"Don't look at me like that."
Instead of hovering over her work, she's facing him, her back against the floor, her head leaning on the desk, and her legs sprawled out in front of her. Her right arm rests over her stomach while her left lies limp on her side.
He's standing at her doorway like always when he returns home. She stares at him, no apparent expression on her face. When he takes a few steps closer, her eyes stay on his form and the rest of her body remains motionless.
She reaches her hand out to touch his cheek and he gasps at how cold she is. Her fingers gently claw at his flesh.
"You hate me, don't you?" she says.
Her words freeze his veins. His throat hurts and his voice fails to cooperate well.
"I need to tell you something."
He grasps his neck. He isn't sure he had even said anything. His voice sounds like a whisper that doesn't reach his own ears.
A grin spreads on her lips, though its leaves him with an ill ache in his stomach.
"You want me gone, don't you?"
He grasps her hand on his cheek, his fingernails digging into her skin. "No, please listen, I need to tell you something important about my friend-"
"I told you, you'd fall in the same path. You and I aren't so different. In fact, we're far too similar."
"You're not listening to me!" He attempts to raise his voice but he still can't hear himself. He grits his teeth in frustration as his eyes lock with hers.
Her grey gaze matches his, except hers are empty and although she sees him, it's as if she doesn't at all.
"Is it wrong? How I feel? I don't know what to do…"
Her hand falls from his face and she begins to close her eyes. He tries to gain her attention back, shaking her. His nails start to draw blood from her cracked skin.
"You don't care for me anymore."
…
His heart races to the point where he feels it might rip right out of his chest. His eyes are wide as they dart all over in the dark, trying to gain back his senses.
When his sights finally adjust to the pitch black of 3 AM, his body calms down and his mood dampens like the dim rays of white light that peeks through the blinds.
It doesn't smell like home and it never will. The bed he lies on brings no warmth. He holds his breath and his ears pick up on the noises in the next room. The sound of a video game buzzes monotonously through the witching hours. Placing an arm over his forehead, he shuts his eyes and remembers what he had just dreamt about. His mother's eerie smile still haunts him, burns in his hazy mind.
He swears he still hears her voice now and then. Repeating the same lines over and over.
One year passes. He's still alive.
It's honestly not fair, he thinks. As each day passes, he berates himself more and more. He wishes he didn't feel so strong. He wishes if he felt anything, it wouldn't make him such a nervous wreck.
I'm such a fool, he repeats in his muddled brain. His mind betrays him every time, pushing him closer no matter how much he wants to resist.
Grey eyes linger too long on the boy's face when he's not looking. Teeth cling to his bottom lip as he fights back his teasing thoughts. The tingly rush in the pit of his stomach refuses to dissipate, only growing stronger in the other boy's presence.
"Are you sure I can't come with you?" he asks once again. His brown gaze catches his with a hint of concern.
Kaneki withdraws from his daze and gives a small smile. "You remember what happened last time." He looks down, thinking of the memory when he finally unleashed his kagune for the first time. "I don't want to risk anything happening to you. I wouldn't be able to handle you getting hurt or…"
Hide's hand rests on his shoulder, gaining back his attention as their eyes meet again. "It's okay, Kaneki. Don't worry yourself sick over things like that. Besides, it wasn't even that bad last time. I mean, it was so cool to see you in action!"
Kaneki shakes his head slightly at Hide's words. "You never take things seriously, do you?"
Hide grins and his hand lowers to take Kaneki's in his. "Only when necessary, my friend."
Kaneki's smile returns and widens when he feels Hide gripping his hand in a manner that reassures him. His fingers are squeezed so strongly in his grip to the point he can't move them but he doesn't mind at all. He wants to be held tighter, allow Hide to grab him and take him anywhere he wanted. Kaneki gravitates closer to Hide in response and the other boy says something that doesn't reach his ears.
"Dude, are you deaf?"
At hearing someone other than Hide's voice, Kaneki gasps and blinks in shock, causing Hide to step back abruptly and examine his friend's reaction. "Are you okay, Kaneki?"
"Y-Yeah, I-"
"I called your name like three times!" The other voice interrupts again.
Kaneki looks up at Hide briefly, who smiles and gestures for him to turn around. When he does, he sees Nishiki standing there, his arms crossed and eyes narrowed in annoyance.
"Has he always been this spacey?" Nishiki asks the blond.
Hide shrugs. "Didn't you know? Kaneki's a sucker for space."
Nishiki furrows his brows. "What?"
Hide snorts. "You know, space? As in the moon and stars? The nine planets, oh wait…there's actually eight-"
"Shut up, man."
Kaneki can't stop himself when he notices Hide make the silliest pouty face, with his lips turned down so low, he nearly resembles a bloodhound. His stifled laughter soon turns to one that the boys can hear, surprising them both. Hide looks down at Kaneki's amused state and smiles warmly, his eyes sparkling at his friend's joy. Hide soon chuckles himself from the half-ghoul's happiness.
Nishiki stares at both boys in disbelief until he notices Hide and Kaneki's hands are still intertwined. His gaze softens and something clicks in his mind as he hums in thought.
Nerds.
Nishiki lets out an impatient exhale. "I'm gonna leave you behind if you don't hurry up. The day only lasts for so long."
Kaneki feels Hide's hand loosening in response and his eyes grow downcast when he remembers why he's out here. Holding back his hunger also has its limits.
In the next second, the boys' attention turns towards the sound of a car approaching them, the tires screeching hard against the street. The car comes to an abrupt halt and Nishiki shakes his head, clicking his tongue.
"Hey, watch out! You've could run over us!" he shouts at the driver.
Someone sticks their head out and Kaneki notices an adult woman leaning out the side window. She gives a cheeky grin and finger-guns Nishiki. "That's the idea, shorty."
"Who you callin' shorty!"
The woman rolls her eyes and notices Hide and Kaneki. "So, which one of those boys is the halfie?"
Nishiki jerks his thumb at Kaneki. "This one. Now let's get a move on before all the good ones run off!"
Hide narrows his eyes and grabs Kaneki's arm. "Wait a minute, where exactly are you going?" he says quietly.
Kaneki turns around to his friend. He sees Hide's brows are creased with worry and his brown gaze stares intensely back at his. Kaneki feels his breath escape him and wishes he didn't have to go far. But as he smells Hide's scent clogging his senses from being so near, he feels his stomach gnawing at him in pent-up frustration and his kakugan threatens to reveal itself.
"Over the past months, it's been harder finding prey in the hunting grounds near home. We think it's because the humans are beginning to catch on with what's happening so they're much more careful and wary of where we usually find food," Kaneki explains. His eyes wander past Hide when he finishes.
"So that means, you two are forced to go elsewhere, huh?" Hide fills in the empty space.
Kaneki nods and gives a heavy sigh. "Nishiki thinks we need to stop hunting around here for a little while and start finding other hunting grounds in distant parts of Tokyo."
Hide's grip tightens on Kaneki and the half-ghoul tries to reassure Hide with a smile.
"It'll be okay. I'll be back by tonight at the latest."
"There's gotta be some other way… I don't like the idea of you going somewhere with other ghouls far away from home. Now I really want to go with you."
"Hide," Kaneki states firmly and the blond's stern expression doesn't waver. "You're gonna stay here. I'll be fine, I promise. Think about your father."
Hide's frown deepens and he already knows his father would be furious. In fact, his dad's been stricter on his curfew since the news of the deaths caused by the ghouls were beginning to spread. Getting grounded is the last thing he needed to happen.
Hide then feels Kaneki inching closer and before he could move, the half-ghoul's body is pressed against his as he nuzzles his head against Hide's chest in a tight embrace, his arms wrapping around the blond's waist. Hide is surprised at the other boy's sudden action, but it eases his thoughts somewhat and his body warms up at the close contact. Gently, he returns the hug, his arms holding Kaneki secure like he always does. His cheek rests against the boy's black hair and his mind still races with worry.
Vertigo takes over Kaneki simply from Hide's scent overwhelming his senses and his pulse thunders in his ears. He thinks he may pass out any second just from hugging the boy, who has his disastrous heart in his clutches. His body tingles and with his head resting comfortably against the other, he feels protected. With his mind so often in the clouds these days, it's as if he and Hide were truly alone.
Nishiki, already in the trunk of the female ghoul's pickup, turns around from speaking to her to get Kaneki's attention once again, but his words are stolen away when he sees the display in front of him. Nishiki opens his mouth to try and speak but he can't seem to say anything. Seeing the half-ghoul holding the human boy like that, it stirs something in Nishiki's chest. It stuns him.
He thinks of his sister. He thinks about the strange words Kaneki had exchanged with him not too long ago.
For once, Nishiki keeps silent and waits.
When Kaneki reluctantly pulls away, he stares into Hide's saddened gaze. Hide doesn't break eye contact, his heart beating faster at the way Kaneki's expression seems so genuine and full of yearning. The blond finds himself unable to say anymore as he begins to ponder over how Kaneki looks at him in a way he hasn't before. It's as if he's hypnotized.
"Will you wait for me?" Kaneki says to him with pleading eyes.
Hide pauses and then shakes his head at the unneeded question. "Of course, I will. I'm not going anywhere. You better come back in one piece."
Kaneki smiles at him, a wide smile that Hide knows is one only reserved for his sights alone. Hide's pulse is steady, but each beat strikes hard against his chest as his brown eyes shows the other that he's serious, though loyal. Always.
Ever since he moved farther away, Hide thinks of him often. Usually out of concern, especially since Kaneki lives with someone he deems responsible for the death of his mother. Most days, Kaneki doesn't dare breathe a word of what it's like living with his aunt and her family. It's been about a year, but Hide could already sense a deterioration in his friend's physical and mental state.
At the same time, he notices a change in the way Kaneki treats him. When it comes to this, he thinks he's imagining things. It's impossible, he repeats like a mantra. But he can't stop thinking about how Kaneki looks at him, even if the half-ghoul believes Hide doesn't notice. How Kaneki often stays as close to him as possible whenever they see each other. This doesn't disturb the boy, not in the slightest. He's intrigued, and frankly, it makes him happy.
Time goes on and Hide observes many of his classmates in school separate from old friends and move on to the next. Friendship is so weak and fragile, easy to break. Easy to lose trust. Yet, with Kaneki, it's so different. Time doesn't go against them. Hide feels Kaneki drawing closer and closer, willing to break his layers to reach him.
It makes Hide want to protect him more.
His brain surrounds him too much these days. He thinks he has a problem, thinking about a single person all the time. That's why he dubs himself crazy suggesting that Kaneki may be in the same state.
Concerning other matters, it's been hard. Though he may taste and enjoy human food, it doesn't provide Kaneki the energy his body needs.
"I guess it's like a sugar rush, huh? Eating what I eat?" Hide had joked once before.
He recalls the way Kaneki laughed with a sad smile following.
"And then it comes back with a vengeance…" he had replied.
It hadn't stopped Kaneki from consuming human food if he wanted. But since his friend has been joining Nishiki on his hunts for flesh in distant towns, his friend returns more weary and cold.
Hide always bikes at lightning speed to the aunt's home, no matter how late it is. He would wait for Kaneki without fail, sneaking into his friend's bedroom window that stays unlocked on those nights because the half-ghoul knows he'd come.
Thankfully, the aunt is lax and doesn't give a damn where Kaneki runs off to, doesn't care if he ever comes back. It's weird how negligence from others works for the two. How it keeps them together.
Each time Kaneki returns from those occasional hunts, he runs towards Hide, his arms hastily wrapping around the other and holding so tight, Hide loses breath. The blond can tell his friend rejuvenated his strength well, but mentally, his friend falls. Killing humans and feeding off them, Hide smells the blood that lingers on Kaneki even if he comes back clean.
Kaneki clings to him until morning, and even then, the half-ghoul refuses to let go. In this way, time isn't so merciful and it will be a lengthy process for Kaneki to grow numb to it all.
Or does that feeling ever go away?
When Kaneki looks at him in this new way these days, Hide doesn't want to separate from his friend. Though it leaves him puzzling over his friend more. He's so unfamiliar with this and he doesn't want to raise his hopes up.
Yet the half-ghoul continues to come closer.
Somewhere deep inside him, Hide is nervous.
…
"Are you hearing me, boy? What's the matter?"
Hide snaps out of his bubble and looks up at his father, who raises a concerned brow at him as he drinks his fresh cup of joe.
"You're out of sorts today, son. Thinking about a girl at school or something?" his father teases.
Hide blinks at the question and then fiddles with the sandwich on his plate. "Yeah, I guess…"
"Come on, talk to me. I hardly get time off like this so you better make the most of it," his father states. He leans back in his chair, perusing their surroundings. "Pretty cozy place we found, huh?"
Hide follows his father's gaze, taking in the warmth of the new coffee shop they discovered. Hide doesn't remember the last time he spent quality time with his father outside of their home, and for that reason, he feels a little uncomfortable. For once, he's not the one to start a conversation. He's too quiet and closed off. He doesn't really know what to say.
Anteiku: the name of the coffee shop they decided to visit. The aroma of the ground coffee beans permeates the air, bringing a calm, peaceful atmosphere to every corner of the small building. It's in the late afternoon, so it isn't particularly crowded. Hide takes the time to people-watch instead of trying to make small talk with his dad.
Not that Mr. Nagachika is going to allow that.
"So, Hide," he starts. The blond frowns, the side of his face resting on his left hand as he continues picking at his half-eaten sandwich.
"What's bothering you?"
"Nothing."
"It surely isn't nothing. I know you better than that."
"It's not anything important, dad."
"Is it about your friend, Kaneki? How's he doing these days?"
Hide pauses and his father knows right away he's hit the mark.
"He says he's doing fine. But I think he's hiding something from me."
His father narrows his eyes as he takes another sip of coffee. "What do you mean?"
Hide sighs and looks up at the ceiling with his lips turned upwards in thought.
"I don't really know… I'm still trying to figure that out myself."
"You two haven't been fighting, have you?"
Hide shakes his head immediately. "No, no, nothing like that. In fact, it's quite the opposite."
"The opposite, huh?"
Hide watches his father's expression closely. Mr. Nagachika doesn't look at his son, his eyes trained towards the window but the corner of his lips turn up into what appears to be a knowing smirk.
"Dad, what are you thinking?" Hide asks. For some reason, his palms start to sweat.
His father chuckles shortly. "Well, son, I was just thinking about something Kaneki's mother told me a long time ago. It's strange how that came to mind..."
Hide reaches out to grab his dad's hand. "What did she say? Was it bad?"
His father laughs again. "No, why would she say something bad?"
"Well, tell me! What was it?"
His father then meets his gaze, his brown eyes growing soft. It shocks Hide and his pulse rises.
"Like you said, you'll figure it out soon, my boy."
Hide's jaw drops in a cartoonish fashion and he grips his dad's hand with both of his. "Dad! Come on! That's not fair!"
"You're an intelligent lad, Hide. Stop shaking me like that. We're in public!" his father says between chuckles.
Hide groans in frustration. "No, dad. I'm too lazy to think critically right now. Give me the answers."
His father continues to keep his mouth shut, only taking amusement in Hide's struggle until his cell phone starts ringing from his pocket. The two of them stop their action as his father pulls out his phone and checks the caller ID.
Mr. Nagachika exhales deeply and Hide already knows it's about work.
"Sorry, son, I gotta take this. Be right back."
Hide leans back in his chair with a pout, his arms crossing. His father is already answering the call on his way to the café's restroom. Hide slouches further in his seat, his sights set on the ceiling fan until he hears the bells near the entrance ring. His attention sets on the person entering, a young girl who has her hood over her head.
As if he has a sixth sense, he can tell right away something is different about this girl, especially with the way she tries to avoid people as she shuffles quickly towards the bar area of the café. Hide keeps his sights on her, his fingers fiddling with the bread on his plate. She takes a seat on one of the stools and grabs the attention of one of the servers cleaning a glass. The server nods and then disappears in the back of the shop.
The girl looks around herself, her shoulders tense. She then turns around and Hide quickly directs his eyes on his crumbled sandwich. He hopes she didn't notice him and when he carefully looks back up, her back is facing him again.
In the next moment, Hide sees an elderly man come out into the front to meet with the girl. Based on how the other staff interact with the man, Hide guesses he may be the manager of the café. The girl stands from her stool immediately and she takes something from the man, bowing to him in gratitude before hurrying back to the entrance. She weaves past the tables blocking her way and just as she passes Hide's table, something falls from under her arm and slips down the shiny floor. Hide notices a small brown package sliding in his direction.
He hears the girl gasp as she frantically tries to find where the package fell. As if on autopilot, Hide gets up from his chair and swoops down to grab the package. He is surprised when he finds it has a strangely squishy texture in his hands, almost like…
The girl snatches the package out of his grasp before he could make another move. Hide looks up just in to time to make eye contact with the girl, and when he does, his suspicions are proven correct. In a flash, he sees both of her eyes are black and red, just like his friend's left eye.
She steps away from him, turning in the next second and scurrying out of the café like a mouse running back to its hole. Hide stares after her for a minute longer before glancing down at his hands, remembering how that package felt before returning to his table.
She's a ghoul, and she got that package from that old man. So that means…
Hide carefully looks up to see where the manager is, and to his horror, the man is already looking straight at him. The man keeps his hands held behind his back in the professional way he usually does and he doesn't seem phased by what had just occurred. When he meets Hide's eyes, he smiles.
Hide swallows and turns his attention down to his plate. His left hand goes up to the side of his face in deep contemplation.
"Hide? Hide!"
His thoughts are disrupted again by his father, who returns with a worried expression.
"There you go spacing out on me again. Are you getting sick?"
Hide rolls his eyes. "No, dad, I'm fine."
His father sighs and glances at his wrist watch. "Well, I think it's time we head home."
As the two of them leave the café, Hide braves another look towards where the manager was standing, only to find that he is no longer visible.
By the time the two reach their apartment, Hide already has a plan in mind.
Kaneki stares at his friend's back, who walks a few steps ahead of him. It's getting dark, approaching around 8 PM and cutting close to Hide's strict curfew, not that the blond cared. Kaneki quickens his pace several times to keep up with his friend, who keeps reminding him to hurry.
"I'm going to help you once and for all!" Hide had exclaimed with those sparkling eyes.
Help me? Kaneki thinks in confusion. But he's already done so much for me…
His friend's excitement and relentless energy goes on while he's drained and unwilling to move. It's these moments that make Kaneki's chest ache in longing and his mind and body follows the other wherever he wanders. Anytime and anywhere.
Hide turns around, beaming at Kaneki while he grasps his hand to pull him closer. The warmth from Hide's fingers urge Kaneki on and he can't help but smile back.
Hide stops abruptly, causing Kaneki to bump into his shoulder. He swings Kaneki's arm to grab his attention.
"This is it! My dad and I came here a few weeks ago."
Kaneki winces slightly from the collision and then follows Hide's pointed finger. He reads the sign in front of the coffee shop.
"I've never heard of this place before. Is it new?"
"I suppose it opened maybe a few months ago. Who knows? But that's not important! I hope we can meet the guy who runs this place."
Kaneki grabs Hide's arm. "Wait, Hide, tell me why you brought me here."
"Well you'll find out when we meet him!" Hide grins, ruffling his friend's hair with his free hand.
Kaneki tries to say something else but Hide is already leading him closer to the entrance and he sighs in defeat.
The half-moon above them casts a calming glow on the shop that looks about closed. Hide releases Kaneki's hand and presses both of his against the glass to peer into the coffee shop.
"He's gotta still be around here somewhere…"
Kaneki rubs his arm nervously. "I dunno if this is a good idea…"
"Come on, he's a nice man, I can already tell!"
"Hide, please, let's just go home. I'd rather watch those silly movies you like so much instead of wandering out here like this."
"Be patient, my dude. And don't try and bag on those movies. I can tell you like them too, ya know!" Hide replies without diverting his focus on the café.
Kaneki shakes his head, smiling at his friend's antics. That tingling sensation runs through him and his hand presses against his chest.
"I thought I'd see you again."
Kaneki lets out a yelp in surprise when he hears an older man's voice behind him. He jumps forward on instinct and turns to see an elderly man wearing a neat and pristine uniform.
"Oh my god…" Kaneki whispers to himself, feeling his heart race momentarily.
He looks up hesitantly and sees the old man smiling at him. The man's close-eyed gaze then turns to Hide when he comes near Kaneki's side.
"Hello sir! My name is Hide and this is my bestest friend, Kaneki!" Hide grins with his arm around the other's shoulders.
"'Bestest' isn't even a word…" Kaneki mumbles, a hint of blush forming on his cheek as he shrinks against Hide.
"Sure, it is, buddy."
The man chuckles at the boys, grabbing their attention.
"Clearly, you kids are here for a very important reason."
Hide nods and steps forward. "I was wondering…" His tone grows serious. "…if you could help my friend."
Kaneki frowns and cuts in. "No, I don't need any help. Come on, Hide-"
"I see. And you think I can help your friend because…" the man started.
Hide doesn't waver when he continues. "Because…you're a ghoul."
"What?" Kaneki whisper-shouts. His mouth drops and his gaze stays fixed on the tall man before them.
The man smiles warmly again and he turns his head to Kaneki. "I'm surprised your human friend here was able to catch on faster than you could."
Kaneki swallows hard when he feels both staring at him. "I…I…"
The man then places a hand on their shoulders. "Follow me. We'll attract too much attention conversing out here."
…
"A pretty bold statement you made out there, boy. But correct nonetheless. You sure have confidence, don't you?" the man, who introduced himself as Yoshimura, says to Hide.
"Gets me in a lot of trouble sometimes," Hide admits with a cheeky grin.
"I can see that," Yoshimura chuckles.
The manager takes the boys inside the back of the café and into the kitchen area, where a large table is set in the middle.
"Please, have a seat, boys. Need something to drink? You two are a bit too young for coffee, I would think," Yoshimura comments.
"Aw, I'm only twelve! And my boy, Kaneki, here is a baby eleven-year-old."
Kaneki pinches Hide's left cheek with a pout. "I'll catch up to you in December. I'm not a baby."
"Yes, you are. So cute too."
Kaneki feels hot in the face again. "Shut up."
"You two are very fond of each other. It's quite refreshing to see," Yoshimura states outright.
Hide blinks a few times at that statement and Kaneki smiles, his eyes casting down at his wrapped hands in his lap.
"Humans and ghouls getting along is still quite a rarity these days. But I believe a time will come when ghouls are openly accepted. Including half-breed ones like you, Kaneki," Yoshimura says calmly.
Kaneki's hand instinctively goes up to his left eye. "H-How did you know?"
"By scent, we ghouls can detect each other quite easily. Take a moment to concentrate on deciphering the difference between my scent and Hide's," Yoshimura suggests.
Kaneki stares off into space as he focuses on his sense of smell. He recognizes Hide's scent immediately, of course, but when he catches onto Yoshimura's, he finally understands.
"So…do I smell different from regular ghouls?" Kaneki asks.
Yoshimura nods. "Indeed, especially since your kind is so rare and often…dangerous."
Kaneki's face saddens at that statement and Hide takes notice, his brows furrowing slightly. Yoshimura continues, "Please don't take it negatively. It is not all bad for half-ghouls out there. Besides, I believe people like you can stand as a great symbol of how humans and ghouls can get along."
He looks at both boys and smiles. "Actually, you two are the perfect representation of that bond I wish to see."
Hide rubs the back of his neck. "Wow…I don't know... We're just friends. Just kids, really…"
Yoshimura catches Kaneki staring at Hide without the other noticing and it reminds him all too well of his past.
"You will see, in time, Hide," he states.
Hide looks at Kaneki, who quickly turns away, his cheeks still stained red.
"A-Anyway…" Hide starts to say as he wonders why Kaneki is acting weirdly.
"Right, moving on," Yoshimura says as he disappears through the other side of the kitchen.
There is a brief silence between the boys and Kaneki still does not look Hide's way.
"You okay, buddy?" Hide asks quietly. He tilts his head to try and see the other's face.
Kaneki finally turns around and Hide's warm eyes calms the other. "Mm hmm…" the half-ghoul replies and breaks eye contact in the next second, choosing to stare at his hands once more.
Hide scoffs in a joking manner and rubs Kaneki's upper back briefly before Yoshimura returns.
"Here, take this," Yoshimura says. He passes on the same small brown package Hide saw the girl take on his first visit.
Kaneki accepts the package and narrows his eyes. "Is this…what I think it is?"
Yoshimura simply nods. "Yes. You and Hide are both welcome here at Anteiku at any time. As your friend may already have an idea of, this shop is no ordinary café. At the core, we serve as a sort of sanctuary for ghouls who are unwilling to kill humans to feed themselves."
Kaneki stares at the package and then at Yoshimura in awe.
"We only ask that the ghouls who seek help from us vow not to harm the humans here in this area. I can't say the same, of course, for those outside this ward."
Kaneki closes his eyes solemnly and sets the package down. "I'm sorry Yoshimura. I already broke that vow. You see, I've already…"
"That's all right. You're only a child trying to survive. I understand how hard it is, and I'm sorry you had to stain your hands already."
Kaneki brings his hands up to his face and then clenches his hair, breathing heavily and trying hard to hold back his tears. Hide has the urge to touch him, but decides to give him space this time.
"Please take the package, Kaneki. As I have said, you are welcome here no matter what you have done in the past."
Kaneki sniffs and gently takes the package again. He smiles, a single tear escaping his left eye. "Thank you so much. There must be a way I can repay you."
Yoshimura laughs lightly. "Well, we could use a hand around here from time to time. I know you two are quite young, but if you'd like to volunteer, we could always use more help in the kitchen."
Kaneki's smile widens and Hide softly claps his hands together in happiness.
Yoshimura then leads the two back outside as the hour ticks by. The older man watches the boys from a distance and heaves a small exhale. He lifts his head up at the sky, feeling the cool night breeze against his skin before walking back into the shop.
It's the first time he's felt lighter since the day he opened Anteiku.
…
Kaneki ditches coming back to his aunt's place and decides to sleepover at Hide's apartment. The two often take turns rooming from here to there, their nightly supplies already in place in both homes. Whether or not the adults know, it matters not.
Kaneki sits cross-legged in the middle of Hide's room, staring intensely at the package cradled in his hands while Hide finds a different shirt and shorts to change into.
"S-Should I eat this…?" Kaneki stutters.
Hide scoffs in disbelief, and he turns around topless. "Duh! Why did you think I helped you go all the way to meet Yoshimura? So, you wouldn't have to go so far with Nishiki! Giving you more options, eh?" Hide says cheerfully as he walks to his closet.
Kaneki bites his lower lip and he starts to open the package, revealing the fresh bloody human flesh underneath. The delectable scent hits his nose almost immediately and he lets out a shaky exhale. His kakugan appears and his mouth waters.
"Hide, don't look, okay?" Kaneki says as he begins to bring the meat up to his lips.
"Come on, Kaneki, it doesn't bother me. How many times do I have to tell you?" Hide shouts from inside his closet.
"I-It's embarrassing for me…" Kaneki replies, setting down the flesh.
"Just eat, man," Hide says tiredly. He pulls a loose shirt over his head and plops himself down in front of Kaneki. Purposely, he shoves his face right in Kaneki's, staring at him intensely and waiting for him to take the first bite.
Kaneki shuts his eyes tight and his cheeks turn bright red. His eyes flutter back open to see Hide tilting his head at him like a curious puppy.
"Too close," Kaneki whispers.
"Hmm…"
Hide backs away and leans against the make-shift blanket fort they created using his father's old books as the walls. The fort is both spacious and convenient, providing warmth and allowing Kaneki to indulge in his hobby as he pleased while Hide reads manga.
Knowing Hide is too stubborn, Kaneki brings the meat back up to his mouth and hurriedly takes his first bite. Specks of blood begins to color his lips and cheeks and the messiness is Kaneki's biggest pet peeve. He sneaks glances at Hide and his friend, though not perturbed, abides by his wishes and doesn't watch him.
At first.
In the next moment, Hide's eyes slide from his window to Kaneki and he smiles. Kaneki's heart begins to pound at that expression of his, one that never fails to affect him.
Hide then crawls closer to Kaneki and the half-ghoul stays frozen in place. His mouth chews hesitantly while Hide keeps his brown eyes focused on his mismatched ones.
"I like seeing your kakugan, Kaneki," Hide says gently. "You're adorable."
Kaneki nearly chokes on his food and he pauses to hold his chest. "I think there's something seriously wrong with you."
"I know, isn't it wonderful?" Hide teases back.
"But…that's why I like you…"
"What?"
Kaneki gasps when he realizes what he just let slip out. He hides his face behind the package in his hands and it causes Hide to laugh loudly.
"Aww, gosh, you're too much, my friend!" Hide comments as he lays down on the floor. His arms spread out on either side of him.
A silence befalls them again as Hide gazes up at the ceiling and Kaneki continues eating quietly. Kaneki watches Hide's chest rise and fall in the quiet. The lighting around them is dim and Kaneki wonders what's on his friend's mind.
"Wouldn't it be nice if we had a place of our own? Just the two of us, when we're older?" Hide says out of nowhere.
Kaneki marvels at the idea of living with Hide alone. "Yeah…with no one to bother us."
Hide turns to his side, resting his face against his right hand. "Exactly! But it's gonna be a long while until then…"
Hide smiles. "But just think, the two of us, the bestest bros around going on wild, reckless adventures until we become old grandpas."
Kaneki chuckles. "Yeah…"
Bros, huh? Kaneki thinks. He doesn't like the sadness that overcomes him. As long as I'm with him, it doesn't matter how I feel.
His chest aches, and this time, it hurts more than before.
Hide catches his change in mood and smirks. "Unless you find a hot girl and marry her, right? Then you won't have to deal with crazy me anymore…"
"What? No! I want to be with you!" Kaneki shouts, a little louder than he intended.
"Or me. Maybe I'll find a hot girl and ditch you, huh?" Hide continues to joke.
He doesn't realize his words hurt the half-ghoul and when he looks up to see Kaneki's eyes beginning to water, he jolts up into a sitting position and grabs hold of Kaneki immediately.
"Oh no! I didn't mean it, Kaneki! All a joke! A joke!" he says hastily, shaking Kaneki's shoulders.
Kaneki sets down the empty, bloody package in his hands and begins wiping his eyes. "I don't think you're joking…"
"No, I am! I swear! God, I'm so stupid! I'm sorry, Kaneki!" he says in a serious tone and grabs hold of both sides of Kaneki's face.
He doesn't care if the blood gets on his fingers. He keeps their gazes connected and Kaneki's mismatched eyes are glassy.
Hide leans his forehead against Kaneki's and he smiles. Kaneki closes his eyes, feeling Hide's breath hitting his face.
Hide is confused. His heart hammers in his chest and seeing how upset Kaneki suddenly became, it leaves his mind boggled.
I underestimated his feelings…
Hide feels like the biggest idiot when he realizes how much Kaneki cares for him. Though, he finds himself wondering what Kaneki sees in him that strikes such a reaction like that.
All his life, his own parents had never cared as much. The kids in school only like the surface he shows to the world. It's not like he thinks he's worthy of much of anything.
All he really wants is for his true friend to be happy. Even if he's no longer in the picture.
Things will change…
Hide feels tears falling over his thumbs as Kaneki lets out shaky breaths against his face. The next sensation he detects, however, nearly takes him out of his own skin. He hears a slight crackle, and before he knows it, two red tentacles begin to wrap around them both, bringing him closer against Kaneki.
"Whoa…" Hide whispers as he pulls away from Kaneki's face. His friend had released two appendages of his kagune and Hide gawks in awe at how scaly and crimson it is up close.
Kaneki watches Hide reach a hand out to touch his kagune. The sensation of Hide's hand against one of the tentacles causes a rush of warmth to burst through Kaneki and he feels breathless. He leans forward, his head resting in the crook of Hide's neck and his cheek pressed against the human's chest. He moves his kagune to pull Hide closer again.
Hide laughs in delight. "Wow, you're getting good at controlling your power. It's like you're giving me a double hug. I love it!"
Kaneki lifts his head to look into his eyes again.
"I don't want you to leave me…"
His voice is so quiet, desperate, easy to miss.
Hide's brown eyes darken and it reveals something Kaneki doesn't know. But it shoots straight through him and he doesn't dare look away.
Kaneki gasps in shock when Hide boldly pushes him down so that he's lying on his back. His kagune still wraps around Hide as the boy leans on top of him. Hide's face shows no sign of playfulness. The blond's fingers graze the veins underneath his kakugan and he breathes heavily at the contact.
"No one can take me from you. No one. No matter what. I promise."
His voice is warm, strong, easy to hear.
He dips closer to Kaneki and the half-ghoul doesn't breathe as Hide gently kisses his forehead. It's hotter than before. Kaneki feels the strength of his promise through his action and his hands grip tighter onto Hide's shoulders.
…
Hide sleeps soundly against Kaneki's body. His kagune is no longer in sight, enveloped into his lower back. Their arms and legs are intertwined and Kaneki turns his head, his eyes fixed on the midnight sky.
He's falling, sinking so hard.
He can't escape this.
He doesn't want to.
He'll happily drown.
I'm sorry, mom.
I love him.