Chapter Twenty

Daniel tossed and turned in his bed. It had been an age since he had slept in it, that was for sure, but that empty, awful feeling that had been following him around since he had awoken from his last ascension had seemingly seeped into the bed itself. He was restless.

When Jack had brought him home, it had been obvious they had been to his apartment whilst he was away. The place was tidy and there had been things stocked in his cupboards and his fridge. He had frowned as he had gone to make himself a coffee, noticing brands of things and items he didn't usually buy.

Jack had shrugged it away. "Eh, what does Cameron Mitchell know about shopping, anyway?"

Daniel had been too tired to question him further. Jack hadn't stayed long and had left him with the promise he would contact someone if he needed anything. "I'll be heading back to DC the day after tomorrow," Jack said, hands in his pockets. "But I'll be back in a couple of weeks when the Hammond gets back in."

Daniel sighed. "I'll be fine, Jack. I promise. As far as I'm concerned, it's business as usual."

Jack look unconvinced. "Do you remember where all the rooms are? That bathroom of yours can be pretty shifty."

Daniel had escorted him to the door. "I'll call if I have to. Promise. I just need to...be me for a while."

Jack held his hands up in defeat. "Fine. But if you remember anything…" the pause was strange, "Anything important. Call someone. Okay?"

Daniel had him out the door. "Bye Jack."

And then, it was just him and his home and his coffee. Daniel vaguely recalled being stationed on Atlantis before his memories became fuzzy, but he wasn't allowed to take anything sensitive off-base. Which is why he was usually locked up in his office, poring over his texts, accepting coffee from his assistant...which he didn't have.

He shook the thought and sighed. Truthfully, this place wasn't usually where he went to be himself, but something was drawing him here. The place felt as if something was missing, much like Daniel himself. Whoever had been here, Mitchell most likely, had packed away a lot of things that he had kept. Books and artifacts that usually adorned every space inch of space were neatly packed away, likely in his spare room. A couple of his frames had been moved and Daniel had grumpily placed the photograph of his parents back into its spot on the coffee table.

The photo of Sha're he had was likely still locked away in his spare room. He hadn't thought to move it after he had stuffed it in there months after her death. He kept the one in his lab visible and that had been more than enough. He restlessly moved around in his bed again. In his sleep he had reached out across the bed, grabbing for phantom comfort. He rarely entertained here- it had been too long since a woman had graced his bed. However, the sheets almost seemed warm with an invisible body. Perhaps it was wishful thinking. He had battled loneliness enough in the long years since his wife's death. Dying and being reborn again was clearly weighing heavily on his mind.

He rubbed his eyes and reached for his glasses, giving up on the thought of sleeping again. He turned on his bedroom lamp and looked across his bed. The feeling that something was gone preyed on him again. On a whim, he rolled onto the other side of the bed, its unfamiliarity making him wholly uncomfortable. Suddenly, a compulsion came over him and he hurriedly swung his legs over. The second lamp went on and Daniel felt his hands go straight to the drawers. They were usually empty, or close to. The first one tugged open and revealed nothing.

Instead of disappearing, the compulsion became louder and more insistent, as if a voice were speaking to him. He opened the second drawer with enough force that he nearly dropped it. He frowned as he looked into it, unsure of how a set of fluffy, pink cuffs had made their way into his drawer. Beside it sat a pair of strange looking bracelets. A thought, a memory perhaps, danced across his mind, as well as mixed feelings- despair, anger, frustration, desire.

He picked up the bracelets, looking at them under the light of the lamp. He had definitely seen them before, but he couldn't place where. The familiarity mocked him, along with the Goa'uld language. Had he stolen these? Why would they be here?

He shook his head in confusion, standing with the bracelets. He needed to look at these in more detail. Perhaps some of the books he had stashed away in his apartment would help. It wasn't like he would be getting any sleep anyway. He switched off the lamp on the opposite side of the bed and quickly left his bedroom.

When he was finally face-to-face with the door to his spare bedroom, something kept him frozen in place. There was a buzzing in his head, all around him. His right hand reached for the handle, his left curling around both bracelets as if drawing on them for strength. The door gave no protest as he swung it open and was greeted by the room shrouded in darkness. He fumbled for the light switch, it had been a long while since he had frequented his room. As he flipped it, a beautiful and serene shade of blue struck him.

His eyes wandered across the room before settling on its most salient point. A beautiful crib, adorned with an embroidered pillow and a polka dot blanket sat against the wall. Artwork, clearly inspired by Ancient Egypt sat on the walls, almost glowing against the dark shade of blue. A set of drawers sat opposite, a baby monitor sitting atop, as well as a number of photo frames. His heart began to beat rapidly as he grabbed them, his picture of Sha're the first in the line. The second was clearly a sonogram picture. At the bottom, in hasty scrawl, BABY MAL DORAN. The third was a picture of him, a large smile plastered across his face. On his lap sat a beautiful woman, her own smile beaming at him.

The large, gaping hole in his heart pulsed, as if it was about to close over and swallow him whole. The bracelets in his hand got warm and Daniel felt nauseated. He grabbed onto the set of drawers to try and ward off the all-consuming vertigo.

When he stood up, the feeling that the world made sense again consumed him. It was promptly followed by horror, guilt and longing. He looked at the room, his son's room. He stared at the bracelets and dropped them, stepping away. He had to go, right now, no matter the time, to find them. Because he had briefly lived in a world where Vala and his son hadn't existed and he had no intention of doing so again.

o0o

Vala found herself whispering in the darkness, eager to keep the noise down. Cameron had opened up his home to her and her son without a second of hesitation or regret. He had moved as much out of Daniel's apartment as he could in the short timeframe they had to work with and set up the small, temporary bassinet against the bed in his spare bedroom.

Vala would never be truly able to thank him for extending his friendship in her most desperate hour..again. If not for him, she's not sure where she would have gone. Teal'c had offered her a place with the Jaffa, but walking back through that gate with her son had frightened her. When Dr Lam had placed her son at her breast seconds after Daniel had materialised with him, her whole life had made sense again. He didn't hesitate a second and leaned into his mother as if he had done it a million times before.

She had been torn between her worry for Daniel and her elation at having her son back in her arms. After he had had his fill, the nurses had taken him from her for his first check-up. Her friends had then appeared at her side, full of reassurances that Daniel would be okay and offer her their congratulations.

It was the next day that things had turned sour again.

"He'll remember, Vala," Cameron had reassured her at the time. She had clutched her distraught son, who had clearly picked up on her emotions, and switched on her survival instinct. That next day, she had organised her life around never seeing Daniel Jackson again.

General Landry had signed off on her maternity leave, with a promise that the SG-C would send word to both Colonel Carter and Adria of her good fortune. Because that was how Vala was determined to see it. Daniel had fulfilled his promise. She wasn't going to spend her precious time waiting for him again.

It had been days now, and the baby still had no name. Everyone had been very forthcoming with suggestions, but nothing had seemed right. So far, people had called him baby Mal Doran. She had contemplated naming him after his father, but another wail interrupted that morose thought. She had enough trouble escaping those.

Bleary-eyed and trying desperately to avoid waking Cameron, she returned to shushing the baby. She had never considered herself very maternal, but hormones had done strange things to her. She seemed almost unconcerned about herself at times and switched between worrying for her son, thinking about Adria and being desperate to speak with her and thinking about Daniel. He had finally gone back to their, well now his, apartment. General O'Neill had been reasonably confident about Daniel's memories returning.

She heard a noise from down the hall and shifted the baby to the other arm. "Shhh, little baby Mal Doran. Time to go back to sleep."

He had been fed not long ago and Vala was now desperate to sleep. The noise from down the hall continued, almost as if someone was trying to beat down the door. She saw the main hallway light switch on from underneath the door and heard Cameron slowly make his way down. She imagined his gun drawn and held her son closer. "Shhh," she whispered and for some unknown reason, as if an external force was pulling her, she stood up, her feet making little noise as they hit the floor.

o0o

He knew it was late and he didn't care. Mitchell hadn't answered his phone. He supposed he wasn't on-call and if Vala and their son were staying with him, he probably hadn't wanted the sound of a telephone ringing to wake them. So Daniel had gotten into his car and took off.

"Mitchell," he called out. He paused. "Vala? It's me." He saw a light come on from under the door. "It's me," he called out again. "I- please, open up." He was sure Mitchell's neighbours were going to come out and complain but again, he didn't care. All he cared about was his C.O's door was possibly the only thing keeping him from Vala and their son. He had wasted enough time.

Mercifully, the door opened to reveal a dishevelled Cameron Mitchell. "Jackson," he greeted, his gun now down by his side. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Are they here?" he asked, attempting to look past Mitchell's form, desperate to catch a glimpse of Vala or his son.

That made his C.O straighten up immediately, a cautious look on his face. He placed the gun on the small side table-the same place he usually shoved his keys. "And who exactly do you think is here?"

Daniel sighed. "Vala. And our son. Are they here?" His tone was firm but only a step away from begging. "Please."

It was then the door opened in the hallway behind him and Daniel felt his stomach drop. She was clad in pyjamas he recognised from the left-hand side of his drawers, worn and soft. Her hair was loosely tied up, in an effort to stop it from falling over her face, which looked like a kind of tired beyond anything he had ever seen on her before. Her feet were bare, making no noise as she came to investigate. And close to her chest, snuggled into her arms was a swaddled figure, his face turned into his mother, gurgling softly.

"Cameron," she said softly, but Mitchell didn't move.

"Hold on," he snapped. "This-" he motioned between the two of them, "ain't happening. Not until Jackson here provides some explanation as to why he's been such an ass. And why this couldn't wait until the morning."

He turned his attention back to Daniel. "Well, we're waiting."

"You know why it couldn't wait," Daniel said, not taking his eyes off Vala as she shuffled down the hallway, looking more alert with each step. "Vala."

Vala put her hand on Mitchell, shuffling to hold her son in the other. "It's alright," she said shakily. Daniel was almost moved by Mitchell's protectiveness but another wave of guilt hit him as he watched him move out of the way.

"I'm not done with you," Mitchell said as he grabbed his gun, ready to go back to his bed. "Just so we're clear on that."

"Cameron!" Vala finally huffed. "While I appreciate this immensely attractive double-act of male bravado, I can take care of myself."

And with a final glare, Colonel Mitchell left them to their own devices.