Jane was staring at Maura. She wanted to say something, but she didn't even know where to start. Maura was sitting on her heels on the bed in her flimsy underwear, looking at her with interest. The silence grew heavier. Jane couldn't take it anymore, she needed an explanation.
"What the hell was that?"
"It was a kiss, Jane."
Jane rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know it was a kiss. Why did you do that? Why would you kiss me?"
Now Maura was feeling a little insecure. "Well, we have to start somewhere. A kiss on the lips seemed like a natural choice."
"Start somewhere, what are you talking about? And geez, cover yourself up." Jane was repeatedly getting distracted by Maura's lack of clothing, so she pushed her blanket on Maura's body.
Maura took the blanket, now thoroughly confused. Jane doesn't talk about sex much, but surely, she must have some basic knowledge.
"In many cultures around the world and throughout history people use kissing on the lips to achieve initial arousal. It's an important step, I wouldn't want to skip it."
The word arousal was too much for Jane, she jumped off the bed and started pacing. Maura was looking at her, unsure of what was going through Jane's head.
Jane was trying hard to figure this out. It didn't seem like Maura was joking. They were both half naked in Maura's bed. Maura kissed her and then started talking about arousal. What the hell? Is she overworked and delusional? In the past they even joked about this, many times. They weren't attracted to each other. They were just friends, best friends. And they were straight. Period.
She stopped pacing and looked at Maura. "What exactly were you thinking?"
Maura looked at her apologetically. "Unfortunately, I cannot tell you this until tomorrow morning. If we are doing this, I decided not to overthink it."
"Are you telling me, that you want to … you know…?"
Now it was Maura's turn again to be confused.
"What?"
"Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but it almost seems as if you wanted to… you know… with me."
"No, I don't know. But I thought that we were discussing the kiss. Is that the problem? I knew it was a bit of a risk because not all cultures are prone to romantic kissing. But I didn't think that was your case." Now Maura looked a bit sad. "Did you hate the kiss?"
This question took Jane completely off guard. She was so shocked when it happened that she didn't even think about the act itself. Now that she thought about it, she didn't hate it. Maura's lips were soft, and she loved the way she smelled. And Maura was just so gentle with her. Suddenly, she felt naked. Standing there by the bed in nothing but a t-shirt and panties. She looked at Maura, who was getting more uncertain by the second. Well, what the hell, she may as well speak the truth.
"No, Maur, I didn't hate it. It was a lovely kiss."
Maura looked very relieved. "Alright, good, I'm glad. Because I enjoyed kissing you. It surprises me how much I liked it. Jane, you're the most important person in my life. I don't want to do anything that would drive you away."
The genuine look in Maura's eyes, those beautiful eyes, as she said this almost made Jane go weak in the knees. Now she didn't know what to do. She wasn't like that and neither was Maura, but they like to kiss each other? Are they now best friends who occasionally kiss? Is that even a thing?
Maura shifted to the edge of the bed and took her hand. "You know what? If you are too nervous about the rest, then we can stop here. We can just lie down and sleep." She smiled at Jane reassuringly. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."
"Ok, let's do that," Jane answered a bit awkwardly.
So, they lied down facing each other, Maura covered them both with the blanket.
"Night, Jane." As Maura closed her eyes, Jane found herself thinking about the kiss again. Her lips were tingling. This was her best friend. And they love each other. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they just kiss again.
"Maura?"
"Hmm?"
"Open your eyes."
Jane had her face very close to Maura's. She wanted to close the distance, wanted to feel that beautiful tingling again, but she was very nervous. She looked at Maura, at her lips and she was trembling. Realizing, she couldn't move, she looked Maura in the eyes and mustered every bit of courage she found in her body. "Would you kiss me again?"
Maura looked at her, digesting the information. Then she took Jane's face in her hands and started kissing her with her whole heart. She ran the tip of her tongue over Jane's lips.
Jane backed her face quickly, chest heaving.
"What?" asked Maura.
"Nothing, I just really liked that," said Jane, who felt the tingling not only at her mouth but all over her body.
"Ok." Maura latched onto her again, encouraged by Jane's words she gently pushed her tongue inside of Jane's mouth. From then the kiss got truly heated. Jane couldn't stop trembling. Maura pressed their bodies very close together, they entangled legs. Neither of them was sure how it happened but Maura's thigh slipped between Jane's legs.
"Ohhh!" Jane was very surprised, both by the leg and by the loud moan that escaped her. She wasn't very vocal in bed. They stopped kissing and moving, Maura looked at her with interest. Then, almost out of curiosity, she moved the trapped leg up a bit. Jane's face told her everything she needed to know. "Are you ok with this?" she asked her friend.
Jane nodded her head and then hid it in the crook of Maura's neck. She felt safe there. Surrounded by Maura's lovely hair and smell. As Maura started to move again, Jane moaned into her skin. She couldn't imagine somebody looking at her face when she feels pleasure. She's too embarrassed. She put her hands on Maura's back, pressed her face as close as she could and moaned away her mounting arousal.
Maura could feel the slickness on her thigh. She put her hands in Jane's hair, lied on top of her and kept moving her leg up and down, encouraged by the moaning. It was a lot for her, too. Her own arousal spilling on her legs from the tiny thong. She started to whisper. "Oh, Jane." The moaning from underneath her was very loud now, it seemed Jane was getting close. All she wanted to do was look at her beautiful face and kiss her again. She took Jane's head in her hands and tried to do just that. But when she met Jane's eyes, she found her terrified. Jane quickly let go of Maura and covered her face. Maura was suddenly so shocked she stopped moving altogether.
"Jane, what is it? What's the matter?" she was really worried.
Jane made a frustrated growl. "Argh, seriously Maura? I was so close." All she felt now was very uncomfortable.
"But I don't understand what happened. I just wanted to kiss you and you looked absolutely terrified. What did I do?"
They disentangled, Jane sat up and slowly started to explain. "I'm… I mean…" she cleared her throat and started over. "When I'm with someone, I don't want that person to see my face as I finish. Or before that. I look stupid."
Maura couldn't believe what she was hearing. This was crazy.
"Seriously? With every person you ever been with you just hid your face like you just did now."
"Well, yeah. I don't finish easily. But if it is really good and I feel like there's a chance I just do that."
"And none of your previous lovers noticed it?"
"I suppose you're the first to point this out. Wait, are we lovers now?"
"I don't know, tomorrow I'll do research on what counts as sexual intercourse between women, but technically we both are still wearing panties and neither of us has orgasmed, yet, so I would put this action to the dry-humping category."
"Oh, god! Maura!" Jane was always taken aback by the doctor's bluntness.
"But back to the original point. Sex is about sharing. How can I share anything when I can't even see you?"
"Maura you know me, the way I see it, sex is a very private thing."
"Usually not from the person you're having sex with."
They both paused, thinking.
Jane opened up a bit more. "I waited a bit longer than others with my first time. It was over almost before it started. I was just sort of used to doing this alone. It took me a long time to even learn how to finish with another person. Usually I don't, and I just take care of it later."
Maura thought about it.
"Have you ever tried masturbating in front of another person?" she asked as casually as if she was talking about the weather.
Jane looked mortified. The idea alone managed to scare her. Maura tried to elaborate.
"It would be your own hand, so you'd be comfortable and if you would close your eyes you could pretend that you're alone. Whether or not you'd reach climax, your body would from then on know that it is ok to do this with someone else. I really think it would help you. Your own pleasure is nothing shameful, Jane."
"I'm not so sure about this, Maura. Did you ever do that?"
"A few times. I find that it is very arousing for the partner."
Jane didn't think that she could do it. It was an intriguing idea, though. Touching herself, eyes closed and Maura staring at her. It felt so exotic.
"I can do it if you want."
"What?"
Maura was smiling as she spoke, "I can touch myself while you watch. Would you like that?"
Jane felt her whole body come alive.
"Yes."