Chapter 15: Missing the signs

P O V: Gabriela Dawson

"You gonna stare at your journal all day babe or actually open it and like write in it?" Glaring at Shay's direction as she flipped on the TV to see a rerun of The Conners on 'It's been forever since I needed this," She squeezed my shoulder smiling at me as she made dinner for the boys.

"What did you name it again?" She smirked "Shut up Shay, I named it Pieces because that's how I feel watching my son fight for his life, now my best friend." She sent a glare shooting my way, rolling my eyes I slapped her ass shoving her away from the stove. "What the hell are you doing with this crap?" Motioning to the mess in the frying pan which I think was suppose to be some sort of seafood combo. "You know I can't cook," "that's an understatement bitch," 'So I've been replace huh?" She sounded heartbroken. "Shay what's going on?" I gently touched her hand taking it away from the spatula. "Look at me Shay, what's going on?" She shrugged "Nothing my life is amazing, just as amazing as this dish, I screwed up," She grunted taking it roughly off the stove and shoved it all into the garbage, "Cashel call LaGrande order two extra large cheese pizza's/ 50 wings and whatever drinks ya'll want,' He pumped his fist into the air "Yes!" "Shay look at me,"

I moved across my kitchen quickly grabbing her as she threw the pan into the sink which sizzled and hissed as the cold water hit it. "What's going on with you?" I looked at her I've been so consumed with Brent and Sylvie being sick I haven't had any time with Shay lately. Looking at her now I could see how thin she was her eyes were dark rimmed & blood shot. "Nothing Gabby I have to get my credit card."

She left the kitchen without another word going to her purse as Cashel came out to the kitchen. "Hey has anything been going on with your mom Cash?" he shrugged "She isn't sleeping at night she keeps waking up with nightmares screaming, she barely eats, she just drinks all the time, Uncle Kelly seems worried but he keeps telling me not to worry, he seems pretty wise." "He is wise just don't tell him his head is big enough,"

He laughed as he gave me the thumbs up sign. My mind raced with worry why wasn't Shay sleeping? Why was she having nightmares? Was she hurting over something? Why wasn't she talking to me? Was she talking to anyone? Why didn't Kelly tell me something was up with her?"

She came back with her credit card giving it to Cash who went and called the order in. "So you still have shopping to do babe?" She groaned I wasn't going to push her to talk, I'd let her come to me. "yes I have no idea what to get for Cash." "Me to let's make a date of it tomorrow night?" "Sounds good babe,"

Twenty minutes later the pizza came so I went to wake Brent, Sylvie up. First stop was my room where Sylvie was crashed out on the bed completely wiped out, gently I woke up feeling her forehead, checks to make sure she didn't have a fever. She was going to be crashing with me while Matt took her bed since he was staying with us to help out while she was pregnant and both of them in treatment.

"Seriously you named your journal Pieces?" Rolling my eyes at Shay I shoved her so hard she fell laughing grabbing the pillow off the couch throwing it at me, "Ah hell nah, bitch you about to die, you wanna pop, I got the fizz," She laughed loudly as she braced herself for my attack. Minutes later the kids were all joining in laughing whacking each other, us with pillows.

12/25/18 12:56 P.M Pieces

That's how I feel my life is right now Christmas is here a time of joy, fun, excitement adventure. Sitting here watching my boys shriek with excitement as they tear through each beautifully wrapped gift, I should be bursting with tears of happiness. Instead I am silently crying in pain, fear.

My last few weeks has been hell Chemo is hitting Brent hard this time around he's awake each night sick with fevers, chills, nausea, pain. Sylvie, Matt and I have been taking turns holding him cleaning him up.

If that wasn't enough Shay confessed she is in love with me, how do I react to that? How can I tell her the truth that I love her to? She doesn't need my baggage. She must of taken my silence as rejection she hightailed it out of the club, I haven't heard from her since.

This morning watching the kids squeal, try out all their presents, dance and sing with each other, take selfies, it was amazing. Brent seemed like every other kid of nearly six years old. I can't believe he'll be six in three days.

Today was bittersweet while it was great seeing them happy Cancer once again struck again. Sylvie was braiding her hair so she could play with Sam who had gotten a magic sand for a present and wanted her to help build a star ship. As she was braiding her hair a hug chunk came out, followed by another, each strand got her more upset, but she held it inside seeing Brent's eyes fill with tears. She plastered on a smile and went on to play with him. Brent however couldn't let it go he got more and more upset she kept trying to tell him it was alright it's just hair she'll get a wig it will grow back after treatment. Nothing eased his emotions he kept hugging her telling her she was beautiful and he loved her hair. She didn't deserve to lose it.

While he was playing with Sam things got a little rough and Sam grabbed Brent's hair a huge chuck came out, I excepted a meltdown but he only shrugged it off, how is he more upset for Sylvie than himself? My child is special.

I know she's upset by it she kept it calm with the kids but later in my room she broke down, I held her while she cried, her whole body shock. Tears soaked my shirt seeping through my skin.

I wish I could help her my heart is breaking seeing her suffer, she's so sick, so scared and my brother isn't here for her. After she fell asleep I cried for hours, I feel so helpless my family is hurting.

5:58 p m

A mini miracle Antonio came home tonight, he's broken, scared shit-less he still has no leads as to where his kids are, I can't imagine his pain or fear. If either of my boys were missing, I have no idea what I would do but it wouldn't be pretty.

Matt and I took the kids out to give Antonio and Sylvie Privacy, I hope they can help each other heal.

We need a little healing.