WHAT WAS MY DADDY LIKE?
Chapter 4: CONNOR HAWKE
A/N: This takes place in 2040 after 7x16, and if focuses on Mia and Connor's relationship and the drama that ensued when Mia found out who he really was in 7x16. Mia will find out more about her father through John Diggle's POV, as told by Connor. The first part sets the stage for this through an off-screen spec back story. Hope you like it. :-)
"Was any of it real?"
"All of it."
She wanted to believe it, to believe him. She had to. Otherwise, everything that her mother and her Aunt Nyssa had taught her for years about how to read people would have all been for nothing. And if that were the case, she would find it so hard to forgive – not Connor, but herself.
Even if Oliver's genetics had naturally passed on to Mia, she had still grown up to be a lot like her mother. Nature and nurture had done their job in shaping her to be the kind of person she'd become. Like post-Diaz Felicity, trusting people was a rarity, especially since her survival depended on it. Like post-island Oliver, she couldn't really see people as persons; they were either threats or targets. For as long as she could remember, there was hardly anyone she trusted or allowed into her life beyond casual acquaintance. Even after she had left their home in the woods to live in Star City on her own, Mia still hadn't learned to open up her heart and let anyone in. She was closed off and very much guarded, as if her heart was a fortified city surrounded by formidable walls just like the Glades.
Until she met Connor Hawke and gained her first and only trusted friend. Or so she thought.
It had been a couple of months after her mom had finally discovered where she had gone and found her cage-fighting in Star City, about six months after she had run away from home. Felicity had been disguised, wearing a long, straight, black wig with purple streaks on her head, and clad in an all-black leather get-up that had concealed her identity to everyone that night, that is, everyone except Mia.
Felicity had placed a huge bet in Blackstar's favor, seeing that her daughter's opponent appeared to be all muscle yet devoid of wit and heart. And true enough, Mia had incapacitated the guy in under five minutes, having walked away with only some minor bruising and scraping on her face, a sore shoulder, and a few small cuts on her knuckles. Mia had needed money to purchase some hardware that she needed for herself and had to pay the debts she owed a couple of persons of questionable character that had gotten her out of trouble from the SCPD. So, when Felicity had approached her privately after the fight, offering a handsome sum (which she felt she had also earned herself), Mia had decided not to dismiss her mother and abruptly disappear a second time.
After the fight, Felicity had tended to Mia's wounds, much like she used to do for Oliver in the foundry and then in the bunker all those years ago. She had tried to hold back the pearly tears that threatened to escape her eyes as she bandaged her daughter's hands and treated the scrapes and bruises on her face. It had felt so much like déjà vous, only this time, the person she was tending to was their darling daughter. Gone was the sweetness that her beautiful name had half-represented; all she could see as she treated the scrapes and bruises on Mia's face was the unquenchable fire in her greenish blue eyes – the other half of the reason why Oliver had proposed to name their daughter after his mother Moira.
Felicity had done everything she could to ensure that Mia would be ready to defend herself from attack or assault when the time came. Nyssa had trained Mia well to fight, with or without weapons. Felicity, too, had done her part to equip her daughter with the necessary computer skills to help her hide her true identity, to evade threats, and to survive off the grid. Felicity believed with all of her heart that Mia was ready and able to protect herself from danger, unlike her and William, who had been prey to Ricardo Diaz during those six months when Oliver had been locked up at Slabside.
However, she still hadn't been quite prepared to see Mia using her inherited abilities and learned skills in the offensive, for the purpose of eking out a living, through cage-fighting no less. Earlier during the fight, her heart had broken each time Mia's brawny adversary landed a punch or a heavy blow anywhere on her daughter's very slender frame. She had winced when the powerful kick that landed behind Mia's knee had caused her leg to buckle, temporarily disorienting her daughter. Felicity hadn't felt her chest constrict and her stomach churn in unwanted tension like that for two decades. It was extremely difficult to see the ones you loved most in this world get hurt. It made her miss Oliver so much.
Nevertheless, watching Mia fight so much like her father had also made Felicity's heart soar. She could not be prouder. Oliver's skill and fighting style had always impressed (and attracted) her, but Oliver had been a grown man facing off with villains that had also been grown men or metahumans (or aliens, that one time). Mia, on the otherhand, was a skinny young lady who looked like she didn't stand a chance against enemies that looked like they could snap her neck with their bare hands. Oliver would have been proud to see their daughter fight… if only he could see Mia now.
Felicity had stayed with Mia for a couple of days. She had wanted to catch up with her daughter, but during their time apart, Mia had become an impenetrable wall, speaking only when she asked, and often pretending like her mother wasn't there. It was painful to have lost her daughter's trust, and it had been clear that Mia still resented her mom for keeping her in the dark about the vigilante hacking that she had been doing for years. Worse, Mia seemed to have bought into the city's anti-vigilante propaganda. Once, the subject of vigilantism had come up in their predominantly one-way conversation. Mia had been very vocal about her disapproval of the "alleged" heroic activities of vigilantes, including the Green Arrow's team. It hurt Felicity that Star City seemed to have succeeded in casting doubt on her credibility as Mia's mother just because she was a vigilante, as well as on her father's legacy as a hero.
When Felicity had invited Mia to come and live with her in the city in a secret shelter owned by Smoak Technologies, Mia had declined instantly, without even giving it much thought. She had felt like she had utterly disappointed her daughter just because of that one secret that she had kept from her for her own good. Mia had insisted that she live her own life, and so Felicity backed off, promising that she would leave Mia alone on the condition that they stay in touch. Mia had agreed. A week later, Felicity had already set up a secure channel between them that was to be used sparingly, only if either one of them was in serious trouble and needed help. Felicity had assumed her father's codename, The Calculator; Mia preferred the moniker Blackstar as hers.
About a month later, Mia had met Connor Hawke.
They had met in a run-down community center. They both had volunteered to help orphaned street kids in Star City learn basic self-defense. Their casual acquaintance had developed into a friendship. Although Connor was about five years older than Mia, they both had a lot of things in common, especially when it came to being estranged from their parents because they both deemed parents as having misplaced priorities, always keeping secrets, and undeserving of their children's full trust. Mia had noticed their instant connection while Connor had done his part in showing her through verbal and nonverbal cues that he did care about her.
Mia had never had a relationship with a guy before, and she had judged Connor to be a decent one that deserved to earn some of her trust. Eventually, she had begun to consider the possibility that she might already be falling for Connor. Underneath her strong, stoic façade, and despite her best efforts to deny her capacity to have affections of any kind, she had actually allowed herself to feel.
But she should have known better.
She should not have trusted him and made herself vulnerable to deception. She should not have allowed herself to care. Connor had been just as pretentious as her mother. He was an agent of Nightwatch, an organization that went after people like her who walked the thin line between what was lawful and what was not. He was the adopted son of John Diggle, a known vigilante that used to work with her parents. He had been sent to protect her, obviously at her mother's request from a long-time, loyal friend. How then could any of the meaningful things that they had shared be real?
"Give him a chance, Mia," her mother had encouraged her.
They had finally had their heart-to-heart mother-daughter reconciliatory talk after more than two years of living apart. Felicity had noticed that Mia had been giving Connor the cold shoulder. It had been almost a week after their mission in the Glades where they rescued Felicity and foiled Kevin Dale's plans of blowing up Star City. Mia and Connor had both helped out the team of vigilantes, but they still weren't on speaking terms.
Mia had remained silent. Although she had refused to acknowledge her mother, Felicity had added, "Connor did what he had to do to protect you. I'm sure he hadn't planned on admiring how beautiful, brave, and strong you are inside and out, but he did anyway. Whether or not Connor is your type, I can see that he truly cares about you."
Mia had finally turned her head to see Felicity smiling as she walked away, leaving her alone in the dimly lit room of hers. It wasn't a comfortable position, doing upside-down push-ups, but it had always worked to distract her from unwanted thoughts and unpleasant feelings. She would never admit it to her mother, but she was sort of denying the fact that she somehow missed Connor. She'd been glad that her mother had not pressed her about it and had backed off.
A few minutes later, Mia was done with her workout. It had helped clear her head. As she stood on her feet, she noticed a familiar figure standing at the doorway. It was Connor, and he had a bottle of scotch and two glasses in his hands.
Mia huffed out a deep breath and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Did my mom send you with that peace offering?" she asked, the tone of her voice laced with irritation and suspicion.
Seeing that she hadn't thrown anything at him yet to send him away, Connor took a tentative step into the room. "No," he replied, "but I did run into her downstairs and we talked for a while. She wanted to know how my parents are."
Connor could scarcely hold Mia's steely gaze, but he pushed on. It wasn't easy to make amends with one's girl when you were no longer sure whether or not she was still your girl.
"I asked if she'd seen you anywhere. She told me I could find you up here," he said, gripping the bottle of scotch a bit more tightly.
"So she did send you," said Mia with a tinge of sarcasm. She raised her brow at him, but the corner of her lips did turn up for a small smile that she tried to hide.
"If you say so," Connor conceded. He knew better than to cross her one more time. His adoptive father had told him before sending him to Star City that Smoak women were headstrong and quite stubborn for their own good.
"Look, Mia, I know you're still upset that I kept the truth from you about who I am and why I came here," he began to explain, "and I'm really sorry that I had to. I'm so, so sorry that I hurt you this way."
Connor knew Mia well enough to surmise that she would have told him to shut up and leave if she had no intentions of hearing him out. So, taking advantage of this window she was giving him, he took a few more steps to close the distance between them. "I just… I need you to know that… all this time I've had to lie to you? It hurt me, too. Because whether or not you believe me, I really do care about you, Mia. As far as I'm concerned, the way I feel about you is as real as you and me standing here right now."
Mia blinked and dropped her gaze, but she did not say a word. Connor wasn't sure what to make of her silence though.
He cleared his throat and said, "Well, I should go. You know where to find me." He turned to leave, but Mia's voice made him look back.
"Wait," she said.
"Was there something else?" he asked. He wanted there to be something else.
The frown on his face dissipated when he saw that the lines between her brows had already disappeared. He tried to lighten the mood this time. "Your mom did say that it's best to give you the space you need when you're angry or broody. She said that it's another one of your traits that make you so much like you dad."
"Oh, did she?" There was a tad bit of humor in her voice as well. "What else has she told you about my dad, other than he's the legendary Green Arrow who tried so hard to save this miserable, ungrateful city?"
"Not much else," Connor answered, taking the bottle of scotch and pouring her a drink, "just that she sees so much of him in you – in the expressions on your face, in how well you fight, in the strength of your heart and the stubbornness of your will."
"Yeah, she says the same thing to me," Mia responded. Her voice was already calm, and she had uncrossed her arms, reaching forward to take the glass of scotch from his outstretched hand.
"I'm sorry you never got the chance to know him – your dad," he said to her with affection in his eyes. "I barely remember my own biological father. Like I said, I was really young when he died. I know how tough it is growing up without a father."
"What do you remember about him?" Mia asked before taking a swig of her scotch.
"Hardly anything, actually. He'd always been away when I was little. It was only when I was older that John Diggle told me the story of who my father was. It was disappointing to know that my father had been a criminal, a murderer at that. But John told me that he later on got a shot at redemption and he had taken it. He helped the Green Arrow and his team. It was comforting to know that in the end, he had chosen to do right and had died a hero, sacrificing his life to protect John's family. I can recall visiting him in prison once, but all I can remember was how happy we both were that day. Never saw him again after that."
Mia was quiet again for a minute. She poured herself another round of scotch, and this time, she offered him a glass. After a couple of sips, she asked him, "Did… did John Diggle ever talk about my dad, or what he was like?"
"A few times, yes," he replied. "John said the less I know about the Green Arrow and their team of vigilantes, the better it is for me and for you."
"That's not fair, though, is it? I deserve to know about my father, right?"
Connor nodded. He knew better this time. She was clearly averse to lies and secrets.
"John once told me that Oliver Queen was more than just a leader and a friend to him. He said they were brothers. Through the years that they'd known each other, Oliver had become closer and loyal to him than his own brother ever was. They'd had a few rough patches in the past, but he was certain that they'd both give their lives for the other if it ever came to that. It's why he told me to find you and keep you safe."
"When I made the choice to follow in his footsteps, John had told me, 'You can stare down death with something to live for, or not. Something to live for is better.' He said that he told Oliver Queen the very same thing when he was just starting out on his mission. I guess the Green Arrow took his advice seriously. John said that your father knew that saving people and changing a city for the better would be costly, especially when you came along. But when the time came, he still made the ultimate sacrifice so that you and your mom would survive, so that this city could still have a fighting chance no matter how slim. I never got the chance to meet him, Mia, but I think that your dad was a real hero."
Mia simply nodded. She wished she could say something, something more. But aside from her mom and William, Connor was the only other person that she could really trust at this point, and if he said that her father was a hero just like her own family had told her, then Oliver Queen must have really been one. For the first time in a long time, Mia Smoak Queen managed a smile.
Mia then finished what was left of her drink. When she put her glass down on the table and looked up at Connor, he asked, "So, where does this leave us?"
"You're a sneaky little hawk, arent' you?" she quipped. "Now I'm sure that my mother did put you up to this."
"Can't blame a man for trying," he said, giving her a wink.
"Us is a discussion for another time, Agent Hawke," she replied, "if you're willing to step into the cage with me." She winked back at him.
A/N: So, what did you think of this? Between the two of them, I think Connor would still be the one to initiate clearing the air. I liked the idea of the Arrow writers - giving Overwatch's daughter and Spartan's adopted son a romantic relationship in the future. I also liked to think that Felicity had something to do with Diggle asking Connor to watch over Mia, and that when Felicity intuitively figures out that there was something going on between them, she approves of the match and encourages them to sort through their issues. So, I went with it.
In the next two chapters, Mia learns more about her dad, and more about what happened 20 years ago from two people whom Oliver had inspired and mentored - Roy, and then Dinah.