Chapter 10

P O V: Gabriela Dawson

"Mommy!" Brent's voice fills my ears he's almost running with excitement at seeing me except his heavy backpack prevents him from running too fast. I feel my whole body light up as I see my little dude being so energetic. Sylvie, Matt, I are sitting on the bench outside the kids school. Brent's kindergarten class is slowly streaming out along with the other lower level classes. His teacher Miss. Tate is holding his hand she flashes me a smile "Hey baby how was your day?" "Awesome Mommy! We learnt how to write a poem, I got homework mommy!" Gasping in mock horror and surprise I cover my mouth his giggles filled the air. "You do chiquitio?" "Si' momma," "What do you have baby nene," he bit his lip in confusion, frustration. I look to Miss. Tate who ruffles his blond hair. "He has to write a poem/song using each letter of his name as the starting phrase for each bar, it can be just his first name or his whole name,"

"Sounds fun, this kid loves music thanks to someone singing to him every night," I called over my shoulder to Sylvie who grinned waving her hand as a your welcome sign. His lower lip quivered "Why can't I member mommy?" kneeling down by him I took his hands into mine. "Sweetie we've talked about this it's because the medicine you had to take effected your memory, that's why you see Mr. Alex three times a week, so you can get better,"

"Can he make me less stupid? Because this sucks!" My heart broke as he stomped his foot "Love you aren't stupid," "Yes I am! All the kids think so! They all make fun of me because I am slower," I looked to Miss. Tate who shrugged looking very concerned. "Yo' Baby Nene," I looked up to see Shay's nine year old son Cashel who we call Cash come up holding Sam's hand. "I told ya before buddy if anyone makes fun of you send them my way, I'll take care of them losers,"

I hate seeing my son suffer I had no idea he was being bullied I want to get names and go crazy on those parents, but I know it won't help in the long run I can't go to school with him, Cash can however so I am glad he's looking out for him.I just want him to start to lead a normal life to leave cancer and it's painful past behind him. Even though he's been in remission for two years he suffers cognitive issues. Doctors call it Chemo brain he has attention issues, dyslexia, long term retention issues, we started him with a therapist when he was two Mr. Alex who is phenomenal he's helped him come so far in the last three years. He still has a long way to go but every time he completes a milestone to me and to Matt it's an accomplishment we were afraid he would never see.

"Will bring your sheet to Mr. Alex today we have to see him after your appointment with Dr. Renee today," "Yeah I remember mommy but can't Aunt Sylvie help me? She's really talented with music, I really want to write a song." "Well baby why don't you ask Aunt Sylvie in the car?" "Alright I can do that mommy."

Matt strapped both boys into their seats as Sylvie sat between them, Cash in the very back Matt next to me up front. "Aunt Sylvie can you please help me with my homework?" His little voice was precious to me he has a lisp due to the high dosage of Chemo he had received the last time, he suffered hearing loss which effected his speech he's been seeing a Speech Pathology over the last two years, Mrs. Laura is amazing but all I want is for him to be healthy, happy to grow up with every chance to be the brightest, best.

Dr. Rene's office is located on the Children's Campus of Chicago Med called the South Campus in a mix of newly modernized, renovated buildings all beautiful decorated with the latest equipment/ technology. As usual her office was packed walking inside the building Brent instantly lite up waving at all the staff members who have become family to him. "Hi Nurse Cali, Hi nurse Jenna! Hi Dr. Reva!" Each staff member instantly smiled at him kneeling down to his level all replying "Hey buddy how are you? How's school? Wow you've gotten so big! No way this can't be Mr. Brent Dawson-Casey can it be?" his giggle filled the air making everyone stop and smile, "It is! It is me see mommy I told you I grew!" "Yes baby you sure did."

Sylvie tapped my shoulder pointing to one of the rooms to the side her office is divided into several sections when you walk in there's an impressive lobby of multi color neon tiles, floor to ceiling oak beams, each decorated as amazing kid painted murals. Bright enclosed lighting fixtures, double pained windows which are stained glass painted by former and current patients. The reception desk is bright purple/ pink it's decorated like a 50's cafe. The nurse's all wear scrubs that are 50's themed pink and black, records, sock hops, malts, rock n roll.

This office is more than just an office it's a center a home away from home, music is played through the state of the art system, the left side is for kids from infancy to 13 years of age, three rooms are for kids who are currently on Chemo, Radiation, who's immune system is weakened or compromised, three other rooms are for healthy kids who are in remission and here for checks ups. Sylvie has grabbed a mask since she is still sneezing coughing and dealing with a sore throat, she's sitting on the floor with the kids, a play area is in each. The right side is the same setup but for kids 13-21.

There's two hallways for exam rooms one on each side both have twenty four rooms each room have HEPA-filtered private rooms and bathrooms to help prevent infection, along with activity areas, consult rooms and family lounges. There are consult rooms, a teen lounge, a family lounge, specially pressurized rooms for patient safety and check-out scheduling stations. The building has a separate elevator and pathway straight to the Children's oncology units in Med. Plus, the outpatient clinic provides scheduling for all exams and appointments, which ensures continuity during a patient's entire outpatient visit. All inpatient and infusion rooms have an Xbox or Nintendo Wii to help pass the time and make the hospital stay a little more fun. The Procedure Clinic is opened seven days a week to inpatients and outpatients. Pediatric anesthesiologists administer anesthesia to minimize pain and anxiety associated with bone marrow aspirates and lumbar punctures. This clinic's outpatient location greatly improves efficiency and satisfaction of patients and their families. An Infusion Center is part of the outpatient clinic with private rooms and comfortable infusion chairs, multiple entertainment options, creative therapies and room service for meals.

"What word can you think of that starts with B?" Sylvie asked grabbing a pen and paper as Brent thought about all the words he knew starting with B. "Write them down and will chose the best of the best-est," She tickles his tummy which gets him laughing. "Boy, But that's lame like Butt jokes," He laughed again.

"Barn, Balloon, Brave, Baggage, band," his little face scrunched up his body tensed which worried me he takes things so seriously he is so hard on himself, I hate seeing him put pressure on himself like this. My eyes went to Matt and Sam who are playing Trucks on the floor crashing them together laughing. Such differences between the two boys Sam is so silly always up for a good time he enjoys fart jokes, racing bikes, climbing every damn surface possible even things he has no business climbing. Basketball, baseball, football, running he is super active and loves being outside.

He's sweet yet naughty just like his dad he lives to prank people, while Brent is more withdrawn he loves music, reading, putting on plays for us, he has never been able to play sports due to his bleeding issues, so he's learned to entertain himself, video games, creating his own Cyber world. Cooking has become a passion that him, I share. With his dad they enjoy fishing, building things, he loves to help his dad at his construction sites.

"Dang boy you are a beast you got this see you don't need my help," She tickles him laughing kissing his check. "Beast! You are a genius Auntie!" "Aw thanks babe I try." filled with excitement he dropped his pen twice as he bounced in her lap his eyes lit up. "Okay how is this Auntie?"

"Beast that's what I am lyrically, spiritually, physically, mentally, a warrior all I need is the

Right beat watch me move my lips cuz I'm magic on the mic."

Sylvie rubs his back as he taps his pen against his paper.

"Every ear will rock to my spit, your welcome son, I know I'm swag no praise needed, thank you

Next step up you can't match my flow, I'll leave you crying

Broke counting my dollars as I achieve all I've

Reached for taking you on a tour of my

Oh so fancy dreams turned reality cuz some people were born for the spotlight

Ops they were talking about me

Kicking it like my feet watch these fires of flame

Laying all these tracks so sweet putting my hometown Chicago on this rap map

Nah ya can't catch me now, I ain't mad, boy I'm laughing

Dancing with glee filling stadiums,

Aw you wanna be like me?

Watch me, learn how I do me

Sorry you can't stop greatness

Others tell me I was born to inspire, invoke desire

Now I take this seriously it's an honor

Carpi I dedicate this to you my cancer

Angel sister in this war who's watching over me gone too soon

See she was only three when god called her home

Ewing sarcoma took her body from this earth

Spirit and hope is what she left us with her legacy

You may wonder how we keep going when death has touched me so many times"

He seems stuck now. Sylvie smiles as she starts to sing filling the room with the sweetest, most gorgeous sound. Better than any current song on the radio. Anybody who wasn't already listening is now glued to their seats ears turned to her as she sung softly projecting outwards so her voice was lifted to the heavens.

"What else can I do? I didn't chose this fight, the battle darkened my door

Now I have to chose to look to the bright side or let the storm wash me away.

Mamma didn't raise a quitter, nope I am nothing but a winner,"

Brent grinned as he finished off the song. "Brent Brooklyn Dawson-Casey is who I am,"

Twenty minutes later we sat in the exam room while Dr. Renee examined Brent who was talking a mile a minute. Sylvie was half asleep in Matt's lap there were only two chairs so I took one while Matt had taken the other to hold Sam who had long since squirmed out to play on the floor with Cash, leaving Sylvie who was growing more, more weakened to crawl onto Matt's lap.

"Ready for your happy juice Brent?" "Yuck nope, but I know I have to," he made a face as Dr. Renee slipped on the oxygen mask which contained Anesthesia within seconds he was laying on his side while I held his hand, rubbing it trying to control my tears. Matt rubbed my shoulder squeezing it tightly. Dr. Renee was as quick as possible drilling the hole into his side to check his marrow. This would be our way of telling if there were any blasts in his marrow a sign of re-occurrence.

'He's a fighter Gabby, if we could all have his will power we'd be okay," I looked over to see how pale she was dark circles were under her eyes which looked bloodshot. She was looking worse than a few hours ago yet she was smiling squeezing my shoulder pushing herself off Matt's lap to come stand by me. Both of us clogged with emotion as we watched Dr. Renee drill into his tiny hip. I felt her wince as she held her own hip. "are you okay Sylvie? Are you still hurting from your bone marrow aspiration earlier?" "yea but I'll be okay, this isn't about me right now."

She has to be the sweetest most compassionate human being ever. Once the producer was done she cleaned him up sending the tubes down to the lab for testing which would take a few weeks to get the results back.

Brent would have to lay like this for an hour till he was fully awake sitting up talking and eating before he could go home. "Least he got to sleep," She yawned rubbing her side which was red, bruised badly. "Does it itch? Hurt?" "No, Yes just really tired so tired, I feel like I can barely stand," Matt leaped up grabbing her "You need to sit Sylvie," 'cold so cold, achoo" he nodded at me to grab blankets as she sneezed three more times. Nurse Kayla gratefully grabbed blankets for me. Once we wrapped her up Matt lifted her up into his lap within minutes she was half asleep, "Don't know why I am so tired, slept all afternoon," "Babe you have leukemia your red cells aren't producing enough to keep you energized or warm, their crowding your marrow," she never answered because she was already passed out.

Even twenty minutes later when Brent was awake, when Dr. Rene came back with his blood work to reveal his CBC looked excellent Sylvie did not stir. Relief flooded me as she told us he was growing normally his vitals were normal, he was right on schedule. I didn't have time to stop myself from crying. Getting on her knees she took my hand as Matt tried to rub my back. I couldn't get air as all my emotions clogged my throat.

"Mamma?" Sam's innocent eyes looked up from the wall hearing me sniffle instantly he wobbled over hugging my leg. "No cry Mommy, no cry it's okay," this made me cry harder as I heard Matt tell Dr. Rene about Sylvie's illness. I was just getting good news about my son now my best friend was fighting for her life. When would this end? When do we get our rainbow? How many storms does God think I can weather before I break?

Giving me a bottle of water Dr. Renee held my hand as I cried when I manged to pull myself together I looked into her eyes seeing the same fire I saw four years ago when my son was given his Cancer sentence. "Gabriela I want you to listen to me, I won't stop till I find the best treatment for Sylvie, I normally don't treat adults unless it's a special case, Sylvie is that special case, I will search high, low for the best colleague to help me, we will not stop unless Sylvie tells me to, will get her home to you,"

Home what a sweet word, I longed to get all my loved ones under one roof to hold them tight and kick cancer out of our lives forever.

While she slept Dr. Renee gently drew blood to test her CBC again to see if there was any chance form earlier. Sylvie woke up vomiting three times while we waited for her results confused each time. I now had another problem explaining to my now angry five year old son why I never told him his aunt had the same illness he did.

Not an easy task at any time but given the face he had a headache, he was nausea and tired it was even more unpleasant. In the end I had to give in to ice cream for dinner for two weeks, an extra hour of TV and a promise to never lie again. "Head hurts mommy, kiss it, make the pain go away," I knew this battle was far from over when he felt better I would pay the real price.

"Gabby wake Sylvie up please," When Dr. Rene came in some time later I knew it was serious groggy she sat up I could tell she was nauseated by one shared look. "I'm cutting to the point guys Sylvie when you were in the ER early this morning, your white cell count was 13,00 normal count is 10,000 or less, now you are up to almost 15,000, you should be dead point blank, Sylvie you need to start Cytroreduction or you'll be dead within the next few days, this isn't optional. I bumped a patient tomorrow in the Am Sylvie you need to be there,"

She remained silent scared for her baby which she kept rubbing her hand across her stomach. We didn't say anything to her as we packed up heading out, Cash helped me with Sam while Matt wrapped his arm around Sylvie's waist. "Gabby? Matthew?" Who the hell was calling him Matthew? Spinning around I felt myself relax when I saw it was the parents of one of Brent's friends from his inpatient days Ryan Lucas is 6 years old, his parents Candy and Bar rushed over to us. "How are you? Oh my god so good to see you." "how are the kids?" the question was asked with a mixture of hope because every parent hopes their friends kids are doing well, fear because every parents of a cancer kid knows hope and fear can very easily cross paths within hours of each other. "Gabby, Matt we need to celebrate next month will be two years successfully they've been in remission,"

Everyone knows it's when they hit five years that the real celebration is honored after five years doctors considered you cured. Try telling that to a mom who has sat by her child's bedside held their hand after they've been so weakened from Chemo they couldn't even keep water down, try looking into your child's eyes when they ask why mommy why me? Try spending years begging screaming at god for him to spare your child. Now try telling them oh it's only two years, every day we get with our kids is a miracle to us a reason to celebrate.

So I don't correct her I smile agree and exchange numbers, she had just gotten a new phone of course so she lost all her contact info. "We should call Jayson's family isn't he around the same date as our boys?" There was that look that passed between Candy and Bar that made me shiver. "Oh dear you haven't heard?" "Heard what Candy?" "Gabby, Matt, Sylvie I am so sorry Jayson passed away last night,"

Cold shock froze my body I saw Brent look up I often wondered how much about death he understood, about how serious cancer was. The look of sadness in his eyes, his lyrics from earlier haunted my ears. "Carpi I dedicate this to you my cancer/ Angel sister in this war who's watching over me gone too soon

See she was only three when god called her home

Ewing sarcoma took her body from this earth

Spirit and hope is what she left us with her legacy

You may wonder how we keep going when death has touched me so many times" I know now he understands a lot more than any kid should, sometimes I think he understands more than I do. Maybe it's the innocence of being a child, I don't know. "I'm going to be sick," Sylvie covered her mouth rushing to the nearest nurse who gave her a basin seconds before she lost control. Her legs giving out as she crashed to the ground pain causing her to cry out. Quickly nurses helped get her onto a stretcher as someone grabbed Dr. Renee who ordered her to be rushed up to ICU.

Tears fell freely as I clutch Matt's hand's his eyes filled with fear both of us understanding just how dire Sylvie's condition had become and how quickly knowing the meaning of both. What it meant to her chances of making a full recovery.

Why was Cancer doing this to us? wasn't anyone free from it's ugly grasp? Grabbing Sylvie's hand I made a vow to myself to god, to Matt she wasn't going to fight this alone. "Call Shay ask her to pick up the kids, I'm not leaving Sylvie's side. I'm her legal guardian now, as long as she's unconscious. I have to make the medical choices,"

Matt kissed my head "There's no one I trust more with my sister's life," 51 is family we take care of each other we are brothers, sisters. It was evident because as soon as I called Shay she relayed the whole troupes to come down, taking shifts. Herrman lead us in a prayer as we waited for news.

Heavenly Father, we come before you with a
solemn heart and in need of your intercession.
We pray that the cancer that has come into our lives
soon fades into a quick remission.

We believe in your capacity for miracles, and ask for this on 51's
behalf. As we grow older, we know we become closer
to the day you accept us back into your kingdom.
We ask that you delay that holy union if it be your will.
In your name we pray,

Amen.