"I can't do this anymore."
He sees his mother like he did when he was a kid. Her back is facing him, and he knows right away, she's speaking to his father.
"What do you mean? What are you thinking?"
His father is already losing his patience.
"No one will listen. No one understands me. And you're never there."
"I'm trying. I'm working so hard to keep this family together."
"No, all you care about is yourself and your work. You don't even realize what's happening in this house!"
He wishes he knew better back then, but alas, he was just a kid. There were many things he didn't understand. Why did his father not listen? Why did he not talk to her?
He remembers one night, she came home too late. She had gone to do grocery shopping, and he was merely five-years-old at the time. She was limping, and her clothes were in disarray.
His father wasn't home.
She was a mess. Nothing was ever the same since that night.
There is a long silence between them. It's always too quiet when the shouting ends.
"Do you even want me anymore?"
The images change. Now he sees her legs swinging again, her head hanging too freely, and her blond hair that matched his flowing down like a willow tree.
The scenes shift again, and his father is sobbing on the couch, his hands clenching the note she left behind while he's grasping his wrinkled face.
"Dad?"
He doesn't answer.
"What does 'raped' mean?"
He only weeps harder, repeating the same words like a mantra.
"I should have listened. I should have listened. I should have listened."
Once more, the scenes alter and now, his love lies sideways on the ground, bleeding out from the cuts on his arm.
He's already on his knees, his pants covered in his blood along with his hands.
He's shaking him, yelling for him, sobbing like his sorry father.
His lover begins to stir, his grey eyes wide and staring at him in horror once they open.
"Do you even care about me?"
For some reason, he can hardly hear what his lover is saying.
He grips his wounded arm so tightly. His lover's blood is cold along with his body. His skin gets paler by the second.
"Please, I'm so sorry. Come back to me!"
He holds his lover's head against his chest, rocking back and forth like a pathetic baby.
The bathroom they're in turns crimson in his view. His lover doesn't wake up.
…
His dreams are too vivid since he's been gone.
The other side of the mattress is too empty. His left arm continues to ache every so often and it keeps him awake. Every time he drifts in and out of sleep, those visions return to toy with his weakened mind.
Wearing only a tank top and sweatpants, he touches the bandages on his wounded arm, hissing at how tender the flesh is underneath. He leans against the wall and clenches onto his head, his fingers brushing through his messier hair.
Taking in a deep breath, he slowly turns towards his laptop at the side of the bed, opening it up with his good arm. He notices the time.
3:28 AM.
He sighs again. He'd only been asleep for thirty minutes.
He clicks on the internet browser and logs into his email, where he then checks the status of the devices he just emptied his wallet for.
A tracking device with a GPS. Same-day shipping.
It's day six.
At the insistence of Nishiki to the point of violent threats, Hide enlists the enthusiastic help of his ghoul friends to find Yamori's consistent whereabouts in Tokyo.
Nishiki reaches out to other ghouls he knows he can trust, mostly those he's been hunting with since the time he was living with his sister. Once Nishiki passes on Yamori's physical description to Ikuma, the musician decides to venture to other wards of Tokyo. With his occupation, it's easier for him to slip through dodgy areas and play his guitar while scanning the crowds.
In the meantime, once Hide obtains his new tracking device, he tests it out on Nishiki, following his friend's movements for a day and realizing that it works as well as he had hoped.
"Dude, what were you doing on that side of the city? You know that's where the strip clubs are, right?" Hide jokes with him when he takes off the tracker in the morning of day seven.
Nishiki blushes and he knocks the human on his head while he retrieves the tiny black device. "Shut your hole. For your information, I was checking with my friends if they'd seen that bastard crawling around there."
Hide narrows his eyes. "Anything?"
Nishiki sighs heavily. "Nothing."
Hide checks the time on his GPS. "Dammit, is that ghoul even in Tokyo anymore?"
"Don't worry. The ghouls that know about him say he hardly ever wanders outside of Tokyo. It's hard, but we gotta sit tight for a little longer."
Nishiki lingers by Hide's side while the blond peruses the city with his bike for a few hours until Nishiki's phone rings. The two freeze immediately and Nishiki answers the call.
Hide can tell the caller is Ikuma and judging by Nishiki's excited tone, Ikuma must have seen him.
"Well?" Hide nearly shouts.
"Ikuma found him," Nishiki says while still on the phone.
"Okay, tell Ikuma to keep an eye on him. Nishiki, help me find some clothes that belong to a ghoul."
"Uh, hello? What am I, chopped liver?" Nishiki states with a scoff.
"No, no. Listen, it's too dangerous to use your clothes since you're my friend. I need a dead ghoul's clothes."
Nishiki frowns when he hears something on Ikuma's end. "Wait, hang on, I'm gonna put you on speaker."
"Hello, you guys?" Ikuma's voice calls through the phone.
"Yeah, what's up, Ikuma?" Hide replies.
"Sorry, I'm using a payphone, so I don't have much time. Anyway, Hide, I think what you said about wearing a ghoul's clothes is a good idea. This ward is crawling with a bunch of ghouls. There's less humans over here, so you'll stick out like a sore thumb. I'll stay here for as long as you need and keep an eye on our target. I'll be playing my music too, so I won't be hard to miss when you come over here."
"All right, thanks buddy. See you soon!" Hide tells him.
Nishiki sighs as he hangs up his phone. "Okay, we better hurry. I know a hunting ground where there's a corpse. I'm pretty sure it's not too old."
"As long as it's a ghoul, take me there," Hide states.
Thankfully, the morning is still new, so the boys hurry over to the vacant hunting ground and once there, Hide immediately changes his clothes with the corpse sprawled against the stained wall of the building.
Nishiki wrinkles his nose in disgust as Hide pays no mind in wearing clothes belonging to a dead person. "You really are something else, Nagachika."
"Do you smell me at all, Nishiki? Do I smell like a ghoul?" Hide says as soon as he has the pants and jacket on. He spins around slowly with his arms outstretched.
Nishiki sniffs the air and he grimaces. "Well, I know you, so I can still smell you, but it's very faint. No one else would notice."
Hide sighs in relief. "Well, that's good enough for me." He takes the last piece of clothing, a beanie, from the corpse and places it over his blond hair.
Hide looks over his body and nods his head in approval. "Well, this ghoul didn't have terrible fashion sense. This is actually something I would wear…"
Nishiki's lips form a thin line as he notices a determined look crossing Hide's face while they walk out of the hunting ground and back into the city.
"Here, do you mind holding my clothes for me in the meantime?" Hide asks. He passes his folded clothes into Nishiki's grasp.
"I should go with you," Nishiki says once the sun hits their bodies.
As expected, Hide shakes his head and mounts his bike. "No, I don't plan to spend too long just to place this tracker on him. Besides, Ikuma will be there, so I'm not completely alone, right?" He grins at Nishiki.
The ghoul feels uneasy regardless, but he knows he can't change Hide's mind. "Fine. Just, be careful you idiot. Try not to get hurt like you did with Rize."
Hide laughs and glances at Nishiki once more. "Sorry, no promises there."
With that, the human speeds off towards the ward where his target resides and Nishiki grits his teeth.
"You better not die, moron…"
…
It's just after noon by the time Hide makes it to the ward where Ikuma waits for him. Hide continues biking further into this area of Tokyo he rarely ventures through. Shoppers and commuters crowd the streets and sidewalks, but this doesn't deter Hide one bit.
In the distance, he can hear the familiar voice of his friend and the strumming of a guitar. Immediately, he bikes towards the direction, trying not to run into anybody along the way.
Ikuma is standing and his open guitar case has some spare change while he continues with his song. Hide slows down and gets off his bike. Carefully, he approaches Ikuma from his right side and just as Ikuma finishes singing, he pounces on him.
Ikuma nearly screams from shock. When he catches sight of Hide's brown eyes, he exhales deeply and grabs hold of his chest.
"Oh my god, you scared the hell out of me! I thought you were a mugger or something! My heart…" Ikuma exclaims while trying to calm his rapid pulse.
Hide grins. "You really didn't sense me at all? Like you didn't catch my scent?"
Ikuma looks in his direction and gulps. "No, actually…that's a good thing. But please don't do that again, Hide!"
Hide shushes him once his name slips out. "Be quiet now! Where is he?"
Ikuma places a hand over his mouth and then narrows his eyes into the distance. He points in front of him. "Yamori is in the outdoor mall, sitting in front of the café. He's been there for about twenty minutes now."
Hide takes in a deep breath and he checks his pockets. The tracker is there, along with some loose change.
When Ikuma sees Hide already heading towards Yamori, he quickly snatches his hand, causing Hide to turn to him with a glare.
"Wait, you're not really going to confront him, are you? Right now?" Ikuma whisper-shouts.
Hide smiles at him. "Just trust me."
Hide's hand slips out of Ikuma's shaken grasp and he strides towards where Yamori is, all while keeping his doubts locked away.
I can do this. I must. I need to get to him!
Hide remembers how Nishiki describes him and right away, everything matches up. The white suit, the broad shoulders, overall massive physique. Hide would rather not make eye contact if possible. He might lose himself looking into the eyes of the monster who's been torturing his lover for several days.
Just thinking about it boils his blood and he quickly reminds himself to stay calm. His heart beats loudly in his ears like a war drum and his palms become sweaty.
The monster is alone at one of the tables outside of the café.
Hide breathes slower to the point of almost holding his breath the closer he approaches the man's back. His footsteps grow softer until they make no noise on the ground.
The man's broad shoulders move ever so slightly with his breathing and Hide narrows his eyes. He can't stare too long, or the man will surely attack him right off the bat.
He makes his move.
The clinking of his loose change from his pocket breaks the lull as the money falls to the ground right near the man's chair. Hide watches one of the coins hitting the man's left shoe. Immediately, the man turns to his side and then he takes notice of Hide for the first time.
"Ah! Excuse me! I dropped my change!" Hide swoops to the ground in a second, his body moving on adrenaline now.
He feels Yamori's intense stare on his back and still, Hide does not look up at the man. Instead, he hastily pretends to gather his coins and keeps his focus on Yamori's left foot.
Hide takes a quick breath and then he speaks. "Um, I'm sorry. Do you mind lifting your foot? One of my coins is under your shoe."
He feels his face getting hot from his rising anxiety and he can sense the man standing from his chair, his huge form towering over him.
Yamori lifts his foot for Hide without saying a word. Hide doesn't know whether his silence is a good or bad thing but either way, he acts fast. Once he sees the back of the shoe, his eyes center on the heel. Hidden in his left hand is his small black tracker and he tries his hardest to remain as discrete as possible. His fingers latch the device onto the inside of the heel and his heart leaps in his throat when he sees that it attached successfully. It blinks at him, letting him know it's still working well.
As soon as his hand leaves Yamori's shoe, the man abruptly stomps onto Hide's left hand. Hide gasps and then grunts in pain. His left arm is still in the process of healing and the shooting ache comes back as soon as Yamori's heel grinds into Hide's knuckles.
"You should pay attention next time, swine," the man's deep voice booms in Hide's ear.
The shadow above his crouched form gets darker and in the next second, Yamori's hand grabs the back of Hide's neck, yanking him upwards into a standing position. Hide winces from the near whiplash and the throbbing pain that his hand suffers.
"Look at me," Yamori demands.
Hide's eyes are squeezed shut but as soon as he hears Yamori, he slowly opens them, and he takes in Yamori's face.
His beady eyes study Hide, his large hand still gripping the back of his neck. Out of nowhere, Hide remembers the nightmare he had when someone was choking him from behind and it sends his nerves on overdrive. Yet he's frozen as the man takes in his body from head to toe.
Hide feels his mouth go dry and he thinks about Kaneki. How his lover is forced to face this beast that's staring at him every single day. He's scared. This man can kill him. Right now.
In his peripheral vision, Hide sees Yamori grabbing something in his pocket and he can't see what it is until the man flips it open right near his face. A pocket knife.
"You're just a little weakling, aren't you?" the man says. His breath hits Hide's face as he comes near, tapping the blade against his cheek.
Hide doesn't breathe, and his eyes widen when Yamori cuts the side of his neck. He feels his blood trickling down rapidly and the man doesn't stop. He draws his sharp blade down further, cutting through the collar of his jacket and into his clavicle area towards the top of his left chest.
Hide flinches from the pain that begins to set in from the cuts and on instinct, he pushes the man away from him with all his strength, taking the man off guard as Hide stumbles back a few steps.
His blood drips on the concrete between them and Hide grasps onto his neck, hoping the man didn't just slice a vital vein.
Yamori glowers at the boy and he looks down at his bloody knife. He brings the blade up to his nose and as soon as the scent fills his senses, his eyes flash and grow bigger. His head turns slowly back to Hide, and he grins.
"A human! It can't be… You must be…"
Hide takes steps backwards and despite his frazzled mind, he notices the change in Yamori's demeanor. Suddenly, he seems more expressive, deranged.
"Yes, yes!" Yamori mutters loudly and he takes a step forward.
Before the man can get any closer, a random figure intervenes and neither of them have time to react. In seconds, Hide feels himself getting pulled up into someone's arms and the breath is knocked out of him when the person speeds off and away from Yamori without another moment to waste.
Yamori clenches his teeth when he finds Hide and the mystery person escaping out of his reach. Naturally, he thinks of going after the rats, but he hears the judging murmurs of the ghouls watching and walking past him. He decides it's not worth his time.
"Weaklings…" he mutters to himself. He glances down at his bloody blade and he smirks. In a way, he is pleased and when he licks the crimson liquid on the palm of his hand, his sadistic grin widens.
Yamori folds his knife without wiping the blood off and he walks away. Traces of Hide's blood remains on the ground and no one else can catch the tracker clinging to the ghoul's heel.
…
Ikuma pants like a mad dog and his arms nearly drop Hide's body. He had just carried the human over his shoulder and away from the beast in the fastest sprint he had ever accomplished.
"I…I am never doing that again! Dammit, Hide! You keep this up and I'm going to have a heart attack!" Ikuma shouts.
When he realizes Hide feels heavier in his arms, he panics and quickly sets Hide back down on the bench where his guitar waits for him.
"Hide? Hide!"
Ikuma shakes his friend's shoulder and he gasps when he feels blood coating his hand. "Oh god, Hide!"
Hide groans and his eyes gradually open. Sweat droplets crawl down the side of his face and he makes eye contact with the worried ghoul kneeling before him.
Ikuma lets out a relieved exhale and he falls to his bottom in a clumsy heap. "That was way too close! Too close! Don't ever do that again, please!"
Hide takes in ragged breaths and he reaches into his jacket pocket to pull out his GPS. "Don't worry, I won't have to."
As he holds up the GPS for Ikuma to see, the ghoul detects the blinking dot on the small screen that indicates Yamori's current location.
"Y-You did it…you did it!" Ikuma repeats in astonishment.
Hide nods with a small smile and then his hand grows lax as his energy depletes and his eyes shut again. Ikuma scrambles back on his feet and he grasps Hide's good shoulder. "Do you need to go to the hospital again? Hide, speak to me!"
"No, I'm fine. I just…need to rest a bit…a little dizzy is all…" Hide assures him. His eyes stay closed and when Ikuma sits on the bench beside him, his head falls onto Ikuma's shoulder.
The musician pulls down the collar of Hide's jacket. He examines the damage Yamori made on Hide's neck and chest area, finding a long cut connecting the two regions. The bleeding has slowed but combined with Hide's other wound on his arm from Rize, Ikuma's concern increases.
"I need something to cover that cut…" Ikuma says. His frantic eyes scan the stores in front of them. "One of these convenience stores has some bandages but…I can't just leave him here alone…"
Hide grabs the front of Ikuma's shirt and pulls. Ikuma looks down instantly at the contact.
"Don't. Just stay. Don't leave me alone…" Hide says.
Ikuma notices a change in Hide's tone. His voice is soft, vulnerable. It sounds like how he'd speak around Kaneki.
He notices a deep sadness setting in Hide's facial features and with the way Hide's hand clenches on his shirt, Ikuma doesn't know how he can deny his wishes.
But he can't just do nothing while his human friend bleeds out. He can already feel the stares of the civil ghouls passing by them. When he lifts his head, some of them give disgusted frowns at the way they're sitting together too closely.
He senses Hide's breathing deepen and realizes his friend is unconscious. Carefully, he places Hide gently against the bench. Taking the coins he earned out of his guitar case, he races towards the nearest payphone and dials Nishiki's number once the coins are inserted.
"Ikuma! Shit, what happened?" Nishiki's voice already shouts through the phone.
Ikuma looks back to check on Hide, who remains out cold on the bench. No one comes near the human.
"I need you to come over here. Preferably with some bandages if you can…"
"I am already on my way, halfway to where you guys are and then you called. I knew I should have gone with him. Is it bad?"
"No…he's okay for now. I think…" Ikuma replies. His eyes stay glued on Hide the whole time.
His conversation ends as soon as it began and Ikuma walks back to the human. Standing in front of him, he gazes at Hide's still form. He takes in his friend's appearance: his skin is paler since he's been searching for Kaneki. His blood seeps through the borrowed clothes Hide has on and his blond hair sticks to his sweaty forehead underneath the beanie. Every time Ikuma sees Hide nowadays, he looks worse than before and it hurts to watch.
He wishes he inherited his mother's medical expertise. He could do so much more for his friend. But alas, all he did was help him escape near death like a cowardly mutt. He's pathetic. He's not strong enough.
Ikuma doesn't want to think about Hide's physical and mental state the longer Kaneki is gone.
Yamori is torturing them both.
The ghoul looks back to the café where Yamori had been.
I hope he's still alive…
Evening of day seven.
The bones in Kaneki's legs are now back to normal, but he could never forget the pain. The healing of bone was nearly as horrid as breaking them. His vision is blurry, but he can't get sleep.
Especially now that he has a new friend. On day six, Yamori hadn't spent much time in the chamber, but he needed to make Kaneki writhe all day by shoving a giant centipede into his ear. Both of his ears have old rivers of blood staining the side of his face and neck and from time to time, the centipede moves and curls inside his head, almost as if the vermin is trying to invade his brain and take all his precious memories out of him. Consume his mind from the inside out.
On this seventh night, however, the centipede does not move. Perhaps it already suffocated to death. Kaneki envies the pest.
His hearing is impaired with the bug lying dormant inside him. His senses are slower to pick up on Yamori coming in.
"I should bring in a mirror one of these days. Your hair, have you noticed it's turned white? You're becoming more like me, aren't you?" Yamori announces with a maniacal grin.
Kaneki doesn't answer, and he keeps his head low. He stays as still as a statue.
"How's your friend? At least you're not all alone in here while I'm gone," Yamori says. He strolls around Kaneki's chair, his index finger running along the half-ghoul's tense shoulders as he passes him from behind.
"Today was quite interesting, I must say. I have another present for you, Kaneki."
Kaneki is drained. What more can the man do to him? How much more pain can he cause?
"You've been through a lot of physical damage since I got you," Yamori says as if he had just read his mind.
"But none of the fun games have really weakened you enough for me to eat you just yet. No, no. I've been tempted, yes, but it's not enough. You truly are tougher than you look, boy."
Kaneki's exhausted heart begins to awaken again.
What the hell is he going on about…
"Then I got to thinking, you're far more emotional than my other toys ever were. And it clicked in my mind. Physical damage, it's not the key! No, the key to breaking you completely is your mind! I need to crush your mind! And then, you wouldn't believe my luck today!"
Yamori stops circling Kaneki and he bends over so that his mouth is next to Kaneki's ear.
"That Hide fellow really does care about you, doesn't he?"
Kaneki's heart races now and his eyes widen. Yamori cackles once he sees Kaneki react.
"I knew it. Oh, this is too good!"
Kaneki's breathing quickens and now that he's moving, the centipede in his ear seems to sense his unease. Multiple legs begin to twitch inside him.
"That human boy sure is brave to go looking for you in a ward infested with ghouls. Brave, but stupid all the same."
Yamori then takes his pocket knife out. In front of Kaneki's face, he unfolds it to reveal the blood still staining the blade.
"Look, isn't his blood beautiful?"
Hide's scent is unmistakable. Kaneki's pupils constrict to pinpoints and he violently struggles against his restraints. He lifts his head, glaring through Yamori's gaze once the ghoul stands at his side.
"What did you do to him, you bastard!"
Yamori can't stop himself. His laughter booms throughout the chamber, causing the centipede to dance wildly at the sound. More red liquid trickles from his left ear.
"What did I do? What did I do?"
Kaneki watches Yamori move to stand in front of him and with each step the beast takes, he shakes his head. His eyes already begin to sting. He strains to hear but at the same time, he is terrified. He doesn't want to know.
Yamori's sadistic grin says it all. Kaneki's bloodshot, wide eyes are frozen. He trembles and his cracked lips part.
"I tried to go easy on the boy. But he's too weak."
"No, no," Kaneki whispers. He continues to shake his head.
Yamori's grin looks as if it would split his face in half.
"Your precious Hide is dead."
Kaneki finds himself unable to breathe at those words. The tears spring from his glassy eyes and he refuses to believe it. He shakes his head vigorously.
"No! No! No! No!" His weakened voice rises in volume with his growing distress.
"He's dead! I killed him! I killed him!" Yamori bellows over him every time Kaneki rejects his statements.
Yamori holds his bloody knife up. "I wish you were there to see it, boy. The way those innocent eyes of his stared back at me with the delicious fear that matched yours when I placed that centipede in your ear."
"Stop it," Kaneki says through clenched teeth.
"Oh yes. Unarmed, he found me out of nowhere and fell in my grasp so easily. Like a mindless ant. And when I plunged my blade into his flesh-"
"Stop it!" Kaneki shouts.
"I just couldn't stop. His blood was too amazing, and I had to see more! I cut him to pieces and nobody stopped me! No one!"
With the images that Yamori is putting in his brain, Kaneki can't function. The centipede continues to struggle inside him. His hearing is dulled, but the words Yamori says is too clear.
"His cries of pain were delightful and just as I stabbed his heart, he said your name. And that was the best part before his eyes went blank on me. Just like that."
The bloody knife dangles like a hanged man.
Kaneki screams.
This scream is far different from the ones Yamori dragged out of him in the past six days. This scream pierces the heart, it lasts too long, and it shatters the soul till there's nothing left.
Yamori is on a whole new high. He wins.
Kaneki's scream fades into pained, staggered whimpers and he sobs hysterically.
"How could you! He didn't do anything! You should have killed me! Why didn't you kill me instead! Why! Why!"
Kaneki's tears soak his entire face and saliva spills from his mouth. The centipede squirms in protest when he screams and shouts. Yamori enjoys watching his toy breaking.
Yamori licks Hide's dried blood off his blade. "He's nothing but fodder for the ghouls now, Kaneki. You couldn't protect him. You couldn't save him."
Turning away, Yamori strides towards the door, chuckling to himself as he cleans the blood off the blade completely with his tongue.
The doors close on him once more.
He is alone.
Alone.
…
His heart can't take anymore. There is a constant ache that doesn't recede as time ticks in slow motion. It squeezes and twists. It pulses merciless shocks throughout his body. His mind is beyond repair.
Every breath he takes brings the pain back ten times stronger.
He's gone. He's gone.
He couldn't do anything.
I'm fucking useless.
There's no point.
He can't see him anymore.
…
…
A cold hand caresses the top of his head. He doesn't feel it. Not until the fingers crawl down his filthy cheeks. He doesn't lift his chin.
"Ken."
He takes in a sharp breath, causing his distraught heart and lungs to protest.
"Son…"
Kaneki flinches at the voice and being addressed that way. It's so foreign to him.
"M…Mom?"
His tired eyes open and he forces his stiff neck to hold his head up once more. His surroundings are entirely white, like snow. Like his damaged hair. Like the emptiness strangling him.
His mother is here. Standing before him, her hand holding his cheek.
"Wha-What are you doing here?" he croaks.
She pulls away. Her body is frail, and she looks as exhausted as she did when she was alive.
"You've changed, my boy. You're not the same anymore," she says. Her voice echoes, but it's not like before, when it would haunt him. It's more like someone speaking in a desolate temple.
He narrows his eyes and blinks several times to clear his vision. "Is it really you, mom?"
She smiles, but it's not real. "Was it worth it, Ken?"
He looks at her, puzzled.
"Was it worth the pain to love him? To love that boy?"
Kaneki's mouth opens, and he shakes his head at her question. "What are you saying?"
"I have regrets, Ken. Things I wish I could have done differently. If you loved someone else, someone of your kind…if you loved another ghoul like you, maybe you wouldn't have had to suffer this long. You would have been saved."
Kaneki's pupils constrict at the absurd statements coming out of her mouth. "Shut up."
Her eyes widen at what he just said.
"Shut up. Shut up! You don't know me! You don't know me at all!"
He spits those words out with so much hate. All the bottled-up resentment he held for her since the day his father died.
She doesn't speak. Her eyes are hollow like her soul.
"You don't know anything about me. I love him. With my whole heart. Even if it's in pieces now, I still love him."
Kaneki's voice deepens as his throat chokes on his overwhelming emotions.
"There's no way another ghoul like me could have saved me. If it weren't for Hide, if I had never met Hide, I would have killed myself long ago. I would have died before you did!" He lifts his head, his watery eyes burning with a fire that reflects all the pain eating him alive.
She says nothing.
"I'm so happy that I met someone like Hide. Since the day he found me, he made me feel worthy. I wanted to live with him. He's the most selfless person I've ever known."
Thinking about him, a warmth manages to spark from his broken heart.
"He's always putting others before himself and I don't know if anyone realizes it. I don't know if anyone appreciates what he does. He gives and gives and doesn't expect anything back. He keeps giving."
He smiles lightly, and his cheeks find color. "Even me. I don't appreciate him enough. I should have. And when I realize this, I know I don't deserve him."
Yamori's sharp words invade his brain, flooding those pure thoughts into oblivion. "But now…Hide is…Hide is…"
He bows his head, his tears hitting his thighs as his grief gets the best of him. His entire body shakes with his weeping.
"I want to tell him how much he means to me. I want to see him."
He feels more trapped than ever before. Restrained in the chair and unable to see his most important person ever again.
"I want to die."
There is a long, harrowing silence. His mother disappeared. He begins formulating a plan.
He thinks he may have lost consciousness because the next moment his mother appears, she wakes him like before.
"Do you think you could ever love someone the way you love him?" she asks softly.
He looks up with a tearful smile. "Never."
She distances herself from him. "This monster caging you, has he changed you? Have you lost yourself?"
"No. I'm not letting him change me. I'm not like him."
He doesn't see her anymore, but her voice is still there.
"See, Ken? You're stronger than you think. He took Hide away from you. Are you going to let him win?"
He lowers his head. A fierce emotion takes over, pushing his anguish out temporarily. After all he's been through, the other side of him has become harder to tame.
"You know what to do, don't you?"
The last locks of black hair wither away from his head.
He senses his mother coming to him from behind and she holds him close to her body. Her arms wrap around his restrained form and her chin rests on top of his head. Her right hand crawls upwards, her fingers running through his frayed, white hair.
"That's my boy. You're a good boy, Ken."
There is only one more task left.