Chapter 4: Hope is on our side

P O V: Sylvie Brett

"Leukemia," I repeated the word slowly out loud Gabby's eyes were filled with anger, fear, confusion. "Your saying Sylvie has the same damn disease my son has been fighting for four years now?" I saw her squeeze Matt's hand her fear snaked into my bones, seeping into my pores. Dr. Manning smiled sadly "I'm afraid so Gabby, I am so sorry," "What good is Sorry Natalie? Will sorry find a cure for Sylvie? For my son? No it won't so sorry means shit Natalie, I want a second opinion, you're not an oncologist, maybe you screwed up. Sylvie's always been the picture of health, hardly even a cold, cancer no fucking way, she's been Brent's donor for years, they ran countless tests on her all the damn time, they never detached cancer not once,"

Gabby was near hysterical tears running down her beautiful face snot leaking out her nose. Her fingers gripped mine even more tighter. I found myself wanting to comfort her knowing she was probably confronting her worst memory the day she heard her oldest son/ her only child at the time had cancer. I remember it so clearly the three of us waiting in the trauma bay with their one year old son who I had been babysitting so they could have date night, he spiked a fever of 101, the cold he had been fighting for two weeks had gotten worse, he had become lethargic, his color had diminished rapidly over the course of the evening. His breathing had become labored as he tried to sleep which never seemed to come to him. So I rushed him to Med and called them right away.

Shivering now at the memory of Dr. Renee Reno who all the kids call Dr. ReRe telling us Brent didn't have just a cold he had in fact a very aggressive form of Cancer called acute promyelocytic leukemia (APL). APL is a malignancy of the bone marrow blood cells in the myeloid line of cells, with an excess of immature cells called promyelcoytes this leads to a shortage of white, red cells and platelets.

APL is fast growing, spreads fast the more I lay here thinking about it. I realize I was experiencing the symptoms for weeks thinking it was just normal pregnancy symptoms. Nausea, unexplained bruising bleeding without clotting, fevers, exhausting.

Biting my lip I knew what lay ahead of me having been by Brent's side the whole time, months of intense Chemo and the nasty side effects nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, convulsions, bleeding, rashes, headaches, he spent months upon months in isolation, Gabby, I were his best matches for blood, platelets, bone marrow. Whatever he needed whenever he needed it we spent months in the hospital alongside of him.

"Sylvie," Looking up I saw Gabby gently stroking my face her eyes still so angry not at me, or even the doctors despite her ass tearing of Dr. Manning which I kind of felt bad for her, she was after all only doing her job, one that included giving bad news not something any of us ever want to be the deliver of. I know Gabby knows this, I also know she's been on the receiving end of the bad news well too often in the last five years. "I'm here Gabby, we got this, cancer ain't going to win,"

Her fingers laced entwined with mine slide over my stomach. I knew she was afraid not just for me, but for my baby as well, her niece or nephew. Just breathe Sylvie breathe slowly and focus on what you have to do next. Dr. Manning took my hand "I've consulted with a colleague of mine Dr. Roberson he will be in shortly to discuss your options, Sylvie I want you to know I am here for you all of us at Med are, we all love you," "Thanks Natalie, seriously don't let what Gabby said effect you, she's angry at the world right now she's hurting, scared, she knows this isn't your fault, she honestly will appreciate your support once she's level headed," She nodded smiling at me squeezing my hand again.

"I can speak for myself Sylvie Brett," "Yeah I know but right now your blinded by the past of painful memories, your only thinking about the worst scenario, what I have to lose, one of us has to be the voice of hope, of reason, logic,"

"Ambo 61 teen down, 1362 LaGRange street this is dispatch can anyone respond?" Chief nodded at Shay and Foster knowing full well Gabby wasn't leaving my side. "Shay you're PIC on this Foster you follow her, listen to her word for word," "Copy that chief." Once they left Gabby sat back next to me taking my left hand, Antonio was on my other side. "Close your eyes Sylvie, rest your head on my shoulder, will both be here babe."

Would he though? If I had to abort our baby? "Gabby?" My breathing was labored as I opened my eyes. How much time had passed? I can't believe I fell asleep "Yes sweetie?" "Can I have some aspirin? My throat felt like fire was coursing through it. I could barely get the words out, Gabby's hands stroked over my sweat soaked face brushing my loosened blond strands out of my face.

Everything was spinning so fast I could barely make sense out of anything or catch my breath. "Can you hold me Tony?" "Course sweetie" His arms wrapped around me as I let my body mold onto his chest. His hand ran small circles around my back. "I'm here for you, this beautiful baby we created together," his hand rested on my stomach "Do you have a headache Sylvie?" I nodded at Gabby as an answer to her question "Throat hurts?" Another nod "I'll get Dr. Manning close your eyes and rest Sylvie."

Easier said than done in reality still I closed my eyes to humor them both taking in his manly scent of pine, cinnamon and musk, his warmth made my body stop shivering. I felt him pull the blanket over my body. "For every fear Sylvie, I want you to think of something positive a new way to hope," I knew what he was trying to do still it was so hard to do what he was asking of me.

Butterfly kisses lined my jawline, my checks till he got to my lips, forehead. The feel of his strong heartbeat helped ease my heart-rate which was racing in fear. "Cancer is scary Sylvie very scary, you would be silly not to be at least a little scared, what you need to do though is talk to us don't be afraid your burden us, you are not, we are here for you. We love you, we are just as afraid."

"Close your eyes breathe slow in on the count of 3, than slowly out on 3. Picture our baby when he or she is born, ten pink little wrinkled toes and fingers, rosy checks, those amazing sparkling eyes as beautiful as yours." he touched my nose with his lips kissing it.

"Girl or boy?" I coughed pain hitting the back of my skull vibrating all over "It doesn't matter to me as long our baby is healthy, what about you?" I felt his kisses travel all the way down my neck. "I love both of my kids Sylvie, I have a different relationship with each of them. With Diego we play ball, we box, we play chest he's a logic type of guy, always plotting his next strategic move, nothing scares that boy, he always finds some of of reason as to why he shouldn't be afraid," "He's an amazing young man Tony," "He is Sylvie thank you."

Fingers trailed my spinal bone up my thighs across my stomach. "So what do you and Eva like to do?" "Museums she has a love of history of research so some days we just pick different cities in the USA, we look up their museums fly out for the day. Explore two or three of them than walk around the city find historical events from that city, try different restaurants," "Sounds amazing babe," "It is Sylvie truly it is, so I will love our baby either way a girl I can see us in the ballet studio or traveling the world together, I can see her on the baseball field slamming home-runs in. A boy I can see myself teaching him to box or play ball or paint whatever he wants, checking out those cute puppies together,"

Laughter is the best medicine they say if that's the case I should already be cured because I laughed so hard when he said "puppies." I literately almost peed hoovering myself over his body I breathy replied to him. "Kiss me Tony please," "You don't have to ask twice my lady," our lips met soft like a puppy kissing your checks, you feel yourself blush, you can feel the excitement tingling up from your toes to your very soul, there's nothing like the love you feel when a puppy trusts you enough to kiss you.

Our bodies crushed together as my arms gave out he wrapped his around me tighter every muscle, every cell, every fiber was aroused as we lay in my hospital bed kissing with so much fire, passion every high school bon-fire would be jealous.

His hands pushed me back as a coughing wave hit me hard "You need to rest Sylvie, as much as I want to keep doing this, we can't." his lips grazed mine "I don't want to rest, I want to keep…." my eyelids grew heavy my speech slurred his laugh filled my mind along with his last words. "Sleep angel Sylvie, sweet dreams my love."