Chapter Eighteen
Voices moved in and out of her head. Some were loud and others frighteningly soft. She tried to grasp onto one, to anchor herself against the waves. Her body felt as if was nothing, slipping in and out of a void of her own design. There was a sense of loss there too, refusing to weave with the voices. It was dark and empty and cold all at once.
Her body then began to ache. A reminder that she had been cast from Paradise. Again.
She fell back into the void.
"Colonel Mitchell, Teal'c, please report to the infirmary immediately."
Both Cameron and Teal'c had moved their vigil to the commissary for the briefest of moments. It was so typical of this place, that they should have expected it. After one hell of a pick up in the Hammond and an extremely difficult passage through the Stargate, Vala had finally been welcomed in the waiting arms of Dr Lam. Intef's nascent use of the healing device that had once flourished under his fingers had done the job.
Cameron could've kissed the man.
Teal'c had been waiting for them in the infirmary. Usually unflappable, he had broken through his stoic exterior. Cameron had placed her onto the bed and let Sam's people take her, tiredly commanding Intef to follow their lead. He had barely made it to the adjacent bed.
"You did well, Colonel Mitchell," Teal'c had said before Cameron faded into oblivion, not even bothering to change his clothes.
Their debrief with Sam was a lot more emotionally charged than usual. She had come to the infirmary to get him, after they made their safe getaway, gently shaking him awake. "Cam, you should probably get changed," she had said softly.
He stole a look and saw a drawn curtain.
She gave him a soft smile, ringing with relief. "She made it."
He had rubbed his eyes then. "Any word from Jackson?"
Sam had gone rigid then and Teal'c stiffened, as if they had only just discussed their missing teammate only seconds before. "Daniel Jackson is yet to make contact, however, I am sure that he will when he is...able."
He had remembered feeling helpless, again, and wondered exactly what he would say to Vala when she finally woke up.
That had been days ago, now. Vala had been in and out of consciousness in that time, almost as if she was fighting her own internal battle. Carolyn had assured them that she would make a full recovery, in time. He was thrilled that she had woken up, of course, but felt sick about the first conversation they were going to have.
As they rounded a corner, another familiar face joined them. "General O'Neill."
Jack fell into step with them. "Teal'c. Mitchell. Think she's awake?"
"It seems likely," Teal'c answered in response. "Otherwise they would not have called us."
The three men walked in silence until they arrived at the door.
Vala woke with a start, like she had seen people do when they woke from comas in the movies. Her hand went straight to her stomach and found it flat. Empty. She looked around in a panic, taking in her surroundings.
The room was sparsely decorated, however, the light streaming in from the window set everything aglow. Her hair fell in loose waves down her back and she was wearing a silk nightgown, far more exquisite than anything she had ever owned or stolen. The soundscape around her was familiar- it reminded her of her youth. The birds were in their own worlds, singing gratefully for the sun, and the gentle murmurings of the townspeople below comforted her.
She knew this room.
"I wanted to pick somewhere you knew. Somewhere...bright."
She whipped around to look at the opposite wall, to the source of the voice. "Daniel."
The rocking chair was a new addition to this room, as was the appearance of Daniel and the small bundle he carried in his arms. A strong, sharp pain filled her as she took in the sight. The last clear thing she remembered was her son disappearing with his father in a wisp of light. "Our son-" she started, hysteria in her voice. "Daniel-"
Daniel gave a soft smile. "He's here. Come and see."
She didn't need an invitation. Her body gave no protest as she rushed out of bed, arms open. Daniel stood and ushered her into the rocking chair, never breaking his gentle smile. Vala let him place the baby in her arms, almost afraid to move. She had never even had this chance with Adria. She wasn't sure what to expect when she looked down at him, but his eyes were open and he peered up at her, transfixed.
"He knows you," Daniel said, crouching down beside her, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder and gently stroking his son's head with the other. Vala couldn't look away. She instinctively held out her finger and he joyfully closed his tiny hand around it.
"He's alive," she croaked, tears finally appearing. She let them fall freely, because her hands were too busy cradling this tiny gift of life. Her eyes met Daniel's. "He's alive, isn't he Daniel?"
Because what was the alternative?
Daniel paused. "Vala, I want you to listen to me, alright? Our son...well, he…" He paused, struggling to find the right words, not because Vala would not understand, but because it was it was the worst thing imaginable. "He didn't make it. At first. But they let me take him. So now he's here, in the same place I am."
She tore her eyes away from Daniel and back down. She was taken aback by how much he looked like his father.
"And me? Am I dead too?"
It wouldn't be the first time.
"No. You just haven't woken up yet," he answered, in that ominous way most of the Ascended beings she knew and definitely didn't love did. "You will soon. Any minute now. So I need you to listen to me."
A sob escaped Vala because nobody ever said things like that unless what they really meant was goodbye. "Don't. Please. You're both gone, and I-" A beat. "Why can't I stay here with you?"
"Hey," Daniel whispered and gently moved her face so he was looking at her. "This isn't what you think it is. I just wanted to show you, to show him...it's supposed to be a 'hello', not a goodbye."
He paused, as if trying to find the right words, again, ones that would comfort, rather than destroy. He had done enough of that to Vala Mal Doran already. "I need you to know that whatever happens, I love you. I know I haven't shown you lately and ever since that moment in that pyramid, I...I should have done better. I will do better." His eyes shone in earnest. "Whatever happens, okay?"
Daniel leaned in to kiss her. She responded, because this was all that she had wanted. A picture of domesticity- her son in her arms, Daniel professing his undying love to her, somewhere to call home, her daughter, waiting in the other room to meet her brother…
She broke away from the kiss. "Does being Ascended make you a better kisser?"
Daniel smiled faintly and then reached for their son. A string pulled at her heart. "Daniel, I only just got him," she said, panic seeping into her voice, because even here, wherever this was, she needed to be with him and hold him. She was done having children snatched from her arms.
Daniel paused only for a moment. "It's time to wake up now, sweetheart."
She shook her head. "No. It's not enough time. I need more time." But this time, she let him scoop their son into his arms, because she was starting to feel as if the world was pressing down on her.
"We'll be there soon, okay?" he promised. "You can wake up now, Vala."
It was then the sound came and there was a bright light, brighter and more forceful than the sun seeping in through the window. Daniel and their son were gone.
She heard the voices, of all octaves and pitches, almost as if they were floating. She almost felt as if she was unfolding, unpacking all of her senses one by one, so they could connect and make a full, whole person once the world made sense.
"Vala, can you hear me?"
She heard it, alright. The words almost penetrated her skull. "Can you open your eyes?"
It was a simple enough request, but she had been in such a wonderful place, that nothing could possibly compare. Her thoughts were returning to her in a flash of stark contrasts, her memories trailing behind. Opening her eyes meant that she would have to accept whichever reality she had ended up in- the one where she wasn't sure if her son was alive.
Her eyes flew open, almost without her permission.
"Turn the lights down a bit," the voice she could identify Dr Lam instructed. She was grateful because the real world didn't shine like Daniel's did. It just glowed with the edges blurred. She already hated it. The lights dimmed slightly but it was enough for her eyes to adjust.
"W...where?" she managed to get out. Her thoughts and memories were busy refilling her head, leaving her functions to pure instinct.
"You're back at the SGC, in the infirmary." Hands steadied her as she tried to lift her body. "Woah, take it easy."
She winced as her body went back against the bed. One of the nurses had lifted the bed slightly, so she had a better view of the infirmary. No other patients were around, only the infirmary staff milling about the room and now, her bed. "You've been out for a few days. You-" the doctor seemed to choose her next words carefully, "nearly bled out. You had emergency surgery aboard the George Hammond and then were transferred back here when you were stable. They did a good job, considering the need for specialised obstetricians on intergalactic spacecraft is redundant. I did call ours in once you arrived, though. She said you were recovering well. We'll call her back in now that you're awake."
Vala didn't say anything as the team circled around her, checking and testing whatever they needed to do. "My son is dead. Isn't he?"
Her voice was quiet amongst the chaos.
Dr Lam squeezed her hand. "Colonel Mitchell's report stated that Daniel assisted him with ascension. We haven't heard anything else yet. He and Teal'c have been waiting very impatiently for you to wake up. I'm going to go let them know. Maybe they'll be able to shed some light on the situation."
It was an answer that was guarded, yet still promised hope. Daniel helped her their son ascend. He himself had done it to avoid death on more than one occasion, relying on the help of the others to do so.
She closed her eyes. "Did Adria make it out?" She wasn't sure if she was prepared to hear this, not so soon. Dr Lam gave her arm another squeeze. "She did. She and Intef were beamed aboard too. Colonel Carter dropped them off at a nearby Stargate."
A fullness spread across her chest as she allowed her tears to spill forth, wretched and harsh against the sterile room, where Dr Lam had given her the first glimpse of her baby all those months ago. Dr Lam's face cast over her and she realised that a cold wetness now clung to her.
"Your milk," she said by way of explanation. She gestured to one of the nurses, who sprang into action. "On advice of Dr Vost. We've been encouraging production. Just in case…" she trailed off. This hadn't happened with Adria and she looked stunned as the nurse moved back her gown to attach strange apparatus to both sides of her chest. "I'll be back in a moment. I have a few calls to make." With a faint smile, Dr Lam closed the curtain.
"It will feel a bit strange," the nurse soothed Vala, whose tears had subsided, as her heart began to constrict, leaned back into the bed. "At first. It won't take too long, because there's not too much milk being produced. We have been trying to do it consistently." She pointed to the small fridge to the side. "Plenty more in there."
Vala tried to bring forth a feeling, anything, but everything was too overwhelming. As the pump emitted a faint, mechanical noise, she heard the infirmary door open. "Doc?"
"She's awake. You'll be able to see her soon. Give her a few moments," Dr Lam replied from behind the curtain.
It was then a strange sensation pulled at Vala. The nurse, happily unaware, gently removed the strange milking devices from her chest and returned her gown to its proper place. "See, nothing to it."
"Do you hear that?" Vala asked, a slight buzz forming around her. The nurse looked around, clearly confused. "It's getting louder." The lights began to flicker then.
"Woah," she heard Cameron from behind the curtain.
Something touched the back of Vala's mind, a promise. "Whatever happens," she whispered. With sustained effort, Vala wiped her face with her arm, unwilling to let a soul see the pain painted on her face. The lights flickered again.
"Well, this isn't right," she heard the General say. "Has this been happening often? Get Siler down here."
"We'll be here soon," Vala breathed, thinking of a rocking chair, and with a quick swing of her arm, an action that would hurt in the later moments when she wasn't propelled by adrenaline, wishes and hope, she opened the curtain.
A number of shocked faces looked back at her. She didn't have time to respond. A bright light, accompanied by a loud buzzing engulfed the room, almost sending her backwards. It was over not even seconds before it had begun. It was the next sound that cut through the shock of every person in that room.
It was the sound of a baby crying.
There was a small pause, before the room erupted into chaos. Vala struggled move against the medical equipment attached to her. It felt as if nothing in any galaxy or universe could hold her back because on the ground, was the very naked figure of Daniel Jackson. And in his arms, her wailing, bright and pink and very much alive son.