Yamori isn't dead. He's still alive.
In his mind.
No matter how many times he drills his fingers through his ears to the point of them bleeding, or how many times he punctures his eyeballs, he still hears the ghoul's booming voice and sees his menacing grin.
It's painful, but it's nothing compared to the endless throbbing in his chest. The beating organ feels as if it's been encased in ice and nothing can reach it. Every time he breathes, it's as if shards of ice pierce the heart, going deeper with every day and night that passes.
Stuck in a box and only having the beast haunting his senses.
He is not himself. He doesn't know who he is anymore.
…
Luckily, the half-ghoul has no other cell mates nearby, for they would never get sleep. Then again, the few ghouls incarcerated could still hear Kaneki's cries in the night. Wailing as if he remains in Yamori's torture chamber.
Many times, the guards have had to subdue the half-ghoul, injecting him with suppressants and chemical restraints once the prior drug kicks in.
It works, but only for a few hours. Because once Kaneki is unconscious, that's when his mind is at its worst. The terrors are too out of control. He claws his eyeballs out raw with his own fingers.
His healing slows each time he's injected, so soon enough, Kaneki cannot see. Not that he wants to.
"He's deteriorating faster than I thought."
Kishou Arima, the man who captured Kaneki after Yamori's elimination, speaks to the guard in charge of Kaneki's unit.
"He's not going to make it through the month, sir. Maybe that's what he wants, considering he refuses to eat anything we provide. Plus, there's so much blood in his cell. Arima, why are we keeping him here?"
Arima narrows his eyes at the guard, who cowers under his cold stare.
"Sorry, sir. It's just…shouldn't we just finish him off?"
Arima approaches the door, peering through the vision panel to see the half-ghoul in a fetal position on the bloody ground. He can see Kaneki scratching at his wrists like a rabid animal. He almost winces when he sees large gashes formed on his skin.
"That is not our decision to make," he replies without looking away from his prisoner.
"Doesn't he have family? Shouldn't we let him go?"
Arima turns away from the door and glances at the guard. "Do you think anyone would want this boy back?"
The guard swallows nervously and nods in understanding.
Arima leaves the unit without another word.
The guard stares into Kaneki's cell again, watching how the half-ghoul's breathing slows down to almost a complete halt. The heavy scent of blood nauseates him.
On day nine since Kaneki was captured, Amon visits Hide at his apartment once again. He explains that rescuing Kaneki from Yamori was a success. However, he cannot return home just yet.
"What the hell? You guys are keeping him because he's dangerous?" Hide yells in rage. He grabs a hold of Amon's coat and yanks him to his level, no matter how much taller and stronger the other is.
Amon's jaw clenches and he maintains his composure. "Unfortunately, I don't have much say in the matter, but Yamori was found to be murdered by your friend. Our organization deems him dangerous on default, and therefore, based on protocol, we must keep him incarcerated for at least a month to ensure that he is not a real threat to our society."
Hide growls and he shoves Amon back. "Do you realize what that monster has been doing to him since he was taken? If anything, Yamori deserved to be killed! Kaneki was defending himself!"
Amon furrows his brows. "Do you hear yourself? Your friend is not the same person you used to know. From what I hear, he's completely lost his mind."
"Of course, he did! Who would stay sane after what Yamori's done!" Hide snaps. He feels his worry and anxiety increase, realizing Kaneki is in critical condition.
Hide's heart races and he can't stand still. "I have to go. I have to see him!" He walks fast towards the front door.
Amon immediately blocks him from exiting his apartment. "No! No one can see Ken Kaneki. Now that he's not mentally sound, he is a real threat. He'll hurt you. Like I said, he is not the same person as you once knew."
Hide doesn't believe him. But right now, he knows he can't get through the investigator.
He can't stop thinking about his lover suffering alone. His throat feels tight and his voice shakes as he speaks.
"I don't care if he's not the same. Please, you have to let me go. Please…"
Amon sighs heavily. "I can't help you with this. I'm sorry. But you can't see him."
The days continue to pass without a care and Hide finds himself losing his mind. Now that he knows his love is away from Yamori, he doesn't see any valid reason why he shouldn't be able to see him.
Hide closes himself off from everyone.
Amon doesn't speak to him anymore about the matter.
Going through his life each day becomes too exhausting. Each hour drags too slowly, mocking him.
He knows Kaneki's birthday passed.
They are both nineteen.
Both barely existing.
Yoshimura is plagued with memories of the woman he loved long ago when he sees Hide entering Anteiku.
It is day fourteen.
Hide comes by just as the shop closes and most of the staff are already clearing out. Yoshimura is at the front and he waves Hide over once he spots the human.
"It is good to see you, Hide."
Yoshimura studies Hide's appearance and knows he's lost weight since he last saw him several months ago. The boy's blond hair has much less spike compared to before, a little longer too as his hair begins to frame his face more.
What triggers his old lover to appear in his mind is the expression Hide wears. A fake smile for his friends. Hiding and bottling the ugliness inside. It reminds him too much of what he lost.
"I…I wanted to thank you for sending Amon to help me find Ken. I should have said something earlier…" Hide says. He takes a seat on one of the bar stools in front of the manager.
Yoshimura waves a hand to dismiss his last few words. "Don't think so heavily on that. I will do anything in my power to help you find him. I should have taken more precaution in keeping my staff safe from the treacherous ghouls out there. I am sincerely sorry for allowing Kaneki to slip away so easily."
Yoshimura bows at the waist and Hide shakes his head. "It's not your fault, Yoshimura. Don't apologize."
Once Yoshimura moves upright, Hide notices his deep frown remains. "I hear that Kaneki cannot return just yet."
Hide clenches his fists and then his right hand runs through his bangs, grabbing fistfuls of hair. "I can't take it anymore. I'll do anything. I don't care what happens to me. I just have to see him. If I don't…"
The manager sees Hide's eyes wandering to someplace else. Whatever is going on in the boy's mind, it disturbs the older man, and he thinks for a moment before an idea comes to him.
The café is empty now.
Yoshimura turns, disappearing into the back of the store for a spell. Hide doesn't even notice as he's so entangled in his own thoughts. Once the manager returns to the front, he clears his throat and passes a note towards the boy. Hide blinks twice and he peers down to see what's written on the paper.
"This is the location of where Kaneki is imprisoned right now, the same place I was at not too long ago," Yoshimura states quietly.
Hide immediately snaps out of his dazed state and he snatches the note in his hand, bringing it closer to his face as if the words would disappear.
"Oh my god…this is…Yoshimura, I…" Hide can't speak. All this time, he was trying to figure out a way to see Kaneki and now he has the answer so easily handed to him on a silver platter.
Yoshimura gives a small smile. "I suppose I should have contacted you much earlier on to save you the grief of not seeing the one you love. I apologize once more."
Hide closes his eyes for a moment and then he looks up, smiling warmly at the old ghoul.
Yoshimura's expression dampens with his next words. "Hide, I know I can't stop you. If you intend to go there alone, you must be extra careful. It's a good distance away, and they don't allow visitors. You will have to take drastic measures, I'm afraid."
Determination flows through Hide as he nods. "If that's what it takes, I'll do it. I've already come this far. I won't stop now."
The wrinkles on Yoshimura's face deepen with concern. "I hesitated on giving you this because it will be dangerous…"
Hide studies Yoshimura's handwriting on the paper, which outline the specific routes to get to the ghoul prison.
Standing to his feet, Hide holds the note to his chest and he bows in gratitude. "Thank you so much, Yoshimura." He lifts his head and gives a genuine grin. "I'm going to see him."
Yoshimura smiles. "Please take care of yourself. Know that I'm always here to help."
Hide waves goodbye and quickly exits the shop, racing back to his apartment to prepare himself for the lone journey ahead.
…
Day fourteen. 10:10 PM.
Along with Yoshimura's note, Hide uses his GPS to guide him as he rides with his trusty bike towards his destination. Without a car, it will take him an hour to reach the prison, almost two if there are disturbances in the road.
That night, late commuters still occupy the streets. Hide doesn't mind the time for now. Deep down, he's nervous. He doesn't know how or if he'll be able to infiltrate the prison successfully on his own.
The travel helps him think of a plan. The cold, wintry air blows right through him. Every part of him is numb.
While brainstorming, he thinks of the worst consequences, ultimately centering on Kaneki's current state. He's almost afraid to know what has become of his lover. He hopes Kaneki won't push him away. He can already anticipate how Kaneki may respond to seeing him.
He probably didn't think of me as much as I thought about him. Of course, with all the pain he's been through…his mind has no room for anything else.
Hide thinks of the possibility of Kaneki rejecting him.
In the end, no matter how much he wants to do this, he'll never be ready.
As he exits the city and ventures into the desolate outskirts, the silence becomes his friend. The only sounds that occupy his senses now are his own breathing, the spinning wheels of his bike, and his screaming thoughts.
He can feel his legs beginning to burn with how hard he pedals, trying to go faster. The flashlight he strapped to the front of his bike serves as his main source aside from the occasional street light. The white circle beams on the black road in front of him.
At this point of the journey, there is nobody around.
His goal keeps him going despite exhaustion catching up to him. Maybe he should have forced himself to sleep more.
Somewhere along the way, he wishes his father had done better for his mother. He thinks about it over and over. How could there have been a good enough excuse not to help someone you care for? He doesn't understand. He doesn't want to make the same mistake his dad did. Never.
He misses his mother. He would have forgotten what she looked like if it wasn't for the family photo dad gave to him before he left.
"I'm not giving up. I won't give up…"
He reminds himself in the dark.
…
He parks his bike in a secluded area in front of the ghoul prison. The sight of the large facility intimidates him.
"Fuck…" Hide mutters.
He feels himself shaking with his nerves and he clenches onto his good arm, digging his fingernails into his skin.
His mind goes blank and now he knows. He's going to wing it.
He stays hidden while he scopes the area. In the corner of his eye, he sees a couple of guards wandering behind a gated area in the far left of the building. At the same time, he sees a pickup truck coming in, stopping at the locked gate.
The driver exits the truck, speaking to someone at the gate and Hide makes his move. He dashes forward quietly, keeping high alert on his surroundings. With the hood of his jacket over his head, he hides behind the back of the truck once he makes it there and peers over the car. The men are too engrossed in their conversation to notice.
It's almost midnight. The guards are starting to slack off.
"Is the night over yet?"
"Is the night over? You're about to come on shift and you're already complaining? Sheesh…"
Hide carefully climbs into the back of the open trunk of the car. Grabbing the cloth covering the crates inside, he crawls under to conceal himself.
He hears the gate opening once he settles himself. His heart hammers in his chest and when he inhales, he smells the scent of blood. He can hardly read the letters on the crate, but he's guessing there must be some kind of meat in the boxes.
The truck moves along, and he calms himself down by taking slow, deep breaths. After what feels like ten minutes, the truck stops, and he can tell by the lack of lighting that they must have stopped near another building. He hears the driver exiting the car and walking over to speak to someone else. He swiftly takes the chance to climb out the trunk. Once he manages to get to the ground, he peeks behind the car to see the driver talking again. He looks around and catches two other guards walking into a different building.
"Help me unpack, will you?"
When Hide senses the driver and another guard coming around the other side, Hide proceeds on the opposite side, keeping himself hunched down. Once he makes it to the front of the truck, still hidden in the shadows, he looks back to where the other two guards were and advances over there.
He finds himself in one of the staff locker rooms as soon as he enters.
The two men from earlier speak behind a row of lockers down to his left. Hide scans the room and looks for something that can help him disguise himself. There is a closet on the far right and he looks behind him before venturing over. He opens the closet and inside, he finds a few spare uniforms and guard equipment.
"Shit, I forgot my helmet at home. Hang on a minute…"
Hide's heart jumps in his chest and he quickly looks around for a hiding spot. He settles for a giant crate and climbs in, barely fitting in the small space. He hears the footsteps of one of the guards entering the closet. Hide holds his breath. After a few rustles here and there, the man exclaims a "yes!" to himself when he finds what he's looking for and then leaves the room as fast as he entered.
Once the closet is completely quiet and there are no more footsteps, Hide exits the crate. With haste, he finds himself a uniform he can change into temporarily. Stripping himself of his normal clothes and donning the guard attire in record time, he grabs a helmet as the last piece to hide his hair. He pulls down the eye shield to cover the upper part of his face. He looks down at himself and is satisfied that he'll blend in for the most part. He places his clothes behind the large crate.
Exiting the closet, he keeps himself out of people's sights, wanting to avoid a confrontation. He walks over to where the two guards were and sees one of their lockers is open. Peeking over to where they are, he finds them sitting opposite each other on the benches.
"How was your shift?"
"Meh, it was okay. You know that new ghoul that's always crying like a fucking baby?"
"Oh yeah, which floor is he on?"
"Third floor…I think."
"You think?"
"What! I don't work on that floor! But it doesn't even matter because you could literally hear him anywhere you go. Seriously, I don't understand why they haven't killed him. He's making all the other ghouls more aggressive than usual."
"Ughh…well I work on the second floor. Am I really going to have to hear that all night? It's going to drive me insane."
"Heh, good luck."
Hide stays behind the other row of lockers while the men split up. As the guard coming on shift exits through the door on the other side, the guard coming off shift makes his way towards the staff restroom. Hide notices his locker is still open and inside, the man left his identification card.
In a split second, Hide comes out into the open. He snatches the card out of the man's locker while walking past and then he moves faster through the door where the other guard had exited.
The third floor…
Hide keeps his posture straight and he calmly makes his way through the expansive prison site. He avoids asking for directions and tries to find the elevators to get to the third floor. Studying the maps provided at various points, he finally manages to find the lifts. Another guard happens to be standing in there once it opens and Hide lowers his head slightly.
"What floor?" the guard asks.
"Third, please," Hide replies.
The guard steps aside to make room and Hide notices the man is going to the third floor as well. Instead of moving upwards like he thought, the elevators takes the two downwards.
There's four floors total. I wonder if this means they keep more dangerous ghouls in the higher levels, aka, further down… Hide taps his mouth in thought.
"Ready for another long night?" the guard asks him suddenly.
Hide turns to the man and puts on a fake smile. "I hope so…"
The guard chuckles. "Oh boy, just be grateful you're not the one guarding number 240. That bastard's a menace."
"Think they're going to kill him anytime soon?" Hide asks nonchalantly.
"Oh, I hope so! They've had to sedate and suppress him a million times! If the higher ups don't decide to kill him, he's going to kill himself. I'm surprised he's still breathing with how many injections he's gotten."
The man shudders at what he's thinking of in his head and Hide decides to stay quiet. He bites his lip and clenches his hand over his right wrist.
Ken…
They arrive at the third floor and the guard splits off to the left without saying another word. Hide feels his nerves picking up again now that he made it to where his lover is without complications. He's surprised it wasn't so bad for him. He is lucky. The bike ride was the hardest part of his journey so far.
"Good thing I chose to come here in the late hours…they're much less alert…" Hide mutters to himself.
The hallways are eerily quiet. There are minimal prisoners on this floor, so finding where Kaneki is shouldn't be much of a challenge, especially if he's the "craziest" one of the bunch as dubbed by the guards.
Hide walks down the hallways, finding the first two are empty until he comes upon the third. In front of one of the cells, a guard sits on a chair and looks visibly exhausted as he leans against the wall behind him.
Hide approaches the man and notices the guard has his eyes closed. Hide's heart beats so loudly in his ears. He walks closer to the prison door and peers through the vision panel. He holds back a gasp when he spots the familiar body of Kaneki curled up on the mattress in the corner of the cell.
"Hey, what are you doing here?"
Hide flinches and he turns to the guard on the chair. His words are slurred from fatigue and he yawns. The man rubs his eyes and then he freezes and looks up at Hide with wide eyes.
"Shit, are you the one taking over for me?"
Hide nods his head. "Yes, I am."
The man nearly cries as his eyes well up and he gets down to his knees. "Oh, thank god, you're here! I thought no one was going to come since every guard that had to cover this shift kept calling off! Do you know how long I've been guarding this motherfucker?"
Hide chews his bottom lip and says nothing while the man rants.
The man stands up after a moment of catharsis and takes a deep breath. He wipes a hand over his face and Hide can see the wrinkles crinkling on the man's features.
"So, what are the updates on number 240?" Hide asks.
The man narrows his eyes and he bends over to look at Hide's stolen nametag. "Fujio? I didn't know you work nights. Also, don't you usually work on the second floor?"
"Well, I need the extra money and decided to pick up a shift. Also, I've been bored out of my mind. Heard this guy's entertaining," Hide says with a smirk.
The man scoffs and peeks through the vision panel. "Tch, well you picked a good night because he'll keep you busy. Night time is the worst for him."
The man sighs and cracks his neck from side to side. "Anyway. Number 240. Ken Kaneki. A half-ghoul who was captured and tortured for several days under the hands of a ghoul named Yamori. Said ghoul was exterminated by number 240 and therefore, the half-ghoul is being kept here for a month until we know for sure he is safe to release."
The man laughs bitterly. "Then again, he won't last. We've had to inject this boy with so many sedatives. He could die anytime soon now. Lucky if he dies on your shift, right?"
Hide nods and the man continues. "Anyway, the boy gauged his eyeballs out again so don't be surprised to see him wearing a bandage over his eyes. It was fucking bloody in there too. We've cleaned it up the best we could. I'm so done with this guy."
Hide steps forward. "I got it from here. No need to say anything else."
The man raises an eyebrow at him. "Are you sure? You're gonna be okay?"
"I can handle it. Go home and rest. You deserve it," Hide replies in a flat tone.
The man almost bursts into tears again and he takes Hide's hand, shaking it vigorously. "Thank you, thank you so much! I owe you, Fujio."
Hide holds up his other hand to tell him it's okay and the man nods in understanding. He hands over the key to Kaneki's cell and once he gathers his belongings, he practically sprints out of sight without looking back once.
With no one else around and the entire floor completely silent, Hide finds himself shaking again.
He scans his surroundings, making sure he truly is alone before he uses the key to unlock Kaneki's cell.
He opens the sliding door and enters.
…
Hide thinks he's dreaming. He sees Kaneki still curled up on the grimy mattress in the left corner of the room. The half-ghoul is wearing all white, but it's stained with his own blood. The floor and walls are also tainted with red and Hide's eyes widen when he sees his own name written on the wall. It's faded now, but he can still make it out.
Hide takes off his helmet and sets it quietly to the floor. Even then, Kaneki senses him and he immediately sits up from his fetal position.
Kaneki's chest rises and falls with his fast breathing and Hide takes in his lover's appearance. True to the guard's report, Hide can't see Kaneki's eyes. Instead, a bandage is wrapped around his head and there are two large blotches of blood where his eyes are. It's hard to see in the cell with only a flickering dim ceiling light but Hide notices the large gashes on Kaneki's arms, which are bleeding and seeping into the mattress. Kaneki's hair is completely white, his skin is paler than ever before, and his fingernails and toe nails are a dull black color.
Hide feels his heart begin to come alive just seeing him.
When he takes a step forward, Kaneki shuffles backwards, pressing against the wall behind him.
"Get away from me! Get away!" Kaneki shouts. His voice is hoarse, and it cracks near the end.
Hide continues to move closer and then he sits on the mattress beside Kaneki. He takes a deep breath.
"It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you," Hide says.
Kaneki's breathing stops when he hears Hide's voice and then he shakes his head. "No, no…"
"Ken…"
Kaneki gasps at hearing his first name but he still tries to back away. "Stop it! Get away!"
Hide reaches out, placing his hand over Kaneki's bloody wrist. The red fluid coats his fingers as he does so.
Kaneki's mouth turns into a deep frown as he begins to cry. "Please…just kill me. Kill me!"
Hide feels his chest hurt hearing him say that and he moves even closer until his face is near Kaneki's. He releases Kaneki's wrist and raises his hand to brush the white bangs framing the right side of his head.
His bloody thumb brushes over Kaneki's lips, which are chapped and raw.
Tears crawl down Kaneki's cheeks but his breathing calms down under Hide's touches. Hide smiles warmly.
"It's me, Ken. I'm right here."
Kaneki gasps again when he continues to hear Hide's voice and he moves away from the wall.
Kaneki raises his hands and he moves them in the air until he touches Hide's stomach. Hide watches as Kaneki's fingers slowly move upwards and when his left hand reaches his chest, Hide stops him. He places Kaneki's hand firmly over where his heart is, allowing Kaneki to feel his fast pulse.
Kaneki takes in a sharp breath and he stays focused on the heartbeat he feels under his fingertips.
"H-Hide…?"
Hide feels his eyes sting when he hears Kaneki say his name after so long and he nods. "Yes, it's me. I finally found you."
Kaneki shakes his head. "No…it can't be. This isn't real! You're dead! Yamori killed you!" His voice shakes when more tears spring from underneath the bloody bandages over his eyes.
Hide's brows furrow in confusion. "I'm not dead, Ken. Don't believe those lies. I'm right here. I'm alive. Here…"
Hide gently takes both of Kaneki's wrists and places his hands on his cheeks. "You feel me, don't you?"
Kaneki moves even closer now and so does Hide. Kaneki's bruised knees touch Hide's thigh and his hands move to touch Hide's face.
"Hide? You…you're alive?" Kaneki whispers in disbelief.
"Yes, I'm alive. I'm here," Hide answers. He leans his forehead against his lover.
"Hide…Hide!" Kaneki throws his body into Hide's chest. Hide wraps his arms around Kaneki's form, noticing immediately how much thinner Kaneki became since he last held him. Hide holds him tightly, so tightly. Hide feels his eyes burning hotter and he swallows a large lump in his throat.
"Oh god…Ken…" Hide whispers. He rubs his right hand up and down Kaneki's back in a way that makes the half-ghoul cry harder.
Kaneki sobs his heart out, his hands clenching onto the cloth over Hide's chest, his iron grip nearly ripping through the fabric. His tears soak through and Hide feels his bare skin underneath the clothes getting wet as well. Hide's cheek rubs against Kaneki's soft hair and his right hand moves up to grasp his lover's head, holding him as close as possible against his body. His fingers tangle through his white hair and scratch lightly against his scalp
Kaneki knows for sure this is not a mistake or his imagination. Hide's body warmth awakens every part of him as it seeps into his skin and he feels his frozen heart beginning to break free from its icy prison. He doesn't want to let go of him. He can't believe Hide is here. Hide's strong arms refuses to let him go and he indulges in how tightly his lover embraces him.
"Hide! I missed you so much! Please don't leave me! Don't leave me!" Kaneki begs him. He lifts his head up, wishing that he could see. For once, he wishes that his healing abilities would give him his sight back faster.
Kaneki feels Hide's breath on his face and his mouth parts. His fingers claw on his lover's chest as his neck bends back.
"I want to see you…Hide…don't leave me…" Kaneki repeats.
Hide can't stop staring at Kaneki's lips. He rubs his thumb over the chapped flesh again.
"Can I…can I kiss you?" Hide whispers.
Kaneki shifts his body so that he's sitting up straighter. He moves his hands, feeling his way to Hide's shoulders. All the while, he nods and waits for him.
Hide holds the side of Kaneki's face, his thumb caressing his lover's cheek. Staring at the bloody bandage over Kaneki's eyes, he glances down, pausing for a second before softly pressing his mouth onto Kaneki's parted lips.
Immediately, Hide is overtaken by Kaneki's aggressive action as the half-ghoul pulls him even closer, pressing his mouth harder on the human. Kaneki's breathing is desperate and when Hide parts for air midway, Kaneki goes in for more, their lips bruising each other. Kaneki tastes Hide against his tongue and his heart is liberated, beating so hard and flushing his pale skin. He feels warm. Safe.
I love him. I love him.
Kaneki can't stop repeating those three words in his head as Hide continues kissing him for as long as possible.
"Ken, I-"
Hide tries to speak but Kaneki keeps cutting him off, capturing his lips again and again.
"I don't have much time," Hide manages to say when he breaks away from Kaneki, a wet smack emitting from their mouths when they separate.
Kaneki breathes heavily and Hide feels pride at seeing Kaneki's lips are now red and moist from his kisses.
"What do you mean? Are you leaving me? Oh god, no!" Kaneki cries. He clenches onto Hide's shirt and shakes his head desperately.
"I wish I could take you with me, baby. Believe me, I would. But I can't," Hide tells him. He bends down, feeling Kaneki's lips on his once more.
Kaneki keeps shaking his head and tears wet his cheeks again. "Hide, don't go. Please! I need you!"
"I came here by myself. Someone's going to catch me any second now. I came here because I just had to see you."
Hide rubs his forehead against his boyfriend.
"I love you, Ken."
Hide smiles when he sees Kaneki blushing deeply. The half-ghoul is lost for words. He can't stop crying. His heart begins to break just as it was coming alive.
"Hide, please. Don't go." Kaneki hugs him again, wrapping his arms securely around Hide's waist.
Hide can feel his heart bleeding.
The door to Kaneki's cell opens and Hide quickly turns his head, Kaneki still in his arms. At the door, the blinding light from the hallway shines through and a tall man stands in the way.
"Step away from number 240 immediately," Arima demands. He strides into the cell and grabs onto Hide's shoulder.
When Kaneki feels Hide loosening his grip on his body, he screams. He tightens his hold on Hide, to the point of bruising his lover. Arima says nothing, for a group of guards come rushing in. With the strength of four men, the guards pull Kaneki away from Hide and the half-ghoul violently fights against them. Kaneki bites into their arms, ripping off cloth and sinking into flesh.
Hide tries to get to Kaneki when he sees the men pinning him down, but Arima yanks him back, securing Hide's wounded arm behind his back. Hide winces and clenches his teeth.
"Hide! Hide!"
Kaneki's screams are soon muffled when one of the guards gags him. Hide sees Kaneki's arms, when the guards pull up his sleeves, which bear several injection holes. Arima continues dragging Hide out of the cell and he sees one of the guards shoving a large needle into Kaneki's arm before the cell door closes on him.
Hide can still hear Kaneki's painful screams and his heart continues to bleed and bleed. Arima doesn't make eye contact with him whatsoever, keeping his focus on wherever he's taking him. Hide is forced to walk quickly as Arima pulls him along. Hide covers his mouth with his right hand. The bite wound in his left arm that Arima grips onto throbs and Hide tries so hard not to break.
…
"Amon will certainly be pleased to hear about your unexpected rendezvous. Did you honestly think you could take Ken Kaneki out of here without getting caught?" Arima says to him.
Hide is seated in a secluded office on the first floor. Still dressed in the guard clothes he stole, he's doing well in keeping his emotions intact. Barely.
"That was not my intention at all. I wanted to see him. Just once. That's all," Hide states. He can't get the images of Kaneki pinned and screaming out of his head. He stares at the ground.
"He's proving to be rather troublesome. He may stay here longer than a month if he continues with his violent behavior," Arima states.
"You lied to him. You told him I was dead, didn't you," Hide says. His hard glare is now fixed on the man towering above him.
Arima's glasses shine in the harsh light. "I didn't realize someone like you would come here to see a deranged man."
"He means the world to me. No matter if he loses his mind, or if he doesn't remember me anymore, I'll always care for him. I'll never abandon him," Hide says. His eyes soften and Arima knows for sure every word is honest.
They are silent for a moment.
"You better leave this place. I'll arrange for someone to take you home at once."
"No, I can do it myself. Don't waste your time," Hide insists as he stands.
Arima narrows his eyes. "If I catch you coming back here during his confinement a second time, we will execute him instead. Do you understand?"
Hide nods without meeting his gaze.
"Now, before you leave, hand over that badge."
Hide removes the nametag from his shirt and places it in Arima's outstretched hand. Hide turns away, but then looks back one last time.
"Please, be careful with him."
He leaves.
…
Back in his normal clothes, Hide retrieves his bike, his head lowered the entire time on his way out. Once his hand grasps the handlebars, he can't hold it in anymore. He grits his teeth as hot tears flow down his cheeks. He slaps a hand over his eyes.
All he can see is Kaneki. His lover in pain.
To be unable to see or touch him again, it hurts him so much.
Despite everything he went through, Kaneki is the same.
Hide inhales deeply and lifts his head, turning to gaze up at the vast building. His eyes are bloodshot, and he wipes the tears from his face with the back of his hand.
"Goodbye, my love," Hide whispers.
Hide forces himself to move. He takes his bike out into the road and mounts the seat. He has the urge to look back again, but he doesn't. He readies himself and pedals forward, the icy air cutting through his chest.
His mind is blank. It's almost as if someone else controls his body.
Into the empty night, he returns home without him.