A/N: Here it is, the last chapter! I really appreciate you all coming along for the ride and encouraging me to write this ridiculous story. I had a lot of fun!

Thank you always to Nyxako and k waifu for being amazing betas, and a special thank you to Atwistedstory on AO3 for giving me the idea for the last scene.

Reminder: "Lady Danger" is the name of a bright red M.A.C. lipstick.

"I love her," Kakashi said calmly. He said it like it was no big deal, like he was talking about the weather.

There was a long moment of silence as the conversation screeched to a halt, and every set of eyes in the room homed in on him.

And then all hell broke loose.

"What?" Naruto gaped. "What did you—what?"

"Ah! Interesting," Sai said thoughtfully.

"Shit," Shikamaru baldly stated, his generally lazy expression taking on a stunned quality.

Sakura was sure that she looked even more stunned than Shikamaru. Naruto kept exclaiming, Sai began analyzing, and Shikamaru was staring at Kakashi with surprise, but all Sakura could hear was a rushing sound in her hears. She slowly lifted a hand and pressed it to her chest, even as every other pair of eyes in the room landed on her—every pair of eyes but one. Kakashi was aimlessly staring out the window, as if he had nothing better to do than watch the birds.

She didn't even remember closing the distance between them. She was just suddenly there, in front of a slightly startled Kakashi, with her hand fisted in his vest, like Naruto's had been only moments before. Turning, she abruptly began to pull him out of the room, in spite of his surprise and Naruto's protests.

Sakura dragged him out of the office and into the nearby stairwell, with Naruto, Sai, and a reluctant Shikamaru following. When she and Kakashi burst through the double doors to the stairwell, Sakura turned and kicked them shut in Naruto's face. Without hesitation, she turned and wrenched a guard rail off the wall, sliding it through the door handles and effectively blocking the door. Whirling, she faced Kakashi again.

His eyes were wide as she stomped toward him and grabbed his vest again, her other hand reaching up to pull down his mask. Kakashi, meanwhile, nervously raised both of his hands but just kind of let them awkwardly hang in the air, as if he were afraid of actually trying to stop her. Smart man. Once his deceptively calm expression was exposed to her, she studied his face for a moment before speaking.

"What did you say?" Sakura asked, in a voice that she'd intended to be confident and bold, but it just came out as an almost-whisper.

"Well—" Kakashi began, his eyes creeping off to the side like he was looking for a way to escape, with none of the confidence he'd had as Setsuko. She tugged on his vest and he looked back at her again, and whatever he saw in her eyes made his own grow more serious. His hands finally dropped to rest gingerly on her hips, and when he answered her, his voice was just as soft. "I love you, Sakura."

Sakura could hear the sound of Naruto's fists pounding on the other side of the heavy double doors, and the quieter sound of Shikamaru trying to calm him down. The bar managed to hold, however, and Sakura ignored the thuds, letting them drift away beneath the rushing sound that she'd identified as the thundering of her heart in her ears. Kakashi had a guarded look on his face, and it dawned on Sakura that he was actually nervous about what her response would be.

"Kakashi—" she began in a whisper, but she was drowned out by Naruto's indistinct hollering on the other side of the door. "Kakashi—" she began again in a louder, slightly irritated voice, but she was fully interrupted by the sound of the doors being hit with more force, and this time the bar snapped clean in two, both doors breaking as they crashed open.

Naruto looked pleased with himself as he shoved his way through the broken pieces of the doors. Behind him was a harried-looking Shikamaru, a curious-looking Sai, and some tense ANBU who appeared to be unsure as to whether there was a threat or not. Sakura turned away from Kakashi, who had quickly replaced his mask, and glared at Naruto as she demanded, "What is your problem?"

"You can't just leave after something like that!" Naruto yelled back, completely ignoring the fact that they were now in public.

"Why not?" Sakura ground out, trying to keep her voice low.

"Because—" Naruto stopped, blinking. Apparently, he hadn't actually been prepared to defend himself. Appearing to finally think of something, he stabbed the air with his finger and stated, "Because I want to know what happens!"

"This has gotten out of hand. We really need to get back to work," Shikamaru said, and was roundly ignored.

"I would also like to know what happens," Sai added placidly.

"Shut up, Sai!" Sakura hissed at Sai, who leaned back slightly. "Don't think I've forgotten what you did!" Turning her wrath back toward Naruto, she placed her hands on her hips and barked, "And you! None of this would have happened if it weren't for your stupid drag mission, so I don't even want to hear you complain."

"But, Sakura-chan..." Naruto whined.

"How are we going to know if you love him, too?" Sai inquired. Naruto nodded earnestly, and Shikamaru threw his hands up in disgust.

"Of course I love him," Sakura snapped without thinking. "Don't be an idiot. If you would all just leave us alone—"

Naruto let out a dramatic gasp as she accidentally confessed. Behind him, Sai looked on with great interest, and Shikamaru rolled his eyes, apparently over the whole thing. Sakura, however, didn't get a chance to finish her thought, because Kakashi decided to take matters into his own hands—he put his arms around her from behind, his hands a blur as he formed several familiar seals.

In a moment, they both vanished.

Sai was unsurprised when Kakashi teleported himself and Sakura away, having expected something like that from the moment the subject had turned to his and Sakura's illicit relationship. He also wasn't surprised that Naruto was unprepared to let things go.

"I can't believe they just left like that! And I can't believe they've been—" Finally seeming to realize that they were in public, Naruto looked from side to side and then loudly whispered, "—having sex."

Shikamaru, who had a pained expression on his face, said, "Well, I can't believe we're still having this conversation. Can we go back in the office now?"

Naruto sighed and started walking back to his office, and Shikamaru and Sai followed. The ANBU who had appeared when they'd all burst out of the office faded back into the shadows, still looking rather tense, and Sai spared a moment to pity the ninja who had such onerous jobs as guarding the ever-excitable Seventh Hokage. Still, that's what ANBU agents were for, and there were certainly worse assignments. None that he could think of right now, but they had to exist.

"This isn't over," Naruto said as he reached his desk, slapping a hand down on the top of it. "Shikamaru, I need you to come up with a new drag mission as soon as possible."

Shikamaru looked like he wanted to say several very, very bad words. "Why? You already saw their performance, isn't that what you wanted?"

Naruto frowned sulkily. "It's not the same as being there. This time I'm going myself. Besides, they've apparently been having fun on these missions, so this one needs to be really embarrassing."

"Absolutely not—" began an exasperated Shikamaru, but Sai missed the rest as he slipped out the double doors of the office and into the hallway.

Sai was ready for this mission to be over, and he definitely didn't want to stick around and give Naruto any ideas about including him on the next mission. More importantly, he was ready to get home to Ino—after all, he'd just witnessed the Sixth Hokage confessing his love for Ino's closest friend.

That meant that, for once, he was the one with excellent gossip—and he couldn't wait to see the look on Ino's face when he told her.

A little over half an hour later, Sakura gave a sated smile as Kakashi collapsed on his bed beside her, both of them panting and slick with sweat. Lying bonelessly on his side, Kakashi gave her a lazy smile in return. Admitting their feelings for each other had led to some very enthusiastic displays of said feelings, and Sakura couldn't remember ever feeling more content than she did in that moment.

Sighing happily, Sakura let her eyes drift shut, only to hear Kakashi speak up: "So. None of this would have happened if it weren't for Naruto's drag mission, hm?"

Sakura's eyes flew open and she immediately began to protest. "That's not what I meant, I—" She broke off when she saw the amused smirk on Kakashi's face. He really did enjoy seeing her panic, the sadist. "Stop messing with me!"

"You only love me because I look good in a dress, don't you?" Kakashi asked in an injured voice that Sakura did not, for a second, believe.

Rolling her eyes, Sakura still smiled as she retorted, "Why? Do you only love me because I look good with a beard?"

Kakashi's expression became thoughtful as he replied, "I suppose the beard wasn't too bad, but the suit was fantastic."

Sakura laughed. "It doesn't even bother you to admit that, does it? I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I like guys in dresses."

"Maybe you're more attracted to feminine things than you thought," Kakashi mused, rolling onto his back and stretching. His gaze slid back toward her before he teased, "Maybe we'll have to bring another woman home one of these nights."

Sakura surprised herself by teasing back, "Maybe. I get to pick who."

Kakashi blinked. "I didn't expect that to actually work."

She grinned a little at him. "It's either that or get you in a dress again."

Kakashi snorted. "That's not going to happen. Not voluntarily—so, not unless Naruto sends us on another 'special mission.'"

Sakura groaned as she dramatically threw an arm over her eyes. "Oh god. Don't even joke about that. We can't let that happen."

That was enough to make Kakashi roll back toward her, and there was a slightly feral gleam in his eye as he smiled at her. "I had an idea about that, actually..."

Naruto woke slowly to the irritating feeling of something brushing at his lip. He turned his head, annoyed, but the brushing sensation just came back again, and now he was aware of a strange tackiness to his mouth. There was a flash of light that crept in through his eyelids, and a soft giggle, and he finally blearily opened his eyes, blinking.

The first thing he noticed was the sight of Kakashi sitting beside him on the bed, his eyes creased with amusement above his mask as he slowly twisted a bright red lipstick back into its tube. When he saw that Naruto was awake, he said, "Good morning, Lady Danger." Beside him, Sakura giggled again, taking another picture with the camera she held.

Naruto tried to bolt up, and soon discovered that his hands were tied tightly to the sides of the bed. He wasn't able to access his chakra, either—he guessed that whatever was tying him down wasn't just normal rope. "What the hell—"

"Shhh," Kakashi said soothingly, his eyes still creasing in a smile. "It took a lot of bribes to make this happen—you don't even want to know what we promised Hinata—so just shut up and let me show you something." Before Naruto could answer, Kakashi held a mirror up in front of his face.

Naruto blinked owlishly at his reflection. His eyes were lined in thick, dramatic black eyeliner and false lashes, his cheeks were colored with bright pink blush, and his lips were painted a bright red—"Lady Danger", no doubt. Naruto gasped at the sight, watching as his own ridiculously made-up reflection registered his surprise. There was a bright flash again as the camera's shutter clicked.

"Hey!" Naruto yelled. "Stop taking pictures!"

"Hokage-sama?" came the voice of one of his ANBU detail at the door, presumably alerted by the noise. Kakashi snapped his fingers in front of Naruto's face, and Naruto focused on him again.

"Nobody ever has to see these pictures—as long as you never send us on another drag mission again," Kakashi promised, his eyes hard.

Finally understanding what was happening, Naruto pouted. "Aww, c'mon guys. I was gonna send a clone this time so I could really watch—"

"We'll post these pictures everywhere," Sakura growled, interrupting. "We'll put them on billboards." The knocking at the door was becoming more insistent.

Naruto scoffed. "So what?"

"In every village," Sakura emphasized with a glare.

Naruto swallowed—okay, that was probably a problem. Anything that could compromise his international reputation could have serious consequences for Konoha. Finally giving in, he whined, "Fine. I won't send you on any more drag missions."

Kakashi stood. "Excellent."

"...unless it's needed for the safety of the village," Naruto added.

"Billboards. In. Every. Village," Sakura gritted out. There was a loud thud as whoever was on the other side of the door tried to break it down.

"Fine, fine! I won't do it! I promise! Hey—where are you going? You have to untie me!" Naruto yelled, even as Kakashi and Sakura both slipped out the window. At the same time, the ANBU agent finally broke down the door and slid into the room.

"Hokage-sama!" the fox-masked ANBU exclaimed. "Are you all right? I—" His voice trailed off into a squeak of surprised laughter as he took in the sight of Naruto, tied to a bed and wearing a face full of makeup.

"Get your ass over here and untie me, Shiranui," Naruto growled.

"Yes, ma'am." Genma snickered quietly as he went to untie him. Naruto grumbled the whole time.

Half an hour later, once it was just Naruto and Hinata again, he startled her badly by bursting out of the bathroom, his face streaked with the makeup that had refused to come off with his usual soap. Pointing to his face, he hysterically asked, "How the hell do you get this off?"

A giggling Hinata took pity on him. There was little doubt that she filed away the memory of him looking so ridiculous—something like a geisha on a walk of shame—as she took him to the bathroom to help him clean his face.

By the time they were done, Naruto had sworn to himself that he would never, ever, send Kakashi and Sakura on a drag mission again.

…Probably.