Since she'd started working for Prada, Rachel had felt very comfortable in her new position.
Her new boss had decided to hire her after reading her résumé - which was actually quite impressive, and after a very informal and pleasant interview. She'd also asked her why she'd refused the Louis Vuitton offer to go to Paris, and Rachel had explained that there are times that family and love must come first in a woman's life, so she'd decided to stay in New York. Fortunately, her ex-colleague Mark had told her that Prada was searching for a new Director of Accessories Fashion, so here she was.
Rachel's new boss was a very tough woman, who reminded her of Joanna at times, but Lillian was also a very lovely person. A mother herself, she understood that there were times that Rachel needed to take off sooner than expected to fetch Emma if there were any problems. Sometimes she also liked sharing her experiences about her children because Rachel was the only other mother working in her office. They had bonded and they loved working together, Rachel felt very lucky to have found such a great job that she enjoyed so much.
It was the second day of May, and Rachel was particularly happy because after work she had an appointment with Monica and Phoebe to start planning her birthday party and the last details of the wedding, most of all when they would go and try the wedding dress for the last time.
So when Lillian entered her office to greet her, she almost didn't hear her coming in.
"Hey, Rachel, you have a minute?" she asked, knocking on the door.
Rachel came back from her reveries and gazed at her, "Sure, what's up?"
"Well, I wanted to introduce you to a new colleague, he'll be down at the Sales Department, but he's worked a few years for Ralph Lauren, so maybe you know him?"
Rachel smiled, "Wow, who's he?"
Lillian moved aside and let the man come to full view, causing Rachel's smile to disappear from her face and becoming an expression of astonishment.
"Gavin?"
Gavin made a half-smile and walked towards Rachel with his hand in the air, "Well, it sure is a pleasure to see you again, uh?"
"So you do know each other?" Lillian asked.
"Yes." They both replied, trying to conceal their embarrassment.
"So, I'll let you two catch up." Lillian concluded, looking questioningly from Rachel to Gavin. She left the office and closed the door behind her.
Rachel crossed her arms on her chest and glared at Gavin, "So, you left Ralph Lauren too."
"Well, it was time. I wanted something new, and this was a huge opportunity to try something different. I didn't know you worked here, Lillian told me that there was an ex-colleague from Ralph Lauren, but I hadn't thought about you, actually."
"Oh, this is just perfect!" Rachel shouted, waving her hands in the air. "I can't believe you are going to work with me, what the hell am I going to do?"
"Well, we won't have to work together that much, you know…we are in two different departments…" Gavin explained.
"Yeah, sure!"
Rachel was standing next to her desk, watching intently at the picture of Ross and Emma that she kept as her desktop background. She loved that photo, Ross was stunning, with the cutest smile on his face, and Emma was laughing.
"What's the matter, Rachel? Does my presence here cause you so much trouble? Because I have to tell you, I'm not going to change my job for a fling that we had three years ago…"
"No, this is not about us! It's about me and HIM!" Rachel exclaimed, pointing at the computer. "How am I going to tell him that I work with you among any other man!?"
"Tell whom?" Gavin asked, still not understanding Rachel's exasperation.
"Ross!"
Gavin grinned and nodded in approbation. So that was the problem. Rachel and Ross had eventually got back together and now she was afraid of his reaction.
"So, you got back together? We didn't have a chance to talk anymore when you started to work full time at Ralph Lauren, I went back to my department and we didn't see each other anymore."
Rachel sighed, "Well, not at first. We had a huge fight because of you. He saw us kissing that night and he felt betrayed in some way…anyway, we got back together later, and now we are getting married."
Gavin smiled, "I am happy for you. And just for the record, Ross doesn't have to worry, because I have been in a healthy relationship with my girlfriend for a year by now. I love her very much, so I think we should all relax and think about the past…as the past."
"No, no!" Rachel sighed. "You don't know Ross! Since we got back together he's been amazing and mature, but when we were together years ago he used to be very jealous of one of my colleagues, and there was absolutely nothing between us, he was simply my co-worker! What do you think he's going to think when he finds out that I'll have to work with you again, a man who has caused us to fight and almost never got back together again?"
Gavin shrugged, "I honestly don't know what to say, Rachel. I think if he loves you enough, he should trust you."
Rachel scoffed, "If only it were that easy."
"Listen, if you want an advice, you should take things like a Band-Aid, rip it off to make a lot of pain at first but that goes away quickly."
"You know; this reminds me of what my friend Phoebe once said to me when I wasn't ready to tell Ross that I was pregnant…"
"And it helped?"
Rachel shook her head, "No, actually…I told him a few days later. He was the last of all my friends to find out that I was expecting Emma. And he's her father."
Gavin grimaced, "You two sure have a weird history."
"You have no idea!" Rachel chuckled.
They both looked at each other, "Well, Gavin…I'm glad you are back, for what it's worth. I just have to cope with all of this, I'll find a way."
"Of course." Gavin walked away to exit. Then he turned around. "You are not going to tell him, aren't you?"
"Not yet, no."
Gavin nodded. He didn't know Rachel very well, but he understood her. He was sure that her insecurities about her relationship could only create more trouble, but he hoped for her own good that he was wrong.
When Rachel came home that night, Ross was already waiting for her to come back with Emma and Ben, who were watching The Lion King.
"Hi you guys!"
"Hi Rachel!"
"Mommy!"
The kids ran to hold the woman to greet her, Rachel couldn't help but feeling one of the luckiest person alive. Not only she had a wonderful daughter and the cutest step-son, but also an amazing husband-to-be who was cooking…
"Fajitas?" Rachel wondered, entering the kitchen.
"Yeah…you know I'm actually good with Mexican food." Ross chuckled and kissed her. "Hey, you."
"Hi…" she whispered. "I really missed you today…But it was nice to see the girls, Phoebe is getting bigger and bigger each passing day, I swear!"
"Does she know about the sex yet?"
"Well, I think she knows almost everything, since she got pregnant, sweetie."
Ross laughed, "The sex of the baby, Rach!"
"Oh!" she chuckled, "Not yet, she's going to the doctor's next week for her appointment and she's having a sonogram. She can't wait to know. She told me they would like to have a boy. Can you picture Phoebe with a little boy?"
Ross smiled, "Well…I think it would suit her, you know? I've always thought that Phoebe could be a cool, funny mother, I think she would be great with a boy."
"Yeah?" Rachel smiled, putting her arms around Ross's neck. "So you mean I am not a cool, funny mother?"
"Well…you are a tender, protective and VERY sexy mother." Ross stressed on the last words.
"Am I not amusing enough?" Rachel wondered.
"Well, I think both of us are funnier when we are together, you know? Emma loves it when it's the three of us."
Rachel agreed. She remembered when Emma was little and Ross had found out how much she loved hearing Baby got back. When Ross and Rachel sang it together for her, the little baby kept laughing for minutes. And now that she was older, the most amusing moments were the ones they spent together as a family, like when they went to the playground or when they visited her cousins, or when Ben was there with them, like that evening.
Rachel heard the notes of Hakuna Matata coming from the living room, Ben was singing the song to Emma. She smiled and placed a soft peck on Ross's lips before letting him go.
"So, how was your day?" Ross asked, resuming his cooking.
That question brought Rachel back to the reality of what had happened at work. Her conversation with Gavin suddenly came back to her mind and she felt bad and almost sick.
She needed to decide whether or not tell Ross about it.
Almost as if he had sensed that something was bothering her, Ross looked back at her, "Rach?"
"Mmm?" she tried to avoid his eyes.
"What's the matter?"
Rachel pondered her options carefully. She knew that she had to tell Ross, she trusted him and he was so different now than eight years before. Surely he would understand that he could trust her as much as she trusted him. They had solved all their issues; they were going to get married in two months. Yet, she was afraid. She didn't want to spoil the wonderful connection that they shared, they'd been so happy for the last few months, everything was perfect. She didn't want to fight before the wedding, or make Ross uncomfortable and drive him mad when they were so close to the ceremony. Maybe all she had to do was just wait.
She wasn't lying, she was just hiding a little piece of truth for his own good.
She didn't want to analyze too much why she felt the need to do this, but she knew that she just couldn't tell Ross about Gavin. Not now.
"Rach? Is something wrong?" Ross asked again, noticing that Rachel had been quiet for a minute.
She shook her head, "Nothing, nothing, Sweetie. I'm just tired, I guess. It was a very long day at work."
"Well, I'll tell you what. Why don't you have a hot relaxing shower while I prepare everything for dinner with the kids? I'm almost ready."
Rachel smiled tenderly and kissed him, "Sounds like a good idea."
Ross stroked her hair and watched her walking out of the kitchen, not too convinced that Rachel had been totally honest before.
Whatever it is, she's going to tell you when she's ready, he thought to himself.
He sighed and reminded to himself that her birthday was just in three days. Maybe he could do something nice, like going to her office for a surprise visit and take her out for lunch. He just needed to call Lillian the day after to warn her.
Lillian had met Ross a couple of times, and she'd found him a sensible and respectful man. Rachel had mentioned something about their former on-and-off relationship, but she'd never really gotten into details. Yet, once Lillian had overheard a conversation between Rachel and her friend Monica, who she knew was also Ross's sister. They were talking about a Julie and Rachel was trying to convince her that she was not jealous, so Lillian had guessed that this woman should be Ross's ex-girlfriend. Rachel had been on the edge for all the week before Christmas, and she'd seemed to be herself again only after spending a weekend away with Ross and her children, Emma and Ben. Since then, nothing had seemed to trouble the couple, and Lillian thought that Ross and Rachel complimented each other in every possible way.
At 35 years, she was one of the most beautiful women she'd ever met and she had a true sense for fashion. Ross was charming and had a way to captivate people with words. Rachel always seemed to hang on his lips whenever they were together, and Lillian enjoyed spending time with them and little Emma. Ross was a funny guy, Rachel was entertaining, she was the most humorous worker in the office, all her colleagues (men and women) loved her.
They were both equally stubborn, but they were both ready to let the other win an argument from time to time, especially if it meant that they would gain a smile in return.
And they were both totally devoted to their child, Emma. Lillian couldn't help but notice how much she looked like her mother, and yet she had her father's looks. She was like a perfect combination of her parents.
Lillian had been very happy when Rachel had told her that she and Ross were going to get married. She hadn't been at Prada for long, but they had bonded quickly. Rachel had told her the news with sparkles in her eyes, like if she had been waiting for this all her life.
"It took him long enough." Lillian had told her.
Rachel had sighed, "He was worth the wait." Rachel had replied, smiling dreamingly.
Lillian couldn't realize the importance of that sentence.
On her birthday day, Rachel was still uncomfortable for the feeling of hiding the news of Gavin from Ross. She was trying to behave normally at home, but Ross could tell that there was something different in her, and he couldn't realize what it was.
After waking Rachel up with Emma, who gave her a lot of kisses to celebrate her birthday, Ross had volunteered to take the child to the nursery-school (she'd started after her third birthday). Then he'd gone to the NYU for his usual Thursday lecture.
Rachel had gone to work, where her colleagues had greeted her with a little party to celebrate her 35th birthday. Lillian knew that Ross would show up later to make a surprise, so she tried not to give Rachel to much work to let her have a low profile morning. She knew that Rachel was a hard worker, if Ross wanted to take her out to lunch to celebrate, Lillian thought that she deserved it.
Rachel was in her office, eating a pastry with one of her colleague, when Gavin entered.
She might as well have fainted, because Gavin's expression changed and his smiled turned into a concerned grimace, "Well, happy birthday, Rachel."
She tried to smile at him, "Thank you, Gavin."
He walked towards her, "Well, this is like a déja-vu."
"What- What do you mean?"
"Well…your birthday, your office. We just miss your friend Monica to come in and invite me to your party tonight."
"Well, that's not going to happen, sorry! Ah! See, this is not a real déja-vu!" Rachel pointed her finger at him.
Gavin chuckled, "Ok, ok. Listen, have you spoken with Ross?"
Rachel nodded her head, scoffing "Of course! Yes, I did! What do you think, that I am so scared about his reaction that I would keep your being here a secret from him for three days?"
"You didn't, did you?"
Rachel shook her head, "And why do you always know everything, anyway?"
Gavin smiled, "Listen, Rachel. If you think it may help, we can tell him together. I could invite you and Ross with Emma for dinner and introduce you to Laura."
Rachel stared at him, incredulous, "You'd do that for me?"
Gavin shrugged, "Yeah, you know I've always had a soft spot for people I really despise, like you."
Rachel giggled, "Oh, Gavin, that's so sweet. I'm sure that would help, thank you!" she whispered to him almost in tears, showing how glad she was that he'd had this idea.
At that moment, she saw a man's figure entering the office with a bouquet of white lilies in his hands.
Rachel's eyes caught Ross's.
In her gaze there was pure panic, in his shock and confusion.
She tried to convey all her strength and capacity of dissimulation to get out of that terrible situation. "Honey! Oh my god, what are you doing here?" she walked past Gavin and hugged Ross. He was still trying to understand what was going on.
"I…uhm…here." He gave her the flowers.
"These are wonderful." She murmured, on the verge of tears, this time because she was afraid of what would happen in the next few minutes.
Gavin sighed, realizing at once that the moment had come to help Rachel, because she needed a huge help to face Ross.
"Ross, right?" he reached out his arm towards him to greet him.
Ross was speechless, he just nodded. All of a sudden he saw one of his past nightmares becoming a present reality in front of his eyes.
"Gavin Mitchell."
"Honey, Gavin was just…" Rachel tried to explain.
"Actually I've just arrived." Gavin interrupted Rachel. "I've been hired today and when Rachel's boss told me that there was an ex colleague from Ralph Lauren working here, I thought that it could be a nice idea to come and say hello. I didn't know it was Rachel until this moment!"
"What are the odds?" Rachel tried to laugh. Well it wasn't a complete lie, she thought, just a little changing of the truth. Ross couldn't get angry because Rachel had just found out about Gavin and she was going to tell Ross after that meeting. Such a brilliant idea.
Ross looked from Gavin to Rachel, his heart beating slowed down a little bit, "So you two met only today? Of all days…on Rachel's birthday?"
Rachel felt a weird shiver running down her spine. She remembered very well what had happened a few years back on her birthday. On that damned balcony. With Gavin.
She didn't want to be kissed by him, and yet it had happened and she hadn't stopped it. And that had been the beginning of the worst period in her relationship with Ross. Because of that kiss that Ross had witnessed from the window in their apartment, he had started to believe that she wanted to move on from their relationship and then one thing had led to the other and she had moved out to go back living with Joey.
She was pretty sure that Ross was thinking the very same thing, even if Gavin had no idea of what was in their minds at that moment.
"Well, I didn't even remember it was her birthday, just a coincidence." Gavin chuckled.
"Yeah, the girls were making a little party for me, Lillian organized everything, she's such a sweetheart." Rachel continued, happy that she was finally saying something true.
Ross was feeling awkward and uncomfortable, but he didn't want Rachel to notice this, he just had the feeling that something was going on.
"Ok…well…are you two going to work together like at Ralph Lauren, or…?"
"No, no!" Rachel hastily replied, "Gavin is on the sales department honey, he just came to say hello. And guess what? He asked me if we want to go to dinner with him and his girlfriend, Laura, is it, Gavin?"
Rachel's eyes were almost popping out of her head.
"Yeah, yeah!" Gavin confirmed, "It would be nice, you know, to meet little Emma."
Ross tried to decipher Rachel's reaction to this whole situation. She was still holding her flowers and trying to avoid his gaze, Ross was sure that there was something she didn't want to tell him, maybe something that had to do with her weird behavior of the last days.
"Fine, just tell me where and when!" Ross concluded, smiling to Gavin.
The man exhaled and glanced at Rachel, who tried to thank him with a silent look.
"Rach, I have a reservation at Sorrentino's, we should go if we don't want to be late."
"Honey, you know how much I love it!" she smiled and kissed him tenderly. Ross felt all his former fears dissolving.
"Only the best for you on your birthday."
"That's the best surprise a woman could ask for. Let me get my cardigan."
"Rachel, it was a pleasure to see you again, let me know about that dinner!" he waved his hand.
"Of course Gavin!"
"Bye, Ross."
Ross was almost shaking his hands with him, when Lillian peeked out from behind the door.
"Oh, hi Ross!"
"Hi, Lillian!" he hugged her, he hadn't seen her since Easter.
"Oh, I see you met Gavin! He's our last achievement. I brought him in to meet Rachel on Monday, he was glad to find out that there was a former colleague from Ralph Lauren."
Rachel and Gavin shared a horrified look and Ross's face turned blank.
"Excuse-me, Lillian, when did you say Gavin came here, again?"
"On Monday! I wasn't sure if they actually knew each other, but as soon as they met it was pretty clear that they had already worked together. And this makes everything easier, because they have already experienced the other's faults and qualities, which really helps on the job."
Lillian was ecstatic, so she didn't immediately notice the tension in the room.
"Ross…" Rachel almost stammered.
"I've got to get out of here!" Ross shouted.
Rachel put her flowers on the desk and followed Ross outside her office.
"Did I say something wrong?" Lillian asked Gavin.
The man just stared at her, "No, no. Have you already bought a present for their wedding?"
Lillian looked at him curiously, "Yes…"
"Just hope that it's reimbursable."
Ross kept walking without looking back. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been to even think that Rachel had changed, that she really had forgotten about the past, that she had forgiven him for everything. Today it was clear how wrong he had been to hope for a healthy future for their relationship.
Rachel was running after him, screaming his name, "Ross! Ross please stop!"
He didn't turn and kept walking towards the elevator. When he reached it, he pressed the button to call it.
"Ross! Would you please look at me? We've got to talk about this, let me explain!"
Ross turned around suddenly and blurted out, "No!"
"No? What the hell does it mean, no? What are we, two teenagers?" Rachel shouted.
The elevator acoustic sound signaled that it had come to their floor. Ross entered and Rachel followed him, Ross pressed the button to the ground floor.
"Well, it's what you said to me after I made that list of pros and cons, didn't you? I asked you to give me another chance, and you answered, "NO". Just call it payback!"
Rachel was hurt to hear him using that episode to get back at her, but at that moment Ross had all the reasons to be upset.
"Ross, please, it doesn't mean anything. You see? This is why I didn't tell you about him, I didn't want you to get jealous and immature again, I would have told you later!"
"Later? When? You mean after the wedding, don't you?"
Rachel tried to feign some sorrow, "Well…" she widened her arms.
Ross glared at her, "Let me get this straight, you think that I'm angry at you because I am jealous of Gavin?"
Rachel was speechless, "Well…aren't you?"
Ross scoffed, "To think I thought we were over this, now I see I completely overestimated you, Rachel. You call me immature, and yet you are the one irresponsible in this relationship!"
"I knew that if I had told you that Lillian had hired Gavin, you would have flipped out!"
"So, this is the consideration you have of your future husband? You don't even trust me enough to tell me that you work with a man?"
"This is not ANY man! This was the man who almost caused us to be apart forever!"
"Exactly! And a few months ago we had promised that we wouldn't hide anything from each other EVER again, Rach! I'm tired of needing to demonstrate how much trustworthy I am, you still think of me as the childish guy who would get crazy for the little things, like this! You want to know why I'm so mad, Rachel?"
"Why?" she screamed, crying.
"Because after a whole year that we've been back together, you still don't trust me."
Rachel stared at him, incapable of saying anything.
The elevator sound rang again and the doors opened, revealing the ground floor.
"Well, this silence is enough as an answer."
Ross walked past his wife-to-be, just wanting to get out of that building and far from her.
Rachel waited a couple of seconds, then she followed him.
"Ross…wait…wait!" she ran after him and stopped him, pulling him towards her. "It's not…it's not true, Ross. I trust you. It's just that…It's Gavin…I was scared of your reaction…"
Ross was hurt and disappointed, "You've known about this for three days and you didn't tell me, Rach. You behaved weirdly at home and I thought that it could be my fault, that maybe it had something to do with me…"
Rachel was now crying intensely.
"And then you two made me believe that you had met just today, why?"
"I don't know; it was Gavin's idea…I just followed his lead…it seemed a good plan, I didn't want you to suffer and get angry at me for not telling you…Honey, please, I'm sorry…"
Ross lifted his hand to shut her up, "Enough with the excuses, Rach." Ross shook his head. "I need some time to think."
Rachel's eyes got wide, "What do you mean?"
Ross started walking away from her.
"Ross…please, I was stupid, I know, but don't punish me or Emma for such a silly thing. Believe me, this won't happen again! I misjudged you, it was all my fault!"
Ross was starting to cry, too. He stopped on his track and put his hands on Rachel's arms and looked straight into her eyes. "I love you, Rach. I've always loved you, more that anyone before and after you. More than I've ever loved Carol, and she is the only other woman I've ever truly loved, you know that. I married Emily, but what I felt for her was never love, it was just a deep affection that I thought could help me to get over you. And yet, I was ready to marry her, because at that time I thought she would trust me."
Rachel sobbed, Ross's hands were now on her face, "This marriage is never going to work if you don't have faith in me, in us, Rach. You know how much I've changed, and I am tired of trying to prove it to you."
Rachel squeezed her eyes and a few more tears came out and ran down her face. People were walking around them, someone stared at the weird scene taking place in front of them, but nor Ross neither Rachel were interested in their reactions.
"You have to clear your mind. Once and for all, decide if I am worthy of your total forgiveness, or not. If you can trust me unconditionally, for good. Just think about it, Rach."
"Ross…I can't…live without you." she sobbed between the tears.
Ross nodded, "It's only up to you, Rach." He walked away from her and Rachel felt at once the cold from his absence.
"I'll take Emma to Monica and Chandler's tonight." He concluded.
"Wait…What about the wedding?" she asked, worried.
"I guess this is going to be a new possibility for jokes for my brother-in-law: I've never had a wedding on stand-by, until now."
Rachel tried to muster a smile, feeling that she was actually dying inside.
I hope to keep this updated as soon as possible.I'm already working on the following chapter and already have ideas for the following one too.