Thank you for the comments everyone, and especially thank you those of you who pushed me to hurry my ass up with this. You know who you are, and I'm sorry I ended up re-writing this five times. I hope it was worth the wait, thank you again for your support it really keeps me going.
The sliver of morning light filtering through worn drapes was too much for Axel's screaming head to handle, even through his closed eyelids. His whole body felt achy and stiff, and his mouth felt sticky and dry. He couldn't even remember the last time he was this hungover. Hell, he might not have ever been this hungover before.
He rolled over onto his side, and felt his veins turn to ice. He was now nose to nose with his best friend's sleeping face.
Roxas was curled up beside him, drooling on his pillow. The sheet slipping off of him not only made it clear that he was very obviously nude, but that he also belonged in a Michelangelo painting.
He sat up, trying to ignore the queasy feeling in his stomach, and his head immediately started to spin.
He desperately scrounged through fuzzy memories, struggling to puzzle together the night before. There had to be a logical reason that they were both naked in his bed on a Thursday morning.
The longer he was awake the more aware he became, and the more aware he became, the more horrified he felt.
Namine had broken things off, leaving Roxas heartbroken. Of course, he called Axel first, they were best friends after all. And Roxas had looked so sad and small it made his heart ache, so they went out and got completely sloshed.
Sloshed enough for Roxas to throw up in an uber, so they both had to walk back to Axel's apartment. At the time it was pretty funny.
His memories, as murky as they were, were enough to freeze him solid where he sat. His heart felt like it was about to explode, it was pounding so hard, and he stared at the laundry hamper across the room with unfocused eyes. It was practically overflowing with wadded up clothing.
Right, he was supposed to do laundry when he got home.
He could remember all of it now, or at least most of it. Roxas had kissed him… and he thought Roxas might have flirted with him, too, but he had no way of knowing if he had been joking or not. And then they'd kissed some more, and touched each other a lot, and…
It was becoming quite clear what happened that night. Kissing, touching… fucking.
Oh, god...
Axel's stomach dropped, and he frantically scuttled backwards, but ended up running out of surface to scuttle on. He fell off of his bed with a yelp, grasping desperately for something to catch himself on. He ended up taking his lamp with him on the way down.
Both he and the lamp fell to the floor with a crash in a tangle of sheets, his head hitting the wall.
God, he was such an asshole. In fact, he was probably the world's biggest asshole.
Sure, it seemed that they had both participated, but not only was Roxas drunk, he had just had his heart smashed with a proverbial mallet and couldn't have been in his right mind.
What's more, Roxas was straight. Whatever it was that happened, it had to have been a mistake.
It all felt like a dream, and were they not both so naked and disheveled looking, he might have believed that that was all it was. It would have been so much easier if that was all it was.
He had fucked his best friend. His straight best friend who only dated girls. His straight best friend only ever had sex with girls.
Though, Axel's memories from last night seemed to contradict that fact. Everything Roxas said, all the noises he made, made it seem like they had both been enjoying themselves, and that couldn't be right.
He must have imagined it. None of it seemed realistic, and it was easier to believe that then to piece together why Roxas of all people would tell him to make him scream.
He could hear his best friend slowly waking, his movement making the bed springs creak. He felt his heart stop.
"Holy shit." His voice sounded thick with sleep. He crawled to look at Axel from over the side of the bed, his eyes wide as saucers. The look on his face would be funny in any other context. He lurched backwards, almost pitching himself off the other side of the bed.
"Did… did we…?" Roxas asked, his voice cracking. His expression flickered with several emotions in rapid fire succession as he awkwardly attempted to cover himself with a pillow.
"Uh… Seems like it, yeah," Axel answered, feeling his stomach churn. He wrapped the sheet he was tangled in tightly around himself. "I'm… sorry." he apologized weakly, clearing his throat. Holy shit, what had he done?
"No, I was really drunk, I wasn't thinking..." he shook his head, his words only serving to make Axel feel even more guilty. Roxas regret it, of course he did.
Why wouldn't he? He was straight, he always had been and always would be. Axel felt like such a dumbass...
"Sorry…" he mumbled contritely. Roxas suddenly seemed very aware of just how harsh his words had sounded, his eyes growing wide.
"No it's not… I mean it takes two," he winced, clutching the pillow in his lap.
"Still, uh… you were drunk and you're," Axel paused, feeling conflicted. He couldn't bring himself to say it. That he was straight, and this was bad, very bad.
"You were just as drunk," Roxas took a deep breath, unable to focus his gaze on Axel. "I mean… you might have been even more wasted than I was and that's saying something." he smiled weakly, which allowed the redhead to relax a little.
"Still… sorry," he looked away, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Roxas didn't seem mad, not at Axel, at least. He really didn't seem nearly upset as Axel would have expected.
This whole situation was just so damn awkward…
"I mean, it could be worse. At least we know each other," Roxas said, struggling to maintain eye contact. "Rather it be you than a stranger or something," he muttered. For a split-second, the redhead felt something akin to hope. Maybe they would be able to sweep this under the rug and go back to how things used to be.
"Was it good for you?" The redhead asked teasingly. Roxas' face flared beet red, and he could tell that he was seriously contemplated beating Axel with his now-broken lamp. The redhead winced. "Sorry, that was a shitty joke," he quickly apologized, his brittle smile melting into an expression of remorse. This was one uncomfortable situation he couldn't diffuse with a joke.
"I-I think so… I mean it was…" Roxas chewed at his bottom lip, brows furrowed in thought. "It was weird," he finally decided.
Weird… that was to be expected. It was better than bad. Better than awful. Better than 'I never want to see you again'.
"W-was it for you? What you remember, I mean. Was it uh... good?" Roxas asked, licking his lips. Axel blinked, replaying the words in his mind. No way was he really asking him that.
Except he couldn't have meant anything else by it.
"Oh, yeah. It was… awesome." Axel finished lamely, before groaning and hiding his face in his hands. Awesome, really?
Nice Axel, next time why don't you try rad or groovy. Awesome, really?
This was painfully awkward for the both of them, Axel didn't think he'd ever been in a situation this uncomfortable in his entire life.
"Really?" Roxas looked down at him with an expression of relief and… did he also look slightly pleased with himself? That didn't seem right. "That's good," he continued, tearing at his lip again with his teeth. "I mean, I think that's good. That you liked it, I mean," he looked like he wanted to disappear.
It shouldn't matter what either of them thought of last night, because it was a drunken one-time fling. It wasn't as if they had to compare notes for next time, because there wouldn't be a next time.
Even so, it didn't seem like the experience had been bad. Uncomfortable, yes. And weird, maybe. But Roxas didn't seem upset.
"Yeah that's… that's good." Axel cleared his throat before asking, "Are you, uh… okay?" he immediately cringed at how the words ended up sounding. "I mean uh… are you feeling okay after?" he felt absolutely mortified, and Roxas looked twice as embarrassed.
"I'm... fine. I can't tell what's worse the hangover or… that," Roxas winced.
Axel shifted uncomfortably.
"You… Wanna grab a shower?" He asked. If he felt anywhere near as grimy as Axel did, he needed one. Roxas nodded.
"Yeah, if you don't mind," his face fell. Suddenly the reality of his split with Namine seemed to be hitting him like a ton of bricks. "I need to go get all my shit from my- er, Namine's apartment. Preferably while she's at work."
Axel nodded, humming thoughtfully.
"You're gonna' have a lot of shit to move, what with you being a hoarder and all," he teased, the corner of his lips twitching. Roxas rolled his eyes.
"I'm not a hoarder," he countered, fighting a smile of his own. "I can text Hayner. Our classes end about the same time."
Hayner was Roxas' former roommate. Axel didn't see him very often, but he seemed nice enough, and he and Roxas had similar schedules.
"I am not looking forward to the possibility of seeing Namine," Roxas groaned, grinding the heels of his palms into his eyes. "But I seriously can't stay there anymore…"
It probably wasn't the most brilliant idea Axel had ever had, considering what had just happened, but Roxas was his best friend. He shouldn't have to uproot his entire life over a break-up, and he didn't have any family in town to stay with.
"I mean… you could always stay here. The offer still stands," at least he thought he had offered, it was hard to remember now.
It seemed like the only decent option. Besides, he only anticipated staying with Axel for a few weeks, tops. Roxas stared at him for a moment, before snorting.
"Yeah? I bet Saix would love that you invited me to live here without his permission," he snickered, and for the first time that morning things felt almost normal. Axel wrinkled his nose.
"Okay, point taken. Convincing him to let you stay won't be fun," he admitted, the corner of his mouth curling into a half-smile. "It'll be fine, I'll just volunteer for dish duty for a month or suck his dick or something."
Roxas rolled his eyes, feeling around for something to throw at the redhead. He grabbed a pillow and chucked it at his best friend's head. Axel cackled, swatting it away.
"I'm kidding. It'll be fine, he won't mind you staying for just a little while. We have a perfectly good pull-out couch we never even use," he assured his friend. Roxas raised an inquisitive eyebrow, before shrugging.
"Alright, worst case scenario I could always bully him into it. I would be careful not to break anything of yours," he said, getting up to gather his clothing, which was probably still strewn around the living room.
Axel was watching him with an acid green stare as he lumbered off to the bathroom, and closed the door.
That definitely could have gone worse, but he still felt uneasy. He didn't have time to dwell on it though, not if he wanted to get to work on time. He forced himself out of bed and rummaged around his floor for something to wear.
Ever the multi-tasker, he hopped down the hallway as he struggled to get himself into his pants and knocked on the bathroom door.
"Hey Rox, I gotta head out. Xion will absolutely murder me if I leave her to fend for herself," he laughed, finally succeeding in shimmying into his jeans.
"O-oh… yeah uh, see you later then," Roxas replied. Something in his voice sounded off to Axel, but again, he had no time for dwelling.
"Yeah, see ya. Feel free to help yourself to whatever, there's a spare key in the potted plant by the door," he shouted, pocketing his phone and keys and hurrying out the door. He imagined he probably looked like an absolute wreck, but he could always fix himself up in the bathroom at work.
He knew full well that Xion could kick his ass should she so choose to. He wasn't going to take his chances.
He made it to the aptly named Daily Grind with only two minutes to spare. The bell on the door alerted the petite barista to his presence, and she greeted him with a raised eyebrow.
"Good morning, o' esteemed raccoon king," she greeted him with a flourished bow. The redhead snorted.
"Good morning, smart ass," he replied, ducking behind the counter and pulling on an apron.
"Is there a reason your arms are so bruised up?" Xion asked, digging around in her pocket. She triumphantly pulled out a comb and handed it to Axel, who took gratefully took it and began tugging it through his tangled hair.
"Take a wild guess," he said, causing her to laugh.
"Okay, point taken, I'll quit snooping," she replied, giving his bruised bicep a sharp poke. "At least tell me you didn't go crawling back to you-know-who again. You and I both promised to stop wallowing in our self-destructive ways, remember?" Xion wrinkled her nose, busying herself with tidying up the straws and stir sticks.
"If I wanted your two sense I would've shaken it outta' ya'," Axel griped, plopping himself down on a wooden stool and resting his head in his arms. The cold counter felt good on his burning face. "And for your information, no. Probably would've been better if I did, though," he mumbled into his arms.
He could hear Xion hum in response.
"Whatever happened, I'm sure it's not nearly as bad as you think," she said, giving his hair a gentle pat.
The bell on the door dinged again, and he looked up to see a young brunette woman. Probably some college kid. Xion greeted her pleasantly and started loudly grinding coffee.
This, unsurprisingly, did not make Axel's throbbing headache any better. He wondered how mad Xion would be if he just curled up on the floor and died.
~o~
"I'm so sorry Roxas…"
Yeah right… if she were really sorry she wouldn't have dropped this bomb on him.
"It's not you…"
Sure it isn't.
"I think I'm gay…"
"... I think we both might be."
Well Roxas didn't know what to think now. He was questioning his every move, wondering what he could have possibly done wrong. Or, more accurately, how he could have misinterpreted their relationship so badly.
He managed to just barely avoid being late to his 10AM class, but any favor he might have won with his professor was quickly lost due to his lack of attention. He might as well have been asleep for all he learned.
It was like that in every class, for the next several hours.
He could just blame it all on a bad case of senioritis, but he had just had his world turn upside down.
His girlfriend left him, he had sex with his best friend, he might be gay, and now he had to pack up and move. Once he was through with his last class that afternoon, he ended up walking to his apartment to clear his head.
It would have been easier to just take the bus or call an uber, but he figured the fresh air would do him good.
He felt so grouchy… everyone seemed so happy, it wasn't fair. The couple crossing the crosswalk was smiling at one another with a lovey dovey expression, the kid walking his dog on the other side of the street was smiling and bobbing his head along to music Roxas couldn't hear.
The fact that they were having a good day made his day substantially worse.
Hayner was already sitting on his stoop. He was wearing cargo shorts and an army green vest, and he sat hunched over scrolling through his phone. When he caught sight of Roxas, an expression of pity washed over his face.
"Hey Rox, sorry about what happened," he said, giving the shorter blond an awkward hug and a pat on the back. It seemed like he didn't quite know what to say, which was fine, because neither did Roxas.
"Please, please just help me pretend things are normal," he pleaded. He couldn't handle anymore sympathy, not right now.
"Sorry," Hayner smiled apologetically, "It seems really sudden, did she tell you why?" he asked, following Roxas upstairs to the apartment he and Namine had shared. They paused momentarily so Roxas could unlock the door. Luckily Namine wasn't home yet.
"She's gay," it still felt so weird to say out loud. His voice sounded lifeless and flat, even to him. What had he done wrong? He had thought things were good between them. He thought they were in love.
"She's what?" Hayner practically shouted, causing Roxas to jump. He must have realized that he had overreacted a bit, because he cleared his throat and lowered his voice. "Geez Roxas, that's really rough. I'm sorry… did she say anything else?"
"Just that she was sorry," Roxas sighed, shoving his clothing into a garbage bag. He couldn't bring himself to tell Hayner the other little tidbit she had left him with. He dropped the bag to the floor and kicked it as hard as he could.
Why did she have to say that? Why couldn't she just keep her thoughts to herself?
"I don't get it," he cried, kicking the garbage bag again. "I don't get any of it."
All of this felt like some bizarre dream, only for some reason he just couldn't wake up.
"Maybe it'll make more sense later," Hayner suggested, kneeling to sort through Roxas' DVDs.
"I don't see how," Roxas huffed, tying off his garbage bag and grabbing a new one to shove his books in. Hayner shrugged.
"I dunno', maybe you just need some more time to think. You're probably in shock or whatever. It's hard to be objective."
Hayner… actually had a point. That was probably one of the smartest things anyone had said about the matter.
"Right, you're probably right," Roxas said, before focusing his energy on getting all of his valuables and necessities packed. He shoved his laptop and personal documents in his beat up backpack, and with Hayner's help, hauled all of his belongings out to his friend's car.
As far as he was concerned, his actual furniture could wait until the wound wasn't so raw. He only needed the necessities.
The ride to Axel's apartment was miserable and silent. Roxas rested his forehead against the cool glass of the passenger window, staring blankly as the world whizzed by. Hayner seemed unsure what to say or how to console his friend. His eyes were trained on the road, brow furrowed thoughtfully.
Finally, he seemed to have found his answer. He pulled into the parking lot outside Axel's apartment and turned to the blond.
"I know! How about we dump your stuff and go out for a drink and a bite to eat," he suggested, eyes bright. Roxas blinked, mulling the idea over. "Who knows, maybe you'll meet a hottie," he added, waggling his eyebrows.
On the one hand, getting drunk hadn't done much to help him last night. But on the other, the possibility of meeting some cute girl sounded promising. What better way to put his doubts to rest?
"Yeah… yeah, alright," he agreed, getting out of the car and walking around to grab his garbage bags from the trunk. He quickly deposited them in Axel's living room before returning to Hayner's car.
When Hayner parked, Roxas let out an audible laugh.
"The Greedy Hamster? Really?" he snorted, eyeing a neon sign that had surprisingly fancy font.
"Ha, ha," Hayner rolled his eyes, "So the name is a little… creative. They have food and good drinks." He shrugged as if that settled the matter. Roxas followed him inside, and to his surprise it looked like a fairly nice place. Cozy, even. He sat next to his friend at the bar and ordered a rum and coke.
At first, he wasn't sure what to do with himself. He shared a basket of french fries with Hayner, ordered another drink, and watched his friend wander off to start laying it on thick with some pretty brunette.
At some point Hayner disappeared, though he couldn't be sure when, and suddenly he felt very disoriented. Not only was he all alone now with his thoughts, but he was also too tipsy to get up and search for Hayner.
He sat there, frozen and unsure what to do. He pulled out his phone and attempted to draft a text message, which in the end may or may not have made any sense. Then he continued to wait, eventually ordering another drink out of boredom more than anything else.
""Scuse me," he looked up to see a pretty girl with a light brown bob and green eyes. She was wearing a strapless canary yellow dress that clung to her figure, and it took Roxas a minute to realize she was talking to him. "Do you mind if I sit here?" she asked, motioning to the stool next to him.
"Y-yeah, go ahead," he nodded, drumming his fingers on the bar.
"You don't have to look so nervous," she giggled, leaning her elbow on the bar. Leaning closer to him. "I don't bite." Roxas smiled weakly. This was the perfect chance to put himself out there and meet someone new… he just had to take a leap and play along.
"Sorry," he apologized, attempting to force his frazzled nerves to just calm down already. "My name's Roxas," he offered a hand, which the brunette took.
"I'm Selphie," she introduced herself, tucking her hair behind her ear. "If you don't mind me asking, why are you over here all by yourself?" she cocked her head to the side inquisitively. Roxas laughed awkwardly.
"I guess my buddy and I had different priorities," he said, staring at his empty glass. "I'm going to get another drink, can I buy you one?" he offered. The girl, Selphie, smiled.
"I would like that," she said, green eyes sparkling. She had very pretty eyes… She turned her gaze to the bartender, a tired looking middle-aged man. "Could I have a strawberry daiquiri please?"
The man nodded and busily began mixing their drinks.
"Do you, uh, go to school around here?" Roxas asked, finding he was getting too drunk to be a good conversationalist. Selphie nodded.
"Yeah, I go to HBU," she replied with a proud smile. Roxas perked up. At least they had something in common.
"Me too!" he exclaimed, glad that some of the awkwardness was dissipating. "What are you studying there? I'm majoring in mathematics." He felt a certain level of pride at the fact that he had seemed to find his niche and excel at it.
"I'm majoring in World History," Selphie said, smiling brightly. "Mathematics… That sounds stressful, what made you decide to go into something like that?"
Roxas hummed in thought.
"I guess it's just something I'm good at. It's like solving puzzles," he shrugged. "It's kind of fun. And people always need help with math, so it's easy to make a few bucks tutoring."
Selphie laughed, taking a sip of her drink.
"Now those are two things I'd never imagine being in the same sentence," she said, giving Roxas a playful nudge. "I bet all the girls want you to be their tutor."
He felt his stomach begin to churn with anxiety, and took a swig of his rum and coke. How many had he had now? Too many, surely. It felt like Selphie had moved closer, but he thought he was probably imagining it.
He could smell her flowery perfume and it made his head hurt.
"Nah, I don't think so." he answered honestly, blinking rapidly in an attempt to get his vision to focus. Selphie chuckled, coiling a lock of sandy hair around her finger.
"You're just being modest," she said, smiling coyly. "You definitely seem like the kind of guy girls fight over."
That made Roxas laugh a little more loudly than he had intended.
"No way," he shook his head. "I'm just the nerd they pay to keep them from failing."
Selphie rolled her eyes, giving his shoulder a teasing shove. It felt like her hand lingered there for a moment, but that didn't seem right.
"You can't expect me to believe that, no girl in their right mind would pass up a guy like you," she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. Roxas blinked, not quite sure he comprehended.
"A guy… like me?" he asked, brows furrowed in confusion. Selphie sighed, leaning even closer.
"Yes, a guy like you," she laughed. "Someone smart, cute, funny… like you," there was no doubt in Roxas' mind now that she was moving close and closer, the hand resting on his shoulder moving to the back of his neck.
This was good… right? This girl was pretty, and she seemed nice enough, and most importantly she was interested in him. This was his chance. This was his chance to not only move on, but to prove Namine wrong.
This was the perfect setting for something like this. He wasn't on a date with this girl or anything, there wasn't a friendship there he could ruin, and he could always use Hayner as an excuse if he wanted to back out. This situation seemed to have zero downsides.
So he leaned in too, closing his eyes and pressing his lips against Selphie's. She seemed all too willing to take the lead, deepening the kiss.
It should have felt nice… it was a kiss, after all, what kiss didn't. Why, then, did Roxas feel… nothing at all? He halfheartedly participated, trying to force himself to enjoy the feeling of a stranger's tongue in his mouth.
Why did he feel so indifferent? Maybe if he was drunker it would be easier. He had just had his heart broken, after all.
But then, he'd been able to kiss Axel when the wound was far fresher. He could recall liking that, so why didn't he like this?
Selphie pulled away, confusion clear in her green, green eyes. Roxas forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat.
Those eyes reminded him of someone else… of Axel. That wasn't good. That really wasn't good
"Sorry," he apologized, pulling himself up on wobbly feet. "I jus' broke up with my girlfriend." He didn't stay long enough to hear her reply, he merely stumbled off to find Hayner. It didn't take Long for him to spot his friend, sitting on a plush velvet sofa with an arm around the same pretty brunette he had abandoned him for earlier.
"Hey Rox!" he exclaimed, patting the spot on the sofa next to him. Roxas forced a smile.
"Hey Hayner, I'm going to head out. I'm just not feelin' it," he said, picking at a hangnail on his thumb. "You gonna be okay on your own?"
Hayner frowned, but nodded.
"Yeah, no problem. I should be fine to drive, and if I need to I'll just call Pence. You sure you'll be okay?" concern was plainly written all over his face.
"Yeah I'll just call an uber or something. Axel's place isn't too far," he assured his friend. Hayner gave him an awkward half-hug before allowing him to escape the bar.
The ride to Axel's was quiet and uneventful, which left plenty of room for thought. Proving Namine wrong tonight seemed to be out of the question. He had been hand fed the perfect opportunity, and he'd fucked it up.
He dragged himself up the stairs to Axel's apartment and fumbled for the key. The first thing he noticed was that his pile of stuff was exactly as he'd left it in the corner of the room, completely untouched.
Axel was curled up on the couch, now pulled out and covered in clean sheets and blankets, in a black wife-beater and jeans. He was scribbling away in his sketchbook, like he always did.
The TV was on with the volume low, but he didn't seem to be paying any attention to it. He looked up from his drawing, seemingly alerted by the sound of the front door.
"How come you look even worse than you did this morning?" he teased, smiling crookedly. Roxas threw the spare key in the bowl on the kitchen island. There was a bottle of vodka on the counter that had a serious dent put in it. Axel's night must not have been much better than his.
"My girlfriend just broke up with me," he answered flatly, causing the redhead to wince.
"Right… sorry, I shouldn't have said that," he apologized sincerely. Roxas sighed, plopping down on the sofa bed beside his friend and wrapping himself in one of the blankets like a mummy.
"What're you watching?" he asked, eyes trained on the screen. It just looked like two teenagers fucking in a car. Axel shrugged a shoulder.
"Some shitty slasher movie," he answered, still scribbling away. That checked out. Roxas supposed they were about to die gruesomely, true to slasher film form.
"How was your day?" Roxas asked, watching the redhead out of the corner of his eye. Axel snorted, itching his cheek and leaving behind a smudge of graphite.
"I'm a fuckin' barista in a college town," he replied, as if that, in and of itself, answered the question. In a way, it did.
The redhead had decided halfway through his stint in college that he would rather be doing something he actually enjoyed than studying world literature.
As much as he liked to complain, he seemed much happier to be able to focus on building a portfolio rather than force himself to get a degree he didn't even want anymore.
Axel sighed, closing his sketchbook and tossing it onto the coffee table. He rubbed his eyes with his knuckles and yawned.
Roxas unrolled himself from the blanket, so he could share with his friend, and the redhead scooted closer, so they were both smooshed together under the thin blanket. They both needed this well-deserved time to zone out.
The couple on screen was now running through the woods from what was presumably the killer in a mask.
"Well I'm not a barista in a college town, so at least I have that goin' for me," Roxas tried to smile, but he couldn't quite manage it, his gaze focused on the gruesome death scene that followed. "I think I slept with my eyes open all through class today. I still can't believe it's really over," he admitted, leaning his head on Axel's shoulder.
The redhead wrapped a comforting arm around him, and Roxas felt himself relax.
"I noticed you dropped some of your stuff off, did the moving go okay?" Axel asked, gaze focused on the campy movie. The woman on screen was just standing there, screaming, while the killer gained on her. It was pretty funny, but Roxas didn't have the energy to laugh.
"Sort of," he answered, struggling to hold back tears. "Hayner helped me get what I needed. I'd rather let Namine keep all my furniture than see her right now." his heart felt heavy with sorrow.
"It'll be easier to deal with when the wound isn't so fresh," Axel replied, rubbing his back in gentle circles. It made him feel like crying even more.
"I don't wanna be alone, Ax," Roxas moaned, burying his face in Axel's shoulder. His smell was so familiar and comforting, he couldn't help but to relax.
"That's not true," Axel said, resting his cheek on a nest of wild blond hair. "I mean, I'm not goin' anywhere. No matter who we date or break up with, that'll be true."
Roxas suddenly felt extremely distressed. He had thought things were like that with Namine, and look how that turned out. He couldn't even bear to speak to her!
"How d'you know that though?" he asked, bunching the hem of his shirt in his hand. He was still staring blankly at the television screen, but if asked he wouldn't be able to tell a single thing that was happening in the movie anymore.
"I dunno," Axel answered honestly. "I mean we're best friends, that's not somethin' that just up'n changes." he shrugged a shoulder, slightly displacing the blond. It seemed to make perfect sense to him. Roxas wanted to believe it. After all, they'd been together for this long. Maybe they would stay inseparable.
Unthinking, Roxas took hold of his hand. They stayed that way for a while, watching as the killer on TV plunged to his death and the half dressed protagonist fell to the ground in shock. When the credits began to roll, he turned to face his friend.
"Axel, I'm worried. What if I really am gay?" he asked, pale brows furrowed. He looked really and truly distressed. Axel bit back a chuckle.
"I dunno' man, guess you're going to have to go to the DMV and file for your gay card like the rest of us," he teased, earning a swat to his bicep.
"I'm serious, Ax," Roxas snapped, and the redhead fell silent. He took a deep breath, struggling to put his worries into words. "I've thought one thing for my entire life, and now I'm not sure about any of it anymore."
Axel hummed in thought.
"Well, if you're gay, then you're gay," he responded. "I guess you'll jus'... date guys instead. Not like it's all that different from bein' straight…"
He was tipsy, and he wasn't the most helpful, but he was the only one Roxas could confide in. His frown deepened.
"The sex is different," he said, feeling his face flush. The sex, which he could surprisingly remember clearly enough to form an opinion on, was very different.
But was it bad? Not from what Roxas remembered, because Roxas remembered having not one, but two orgasms. That complicated things immensely, because he wasn't sure that had ever happened before.
"I mean yeah, you got a point. But if you don't like the sex you're prob'ly not gay," the redhead replied simply. This only upset Roxas more, and Axel seemed taken aback by the blond's sudden rush of emotion.
"That's the problem!" Roxas cried, rubbing his face furiously in frustration. "I did like it, but what do I even do, now that I know that!"
He had liked all of it, and now he couldn't even kiss anyone without thinking of his stupid tree of a best friend.
Axel raised an eyebrow.
"I mean you kinda' have the answer to your question, then," he said, blinking rapidly in an attempt to get his vision to focus. "Havin' sex with guys and likin' it is sorta' gay, Roxas." He smiled down at his friend crookedly, mussing his hair. Roxas let out an exasperated sigh, wrapping his arms around the redhead's neck and pulling him down for a kiss.
The feeling of Axel's fingers in his hair and his tongue tentatively exploring his mouth filled his brain with static. He closed his eyes and lost himself in the sensation of his best friend's hot breath on his tongue.
Roxas laced his fingers in his hair and climbed into his lap, deepening the kiss with bruising force before pulling away momentarily to change angles. This was exactly what he wanted. This was exactly what he had been trying to get earlier, at the bar, but just couldn't manage for some reason.
Axel's needy response sent tingles down his spine. The little desperate noises he made drove Roxas absolutely crazy.
It didn't make sense at all. He shouldn't be doing this at all, let alone enjoying it, but he couldn't dwell on it now, not with the way his best friend was kissing him like his life depended on it. Like he was desperate, desperate for him.
He yanked at Axel's shirt with trembling hands, and the redhead obliged by lifting his arms and allowing him to pull it clean off. Meanwhile, Roxas wrestled his own shirt off and pulled Axel closer, so they were pressed flush together.
In what was surely a difficult task, the redhead tipped him back, so he was lying flat on the sofa without breaking their kiss. Big warm hands caressed his chest and stomach, causing it to erupt with butterflies.
This was what kisses were supposed to feel like. This was electric, this was exhilarating, and for some reason that Roxas was too drunk ascertain, this felt right.
Axel pressed feather-light kisses along his collarbone and down his chest, fingers trailing over his rib cage. Roxas released a hiss as his hand ghosted over his aching erection. The redhead pulled away just enough to look him in the eye, his face flushed.
Was he having second thoughts?
"Please," Roxas breathed, trying desperately to read his best friend's glassy eyes. "Keep going, please."
The redhead nodded dumbly, gently gripping the waistband of Roxas' boxers and sliding them off. Were his hands shaking? Roxas unthinkingly reached down to pet the taller man's hair.
Then Axel touched him, tentatively at first until the blond's sharp intake of breath seemed to snap him out of it. He leaned down, pressing open-mouthed kisses along the length of Roxas' cock before dragging his tongue from base to tip and taking him into his mouth.
Soon Roxas' mind was wiped blank by the feeling of his best friend's tongue moving expertly along with the suction of his best friend's hot mouth. He couldn't help bucking his hips, desperate for more of whatever this feeling was.
He could feel Axel's hands on his hips, gently holding him into place as he began bobbing his head faster. Axel allowed one of his hands to explore, trailing down along his inner thigh.
Roxas couldn't breathe, he felt like his lungs were going to explode. He gripped his best friend's hair, releasing a broken groan at the feeling of the taller man taking him in deeper, swallowing around the head of his erection.
He couldn't take much more of this…
"Ax, I'm gonna-" He gasped, giving the redhead's hair a tug. Unfortunately, it was apparently too late for that now. He released with a garbled moan, and it wasn't until he had come down from the high of his orgasm that he realized Axel was looking at him wide-eyed with come all over his face.
Roxas' face flushed in embarrassment as he scrambled for something, anything, the redhead could use to wipe it off.
"Fuck… Fuck, fuck, fuck," he cursed, feeling so humiliated he could die. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"
Apparently the shock had worn off, because Axel burst out laughing, taking the edge of the sheet and cleaning himself off.
"Relax, will ya?" he was smiling, but Roxas still covered his face with his hands in embarrassment. He could hear the redhead snort, gently pulling his hands away from his face. "Well that was kinky," he commented, pressing a kiss to the corner of Roxas' mouth. He responded by giving Axel's arm a gentle smack.
"Shut up, it was an accident," he groused, though this only seemed to make the redhead laugh even harder. "Let me make it up to you," Roxas said, his jaw set with determination. Axel raised an inquisitive brow.
"Oh?" he tilted his head to the side.
Roxas wasn't sure if he'd be able to do this… he wasn't gay, or at least he didn't think he was. Even so, he connected the palm of his hand to Axel's chest and gently pushed him down. This, it turned out, was a really nice view. He'd always thought his best friend was handsome, and it never seemed gay until now. Though this situation probably made it a lot more gay.
He settled between the redhead's legs, tentatively removing his boxers.
He gulped.
He'd never been eye level with a guy's junk before. It was pretty weird, but he didn't feel grossed out. That was encouraging, at least. This was enough encouragement for him to press forward, wrapping his hand around Axel's length before giving the tip an experimental lick.
Axel moaned, his leg jerking slightly, and his reaction filled the blond with resolve. How hard could it be? Roxas knew what he liked, after all. He just had to do that.
He parted his lips and placed his mouth over the head of Axel's cock, allowing him to get used to the bizarreness of it all before taking in more of him. The redhead was moaning, covering his face with the meat of his forearm to muffle the noise.
The blond slowly began bobbing his head, his free hand exploring the tense muscle of Axel's legs. He continued sucking and toying at the man's weeping erection with his tongue until he felt frantic hands in his hair.
"Rox, wait," he sounded breathless. "I'm gonna' come- stop," he tugged at Roxas' hair. The blond pulled away, brows furrowed in confusion.
"It's okay… I mean, you can come," he wasn't completely sure what the problem was. Axel groaned, covering his face with his hands. He looked at Roxas and sighed.
"Yeah, but I didn't want to do it in your mouth," he said, his already red face looking even darker. The realization dawned on Roxas that, oh, that might be kind of gross. He probably didn't want to go that far, not with what was his first blowjob.
"That makes sense," he said, taking the best friend's length in his hand and gently squeezing. Axel whimpered, spurring Roxas on. He climbed on top of the redhead and rolled his hips, grinding his renewed erection with Axel's.
This elicited a moan from them both, so he did it again, and again. Faster and faster until the redhead came, splattering over both their stomachs. He wrapped his hand around Roxas' erection, and he finished after only a few quick pumps.
This was only the second time he'd come twice in one night, and it was alarmingly due to Axel again. He pulled back the sheets and crawled underneath, motioning for Axel to join him. The redhead's body heat was more than welcome, and he found himself scooting closer to his best friend.
"I'm so confused, Ax," he finally admitted, finally breaking the silence. "I went out with Hayner tonight and made out with a girl at the bar… but none of it felt like it was supposed to."
Axel looked shocked, at first, and then sorry.
"You only just broke up with Namine, maybe you're not ready to move on yet," he wasn't quite looking at Roxas. No, it felt like he was looking through him. "You got plenty a' time to figure yourself out."
Roxas froze, watery blue eyes meeting Axel's. Why was it he felt more when he kissed his male best friend than when he kissed a nice, pretty girl?
"What if I never do?" he asked, bringing his knees to his chest. Unthinkingly, Axel wrapped an arm around the blond, pulling him closer. Roxas leaned into the touch.
"You will, eventually. It's just hard to get your shit straight when so many things are happenin' at once," Axel assured him, his voice soft. Roxas could feel the vibrations of it from his chest. The blond sighed, closing his eyes and letting his body relax into the lumpy sofa bed.
"I'm kinda' scared…" he mumbled, warm breath ghosting over Axel's collarbone.
"I mean… you'd have to start over anyway, right?" Axel asked. Roxas took hold of Axel's hand, and for a minute he thought the blond was going to pull it off of him he might pull it away. Instead, he just held it in his.
It was an innocent gesture, but it still sent his heart into a frenzy.
"Yeah I guess…" Roxas sighed, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles. He was clearly tired. "Maybe I'll just become a crazy cat person. Seems easier than tryin' to get this relationship thing down."
Axel snorted.
"You'd need a cat for that," he laughed. Roxas smiled, giving his hand a squeeze.
"I could get a cat," he mumbled sleepily, releasing the redhead's hand, so he could roll over. Neither of them said anything else, after that. Roxas had just curled up into a ball and dozed off.
He wasn't sure if he felt any closer to an answer, but the feeling of familiarity he got being here with Axel was enough for now.