequence of ANBU hand signals, sensing Neko-chan hidden nearby, and knowing she'd have noticed his stiffening.

Clone.

Popped.

20 kliks.

Prepare.

"IN JUST A MOMENT, THE FIRST ROUND WILL BEGIN!" more cheering. "BUT FIRST! OUR PROCTOR HAYTE WILL EXPLAIN THE RULES!"

"This is a tournament-style series of one-on-one matches. The fight will end when one of three criteria are met." Hayate's voice boomed over the speaker system. "One: one or both fighters are knocked out or otherwise unable to continue the fight. Two: when one of the combatants forfeits. Or three: when I declare the match over. Other than that, all range of attack is allowed, although killing is strongly disagreed with, it is permitted. Do all contestants understand the rules as laid out?" a chorus of 'hai!'s rang out as Naruto yawned once more, causing Hayate to glare at him.

"What?"

"Do all..."

"I heard you the first time, Gekko."

"Then acknowledge the question."

"It'd be kinda hard not to understand the rules." Naruto's nonchalant attitude made several of the Konoha parts of the crowd boo loudly, eliciting a response of both middle fingers from the blond. "Fuck you all too!" he said with a smile.

In the Kage boothe

"Who is that boy?" Onoki asked with a frown as he beheld the disrespectful blond.

"Naruto," Hiruzen sighed as he rested his cheek of his fist. "He's a bit of a troublemaker, and has little respect for rules and regulations, or positions of power."

"I like him already," A guffawed. "What about you B?"

"He looks pretty tight, his should be a good fight."

"That little scamp?" Onoki scoffed in disbelief. "I know his type; his bark is worse than his bite. He carries himself like a civilian, and he doesn't respect his foes. Kurotsuchi will wipe the floor with the boy."

Hiruzen at this point had to hide his smirk behind a fake cough, although he was sure the Mizukage smiled faintly at him.

"I don't know," she spoke for the first time that day, her voice immediately capturing everyone's attention. "I met him when I first got here, and he seems to have some level of gravitas to him. A certain charisma."

"Charisma doesn't win fights," Rasa, the Kazekage said without emotion, his face set neutrally. The other Kage had been quite surprised when he'd shown up without his veil for once, but he waved them off. "That being said, I have heard quite a bit about him from Gaara through the years."

"Either way," Mei said pleasantly as she sat back in her seat, crossing her legs elegantly. "I look forward to his match."

"As do I, Mizukage-dono," Hiruzen said with a sigh. "As do I."

Back in the arena

"Alright, that's enough, Naruto," Hayate said sternly, to which Naruto grumped, but complied. "The first match will be Fuu of Taki against Chojuro of Ame. Will all other contestants please move to the competitors balcony?" Thirteen people began to trudge to the stairs, but one moved directly to the wall below the combatants' box. He got several sideways looks, which he returned.

"What are you doing?" Neji sneered. "The stairs are over here."

"We're Shinobi aren't we?" Naruto answered with a shrug, before he turned and walked up the wall, then hopped over the railing and leaned his back against it, resting his elbows on either side of his torso.

"What an idiot," Dosu scoffed. "Wasting Chakra for something as trivial as getting up a few stories."

"Don't worry," Sasuke muttered under his breath. "He's got plenty to spare."

"What was that Uchiha?"

"Nothing that concerns you." this dismissal earned a growl from the bandaged otonin, but no other response.

In the stands

"What is that baka doing? Honoka nearly shouted, causing Nagato to snicker. "CONSERVE YOUR CHAKRA YOU IDIOT!"

"Honoka, sit down. Naruto will do as Naruto wants. There's no putting a leash on him, even if we wanted to."

"But to so flagrantly use chakra for something so trivial!"

"Oh, don't worry about Naru's chakra usage," Asuma chuckled as he lit a cigarette. " he certainly won't."

Competitors' Box

"You really do enjoy showing off, don't you?" Shikamaru groused as he scratched his head. Naruto shrugged in response. "Could you at least act like you give a damn?"

"Hmm..." Naruto hummed, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Nope!" Shikmaru sighed as the blond turned to face the arena, his eyes suddenly drilling holes into the two combatants. "Although," he said quietly. "It'll be interesting to see how other jinchuuriki use the powers of their biiju."

"What was that?" Lee asked as he bounded over. The blond waved slightly.

"Nothing, Lee, just some idle rambling. So, how'd your month of training go?" he queried without taking his eyes from the two teens in the ring. He knew Lee would respond with fire in his eyes and his fist raised in determination though.

"I HAVE TRAINED MY FLAMES OF YOUTH DILIGENTLY! I HAVE WORKED MYSELF HARD ENOUGH THAT GAI-SENSEI HAS CRIED YOUTHFUL TEARS!"

"Lee, inside voice," Naruto said calmly, rubbing at his right ear. "It's too early for your youth, and I'm not a morning person to begin with."

"My apologies, Naruto-kun," the bowl-cut boy answered with a deep waist-bow. "and how was your month if I may ask?"

"Same old, same old."

"He's very tight-lipped, isn't he?" Temari asked as her eyebrow cocked and her arms crossed.

"Naruto has always been fairly guarded," Gaara deadpanned, his arms crossed and a foot on the wall he was leaning against. "It took several interactions to learn anything about him, and even then, I only learned what he wanted me to."

"I'm surprised you didn't squish him," Temair said dismissively. She went to a quick attention when Gaara released a small smile.

"My sand wasn't fast enough," he commented lightly, finally opening his sea-foam green eyes to look at her sideways to see her reaction. Temari went pale and began shaking slightly, looking at the blond who seemed to have people gravitate to him.

"You're joking."

"No, actually. I tried several times to make the sand run red with his blood, but failed each, turning to see him sitting behind me with a small smirk on his lips. It infuriated me to no end, especially when he wouldn't stop bugging me." Temari's jaw dropped.

"Eventually..."

"Eventually I gave him a nice clean clock in the head," Naruto laughed as he strolled up with a grin, his hands behind his head, fingers interlaced.

"But..."

"Like I told you when we met; if there's no malice behind the touch, his sand doesn't react. I didn't hit him as an enemy."

"He hit me as a friend, although I'm still not happy about it, Naruto."

"Too bad, Gaara," the Uzumaki snarked, sticking his tongue out childishly. "Anyway, how are you feeling?"

"Why would I be feeling anything?"

"Gaara, you're only a few hours away from showing about fifteen hundred people how good you are as a shinobi, including your father, and you're not the slightest bit nervous?"

"Should I be?"

"Only if your not confident in your abilities," Naruto grinned, winking and nudging the red-head in the ribs with his elbow.

"Then I see no reason to worry." silence reigned for a few moments, before Gaara spoke again. "What's it feel like?" he looked to both blondes in front of him for an answer. "Being nervous, I mean."

Naruto stared at him for a moment, then to his older sister, who looked utterly confused.

"Right, you don't have much experience with this stuff... hmmmm..." Naruto sat cross legged, on elbow resting on his knee, chin propped on the attached hand. "Ever had butterflies land on your arm?"

"What's a butterfly?" this time the question came from Temari. Naruto sighed.

"I really need to remember your guys come from the desert and have never left it."

"You should really focus on the fight," Shikamaru cut in.

"Fuu will begin circling Chojuro overhead any second now, and he'll retaliate with a long-range chakra pulse," Naruto said absently. Shikamaru quirked an eyebrow, and turned to watch the fight, astonished to see that exact scenario play out before his eyes.

"How..."

"I didn't spend my month training, Shika. I spent it analysing the competitors. I basically know the whole shebang before it happens."

"Bullshit." Naruto leaned back and looked at his friend upside down, a creepy smile on his face.

"Twenty ryo and a month of meals says I'm right."

"Shika, don't!" Sasuke started.

"Deal," Shikamaru grunted. Sasuke face-palmed.

"Idiot."

"Sasuke, write these down," Naruto said gleefully as Sasuke sighed, but whipped out a notepad and pen. "Chojuro will win after about thirty minutes from the start of the fight by knockout, Sasuke and Samui will tie in a double knock-out," here, Sasuke let out an indignant cry. "Oh, can it, Neji will get his ass handed to him inside of twenty minutes," he felt the afore-mentioned Hyuuga glaring at him. "Kurotsuchi is going down after about thirty,"

"Oi!"

"No, that one I believe," Omoi said dully, earning him a fist to the head.

"Lee will just barely eek out a win, Temari will beat Shika by forfeit, Dosu will somehow survive Gaara's attacks- don't get cocky mummy; you ain't winnin', and Omoi will beat Karin after about fifteen minutes and a lot of swearing."

"That's just the first rounds," Shikamaru pointed out.

"Buddy, you're gonna have to bet a lot more to get the later brackets."

Stands

Unbeknownst to everyone except Naruto in the Competitiors box, the competitior's box was microphoned to show the current state of all contestants.

"Excuse me," Asuma said suddenly as he stood up, a serious look on his face.

"Where are you going?" Nagato asked with surprise.

"I need to go place a few bets."

"Are you really putting that much faith in the baka who wasted chakra to get up a few floors?" Honoka huffed, her arms crossed.

"Asuma!" Kakashi called from a few rows up, drawing the Sarutobi's gaze in time for the walking chimney to catch a roll of cash tossed by the cyclops. "Put me down for double-and-a-half, as well as a favor with Sinch." Asuma nodded solemnly.

"What is wrong with these people?"

"We won't know until we're told, I'm afraid," Nagato sighed as he discreetly slipped a small roll of money to Asuma, who grinned and nodded.

Kage booth

"And make sure you specify to the book-keepers," Hiiruzen whispered to the chuunin he'd summoned. "Those exact circumstances."

"Sir," Aoba said quietly, with a look of worry. "The odds of those exact sequences are astronomical."

"Do this, and I'll give you a quarter of it when I win."

"You sound very confident, sir."

"Trust me, Aoba-kun, this is a good bet, and only a few people will go with it, so it will pay off." Aoba sighed but nodded and vanished.

"You wouldn't happen to be placing a bet on those boys false predictions, would you Hokage-dono?" Onoki asked with narrowed eyes.

"No, of course not," Hiruzen waved breezily, although internally we was already swimming Scrooge McDuck style in a giant pile of cash. "I was just telling Aoba-kun to make sure that Asuma wasn't doing something stupid. Family troubles should generally be kept private, ne?"

"I apologize for questioning then," Onoki said, his eyes still narrowed suspiciously.

Ring

"YOU JERK!" Fuu called petulantly, stamping her foot, glaring up at the box with the blond who'd so rudely disparaged her fantastic abilities.

"DON'T BLAME ME, SWEETHEART, THEM'S THE BREAKS!" she was about ready to fly up there and wipe that smug grin off his stupid tan face, when she noticed him looking at a watch on his wrist.

"LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M" her shouting was cut off as her world went black with a great amount of pain.

"WINNER! CHOJURO OF KIRIGAKURE!"

"NICE TIMING, BLUE!" Naruto shouted with a thumbs up, causing the teen in question to blush. After some medics came out to pick up the greenette and cart her off, he made his way to the stairs to start the ascent to the box.

"Will Sasuke of Konoha and Samui of Kumo please come to the arena?" Hayate called. He waited a few moments for them to appear before him, and made sure they were ready. "HAJIME!"

Sasuke started by barreling forward and hurling brace after brace of lighting-coated shuriken. He would not let Naruto be right on this. When Samui deflected all his shuriken with her quickly-drawn tanto, he growled in annoyance, then began flashing through hand seals, his eyes narrowing in annoyance and flashing red momentarily. He never noticed Naruto's smirk.

Box

"Sometimes I hate you," Shika sighed as the first prediction had come true.

"I know," the cheerful blond answered with a chirp, his eyes on the fight.

"If you supposedly know everything," Neji snapped, his glare trying to burn holes through the boy. "Why are you watching the fight?"

"Because I like to see people suffer," Naruto answered in a deadpan so cold, everyone in the room shivered. "I like to see the energy leave their eyes when they realize how inevitable it all is."

"That's..."

"A joke," Naruto grinned without looking away from the fight. "Nah, I just forgot what I was doing before Shika made a stupid bet."

"Not likely," the pineapple-haired teen muttered, drawing another smirk from his blond friend.

"You were about to describe a butterfly," Temari said evenly.

"Right! Where's that notepad Sasuke had?" Naruto asked as he looked around. When he couldn't see it, he shrugged and pulled out a storage scroll, unsealing his sketchbook and a stick of graphite.

"You draw?" Omoi asked curiously.

"Occasionally," the boy answered shortly, quickly flipping towards the back of the large sketch book, finally reaching the first blank page. He looked around. "Anyone want to see a particular kind of butterfly?"

"We're not all going to look at your stupid doodle," Kurotsuchi snarled.

"Then why should it matter anyway? There's enough room to draw multiples."

"Fine, since you're apparently so eager, how about a rock-wing fluteneck?" the pink-haired girl said snidely. She didn't expect the blond to immediately bend over his book and put the grey rod to the paper. After about a minute he stopped suddenly, looking at her expectantly.

"Male or female?"

"What?"

"A male one or a female one?"

"What's the damn difference?"

"A male was a wider wingspan and shorter neck, as well as fuzzy antennae." Kurotsuchi's jaw dropped at the boys knowledge of an Iwa-native bug.

"Female, I guess?" Naruto nodded, and returned to his sketch. After another few seconds, he looked around again.

"Anyone else?"

"How about a fireflutter?" Hinata spoke for the first time that day, drawing a genuine smile from the teen who somehow had everyone's attention without trying.

"An excellent choice, Hinata," he complimented as he bent back over the page, his hands moving quickly.

Arena

Sasuke was not having a good time. His head-on assault had turned sour and devolved into him and the blond girl with the uh... generous chest having a ninjutsu version of a duke-out. Sweat dripped down his face as he panted in exhaustion, his actions mirrored by the blonde across from him.

Damn it, he thought tiredly. I only have one more good jutsu in me, and I don't know if I'll be standing afterwords. With a tired sigh, he rose and began the hand sequence, only to glare as the kunoichi across from him stared the the exact same fucking sequence.

"Raiton: Jibashi!" the shouted simultaneously, only to both sprint forward in a dodge that flowed into a punch that connected with each others' jaws. And just like that, they were down.

"DOUBLE KNOCKOUT!" Hayate announced, to stunned silence from the crowd.

Box

Shikamaru groaned at the announcement, pulling his attention away from the blond who had put away the graphite and somehow procured colored pencils to fill in the wings of his creations.

"Have fun, Hinata," Naruto called without looking up. "Make sure to plant a foot up his ass for me."

"Who knows, I might even dislodge the stick," Hinata quipped with a grin to her friend, drawing gapes from everyone who knew her.

"Atta girl." with those words, Hinata made her way to the arena and stood across from her cousin.

The most intense fight so far was about to begin.

A/N: From now on my references will be in [] brackets. So look for those, also, this chapter does have one.