Like so many times in her life, she knew she made a mistake.
Since he left, all that bottles up inside her is regret and stagnant pain. She wants to make things right for herself again, but how can she when the constant reminder of what she wishes she could erase exists within her sanctum. Something that exists because of her doing. An endless cycle.
She thought the least she could do is make sure he stays safe. The reason why she works so hard is to sustain the livelihood they could have. Though somewhere right beneath the thin surface, she knows that's another lie. Because she's a good mother, and this is what good mothers do. Cover up the bad with what society deems benevolent.
Though sometimes, or most times, a thrill runs through her when the thorns of the roses she prepares dig into her palms as she clutches too tightly, or when she happens to draw more blood with the knife that shines brightly at her with a tease. It's the only thing that makes her feel something, something better.
But she can't run. Because the mistakes keep coming right back to impale her with a bigger blade. It blocks her way to remind her how good of a mother she really is.
When the doorbell rings, she thinks it's her sister again. Though her mind changes a split second before she opens the door.
Her son stands there, his clothes stained with blood. She knows why, but it's something she didn't expect to see on him so soon. Right by his side is the one she knew her son couldn't stay away from. Her boy doesn't look her in the eyes; his gaze turns down and his face is blotchy red from distress. The other boy keeps an arm around her son's shoulders with such strength, protecting him from all that could ail him further. Just from this display, she realizes two key facts.
One, the hunger has now fully tainted her son. Two, she had made another mistake.
She pushes those thoughts aside and focuses on the task at hand. She pulls the boys immediately into her home and holds them close as if they were both her children. Her son's friend appears to try and say something about what had happened, but when she looks at him and smiles, he stops and returns her gaze with uncertainty. She then turns to her son, who clings to her right side. His eyelids are barely open as his head leans heavily against her.
She strokes his cheek to keep him awake. "I need you to get out of those clothes, Ken," she says quietly. Her fingers move from his cheek to his hair, gently scratching his scalp.
Kaneki frowns and his eyes open slowly before he lifts his head up at his mother. Seeing her face, the night events rush back to him. "Mom…" he whispers in a shaky tone. Tears blur his vision and his nose reddens with the rising emotions.
She merely shushes him and holds the side of his face against her. In silence, she continues to lead the boys to the small laundry room, where she begins to relieve her son of his bloody clothes. Once Kaneki is left with only his underwear, she faces Hide, who had been following her like a shadow. The blond child looks up at her and gives a small smile. She returns the expression and gestures to his shirt.
"It would seem you got in a bit of a mess as well…" she states softly.
He furrows his brows in confusion before looking down at himself and gasping. "Oh…I didn't even notice…" he mutters as he sees blood had gotten on his shirt from helping his friend.
"Your father will most definitely be concerned if he sees this. Allow me to wash this for you as well," she offers.
Hide scratches his cheek. "Are you sure? If it's not too much trouble…"
She shakes her head. "Of course not. Besides, I needed to get the laundry done tonight anyway. Hand me your shirt, if you please."
Hide follows her instruction, pulling the cloth over his head. When she holds it up to the dim light, he sees the patches of blood more clearly before she tosses it in the washer. While she readies the laundry to start, Hide glances over at his friend. Kaneki remains quiet, his eyes downcast and blank and his arms wrapping around himself. He can tell his friend is trembling slightly due to their exposed skin and he feels himself automatically begin to step towards him. His trance is cut off when he feels a hand pushing on his back and his friend is blocked from view.
In another blur, the boys are taken into Kaneki's room, where his mother begins rummaging through the closet to find fresh clothing for them. She pulls out Kaneki's dark blue pajamas and searches for a spare shirt for Hide to wear temporarily.
"I'm trying to find something that my son hardly wears…something that's probably too big for him…oh…"
In the deep crevices of Kaneki's closet, she manages to find a plain white, short-sleeved shirt. She holds it up, flipping it over before lending it to Hide. "Here, I'm sure this will suffice while your shirt gets cleaned," she states with a polite smile.
Hide grins and accepts it. "Thank you so much, ma'am. Sorry for the trouble."
She chuckles. "Don't say that, it's no one's fault. I'm just glad both of you are safe and unharmed." She places a hand on Hide's head, ruffling his hair a bit before continuing. "Now, I'm going to need your father's number so I can tell him you're here before he worries to death. Unfortunately, I didn't think to get it from him the time we met."
Hide laughs uneasily. "Oh yeah…he's gonna murder me…again. I'm getting really good at that now."
"Well, if he's angry, which I don't blame him for, I'll try and calm him before he gets here," she reassures him.
Hide bows his head, whispering another thanks with an apologetic smile. She moves on to her son, who is now dressed in his nightwear and sitting with his knees curled to his chest on the futon. His eyes are still empty and staring off to nowhere.
She kneels and places a hand on her son's head in the same way she did with Hide. "Go to sleep, Ken, all right?"
He nods slowly, like a robot, and she then straightens up, excusing herself to make the call. Kaneki exhales before looking up to see his friend, who is already walking over to him. Hide takes a seat next to Kaneki and he places a hand on his knee. "You doing a little better?"
Kaneki smiles and nods, feeling lighter just from Hide's mere touch. He looks over at the borrowed shirt his friend is wearing and his smile grows. "I almost forgot I have that shirt. I actually think it belonged to my father when he was younger."
Hide looks down and pulls at the ends of the shirt. "Really? Does it look baggy on me?"
"No…you look cut-" Kaneki gasps and slaps a hand over his mouth. He can feel his ears getting hot and he shrinks further behind his knees.
"Wha-" Hide had instantly turned his gaze to Kaneki as soon as he heard him. "Were you just about to call me cute?"
Kaneki doesn't answer, only hiding his face between his legs and wishing he hadn't said anything at all. He hears Hide scoff playfully and then his friend's arm wraps around him. He can feel himself growing tired once more, his body sinking into his companion as the other pulls him closer.
His eyes close shut and the last thing that registers in his hazed mind is the feel of him lying on the futon, his friend's touch not leaving his side.
…
"Is he okay? What happened, do you know?"
"They're both all right. They were together at the playground again for most of the night. They came back a bit dirty so I'm having their clothes washed. I've just put them in the dryer."
Hide's eyes snap open when he hears voices, his heart pounding a bit from his sudden awakening. Something tickles his nose and he furrows his brows in annoyance until he realizes it's Kaneki's hair brushing against his face. His left arm still lies under Kaneki's head as said boy curls up against him. He carefully angles his head to glance at his friend's face. He looks at peace when asleep, like nothing bad had ever happened to him. Hide watches Kaneki's shoulder rise and fall with his breathing and then turns his head towards the door. A sliver of light slips through and stays on the floor a few inches away from them. Curious of what the adults are saying outside, he doesn't want to move and disturb his friend's tranquil state. He keeps as quiet as possible and listens.
The voices of Kaneki's mother and his father are muffled, but he can still decipher most of their conversation.
"I apologize for the burden. I understand you must have a lot on your shoulders and my son is just not helping the situation…"
"No, it's not a problem at all. Actually, I believe your son is doing more for my own son than I could at the moment."
Muted footsteps pad the floor outside. He feels Kaneki's head nudge closer against him.
"It would seem…our sons are getting along quite well in just a short time."
Her voice grows softer.
"I haven't seen Ken so attached to someone before…"
"Well, that's good to hear. I'm happy Hide found someone he gets along with so soon." His father doesn't sound angry, but relieved.
There is a pause and his father clears his throat. "Is there something wrong? You seem troubled."
Kaneki's mother immediately responds. "No, no, it's nothing. I just…I had hoped my son could find happiness. But at the same time, I feared for his safety and…right now, I'm thinking I was perhaps too paranoid…"
"There's nothing wrong with being protective, if that's what you mean…"
She sighs. "No, it's not that. I've done wrong again, I know it…"
"I'm sorry, I don't quite understand…"
"It's all right. I made a mistake, but I know now that your son is a good boy. He's good for my son."
Their voices become quieter and Hide has the urge to get closer to continue catching the exchange.
"I haven't had the chance to know your son well yet, but judging from what I know from our first meeting, the feeling is mutual. I'm just afraid Hide may be a bit too energetic sometimes, wandering off and all." His father chuckles near the end.
More footsteps and they sound like they're becoming more distant.
"I'm sure that will help bring Ken out of his shell."
"Or get him into trouble," his father jokes.
From what Hide can tell, the parents are heading further away from Kaneki's room. He swears he hears Kaneki's mother laugh for the first time; even if it is an act of politeness, it sounds genuine to him. Soon, the conversation is out of earshot and he finds himself drifting back into the black.
…
"Hide."
He is shaken back to consciousness and he turns his head to see his father kneeling above him, his hand on his shoulder. He rubs his eyes with his free hand before looking to Kaneki, who is still fast asleep.
"Time to go home, son," his father states quietly.
Hide nods in understanding and carefully moves his left arm out from under his friend's head. His father passes Hide a pillow to replace where his arm had been. As his arm slowly gets back its circulation, he goes to sit up, only for him to get snagged back down by his friend, who's hand had been clinging to his shirt during his slumber. Hide gasps in surprise and he gently takes hold of his friend's hand, removing it from his shirt.
"I have to go now, Kaneki. I'll see you soon," he whispers. He squeezes his hand as consolation and his friend loosens his grip at his words.
Once Hide gets back on his feet, his father gives him his cleaned shirt. Hide removes the borrowed one and quickly dons his own. He folds Kaneki's shirt and places it next to his friend, smiling in gratitude. When he turns back to his father, he holds out his arms and Hide complies as his father carries him out of the room. Hide leans against his father's shoulder, but not before peeking another glance at his friend and then shutting his eyes once more.
In the dark, Kaneki's fingers find the cloth left behind his friend, lingering there as he feels a hint of his friend's warmth and scent comforting him through the rest of the solitary night.
April has arrived. His stomach aches in the worst way as the anxiety creeps in.
As usual, he walks to school alone, and like the year before, the first trek always feels the longest. He keeps his head down, watching his feet take one step after the other. Nothing from his surroundings reaches his senses as he remains in his own mind. A mind that's been causing him some sleepless nights and further panic. It controls what he views every day, and he often must bite his tongue to stop himself from screaming because he still sees blood on his hands and legs.
He convinces himself that one day he will grow numb to all this and it won't scare him anymore. That this is what it means to be a ghoul. His mother hasn't said a word to him since he first took a life. He knows she knows, yet she refuses to acknowledge it.
So, the nightmares continue, turning into day frights when he starts seeing the same things regardless of his state of consciousness.
Despite his dazed state, he manages to make it to the school entrance early enough. Most of the students are already gathered outside the gate with their parents and guardians. He decides to maintain distance between him and the other kids, opting to stay near the closest tree. His fingers clench around his backpack straps and he already dreads when they are required to do first day introductions. He doesn't care to rehearse his words anymore; he knew he'd be made fun of regardless.
The gate begins to open and the children bustle in, but not before embracing their parents and saying their farewells. He waits, intending to go in once everyone else has entered the facility.
He takes a deep breath and a step forward.
"Kaneki!"
He freezes, recognizing the voice in an instant and all thoughts of negativity leave him. Before he can turn around, he is suddenly engulfed in arms and is spun around from behind. He almost loses balance, but the boy behind him keeps him steady as he is caught in a whirling embrace.
"I'm so glad I made it in time and how lucky that I bumped into my favorite person in the world! It must be fate!" Hide exclaims in joy as he finishes spinning Kaneki. He places his hands on the black-haired boy's shoulders to steady him and his eyes shimmer with happiness.
Kaneki feels dizzy, but he doesn't mind the sensation as it thwarts the bad thoughts away. When his sights catch onto his friend, he sighs in awe at how vibrant his friend is and the contagious energy he gives off in front of him. He soaks it in like he would with sunlight and a smile instantly breaks loose on his face.
"Hide...I'm so happy you're here," he finds himself saying without reservation.
Hide laughs and brings Kaneki closer to him. "Well, I wish I could skip but I gotta hit the books someday, right? Also, there's no way I'm letting you face this grimy institution on your own!"
Kaneki nestles himself against Hide's side as the blond child swings an arm around his shoulders. "Besides, school's gonna be more fun with you. So, let's get this over with, yeah?"
His strength returns to him and the two of them cross through the gate and into the school, being among the last to enter. As long as his friend is near, the monsters in his head stay dormant for a little while. He almost thinks he can make it through the year unscathed.
But when he looks down at his hands, there's blood again.
…
Like most events, the day goes by in a messy blur. Nothing stays in his mind much at all and he doesn't know how to fix it. The only scene that stays is when he heard the usual snickering during his introduction. The one aspect he remembers most is when it came to Hide, people were laughing even more. Their poisonous tongues couldn't escape him.
"Why is he so loud?"
"His hair is weird."
"The new kid is so obnoxious. I can already tell he's gonna be trouble."
"Mom would think he looks like a bad kid, and he's only what, six or seven?"
He thinks about chewing off their fingers. Every one of them. It would be so satisfying, he thinks. He needs some way to vent his relentless anger and frustration and hate. When the first part of class had ended, he had rushed over to Hide, ready to comfort him. But Hide merely looked at him like those people didn't affect him at all. His friend is unfazed and greets him as loudly as he wants, unafraid to show himself. Hide never ceases to amaze him. It intimidates him to some degree, but in a good way.
More and more, he wishes he is like Hide, strong and upbeat like him. He's grey, weak, pathetic, unworthy. But his friend is everything and more. He'd follow him to the ends of the earth if he could. He knows he doesn't have much time until Hide grows bored of him.
He treasures each moment he has with Hide, and right now, they are resting on the bleachers outlining the school field outside. The spring breeze blows past them, causing their hair to become a mess. He marvels at how Hide's hair becomes fluffier and when he reaches out to touch it, Hide looks at him and grins. His heart jumps, bothering him again.
When he withdraws his hand, Hide keeps his intent gaze on him. Usually, it makes him feel nervous, but this time, he's just numb.
"You're not doing very well, are you Kaneki…" his friends states.
Just like that, he's an open book. He can't hide.
He thinks about denying it, but knows he'll be shut down. "I don't know…what to feel anymore sometimes…" he ends up confessing.
"What's on your mind? I mean, I know it must not be easy ever since…"
"Why aren't you afraid of me? It doesn't make any sense…I…" Kaneki cuts through Hide's words with the question that explains everything, but he stops for a moment. "Is it right for me to be with you? I feel like I'm holding you back…"
"Holding me back? Where did you get that idea?" Hide looks at him with confusion.
Kaneki brushes his fingers over the pages of his book on his lap. Anxiety accompanies him. "N-Never mind…it's nothing."
Hide leans on him, grabbing onto his right arm tightly. "No, Kaneki, just tell me. Don't hide anything from me," he whines in a joking manner, but the message he sends is serious.
Kaneki peers down at Hide, who lifts his head to look back into his eyes. He begins to think his worries are foolish. But he can't help himself.
"I can tell you're gonna have a lot of friends…and so…don't feel like you have to keep hanging around me, Hide," he states quietly. He can't maintain eye contact anymore.
That is, until Hide makes him. His friend takes a hold of his shoulders and jolts him back to attention. Kaneki hesitantly complies, his gaze timid compared to the boldness he sees in Hide's.
"You must really not like me if you keep saying these things like I'm gonna ditch you," Hide says, a small smirk crossing his lips.
"No, I don't mean that-"
"Then get those thoughts out of your head! You don't think I noticed what the other kids were saying about me? As if I wanna be friends with those losers!" Hide declares, his hands tightening on Kaneki.
His face feels hot under Hide's intent gaze and he bites his lower lip.
"I didn't get to tell you this, but I overheard your mom and my dad talking that day," Hide states.
Kaneki's eyes widen curiously. "What did they say?"
Hide grins and he pulls away from him, crossing his arms behind his head. "Your mom seems to like the idea of us as friends now." His brown eyes resonate warmth as he informs his friend.
Kaneki looks down absentmindedly, the book in his lap a blur as he thinks to himself.
"It's true, I wasn't just hearing things. Also, my dad's happy about it too. Though you know what's funny?" Hide moves to straddle the bench so he's directly facing Kaneki. "He thinks I'm gonna be the bad influence. Me, not you."
Kaneki turns his gaze to his friend, his face brightening at this news.
Hide laughs, swinging his legs. "See? I'm the one you need to worry about. I'm no good~" He sings the last line.
Kaneki laughs lightly and gives a small smile. "Mom's okay with us now? I wish she could have told me…" He rubs his right arm in thought. "All this time, she still hasn't said a word to me…"
Hide stares at his friend for a moment before continuing. "So…how many half-ghouls are there? Are you one of many or what?"
Kaneki pauses at the sudden change in topic before replying. "Umm…I don't really know. But mom said it was a miracle I was born. She had doubts that I would survive."
Hide's jaw drops in wonder. "Really? Wow, so that means you're special, Kaneki!"
Kaneki frowns in disagreement. "How? If anything, being part of something that's rare leaves me feeling more like a freak than I already am."
"I love freaks. I'm one too," Hide replies with a grin.
"You're not a freak, Hide," Kaneki says, grabbing onto his friend's hand.
"Yeah, I am. Just you wait. One of these days, you'll question why you're friends with me."
Kaneki shakes his head and then he notices Hide's gaze turn gentler. His heart jolts again in response and he knows that no one has looked at him like that before, not even his mother.
"I don't know what your mother thinks exactly, but if anyone is ashamed of you for being a half-ghoul, that's wrong. I think it's amazing and unique and I'm just so curious! I wanna know more about your world, about you. Every day," Hide says. There is no hint of dishonesty in his tone, and it takes Kaneki's breath away.
Kaneki feels his throat go dry. "B-But my world is dangerous…and I honestly don't know my full capabilities yet. I could really hurt you one day."
Hide says nothing. He simply takes Kaneki's hand in his and brings it up to his face. He holds it close to his left cheek and cradles it with his eyes closed. Kaneki's pulse thunders in his ears and he can't bring himself to pull away. His mind grows fuzzy and his palms sweat.
Hide opens his eyes, staring directly into Kaneki's uncertain ones. "I'm not afraid, Kaneki. I'm excited. I wanna see what's ahead of us."
Again, Kaneki is reminded of how Hide's thoughts reflect the opposite of his own. Prior to this, he feared what will happen while his friend is looking forward to it.
Hide places Kaneki's hand down, his grip still attached. "And you know what else? That ghoul eye you have?" He points to his left and Kaneki's fingers reaches up to the one he indicates.
Hide leans closer. "I think it's really cool. Beautiful, actually…"
Kaneki feels his body temperature rise to a dangerous level and all he can do is fall forward, choosing to bury his face in Hide's chest.
"Don't say that! It's embarrassing!" Kaneki shouts, though his voice is muffled.
Hide spots Kaneki's reddened ears and he laughs, ruffling his friend's hair and keeping his hand there as he holds his friend close. "See? I told you hanging around me is a bad idea. Are you ready to back out yet?"
He hears Kaneki's giggle and it leaves him feeling warm. Hide's fingers run through the boy's inky black hair and he's sure Kaneki can hear his heartbeat. One that pounds too strong right then.
"It's gonna be okay," Hide says.
Kaneki nods, wishing he didn't have to leave his side at all.
Months pass. Every day, Hide stays by him like they were literal two peas in a pod. It comes to the point where their fellow classmates expect the two of them to be together. They come as a set and exit as so.
Until one summer day, his friend doesn't appear at school.
Going through the motions without his companion leaves him in a numbing state again. He blocks out his surroundings and all he thinks of is where his friend could be. His anxiety gets the better of him and the worst scenarios come to mind. The world they live in is not as most think, and it leaves him a nervous wreck by the afternoon.
His mother notices when he returns home sooner than usual. She gets up in the middle of her work and approaches her son standing still in the middle of the entrance hallway. His head is down and his knuckles are white from clenching onto his backpack straps.
She places a hand on top of his head and then gets down to his level.
"Ken? What's wrong?"
This is the first time in a long while since she openly showed concern for him. The shock of it causes him not to say anything at first. Gripping his hands, he slowly raises his head to meet his mother. She smiles briefly and waits for him to speak.
"I…I want to go see Hide…" he says quietly.
He doesn't normally like to voice what he wants to his mother. Often, he thinks he'll burden her and he remembers the first two years after his father passed. Almost anything he said set her off, and her pain had projected onto him. The ache of the faded bruises reminds him never to bother her with needless desires.
Though he can't avoid this now.
She can see a glimmer of strength in her son's eyes, something she hasn't seen before. It amazes her how one person could make such an impact. It reminds her of her husband and she can't help the envy that flows through her veins. Mostly, however, she is relieved.
She straightens from her kneeling position, startling Kaneki as she turns and walks away. He looks down and shuffles his feet, thinking her hint of concern is false. His thoughts are proven wrong when she returns in the next minute, handing him a small note.
"This is the address to your friend's apartment. He's not that far from here. Will you be able to go by yourself?" she informs him.
He clutches the note in his hand and looks up at her, a wide smile on his face. "Yes, mom. Thank you so much."
She returns his pleased expression. "Be careful. Try and stay where there's more people on the street."
He nods and doesn't think twice to embrace her, his arms tightening around her legs. He hears her chuckle and it lifts his spirits up more. She leans forward to hold him, her hand stroking his back.
"He is fine, Ken. Don't worry."
With those words, he leaves home with a burst of confidence. The sun is harsher on his skin as his feet carry him towards his destination as swiftly as possible. He focuses on the road, only one person on his mind moving him forward despite the heat.
It's not until he reaches Hide's apartment complex does he realize that he has never been to his friend's place before. He wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his arm and then looks down at the note his mother gave him. His friend is located on the first floor, so he scans the door numbers until he finally spots the correct one. Standing in front of his friend's door, he hesitates and swallows hard. He wonders who will answer the door as he reaches up to ring the bell.
It takes a few minutes and Kaneki hears faint footsteps from within the apartment. The door slowly opens, showing no light shining through and Kaneki finally finds himself face to face with the person he sought for.
"Kaneki? I wasn't expecting to see you," Hide states excitedly. His friend's enthusiastic voice is muffled by the surgical mask he is wearing over his nose and mouth.
As always, Kaneki can't seem to find his breath when his eyes land on his friend's face. "Hide…" he utters, his eyes watering at the sight of him.
Hide's brows furrow in worry and he takes a step forward. "Kaneki, are you okay? Did something bad happen?"
He can't believe it. Of all the things to say, and his friend worries about him. Kaneki can't take it anymore.
"Hide!" He throws himself onto his friend. His arms latch around his friend's neck and he holds him close like his life depends on it, which isn't too far from the truth.
Although the mask subdues Hide's voice, his chuckle still reaches Kaneki's ears and he is happy all the same. Hide hugs him back just as tightly, if not more so, his arms winding around his waist.
"Aww, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. Did you miss me?" Hide says, his hand patting Kaneki's back.
Kaneki can only nod as he buries his nose in Hide's neck, soaking in his friend's warmth and feeling his body relax from the tension of the day without him.
"It's okay. I just caught a bad flu. My body aches and I kinda have a fever too, did you notice? Do I feel hot to you?" Hide asks.
Kaneki pulls back a little to gaze at his friend's face. "Maybe a little? But it feels nice to me…" He blushes at what he just said and he shuts his eyes tightly in embarrassment.
Hide laughs again. "Man, you're such a dork. Anyway…" He tries to separate himself from Kaneki, but the half-ghoul refuses to let him go. "I…uh…I think you should keep your distance. I don't want you getting sick."
"I'm stronger than I look, remember?" Kaneki replies with a smile.
Hide's eyes twinkle. "Well, yeah, but just to be on the safe side…"
Kaneki pouts a bit, which makes Hide think twice about his words but he adheres to his warning in the end. Hide takes Kaneki's hand instead and leads him into the apartment.
After shutting and locking the front door, Hide yawns and scratches the back of his head. "How weak is my immune system, I mean, who in their right mind gets sick in the summer? Me, that's who, only me!"
Hide lets out a groan of frustration at being sick, followed by a productive cough. "God, I feel horrible…"
Kaneki follows his friend closely while surveying the inside of the Nagachika apartment. He notices that Hide has no lights on, so it's mostly dark, save for the sunlight that shines through the windows. He can tell that his friend must have been sleeping all day and did not bother to exit his room until he came along.
"Well, you never really wash your hands, Hide. Also, I see you wiping your nose a lot so you must have caught it from someone at school," Kaneki informs him.
"Oh, mama Kaneki strikes again," Hide replies with a snicker.
"Your dad's at work?" Kaneki asks, realizing Hide's been home alone.
"Yeah, as always." Hide stops when they reach the living room and he turns to his friend. "Anyway, I'm really happy you came all this way to see me, Kaneki. Although I'm super tired so I'm afraid you're gonna be bored with me," he says as he suppresses another yawn.
Kaneki shakes his head. "I'm never bored with you, Hide. I want to be by your side."
He can't see Hide smiling under the mask, but he can tell his friend must be by the way his eyes shine. "Okay, well, I'm going back to bed. You can go ahead and explore the place, but try not to mess with dad's work stuff. Oh, and you can use the T.V. or read some of dad's books or something."
Kaneki nods and Hide turns away from him. "I'll be dying in my room. If you need something, just go ahead and wake me up."
Kaneki scoffs at Hide's morbid joke as his friend trudges down the hall. When he sees Hide disappear into his room, Kaneki spends the next few moments scanning the apartment. It's a little messier compared to his, especially since his mother takes care of the cleaning. There is a stack of mail on the dining table and dirty dishes left in the sink. He walks past the kitchen and further down the small hallway to find Mr. Nagachika's room. Compared to his dad's study, there are fewer books and it's emptier. To him, it looks like Hide's father is still working on filling up the space in his room. He glances over the books on the shelves before his eyes latch onto a picture frame on the desk. He picks up the frame and sees three people in the photo. There is Hide's father on the left, smiling wide alongside a woman with long, blond hair.
Hide's mother…
In her arms lies a baby, which he knows is his friend. Kaneki looks in awe at baby Hide, who only had a small tuft of hair on his head then. His eyes look back and forth between Hide and his mother, noticing that they both have quite the resemblance, although he can see his father's features in Hide as well. Certain questions begin to form in Kaneki's head as he places the frame back on the desk.
Kaneki decides he's done with exploring for now and he makes his way towards Hide's room. The door is open halfway and he pushes it to allow himself in. Hide lies on his side on the futon, his back facing Kaneki. He hears Hide snoring slightly and gets down on his knees. He quietly crawls to his friend and stops when he's beside him. He softly places a hand on Hide's arm, detecting his friend's temperature is hotter than usual.
"Hide?" Kaneki whispers, shaking him gently.
Hide doesn't answer right away and Kaneki says his name again, shaking him a little harder. The second time, his friend stops snoring and he flinches awake.
"Hmm? What?" Hide asks in a groggy tone. He places an arm over his head as he shifts to lie on his back.
"Did you take any medicine for your fever?" Kaneki asks, worry crossing his face.
Hide sniffs and shakes his head. "No…"
"No wonder, you're burning up, Hide. Did you drink any water? Did you eat anything?"
Hide shakes his head again and Kaneki places a hand on his friend's forehead. "Do you have any medicine?"
"Yeah, I think it's in the cabinet in the kitchen…"
Kaneki stands up, getting ready to care for his friend. "What about food?"
Hide groans as he thinks. "I'm not really that hungry…but I think there's canned soup in the kitchen as well. I can make it later…"
"No, leave it to me, Hide. You just keep resting, okay?" Kaneki commands and Hide lets out a weak laugh.
"Okie dokie mom…"
With that, Kaneki quickly runs to the kitchen. He looks through all the cabinets until he finds what he needs: a pot, a can of chicken noodle soup, and once he gets to the medicine cabinet, he finds a small bottle of Tylenol, which he recalls his mother would take if she got the flu.
Thank goodness... He exhales in relief as he stares at the supplies he set on the dining table.
He picks up the can of soup and reads the label to understand how to make it.
Humans eat this stuff? It doesn't sound very good…but it doesn't seem difficult to make.
He follows the simple directions to heat up the canned soup. He has to stand on a stepping stool in order to reach above the stove, and while he's stirring, he notices Hide walking out to the living room. His blond hair sticks up all over the place like a bird's nest and when he looks at Kaneki, he waves. Kaneki feels sadness at seeing his friend look so worn out, unlike how he usually is. He wishes he could take this sickness right out of his friend's body, like it is an actual bug he could squish.
Hide drags his feet into the kitchen and pulls up a chair from the dining table to sit on while he waits. "So, how's the soup going, mom?"
"I think it's about done. Hang on…" Kaneki turns off the stove and he stirs the soup some more before turning to Hide. "Where do you keep the bowls?"
"Oh, I gotcha." Hide goes over to a cupboard and pulls out a bowl and spoon for himself. He walks over to Kaneki, who carefully takes the bowl and pours the soup into it, causing a few spills here and there during the process.
"Smells pretty good, Kaneki," Hide states with his eyes closing in glee.
Kaneki scrunches his nose. "Really? It doesn't to me."
"Wait, half-ghouls can't eat human food at all? Even if you're technically half human?" Hide inquires.
Kaneki scratches his cheek. "I actually…don't really know…I've never tried human food before…"
Hide chuckles. "Well, maybe you should try some of this before I do."
Kaneki backs away when Hide tries to shove a spoonful to his face. "Uh, no thanks. This is for you, not me."
Hide scoffs in a joking manner. "You sure?"
Kaneki nods and his friend shrugs as he takes the bowl over to his chair. A thought strikes the half-ghoul just as Hide pulls his mask down and is about to take a bite. "Wait!"
Hide stops mid-way, his mouth open as he dramatically pauses his spoon in mid-air. Kaneki goes over to the Tylenol bottle and hands it to him. "I think you should take this first for your fever."
Hide closes his mouth and grimaces at the medicine. "Ugh, okay. But I'm gonna need some water to go with it."
Before Hide can make another move, Kaneki goes to grab a glass of water for his friend. Hide pops the plastic measuring cup off the Tylenol bottle along with the cap and reads the directions on how much to pour.
"Here, I can do it," Kaneki offers and Hide smiles as he hands the bottle over to his friend. The black-haired boy sets it on the dining table and carefully pours out the correct amount.
Hide purses his lips together as he takes the measuring cup from Kaneki before he consumes the medication. He winces slightly and Kaneki passes the water to him. After two gulps of water, Hide exhales and grins at his friend.
"Well, I did what you said. Can I have my soup now?" Hide asks, putting his hands out.
Kaneki smiles and returns the bowl to the blond boy. Hide hops off his chair and makes his way towards the living room. "Wanna watch some T.V., buddy?" he asks, looking over his shoulder.
The two boys make themselves comfortable on the sofa as Hide turns on the small television set. They sit together, watching a random cartoon in comfortable silence. Kaneki peeks at Hide while he eats and moves a little closer to him, despite his warning not to.
A little while later, Hide has finished his soup and his knees are pulled to his chest as he continues watching the show. Kaneki is more preoccupied with his thoughts, and he ponders whether he should bring up what he wants to say to his friend. Ultimately, after much contemplation, he decides to ask.
"Hide?"
"Hmm?"
"I saw a picture of your parents in your dad's room earlier."
That statement effectively takes Hide's attention away from the television and his eyes set on Kaneki. The half-ghoul notices a hint of darkness in the way Hide looks at him, but it is overshadowed by his bright demeanor.
"Yeah? Did you see my mom?" he asks in a nonchalant tone.
Kaneki nods, suddenly feeling uneasy. "Yes…and I'm just curious but, what happened to her?"
Hide's gaze detaches from Kaneki's for a moment as he stares off into space. Kaneki gulps and quickly adds, "N-Never mind, don't answer that. I shouldn't have-"
Hide places a hand on Kaneki's and he smiles. "It's okay."
Kaneki nibbles on his lower lip nervously as Hide withdraws his hand and hugs his knees. "I saw her hanging in her room one day. I really didn't understand why…but it's something that will never leave my mind no matter how hard I try to forget."
Kaneki feels his heart stop hearing those words. Hide rests his chin on his knees and his gaze stays focused on the T.V., though he's not truly watching.
"Dad said it's called 'suicide.' She killed herself. And honestly, it makes me so confused and…mad?" Hide confesses. His tone is so low and quiet, it scares Kaneki. He instantly regrets asking, but at the same time, he is Hide's friend and he is bound to find out sooner or later.
Hide shakes his head slowly. "I don't know. I thought she was okay. I mean, I guess she and dad got into fights here and there, but it always seemed like they made up." He grasps his forehead with both hands and looks to his friend with a grin that, for the first time, looks fake to Kaneki's eyes. "I just don't know."
Kaneki immediately reaches for Hide's hand and keeps it in his strong grip. "I'm sorry, Hide, I didn't mean to make you bring it up. I'm so sorry."
Hide smiles. "It's okay, Kaneki. You deserve to know. I know your secrets, and so you need to know mine. That's what friends are for, right?"
Kaneki doesn't let his eyes stray from Hide, his hand tightening its hold on his friend's. Hide grabs the remote with his free hand and shuts off the television. He sighs and turns to Kaneki. "Well, I'm going back to bed."
"I'll come with you," Kaneki replies quietly.
The boys shuffle together, with Kaneki clinging to his friend's left arm as they make their way to Hide's room. No words are exchanged as Hide prepares himself for sleep on the futon. Kaneki lets go of his arm, causing Hide to look up at his friend. Kaneki's eyes are downcast and there is melancholy written on the boy's face. Hide pulls his mask over his nose and mouth before speaking up.
"We're not really good at keeping our distance, huh?"
Kaneki snaps out of his daze at Hide's words and his cheeks redden. He doesn't know what to say.
"Wanna lie next to me?" Hide asks, pulling aside the blanket.
Kaneki gives a small smile and nods. Hide motions for him to come over as he lays down.
"The least I can do is have my back to you so I'm not breathing germs all over you," Hide mumbles as he turns to his side again.
Kaneki makes his space next to him, waiting and listening to Hide's breathing until it comes to a steady rhythm. His gaze stays fixed on the outline of Hide's spine through his shirt.
He is selfish.
He is not the only one that knows pain. That knows how the world works.
But of all people, he wishes his friend didn't have to know this truth.
Kaneki closes the gap between him and Hide. He moves forward to the point where his forehead touches Hide's back. His hands grip onto his friend's shirt and he shuts his eyes.
Hide opens his eyes when he feels Kaneki against him. Kaneki's warm breath brushes against his back and he thinks about what he shared with his friend, the words hovering above his head like a heavy storm cloud. When Kaneki grips onto his shirt, he closes his eyes once more.
This time, no one separates the boys. They stay together through the static night, both vulnerable and isolated from the rest of the world.