Chapter Twenty-One
Thinking he had caused enough of a scene at the late-or early hours- of the morning, Daniel quietly stepped inside, closing the door softly behind him. It took everything he had not to wrap both of them in his arms, both of them the missing parts of him that had finally connected back to him with the return of his last, most important memories.
The baby let out a soft noise as Vala repositioned him on the opposite shoulder. "Do you know who I am?" Vala finally asked, the clarity in her voice only slightly betraying her obvious inner turmoil. Once, Daniel had failed to see the fragility that lurked underneath her brash exterior. Whatever had happened to her in his absence had finally scrubbed away all those layers she had covered herself with over the years. She was now raw and bright and all Daniel wanted to do was melt into her, to hear her giggle, hell, even to berate him loudly, telling him why he was wrong.
Her silence was nearly killing him.
He reached out to touch her face. He was almost surprised that she let him. "Of course I know who you are," he said, his own voice straining. Years of his own pain and turmoil had made him lock away his own emotions too. That had only served to separate them in the past. There was no way for him to hide away what he was feeling now- his longing, his grief, his guilt were covering him in gossamer threads of apologies he was desperately hoping she would accept.
"You mean now. You know who I-who we are now," she responded. The dark circles under her eyes were standing out now, against her hair. "But you forgot us."
He had nothing to say. He was so ashamed. Whatever deal he had made with the Ancients, whatever had transpired up there had made him forget part of himself. He wondered whether it had been worth it.
"I'm here now," was all he could offer. His hand moved from Vala's face to the back of his son's head. "Please. I came as soon-" he paused, knowing that no words were going to fix this, particularly uttered so early in the morning. "Can I hold him?"
To her credit, Vala didn't hesitate. In a practised move, she placed their son into Daniel's waiting arms. His weight was familiar as if he had carried him before. He didn't protest from being moved from his mother's arms and blinked slowly at Daniel. He was sure his heart was about to explode from joy. He had held babies before, birthed them even, but nothing compared to seeing his own son's face looking back at him. He felt a pang of remembrance, at his wife's face as the Goa'uld invader had stolen her back in that moment, and the helpless look of Shifu as he had relied on Daniel for protection against the world in that bitter moment.
His own son looked determined, however. He had Daniel's colouring and Vala's nose and looked utterly intent on nuzzling into his father to reclaim his sleep. As his eyes fluttered shut, he looked at Vala. "Does he have a name?"
"No." Daniel knew she was struggling to maintain her composure. He had seen it down the barrel of a gun, once before. "I haven't been able to choose one." She paused. "Everyone has been calling him Baby Mal Doran. I've still been calling him Grapefruit." He didn't push her.
She reached out back for their son, and although Daniel didn't want to part with him so soon, he reluctantly handed him back. "Why are you here Daniel?"
"I want you to come home." It was simple enough really.
Vala's eyes widened slightly before she let out a small laugh. "Sure, come on, let's go. You've got the car seat installed? How about diapers and one of those baby slings. Breast pads?"
He hadn't even thought about checking the nursery for anything before he left. All he knew is he had a bed with a set of drawers-did they even have anything in them?
It was her next sentence that pierced his heart entirely. "I don't have a home." Before he could protest, she put her hand up and took a step away from him, wanting to place some distance between them. "I'll bring him to see you once you've settled in. I know you've got the nursery, although I haven't seen it for myself. I'm sure General O'Neill did an excellent job."
If she hadn't ever seen the nursery, that meant she probably been in their apartment in a long while. He had really screwed this up. "Your home is with me," he managed to get out but Vala was already gesturing towards the door.
"We're glad you're back Daniel. It was especially impressive seeing you descend completely naked on the infirmary floor." The old Daniel might've risen to the bait but he was just grateful to hear a touch of humour in her voice, despite the fact she was kicking him out.
He really didn't want to leave it this way, but pushing Vala now might mean pushing her too far. Permanently. He had a long road ahead. So, he did one of the most excruciating things in his life. He was going to leave. He quickly kissed the top of his son's head and then Vala's.
"I'll fix this." It wasn't an empty promise, although he was sure Vala didn't see it that way.
"Goodnight Daniel."
Then it was just him and the cold Colorado breeze at two o'clock in the morning.
o0o
Jack had turned up at 7 am precisely. Daniel hadn't even called him.
"You could have told me," Daniel intoned, his misery hanging around him like a shroud as he let him in. "Jesus, Jack. I forgot I had a son."
"And you wanted to find that out from one of us? We thought it'd come back to you as soon as you were home. Looks like we were right." Daniel led them to the living room. His laptop was open and paper, pens and notepads were scattered on his coffee table. Empty coffee cups cluttered the sink.
"What's all this?"
Daniel sat on the lounge and put his head in his hands. "Research. I'm getting a few things delivered today. Trying to get his room ready."
He raised his head, his eyes tired and weary. Jack helped himself to a coffee, making Daniel another one too. "She asked us to do it, by the way. Even Cassie helped."
"I'm glad you did," Daniel said gratefully. Jack pressed the coffee into his friend's waiting hands. "Thanks. I'm heading out in a few hours. Can you fill me in?"
o0o
"Yeah, I'll let her know. Thank you, Sir."
Vala glared at Cameron expectantly as he hung up the phone. Teal'c sat beside her, a picture of incongruity as he nursed baby Mal Doran. "Well?"
"Adria and Intef made contact two days ago. They're fine. Circled back to help the Tok'ra. No sign of the Lucian Alliance again." Cameron paused. "Adria and Intef's little pantomime obviously did the trick."
"That is excellent news, Colonel Mitchell."
"And?" Vala prompted.
"There are a few messages that have come through for you. The General's happy for you to come onto the base to receive them."
"And?" she asked again. "What about the other thing?"
Cameron sighed. "Princess, don't you think you're being a little-"
Vala huffed. "Pragmatic?" She gestured towards Teal'c. "Teal'c can come and go as he pleases. What if I want to pop out for a quick visit, pick up some freshly baked bread from Nadros? Enrol baby Mal Doran at, I don't know, do the Jaffa have an excellent schooling program? And just pop right back in time for another episode of Dancing with the Stars?"
Cameron rubbed his temples, the lack of sleep affecting him. It was clearly affecting Vala more. "You know it doesn't work that way," he offered by way of explanation. "Landry is reasonable, but any civilian gate travel has to be run by the I.O.A. And at the moment, that's exactly what you are. A civilian on maternity leave, with a baby!"
Vala looked at Teal'c for assistance. "Perhaps it would be prudent to be more cautious at this time, Vala Mal Doran. You have a number of support people here. Daniel Jackson has applied for his personal leave to be extended. The healthcare and opportunities for your child will also be considerably more fruitful if you are here on a more permanent basis."
She threw up her hands. "Typical! What happened to your undying support, Muscles?"
Teal'c continued to nurse her son as he gave her a deadpan look. "This is me delivering it."
"Look, you and Landry will be able to sort something out. Nobody is holding you hostage. Hell, Carter would have you as a stowaway or I'm sure that wayward daughter of yours would be able to jack a ship and spring you both loose. It isn't about that. I'm not exactly Jackson's number one fan at the moment, but come on." Cameron waved his hand at his godson, still nestled in Teal'c's arms. "He hasn't stopped calling. He's got the supplies, he's got the car seat, he's got the leave. He's got the persistence, I'll give him that. He isn't going anywhere. Question is, are you?"
Vala didn't have an answer for that yet. She so desperately wanted to snap, to yell out into the void. So many of her problems had been solved (and conversely, caused) by her need to run. She held out her arms for her still-unnamed son. He brightened as he recognised his mother's scent. "He left me to die," she finally said, bouncing the baby in a subconscious move. "Right there in that awful pyramid. And then he promptly forgot about my entire existence and the existence of our son. How exactly do you come back from that?"
Cameron didn't have an answer.
"He is the father of your child, Vala Mal Doran. And he is an honourable man. Have you not forgiven or been forgiven for worse transgressions?"
Teal'c had not been there in that room as she had nearly bled to death. A sudden thought occurred to her. "You've seen this before, haven't you?" she whispered. "On that ship."
Teal'c had never let any information slip about their lost time on the Odyssey. "Your son did not even make it to birth on the ship, Vala Mal Doran. But you and Daniel Jackson spent many decades together. Happily. Perhaps you need to think about what it is that would make you happy at this very moment."
The problem was, she wasn't sure.