His skin is hot under the touch of Hide's sweaty palm grasping his hand on the bars. His pulse rises and his teeth chew on his bottom lip as he stares at his friend, who focuses on making sure he is all set to go.

Hide looks up and their eyes connect. "Okay, you got this. You ready?"

Kaneki laughs lightly. "Um…I guess. You better not let go of me."

Hide grins and clenches his hands over Kaneki's in response. "Aww, you just can't keep away from me for a second?"

His bright smile widens when the boy seated on the bike gets red in the face. "Hide! I'm serious! Don't let me fall!"

Hide settles down from his laughter and he rubs his thumb over the other's hand. "I won't. I'll be right here with you."

With his feet planted firmly on the pedals, he slowly begins to trudge forward. He feels Hide's hand on the small of his back, his touch not leaving him for a second.

"There you go! Isn't it easy?" Hide comments with excitement.

Kaneki realizes he's been holding his breath and he lets out an exhale as he concentrates on keeping his balance on Hide's bike. His feet begin to move faster and before he knows it, the wind rushes through him when he speeds up.

He turns his head to his left side, only to find that Hide is not there, nor does his friend's hand stay in contact. He looks over his shoulder to see Hide standing back a few feet away with a huge grin.

"H-Hide!" Kaneki cries out and in the next second, he loses control and begins to tip over. Hide rushes over as soon as Kaneki collides to the ground, the bike following him in a heap.

Kaneki gasps in pain, wincing at what he knew were scrapes on his elbows and knee. The front wheel of the bike continues to spin and Hide crouches next to him, his friend's laughter ringing in his ears.

The half-ghoul punches his friend lightly in the arm. "It's not funny, Hide. You're a liar!"

"But you were doing so well for a minute there! I knew you could go on without me!" Hide calms himself from his fit of chuckles and clears his throat. "You just had to look back at me, huh? Am I that good-looking to the point that you fell?" Hide teases and mocks a loud gasp. "I didn't know I had such power…"

Kaneki smacks the blond twice over the head at those words. He can't stop his face from getting hotter and hotter and it irritates him. It makes him nervous. Exposed.

His heart may as well be in his hand, beating right there for him to see in its bloody glory.

Hide's brown eyes gaze into Kaneki's so gently, yet it's too intense to the other. The sting of the fall doesn't faze him as much as the human boy does.

"Are you okay?" Hide then asks with concern. He looks over Kaneki's body and notices the minor abrasions on his arms, but at the same time, he can see the boy is already healing as they speak.

"I'm sorry, I'll stick with you for real this time," Hide reassures him softly. He places his hand on the other's shoulder when Kaneki breaks eye contact.

Kaneki shakes his head and smiles. "No, it's not a big deal. But I'm blaming you for making me fall." He laughs and pushes Hide while he gets back on his feet.

Hide scoffs and wraps an arm around Kaneki's shoulders, pulling him back in a playful vice grip. Kaneki gasps in shock from the sudden impact when he collides against Hide and then breaks out into more laughter when the blond begins to run his fingers along his ribs, tickling him in his most sensitive spots.

Unknown to the boys, intent eyes watch their antics, especially noticing the pure joy that radiates from the half-ghoul. Her son.

She is relieved, but she can't feel anything else. The weight on her shoulders seems to get heavier by the day and she is surprised her lungs could keep up, for there is barely time to breathe.

"Please, you can't abandon me now, sis. I need you now more than ever."

Ever since her sister's husband lost his job, her workload doubled and it came to the point where she couldn't see her son for weeks on end. At this moment, she is lucky she can catch a glimpse of him now as she continues her work at home.

The boys resume biking across the parking lot and every so often, she would pause and watch them again through the window. She can feel her energy dwindling as the hours pass, but she pushes herself. When she sees her son's happiness from afar, it helps her and she can ignore the rest of her senses urging her to stop.

Eventually, the darkness of night sets in, causing her to turn the lights on and the boys outside no longer circle the vacant lot. She holds her forehead in her right hand, letting out a deep breath that does little to alleviate the stress. She closes her eyes and she can hear the footsteps of the boys scrambling up the stairs. She can tell they are racing each other due to the loud, clumsy steps they take. Once the door opens, she takes in another sharp breath and stands to her feet, leaving her work behind for now.

…

"Thank you so much for this. It looks delicious!" Hide states with a beam. The hamburger platter placed in front of him steams in his view and the smell overwhelms his senses. He rubs his hands together in anticipation.

Kaneki's mother smiles and nods. "Please dig in. I haven't been able to cook much for other people in a long time. I've forgotten how much I enjoy it."

Hide looks to his right to see his friend sitting at the table with his usual book in hand. His grin fades slightly while he watches Kaneki concentrate on the small words. His friend's brows furrow as he gets lost in the literature world again. When Hide turns his attention to his friend's mother, who is busy cleaning her workspace in the kitchen, Kaneki peeks at the blond boy and then his eyes trail to his mother's cooking in front of them.

The aroma of the cooked beef surrounds them; Kaneki thinks he should be nauseated from the smell and not even stand to be at the table with them. But to his surprise, his stomach doesn't churn and he has no urges to gag. Instead, it smells pleasant to him. He swallows as he watches Hide taking his first bite of the hamburger in content and he slowly begins to set his novel down. His mother turns around with a plate for herself and that's when the words spring out of his mouth without warning.

"C-Could I try some?"

Hide looks up almost immediately when he hears his friend's soft voice, his mouth full and causing his cheeks to puff out. Kaneki lowers his head, suddenly embarrassed when he feels his mother and friend staring at him. His mother smiles instantly, a shock of warmth flowing through her frozen veins.

"Of course, dear. This is the first time you've wanted to try human food. What changed?" his mother asks. She reaches across the table to touch his hand.

Kaneki bites his lip and meets his mother's eyes. "Well…I just thought I should, for once. Especially since you made it."

Hide smiles at his words and his mother wastes no time to prepare a dish for him. Hide stops eating and waits as the hamburger is placed in front of Kaneki, who leans over and takes a slow inhale, testing his senses before proceeding. His mother takes her seat in front of her son and feels her heart rate rise when she sees Kaneki grasp the fork and stab a corner of the meat on his plate. She finds herself holding her breath when he pauses, the meat hovering near his lips. He then closes his eyes and places it in his mouth before he could try and stop himself.

Hide and his mother don't move a muscle, their intense gaze not wavering from Kaneki, who chews the hamburger meat carefully in his mouth, his own eyes squeezed tightly shut. After what seems like a long moment, Kaneki's eyes snap open and the two watching him brace themselves.

"It's…good…no…" His grey eyes lock with his friend and mother and they both notice the shine of happiness in them. "It's amazing! I can't believe…"

He stares down at the meat and then up at his mother again. His breath catches in his throat when he sees his mother's eyes glazed over with unshed tears. He almost doesn't know what shocks him more, the fact that he is able to enjoy his mother's cooking, or the fact that his mother looks genuinely happy in the longest time.

A weight collides against him and his face meets with his friend's cheek, who flings himself onto his left. Hide's arms squeeze around his neck and shoulders. "You can taste the hamburger, Kaneki? For real? It doesn't taste bad at all?"

Kaneki grins and wraps his fingers around Hide's forearm. "Yes, I can't believe I can actually eat this!"

His mother observes the two friends sway in their excitement and the warmth from before doesn't leave her body. The boys continue with their first meal together and she takes the time to imprint this image into her mind. She wishes this moment would last and she wouldn't have to leave.

She stays with the boys, catching up on their days in school and realizing how close the boys have gotten in just a few years of knowing each other. She realizes something when she sees her son with her friend. Something that sets her mind at ease.

After a round of seconds and stories of silly shenanigans, she leads both boys to Kaneki's bedroom. She tucks her son in his futon, who is already falling fast asleep. She strokes his soft black hair and notices how peacefully he sleeps with no barriers between him and them. She draws closer over her son's form, holding him against her body, her lips grazing against his cheek. Her chest feels tight and she breathes in her son's scent.

She pulls away from him.

"Are you sure it's okay for me to sleep over? My dad could take me home," Hide says, scratching his cheek.

"I insist. Besides, Ken wants you to stay," she replies gently. She sets another spare futon down next to her son and Hide smiles in gratitude as he crawls over to his space.

When Hide is about to get under the covers, she speaks again.

"Tell me something, Hide," she says.

Hide looks up and waits for her to continue. "What do you think of Ken?"

Hide blinks at the question. "What do I think?" he repeats quietly. His brown eyes trail to his friend beside him. He stares at the way Kaneki's chest rises and falls with each breath he takes.

"He's the greatest friend I could ever have. I don't know why, but it's kind of hard to put into words what I think… We're connected. I can't imagine us not being friends."

Hide chuckles nervously, and he doesn't understand why he feels tongue-tied. He looks down at his hands as they grip onto the blanket.

Kaneki's mother says nothing for a moment, digesting the words the boy had just uttered. "He's important to you?"

Hide looks into her weary eyes. "Yes, without a doubt."

She smiles lightly and then extends her hand to touch his. "I was wondering if you could do something for me. It's not a favor exactly…more like a promise."

Hide nods and his brows wrinkle with concern. He senses there is something off, something she's hiding. He finds reading her quite difficult, forever a mystery to him.

"If what you say is true, and that my son is indeed important to you, I want you to look after him. I have no doubt in my mind that I can trust you in watching over my son and protecting him."

She squeezes Hide's hand and the blond child's eyes widen at her words. "After hearing your stories tonight, I realize how far behind I am. I realize I unfortunately can't be there for my son as much as I want."

"So please…" She locks gazes with the boy. "Please stay by my son's side."

There is a short pause after that and she feels the boy tighten his hand over hers. "You know, I was already planning on doing that before you even said anything," Hide assures her.

Her forehead creases with worry but his strong grasp on her withered hands tell her he's honest.

"I promise I will, with everything I have. I'll be there for your son no matter what happens," Hide states with a firm, but positive, tone.

She smiles again and relief washes over her tense form. She glances at her sleeping son and sighs. "In time, I know my son will realize what he thinks about you."

"That I'm an annoying, loud idiot?" Hide jokes as he wiggles himself underneath the blanket.

She tucks in the humorous child and stands to her feet. "Sweet dreams, Hide. And…thank you."

Hide stares at her retreating form as she turns the lights out. Her dark shadow looks back at them, and he can't make out her expression well. He thinks he might have seen a tear fall down her left cheek when she turns her head away. The door closes and a dead silence fills the room, deafening his ears.

He listens to Kaneki's calm breathing. His heart beats loud and his palms grow cold.

Little does he know, that conversation would be their last.

He knew this would happen. That his only true friend would have others to offer him their companionship. That others would soon find that the blond child is fun to be around. That he's not the rebellious delinquent people may think when they first see him based on his appearance.

But he can't help how he feels and he absolutely despises himself for it. He hates the sting of the strong emotion filling up inside him when he sees Hide smiling with someone else. It twists his heart, toys with it. Pricks it a few times to draw blood.

It's been four years since he met Hide. Four years in which their bond grew to a promising friendship. When they're both ten years old, it's when Kaneki feels this rabid emotion eating away at him for the first time.

The farther they progress through elementary school, the more involved Hide becomes in school activities. Of course, the blond insists that Kaneki join him, but the boy gets anxious when he's among so many people at once. The multiple smells of human flesh consume his senses and makes his head spin. Not only does he get extremely nervous, but he feels he might lose control. Besides, he knows the clubs Hide joins wouldn't want him coming along anyway.

Though right now, he can't help but want to join Hide simply to cement the fact that he's the boy's best friend. The only one who truly cares.

And when he thinks this way, it makes him so sick. He's selfish, selfish, selfish.

Let him live.

Don't suffocate him.

Hide gives him a strong hug goodbye as always, gives him those puppy eyes when he begs for him to stay a few more hours at school for the so-called fun club activities. Kaneki refuses every time with a smile, rubbing his chin and repeating the same lines over and over.

"I don't fit in, Hide. Besides, it doesn't suit me anyway."

Hide looks too long into his grey eyes and Kaneki knows the boy can see right through him, can read him like an open book. He's okay with being vulnerable like this in front of Hide, but in these situations, he's scared.

As usual, Hide lets it slide and he only embraces him one more time.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, okay? I'll call you when I get home!" Hide says, grasping tightly onto his hands.

Kaneki shakes his head. "No, it's okay, Hide. Go and have fun. I've got a lot of reading to catch up on anyway."

Hide scoffs in a joking manner. "Reading? You're already way ahead of the whole class, Kaneki! But if that's what you want…"

"Hey, Hideyoshi!"

The boys turn their attention to a young girl shouting from behind Hide. Kaneki's eyes narrow slightly as the girl waves at them and notices Hide grin at her. He returns the gesture and looks back at Kaneki.

"Well, I guess I gotta go."

Kaneki nods, keeping a smile on. "Don't make your dad worry by staying too late."

He rolls his eyes and ruffles Kaneki's hair. "Yeah, yeah, I got it, mom. See ya!"

Kaneki's feet don't move like he wants them too. Instead, they stay planted on the ground, making him watch Hide run to the girl who is the same age as them. A fellow club member of Hide's. A new friend. Someone else that Hide smiles at.

The girl says something that makes Hide laugh and she reaches out to smack him playfully on the arm. Kaneki steps back a few steps and then turns away from them, gripping his backpack.

He's invisible.

The sun begins to set on him and he keeps his head low during the quiet walk home. He tries to think about something else, like if his mother had time to cook anything for the night. He hasn't seen his mother's face for a long while.

The poisonous emotion still lingers inside him and he tries to convince himself to stop feeling like this. It's no use though, it bothers him. It's too strong. It reminds him how much he hates himself.

"Man, you look like someone just rejected you or something. What's the matter?"

Kaneki lifts his head up, his eyes wide when he recognizes the abrupt voice. His bewildered expression meets the smug look of Nishiki, who stands before him with his arms crossed.

"Nishiki? What are you doing here?" Kaneki asks.

"Well, I thought I smelled someone familiar. Here I am, finding you with such a pained look on your face," the ghoul replies, circling him.

Kaneki sighs and adjusts his backpack on his shoulders. "I'm fine. What do you want?"

"Tch! I don't want anything from you, chill! Thought I'd just say hi!" Nishiki retorts.

Kaneki blinks and then looks down. "Sorry…it's good to see you."

"You don't have to lie."

"No, really. I'm sorry."

Nishiki stares at the half-ghoul for a minute before exhaling and trudging towards the grassy hillside on their left. "Wanna talk about it? I'm bored and I don't feel like heading home yet. You can tell me your sob story all you want."

Kaneki frowns. "I'm not upset."

"Quit lying. Just come over here and sit down," Nishiki insists and pats the space next to him.

Kaneki looks at the empty dirt road ahead of him. He inhales deeply and gives in, approaching the spot next to Nishiki. The ghoul sits with his arms leaned back as he admires the orange sun glittering over the river. Kaneki pulls his backpack off, setting it down on his right. His legs stretch out in front of him and his hands stay clasped on his lap. It's quiet between them and the gentle, late afternoon wind blows past them.

"So? Gonna say anything?" Nishiki tilts his head towards Kaneki.

Kaneki fiddles with his hands and his throat feels dry. He hesitates on whether or not to share his thoughts with the boy next to him. But when he glances at Nishiki, the boy doesn't have that smug expression anymore. Instead, he looks calm with a hint of concern. It's the first time he's looked tame in Kaneki's view.

"You know, I've never really talked about this with anyone, not even my mother," Kaneki begins, his eyes focused on a patch of daises in the grass.

"Oh, believe me, there's a lot of things my sister doesn't know about that I only tell my ghoul buddies, okay? So, if you want me to keep secrets, I can keep secrets," Nishiki says and his gaze moves towards the river again.

Kaneki pulls his knees up to his chest and his fingers graze against the small white petals of the flowers. "Have you…ever liked someone before?"

Nishiki snorts. "There's not a lot of people I like, but yeah, of course I've liked someone before." When the ghoul turns his head to Kaneki and notices the distant look on the half-ghoul's face, his wry smile disappears.

"Wait…what do you mean by 'like'?"

Kaneki chews his lip and hides his mouth behind his knees. "I don't know…just…you like that person…"

"You mean, like a crush?" Nishiki questions with a raised brow.

Kaneki's heart suddenly decides to sprint in his chest and his face flushes in an instant.

Nishiki smirks when he notices the boy's embarrassment. "So that's why you look so rejected before. Found a girl you like at school and she doesn't like you back?"

Kaneki almost breathes a sigh of relief when he realizes Nishiki doesn't know who he's talking about. "Umm…y-yeah…"

Nishiki chuckles. "Ha-ha, figured you didn't have game. Sucks to be you."

"Like you're any better than me," Kaneki mutters.

Nishiki scoffs. "Like I'm interested in anyone. I don't have time for stupid emotions like that, okay? As for your stupid question…"

Nishiki picks at some grass and lets the wind carry the blades off his hand. "Personally, I don't know, but my sister definitely does."

Kaneki rests his head against his knees as he looks at the ghoul. Nishiki stares up at the clouds in the sky. "My sister talks about this man she met at work and every time she does, her face changes. I dunno how to describe it…she lights up? Like she's in a whole other world. She's happy, really happy. I ask her what she thinks about the guy and…"

Nishiki's face turns stern and he looks down. "She tells me she thinks she loves him."

Kaneki's heart doesn't stop racing and his ears feel hot. His stomach feels like it's twisting and turning.

Is this it? But it's too crazy...

"It has to be just a minor crush…" Kaneki finds himself mumbling his thoughts aloud again.

Nishiki shakes his head. "Minor crush? Hell no," the boy replies, thinking Kaneki is referring to his sister.

"My sister is point-blank in love. With a human too. Worst thing ever."

The pounding in his chest starts to make him dizzy. "Is it wrong? For a ghoul to love a human?" Kaneki says quietly.

Nishiki looks at him with disbelief. "Uh, yeah! I mean, it's bad enough to try and live among them. But to fall in love with one of them? I don't know, man. It sounds like a ticket to tragedy island."

Nishiki shivers and shakes his head again. "No. I don't want that. I don't want that at all."

He grows quiet and then meets Kaneki's intense gaze. "I mean…sorry to say this, but what about your parents? Do you think it worked well for them?"

Kaneki's heart decides to stop then and his grey eyes widen in understanding. He thinks about how his father was slaughtered, resulting in his mother changing so deeply. He remembers how his mother was so against his friendship with Hide at first. At the same time, he remembers the times Hide has proven his loyalty to him in their few years of knowing each other. How Hide tells him he's not afraid and that he'll stay.

His mind is full and spinning. But he can't stop his feelings. He doesn't really want to.

"Well, it did, for a while at least. I'm alive because of them," Kaneki replies.

Nishiki nods and smiles. "Yeah, very true."

The ghoul sighs and brushes his pants off when he gets back on his feet. "Anyway, best of luck to you on getting that girl you like, or whatever. Don't hurt yourself too bad."

He gets back on the dirt road and waves at Kaneki. "I gotta go now. See you on the hunting grounds." With that, the ghoul runs off in a different direction, leaving the half-ghoul back to his own thoughts.

Kaneki looks at the nearly vanishing sun and then grabs his backpack. He hurries back on the road and keeps a fast pace all the way home. After talking with Nishiki, he doesn't feel discouraged. He wants to speak with his mother.

It can't be that bad. It's just a crush. It'll pass.

He wants to tell his mother how he feels. He thinks she'll help him understand what it is. His mind goes back and forth, however, especially when another darker thought strikes him. If it is a crush, he worries what his mother will think. All his life, he's only read and seen boys liking girls and vice versa. The more he ponders about it, apprehension rises within him and he begins to sweat. He's scared. What if he gets hit? What if this isn't natural? Is he sick? Is this wrong?

We're just friends. We're just friends. We're just friends. This is a mistake.

As soon as he stands in front of the door to his apartment, he finds his decision. He doesn't care if he gets hit again. He wants to know. If he's told it's wrong, it's wrong. He'll accept whatever it is his mother tells him. It's worth knowing what it is then never knowing at all.

He steps inside his apartment and immediately, he feels cold. He wonders if it's because he's still nervous. His palms are sweaty and he doesn't take off his backpack until he tiptoes further in the entrance hallway.

"Mom? I'm home," he calls out.

No answer.

He sighs heavily. She must be working overtime again, he thinks.

His spirits sink lower as he passes by his mother's room. It's then that he freezes in his footsteps.

In the corner of his eye, he spots his mother at her desk surrounded by the many white roses she's always cutting. Her head is lowered on her desk, her body hunched over her workspace.

"Mom?"

He pushes the door aside and enters her room. He swallows and narrows his eyes at her form. She's like a statue and he doesn't see her shoulders moving like usual.

He reaches a hand out and his fingers meet with her back.

"Mom? I'm home. Are you okay?"

She doesn't move. She doesn't speak. Nothing.

His mouth goes dry and he uses both hands to shake her upper body. "Mom, I need to talk to you. Can you hear me?"

She still has her glasses on her face, which isn't something she would normally do if she fell asleep. Her mouth is parted and her eyes refuses to open.

His heart beats like a drum again and his nerves are shot. He tries to get under her, moving her upper body over to face him. Her body slumps when he does so and her head leans to the side. Despite the bags under her eyes and her disarrayed hair, she looks peaceful. But this disturbs the boy. His eyes are wide and his entire body trembles uncontrollably.

This is wrong.

He presses his ear against the left side of his mother's chest. He presses a hand over her mouth and nose to feel her breath. He finds her carotid pulses, her radial pulses, any other pulse he can reach. He doesn't hear her heart. He doesn't detect any pulse. No breath escapes her.

His throat constricts on itself and his head goes out of control. His vision blurs, his mind can't focus, and his breathing picks up way too fast. He loses footing and falls to his knees.

"M-mom, please stop playing games with me. Please wake up. Wake up, mom!"

He hates how quiet it is. He begins to imagine her voice in his head responding to her.

"Be quiet, Ken," she would say, "Can't you see I'm working?"

She might even hit him if she's in a worse mood.

He wishes she would. He wishes she would do anything. Anything.

"Mom, please." His hand clenches hard on her arms and he hates how cold she feels. "I need you, mom. Please. I need you. Wake up, wake up!" He's shouting now and it echoes in the stagnant apartment.

Her head moves with his motions and her glasses slip off her face from how hard he shakes her.

"Oh god, please, please don't do this to me. Mom! MOM!"

His own voice doesn't reach his ears anymore. An overwhelming numbness takes control. His senses no longer function well. His throat hurts from his raw screams. The small smile on his mother's frozen face taunts him and hurts him more than anything. It impales him without mercy and he can barely breathe.

Echoes. Silence.

Pain.

He hates her so much.

"I'm working, Ken. Go to sleep."

He can't breathe very well. He's outside, standing in the graveyard in the dark of that solemn evening, but it's still too stuffy to him. His brown eyes are blank and he can't really feel anything.

The black suit his father made him wear is the exact same one he wore when his mother was set six feet under. It's been four years. It doesn't really matter how long it's been in the end, he thinks.

The day had seemed to stretch on forever. But he imagines it must have been worse for his friend. It had been hard to get to him all day. The black-haired boy was often smothered by his aunt and her family. Just from mere observation, it was all fake. Their speeches of regret. Their displays of sorrow. The care she displayed towards his friend. It made him nauseous to see it all.

It makes him want to reach him more.

The cemetery in which they laid Kaneki's mother to rest is mostly empty now, save for a few of Kaneki's distant relatives wandering the premises. He doesn't bother to hear what they mumble amongst themselves anymore. He knows what they've been saying all day.

"I'm so sorry."

"I should've been there for her."

"May she rest in peace."

"She was the greatest mother, wife, sister, friend, woman."

"All I can do now is care for her precious son."

His father is off expressing his condolences to the aunt, who couldn't act anymore repulsive in his view. He hates the thought of her even laying hands on his friend, let alone having to take him in as her own now.

He wants to do something. He wishes he could take his friend and get away from here. Even if they are just kids, anywhere is better than for him to live under her roof.

He hasn't seen his friend since the funeral ended. He thinks his friend might be standing beside his mother's grave, but even then, he is not there. His eyes linger on the tombstone engraved with her name. Her last words to him repeat in his mind and he carries onward.

He weaves among the small groups of people gathered on the grass. The sun is long gone and in its place, the moon shines down with a glow that matches the melancholic atmosphere. The trees scattered about the graveyard sway in a ghostly manner that makes the scenery seem hazy to him and it's almost like a dream. One that haunts him for days.

He thinks he should ask someone to know if they've seen his friend, but he changes his mind quickly. Their body language tells him they don't really care.

He makes his way to the nearby temple, his eyes scanning the area like a hawk. It's as quiet as the corpses in the ground. The trees cast eerie shadows on the concrete. He doesn't stop searching, his legs carrying him all over until finally, he spots a small body curled up in the corner behind one of the neighboring homes. Far away from everyone, including the burial site, Kaneki sits on the stone steps behind a stranger's house. His knees are pulled up to shield his face and just from his trembling shoulders, Hide knows he's been crying for hours.

Hide's footsteps are rough against the gravel, causing Kaneki to lift his head slightly. As the blond approaches him, Kaneki begins to turn and in Hide's eyes, the motion is slow. When he reveals his face to Hide, he sees his grey eyes are bloodshot and rimmed red. His cheeks are completely covered in multiple streams of tears and strands of his black hair stick to his face or in different directions.

Hide feels like someone struck his gut with a bat. Kaneki meets Hide's brown eyes and Hide's mouth parts to say something. No words come out.

Kaneki's cheeks redden under Hide's stare and he breaks contact, briskly wiping his eyes with the back of his arm. Though he can hardly make a move, as in the next second, he is wrapped up in Hide's arms and held tightly against the other. His friend's warmth engulfs him, shields him from everything else and all he can feel is Hide. The boy that often leaves his mind fuzzy and his heart on a rampage.

The blond says nothing and Kaneki doesn't stop the flood inside him. It doesn't take long until the front of Hide's suit is soaked.

They're gone.

Winter resides within him and there's a gaping hole that bleeds.

But here, his head rests against his friend's chest and his nose fills with his familiar scent. Hide takes Kaneki's right hand and places it over where his heart lies. He senses the organ beating under his fingertips and his breath catches in his throat.

Hide rests his cheek on top of Kaneki's head, his fingers still clasped over his hand. Kaneki clutches the cloth over where he feels his friend's pulse and Hide's body heat diminishes the weight on his spirit. The gaping hole inside stays, but now it soaks into his friend. They're both bleeding.

Hide pulls himself in to his space and Kaneki can't push him out. No matter how far he tries to go, he's there. Always.

He needed his father. He needed his mother.

But now, his friend grasps his soul, and like every single time, his mind and heart both agree on something, reminding him of the one thing he tried to stop himself from thinking and feeling. He couldn't. It's no use.

They can't be friends.

Kaneki looks up at the apartment that he and his mother used to share. It's vacant and now tainted with his mother's ghost.

His aunt is already complaining about how much change will happen. About how much time and money will be wasted on him.

Why isn't he dead as well, he wonders. He should be a ghost too. No one really sees him anyway.

Though, he already knows what keeps him here. This strong emotion that humans yearn for and he just so happens to fall in its hands already.

Whether or not this is a blessing, he's already started sinking.

Hide grasps his arm, easily pulling his attention towards him. He smiles and Kaneki doesn't dare look away.

"I'd go with you if I could. I'd pack all my things and assign myself as your roomie in a split second. Things are happening way too fast," he says.

His brown eyes have been dark since the funeral and it causes Kaneki guilt to see how much his sadness affects his friend.

Kaneki smiles back at him and relishes Hide's secure touch. "I know…but…"

Kaneki places his hand over Hide's heart like before. His smile stays but his eyes don't reflect it. He memorizes Hide's pulse.

"Maybe, this is a sign. You've been making a lot of friends at your clubs, right? And that girl at school… she seems-"

Hide yanks him closer, causing him to gasp. Hide places his other hand gently behind his head and his lips find Kaneki's forehead. Soft, warm, gentle. His eyes close as he breathes in Kaneki's scent.

The half-ghoul stops breathing. His temperature rises to boiling point and his grey eyes stay wide open in shock. Without warning, his throat swells and his visions blurs as hot tears fall from his eyes without a care. Hide's lips pull away, but they stay hovering over his head, brushing against the area where his kiss burns against his skin.

Hide's breath flows through his bangs and then his mouth lowers near his ear.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here."

When Hide steps back, he grins wide and his brown eyes sparkle. Kaneki is too stunned to move or speak. Hide's grin dims to a warm smile and his thumbs wipe away the tears on Kaneki's cheeks.

"You have me. Don't forget that."

The blond places a hand on top of Kaneki's head, gently ruffling his black hair like he usually does. Kaneki simply closes his eyes, smiling as the emotions swell inside him. His mind melted into a puddle and he can't form any other words.

All he knows is that he can't stop thinking about how he feels around this boy. He finds himself chasing this feeling like a mad man. He doesn't want it to end. He feels so high up.

Hide follows him every step of the way as Kaneki gets into his aunt's car. He knows he's about to embark towards a new home further away from Hide, but he finds no sadness invading his mind.

He keeps his gaze on his friend, through the backseat window. Hide doesn't move, only continues waving vigorously until Kaneki disappears from his sights.

Hide's beam doesn't cease until the aunt's car is nowhere to be seen. He stands there for a while and thinks about the move he made on his friend. He places a hand over his forehead, barely believing he did that.

What got into me? I really am insane.

"Don't worry, son. You'll see him very soon. It's a good thing he's still going to the same school, hmm?"

Hide looks to his left side to see his father, who places a hand through his messy hair.

"Yeah...and you know what, dad?"

"Hmm?"

Hide tilts his head up and grins again. "I'm quitting my club activities."

"Like she's in a whole other world. She's happy, really happy."

Kaneki's cheeks remain hot to the touch. His hand goes up over his mouth, a smile begging to break through.

They can't be friends.

Why?

He clutches the left side of his chest.

Because now he knows exactly what he's feeling.