I think I'm going on with this, even if I don't know where.

Once again, thanks for the reviews and thanks to Babatomyfriends who's helping me with the language. If you want, check out the previous chapters because I've updated them with major mistakes corrections.

This is another reflection/confession chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Rachel and Ross were sitting comfortably on the couch; Emma was sound asleep in her room.

It was half past ten and they were watching A few Good Men, one of Ross's favorite movies. Rachel remembered that during their year of dating they used to watch it very often and, even if Weekend at Bernie's kept a soft spot in her heart (she laughed so hard everytime!), she had to admit that movies like that were real masterpieces.

The first time Ross had made her watch it, she'd cried at the end. Tom Cruise was just fabulous in it, and Jack Nicholson was amazing as usual. Tonight they were taking advantage of the fact that Emma had fallen asleep sooner than usual because they'd spent the afternoon at Monica and Chandler's house in Westchester and the little girl had been playing with her uncle and aunt for hours, getting really tired.

Rachel was really enjoying that moment of tenderness between them and she was happy to spend a night just the two of them, doing something as ordinary as watching a movie together.

On the screen, a very young Kevin Bacon started to interrogate his witness Noah While – portraying Corporal Jeffrey Barnes. Rachel knew that Ross particularly liked that part of the movie.

All of a sudden, coming from nowhere, a thought came to her mind.

"Ross."

"Mmm." He murmured, focused on the film.

"Tell me something I don't know." She requested him.

Ross took a glimpse at her, "Well, I could tell you something about the Plateosaurus who lived during the Late Triassic period." He answered, teasing her.

Rachel giggled, "No, I mean…I was thinking. We've talked so much since we've got back together, but…do you still keep secrets from me?" Noticing that he was getting scared, she immediately corrected herself, "Good secrets, I mean?"

Ross took the remote control and turned off the tv while Tom Cruise was starting to ask his questions to Noah While. He really loved that part, but the movie could wait.

"Uhm, let's see."

Rachel saw Ross pondering her question, so she smiled. He was definitely coming up with something.

"Remember ten years ago, the week we played poker all together?"

"Yeah." She answered, moving on the couch to sit better to face him.

"There was that last night, when we played at your apartment, you were also waiting for the answer about that job interview."

"Yes." She remembered very well. That had been the first time she'd been disappointed when that job interview at Sak's hadn't gone well and she'd been rejected.

"Well, on the last hand, it was just you against me and you beat me."

"Of course I did." She interrupted him, smiling "I was so happy; you were so full of yourself that night. What did you say? When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy." She laughed at him.

"Oh well, I was just a jerk. I was so in love with you back then, I guess I was just trying to impress you. The guys used to mock me so much because I pretended not be affected by you, but I just couldn't…God, you were so amazing…"

"Really? All that time?" she smiled at him that cute smile of hers and she took his hands in hers.

"Anyway…the truth is…I actually let you win."

Rachel stared at him in disbelief, "What?"

"I couldn't stand the idea that you were so sad for the job, I wanted you to be satisfied and proud of yourself. So I…lied. You had a full house, I had a straight flush."

Rachel remembered how it had happened and then she recalled that Ross had never actually told her what cards he had, he'd just said that she got him.

Rachel shook her head, "I can't believe this…You lost all that money!"

"Like 70 bucks. But it was worth it, Rach." He grinned at her.

"Honey, that's so sweet. I wasn't even kind to you that night, I kept calling you names!"

"Just what this monkey boy deserved after that stupid chauvinist speech."

Rachel laughed and bent over a bit to give Ross a little peck on the lips.

"Now, your turn!" he asked Rachel, suddenly happy that they had started that conversation.

"Well, I have to think about it!"

"Com'on, you've started this and you didn't even have something ready?" Ross complained, jokingly.

"All right, all right. Remember that pizza delivery girl you couldn't flirt with?"

"Caitlin? I went out with her a couple of times, but we never hit it off. Why?"

Rachel smiled, "Well, when I gave you her number you thought that she didn't give it to me by chance, you were sure that I had something to do with it."

"And?" he invited her to go on.

Rachel nodded, "And…in fact, I did."

"I KNEW it." Ross made a huge smile.

"Well, I ran after her on the street and I told her that you had problems with the…flirting thing and that you were a nice guy."

"What did you say to convince her?" Ross asked her, curious.

Rachel tried to remember the exact words, "Well, it's been a long time, but…I guess I told her that you were sweet, funny and that you had a good heart. I told her that you liked her. Oh, and I told her that you were worth a shot!"

Ross was still smiling, "Wasn't she wondering why a woman was running after her to ask for her phone number for a male friend?"

Rachel sighed, "Well, she was curious about why I didn't go out with you, if you were so great."

Ross laughed, "What did you tell her?"

"Well, that in due time we may have needed to have a longer conversation. What was I supposed to tell her? We-were-on-a-break, No-we-weren't?!"

Ross burst out laughing.

"This is probably one of the sweetest things you've ever done for me, Rach. Thank you."

"Oh, you're welcome, honey."

Ross started to stroke her arms, that he so adored.

"Did you still have feelings for me at that time?"

Rachel was a bit caught by surprise by his question, "Well, I suppose I did. But, you know, I was trying to keep them under control, you had just been divorced and I felt that it wasn't the right moment to give us another chance. Of course, I had no idea that a few weeks later we would get married in Vegas."

"What a night! I've never been that drunk again in my entire life!" Ross laughed.

"What?" Rachel asked him, "Ross, what about that time we had dinner here with Joey and Charlie and you pretended to be fine? You were much drunker, trust me."

Ross nodded and immediately stopped laughing. Rachel knew that she had brought up a very delicate subject, but she thought they were mature enough and ready to talk about it.

Two months before they had faced a nightmare when they had met Chloe. But later they had discussed it, and they had managed to finally solve their most terrible unfinished business (the break up). Ross had asked Rachel to marry him and everything since then had been even more perfect than before.

Maybe now they could also talk about the whole Joey affair without fighting.

"Rach, is this a good secret?" he asked her, grabbing her hand in his and stroking it.

Rachel knew exactly what he was talking about; he didn't need to clarify his question.

"I think so. You have to know this, Ross; I've never loved him."

He shook his head, "It's very unlikely for a woman not to love Joey Tribbiani."

"Why?" she asked him, a bit bothered.

"Because…you know, he's Joey. He's the best…I mean, he's great, you know? When he told me that you two were actually feeling something for each other, the only thing I could think was that I felt like dying, but then I realized that if I really had to let you go, you couldn't be in better hands."

"Yeah…" Rachel smiled, "Joey is the sweetest. And he's funny, caring and cute. You're right; any other woman would be very lucky to get with him. But not this woman. As soon as things got really serious, I felt how wrong that was."

"You mean…you didn't…"

Ross didn't have the courage to say that word, so Rachel finished the sentence for him.

"Sex is a tricky business, honey. And it can be a mess if you do it with the wrong person."

Ross thought carefully about the little information he got about Rachel and Joey's short relationship, all given to him by his sister.

"Rach, Monica told me that you only had two dates with Joey…"

"Yep." Rachel nodded.

"And yet, you didn't sleep with him?"

"Nope."

"But…we…I mean, when we were dating back then, our second date was a disaster, and yet..."

Rachel hushed him with a passionate kiss, which reminded them both of those kisses they had shared that night at the Planetarium under the stars.

"That was one of the best nights of my entire life, Ross."

"Oh, well." he commented, making her giggle.

Rachel came back to her senses, "After our first dinner together, I spoke with Monica and Chandler about my insecurities. Monica was sure that I was just nervous, like when you and I were going out together on our first date. Remember how I laughed at you?"

Ross smiled, "How would I forget?" he replied, playfully.

"Well, I tried to convince myself that she was right. Actually my second date with Joey wasn't a real date, we didn't even get out, we just tried to…you know…" Rachel moved her hands to mimic the act.

"I don't need a mental image, Rach." Ross stopped her.

"Well, all you have to know is that after a very clumsy attempt at seduction from me, Joey spent all night with an ice-bucket on his misters."

"Uh…" Ross tried to imagine what might have happened, but he actually didn't need to know.

"We were very confused and we asked Chandler if he and Monica ever had problems when they became more than friends. But he told us that for them it was a natural thing. That it always felt right."

"And you never mentioned... us?"

Rachel shook her head, "I thought it wasn't fair to him. But I'm pretty sure that Joey and I both thought about it. It was so obvious that before Monica and Chandler, there was a Ross and Rachel, and we all know that it was perfect."

Ross nodded, understanding her point of view.

"Later Joey told me that maybe Chandler and Monica had been able to become more than friends because they weren't as good friends as we were. And that was it."

"And that's all?" Ross wondered.

"Yes. I think deep inside of me I've always known, but that was the moment I realized that what Joey and I had was just physical attraction. I guess Joey maybe felt something deeper for me, but it disappeared after that evening. We both felt it was so wrong whenever we tried to move it further. When he touched me, it was like…I don't know, it felt like being with a brother. That's the kind of love that we share."

"You never slept with him." Ross repeated, like a mantra for his soul.

Rachel smiled, "No, I didn't. I guess you are relieved now, aren't you?"

"It's just…I don't want to say that you going out with Joey was like cheating, Rach…we weren't together back then and you were free to do anything you wanted. I don't want to compare it to what I did, I would never dare."

She nodded; she knew that Ross had learned from his mistakes. Moreover, she was glad that Ross had finally begun to talk about his night with Chloe as a betrayal.

"But it hurt, Rach. A lot."

"I know, honey. I'm sorry. I thought that was what I wanted, but now I realize it was just me denying my real feelings. It wasn't easy, living with Joey after our terrible fight over Gavin and that guy from the bar…I really thought we were over."

Ross nodded, "It was all my fault. I should have been honest with you that night and told you that I wanted to start things over, that I loved you and that I was jealous because I wanted to be with you. Instead, I let you go away and made you believe that I agreed with the idea of you moving out. Stupid stubbornness."

Rachel smiled sadly, "Well, looks like we had wasted many chances to get back together during the years, didn't we?"

"The important thing is that we are together now. It's the only thing that matters. And we're getting married in a few months, as I've always wanted." Ross confessed.

"Fourth time is a charm." Rachel joked.

"And…You will have something in common with Liz Taylor."

"Then you're my Richard Burton!"

They both laughed.

"Now, your turn again. Other good secrets for me?" Rachel asked Ross.

Ross thought about a nice thing connected to their wedding.

"Oh, yeah, this is great! When Phoebe and Mike were planning their wedding, they decided to give all the money for the ceremony to charity."

"Yeah, but then Phoebe changed her mind because she realized she wanted a traditional wedding." Rachel remembered.

"Not at first. When she had the idea, Chandler and I were at Central Perk discussing with Mike and her about this, we were joking as usual about my… inclination to get married."

Rachel nodded, smiling with amused approval.

"When I told Phoebe that I thought giving the money to charity was an incredible gesture, Chandler urged me to do the same the next time I got married."

"What?!" Rachel almost screamed, now preoccupied that Ross might want to do that with their wedding.

"Let me finish." Ross chuckled, sensing that she was getting afraid to lose the chance to get her big day "I said that I wouldn't, because the next time, I wanted to be a Hawaii at sunset."

Rachel and Ross hadn't talked about the location for the wedding, yet. They had chosen the date and decided to get married in July, so to have almost a year to get everything well planned (with Monica's help, of course).

"That sounds so romantic, Ross!"

"Well, when I thought about it I pictured in my head a very different ceremony than all the ones we all had. Monica and Chandler got married in May and it was just perfect, Pheeb's had the snow, my wedding in London was cold and kind of gloomy – and sincerely I just want to forget everything about it. Hawaii at sunset seems so hot, bright and festive!"

Rachel smiled, "I'm sure it'll be."

"So, it's a yes?"

"Yes, I love the idea. It's not so different than a cliff in Barbardos, you know." She noticed, thinking about the time they had pretended to be married at the Gellers 35th anniversary party.

"Much less humidity. Just think about Monica's hair!"

Rachel laughed and put her arms around Ross's neck, "And tell me, did you picture your wife's dress when you exposed this wonderful idea of yours to Chandler?"

"Well, let me think…" Ross used his hand to move Rachel's hair behind her ear, "She usually walks down the aisle with a hideous pink dress that makes her look like Princess Bubble Yum, and the dress is bunched up in her underwear and her butt is showing."

Rachel giggled and slapped him tenderly on the shoulder.

"You've always thought we were gonna end up together, didn't you?" she asked him.

Ross shook his head, "Honestly, there were moments I seriously doubted it. But in my heart I always hoped."

Rachel nodded, "You told me."

"When?"

"Years ago, when we were dating. Once you said that you knew that we were gonna end up together."

Ross sighed, surprised "How can you remember that?"

Rachel shrugged, "You remember about the poker, I remember this."

"That's just because that's the day I said that I loved you for the first time." He teased her.

Rachel was flattered to see how much Ross still cared about those little details of their relationship. The hopeless romantic, he still remembered everything, just like her.

"So, what else do you keep from me?"

"Mmm…" Rachel thought if she had already told him about this, but she hadn't yet, "Ok, the night I went out with Kash Ford, that actor who worked with Joey?"

Ross nodded, "Yeah, the idiot who brought up hemorrhoids when you said you were pregnant?"

"The genius." Rachel chuckled, "Well, you and I met after my date and you cheered me up, then you went to Central Perk and asked me if I wanted to come with you, but I told you that I wanted to go home. So you went there alone and you met Mona for the first time after Monica and Chandler's wedding."

Ross was intrigued, "How do you know about that?"

Rachel smiled, "When you were trying to console me, you said that I didn't have to worry about guys anymore because soon I would have something that I would love more than any man I'd ever gone out with."

"Sounds like me." Ross said, trying to recall the dialogue.

"Well, that was the same moment my feelings for you started to really come back, Ross. I changed my mind and I followed you because I wanted to grab that cup of coffee. I thought that maybe we could talk and see where things would lead. We were having a baby together and we were getting closer again. I was sure it was the right moment."

"Oh my god…you mean that if it wasn't for Mona…we could have been together since then?"

Rachel nodded sadly again, "Maybe."

Ross sighed, "How can this be a good secret, Rach?"

"Well, I saw you with Mona so I just looked at you from the door, then I went home. But those things you said made me realize that there would never be other men in my life but you, Ross. Yes, I would love my baby more than anything in this world, but that's because Emma was also your baby."

Ross stared at her in awe, filled with respect and gratitude.

"When I found out that I was pregnant I was scared, but then I realized that you were the father. And I thought, it's supposed to be like that. So, yes, that night we lost an opportunity to get back together, but I understood how much I still loved you."

Ross put his hands on her face and slowly leaned over to kiss Rachel. He was speechless. Never would he have imagined hearing such wonderful revelations coming from his fiancée.

He'd always been sure to be the more in love in their couple, to be the more romantic. Maybe because Rachel had always been difficult to read back in the first year of their relationship. But they were younger, then. They were two adults now and they had both learned to talk about their feelings and their doubts. They knew that fear and resentment can eat you alive, if you are not honest and trustful.

"I really don't know what I did to deserve you and Emma in my life, Rach. I love you both so much. You know that, don't you?"

"Ross, I didn't tell you all this to challenge you. I just – felt that I needed to."

"I know. I'm just glad you did, because for some months now I keep feeling that I'm falling in love with you all over again."

"Same here, honey."

They hugged tenderly.

"Same here." She whispered again in his ear.