I swear that this was meant to be more serious- but I'm tired and this chapter de evolved into this. So please don't hold it against me.
The next time anyone heard or saw Tony- it was three or four days later around breakfast time. He came staggering into the common room while the rest of them were hanging out waiting for Steve to finish cooking their food and automatically went for the fridge.
Everyone froze up as the man tiredly grabbed a jar of pickles, hot sauce, some mayo and mustard, peanuts, caramel candy, sour cream, carrots and then snagged some green tea ice cream from the freezer before also snagging a plastic container of spaghetti, and then carefully popped the lid off, and grabbed a spoon and started to add some of the mayo, mustard, sour cream, hot sauce and ice cream to it before placing some caramel on top and then potting it in the microwave to heat it up.
"Tony?"
"Hn?"
"W-What are you doing?" Steve asked curiously as Tony began to impatiently tap his fingers on the counter while the food heated.
"I'mma collecting food to sooth the savage beast." The man said sleepily when Bruce peeked into the room real quick and scanned it before he noticed him and called out to him,
"Tony! She said to get some eggs and bacon, and a couple of banana peels too!"
Tony only partially turned to glare at the other man while muttering, "How does she fucking do that? She's half a building away and it's like-"
"I dunno how she does it either, it's like she's part blood hound or something," Bruce said as he popped his head back into the room again to put in his two cents. "Either way she wants her stuff. And I want her to have her stuff because the last time she got hungry and went to my lab we had a code green."
"Please tell me that she isn't in your lab Brucie." Tony said with an alarmed expression as he finally turned all the way to look at the man in abject horror.
"She's playing with fire Tony. Fire. As in, ouch- hot, and it burns." Bruce deadpanned despite the panic that was bleeding through his tone more and more by the second.
"Fuck me," Tony spat as the microwave finally dinged indicating that the food was done heating. Quickly grabbing it, Tony then turned to Steve who like the others had been watching and listening to the whole display/conversation with avid interest and said, "Steve- I hate to do this to all of you, especially Clint given how pitiful he can be on an empty stomach, but I need to commandeer those eggs and bacon pieces like asap!"
Steve just blinked at him, not knowing what to make of this situation when Thor popped his head in and said in a dread filled tone. "Bruce's lab is on fire and Lady Cassie has decided that she wants fresh blood. Do we have any goats that we can sub out or s-should we contact the local authorities again and tell them to hide all of the children in the local area?"
"Oh dear god." Bruce groaned as he thumped his head on the wall while Tony openly gaped at the two as if they were insane.
"Quick Thor! Call Loki! Tell him that we have a code C and to get over here quick, fast and-" There was a poof of smoke and Loki appeared out of thin air.
"You rang?"
"We have a code C, Loki. Do you think that you-"
"Wait, wait, wait, why did he just poof out of thin air like an evil witch or something? He's not carrying poison apples on him, is he?" Tony wondered aloud as he looked at Loki oddly.
Loki merely rolled his eyes at the lot of them and sighed before grabbing the food that Tony had been preparing and then quickly finished adding the eggs, bacon, peanuts, carrots and pickles to the warm goopy mix before then grabbing three banana's and then turned and walked away muttering, "I've never seen men absolutely fall apart like you three do when it come's to the hormones of one pregnant woman."
"Hey! You try not feeding that little savage every hour or so," Tony cried while visibly bristling at the god's tone. "I don't know if you're aware of this yet Loki but a scientifically enhanced pregnant woman with actual flipping hormones are just fucking insane! Hydra screwed the damn pooch here! Literally!"
"Tony's right, she's terrifying." Bruce said as he looked at Thor. The taller man gave the brunette a slightly strained smile and laughed nervously before saying,
"I'm aware of how terrifying she can be. To be honest I often want nothing more than to curl up under one of the sturdier tables or desks in the compound and hide."
Tony slammed his hands down on the kitchen counter and then pointed at Thor and said, "My god that's a brilliant idea. Who else wants to find a nice table/desk and hide? Brucie? I'm down if you guy's are otherwise I'll just feel weird."
Both Bruce and Thor chimed in that they were down with that particular plan as Tony practically crawled over the counter and made a beeline for the door as he barked out, "Friday, gimme an idea about which rooms in the compound hold the sturdiest tables and desks! Daddy's got some hiding to do."
"Right boss. Scanning now."
Tony disappeared shortly after passing through the door, with Bruce not too far behind him. Whereas Thor hung around long enough to grab his precious pop-tarts from the top of the fridge, an apple juice and gave them a tight lipped smile as he politely bid them all a good morning before he too vanished.
Leaving them all staring in silence at the door before Clint finally asked in an annoyed tone, "What the fuck was that?"
"I don't think anyone really knows what that nonsense was." Steve said with a slight shake of his head as he mentally started going over everything that had been said by Tony, Bruce and Thor.
"They sounded like they all lost their minds." Nat said after a heartbeat or so of silence.
"I doubt that's what's really going on," Bucky finally spoke up. "Tony mentioned an enhanced woman, pregnancy, hormones, and Hydra. So...maybe they have a victim of Hydra living here who is also enhanced and pregnant?"
"Oh my god..." Steve muttered as he scrubbed his face with his hands. If Bucky was even the slightest bit right about his assumptions then Hydra would be coming for whoever Tony and the others were harboring. And like they all knew from experience, the organization would kill to get her back.
"We need to find out who that woman is and see to it that she and her baby are protected."